Devious (14 page)

My
eyes fell to my lap as I remembered how devastated I’d been when my wishes
hadn’t come true.  I’d blamed myself, thinking that maybe I hadn’t been good
enough.

“I
wanted my mother to come back for me, and I wanted my father to love me.”  Melancholy
overcame me.  “They were just the silly wishes of a six-year-old.”  I tried to
smile.

“They
weren’t silly.”  He pulled me against his chest, my head leaning against his
shoulder.  He kissed the top of my head and held me tightly as he continued
rocking.  I breathed in deeply, comforted by the gentle motion and the smell of
his cologne.  “No little girl should have to wish for those things…well, except
for the princess part.”

I
hugged him.  Those wishes hadn’t come true, and while maybe I hadn’t really
gotten over them, I had accepted them.  Now I wondered if the wish that I’d
made at my eighteenth birthday party would come true.

Stone

I’d
gone to visitation at the funeral home after school yesterday.  For the most
part, Dara held it together while she and Mr. Milton greeted their friends and
family.

Today,
I’d left school early.  As I stood in front of the mirror tightening my tie, I
knew that the funeral would be much more difficult.  My father was away on a
business trip, and he agreed to let me drive his car.  My mother had asked me
to send her condolences to both Dara and Mr. Milton, but she hadn’t attended a
funeral since Luke’s.  I knew she wasn’t emotionally ready to do it again, and
I wondered if she ever would be.  Going to the funeral home yesterday had been
difficult for me, but I knew Dara needed me.

I
pulled on the black suit jacket, adjusting it until it set perfectly on my
shoulders.  Walking through the house, I picked up my dad’s keys from the
kitchen counter and let Mom know that I was leaving.

A
short drive later, I pulled into a parking space at the funeral home and waited
for Dara to arrive.  I didn’t have to wait long.  Mr. Milton pulled in a few
minutes later, and I met Dara and him just outside the entrance.

“Hi,
Mr. Milton,” I said, holding my hand out to him.

He
took my hand, giving it a gentle shake.  “Stone, it’s always good to see you.” 
He reached up with his other hand and slapped it against my arm.  “If you kids
will excuse me, I’m going to go on in.”

“Of
course,” I said, releasing his hand.

Mr.
Milton walked in the funeral home, and I turned my attention to Dara.  Her
curled blond hair contrasted strikingly against her sleek, black dress.  As
expected, she looked emotionally drained, and I pulled her into a quick
embrace.  “Hang in there, babe.”

She
nodded silently.

I
held the door open while she entered the funeral home.

An
hour later, it was time for the final viewing.  Friends of the family had been
corralled into the chapel, and only a few people remained beside Granny’s
casket.  I watched from a few feet behind as Mr. Milton stood quietly, his
shoulders drooped.  Beside him Granny’s sister, Shirley, began wailing and her
daughter pulled her into her arms, comforting her.  Dara stood beside them and
when I heard her sniffling, I took a step forward, but kept my distance. 
Shirley hugged Dara while Shirley’s daughter, Vickie, moved on to comfort Mr.
Milton.  Dara turned backed to the casket, leaning over it and whispering
something to Granny.

She
stood very still, and I was unsure of how she was holding up.  When I noticed
her trembling, I knew what was coming.  I’d seen it with my mother almost four
years ago.

“Oh,
Granny,” Dara whispered.  “Please don’t leave me.”   Her voice quivered as the
sobs racked her body, and the pain in her voice tormented me.

I
stepped forward as Dara turned around, her red-rimmed eyes searching for me. 
“Stone,” she whimpered, reaching out to me. 

With
long strides, I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms,
crushing her to my chest.  I held her tightly while she cried, remembering the
pain and anguish that I’d felt at Luke’s funeral. 

Her
shoulders shook while she clung to my torso, and my heart ached for her.  Damn
it!  There was nothing I could do that would ease her pain, and I could never
remember feeling so helpless.

“I’m
not ready for her to go,” she whispered, her face tilted toward mine.  She
watched me through tear-filled eyes, and I wished that I knew the words that
would soothe her soul.  There were no words, and it sucked. 

“I
know,” I whispered, my hand rubbing her back in a circular motion.

I
couldn’t take her pain away, but I could love her.

Chapter
13

Stone

Three
days had passed since Granny’s funeral, and I couldn’t get the heartbroken look
on Dara’s face out of mind.  She hadn’t been to school all week, but I’d gone
by to check on her every evening.  Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to spend
much time with her because I had to work at the bookstore.  Sales had increased
exponentially since last summer.  I needed to have Tom hire another full-time
employee, but I’d been too busy to discuss it with him.

Now
that it was Saturday morning, graduation was a week away.  I wondered whether
Ms. Golding intended to be at the ceremony.  Fishing my phone out of my pocket,
I dialed her number, and she answered on the first ring. 

“Hello.”

“Ms.
Golding?”

“Hi,
Stone.  I just talked to Dara, and she seems a little down.”

“Yeah,
she’s not quite herself yet.  It’ll just take a little time.  The graduation
ceremony should help take her mind off things, which is the reason for my
call.  Are you coming?  It’s next Saturday, and Dara really wants you to be
there.”

“That’s
why I called Dara.  I promised her that I would be there and that afterwards,
we could go somewhere and talk.  I want you to be there, too.  I’m not sure how
she’ll respond, and I think maybe she’ll be more comfortable if you’re there. 
She told me how you had helped her through the funeral, and I want to thank you
for being there for my daughter.”

“No
problem.  I’d do anything for Dara.”

“She’s
lucky to have you.  Well, I’ve got to run, but as long as nothing happens
between now and then, I’ll be there.”

I
wondered if she would keep her word.  “Dara needs you now just as much as she
ever has.”

“I
know that you’re worried that I won’t show, but I promise you that I’ll be
there.”

“Okay,
good, but just so you know…I’m holding you to that.”  If she didn’t come, I’d hunt
her down again and take Dara to her, whether she was ready to talk to her or
not.  She had one more week to share her secret with Dara, and if she didn’t, I
would.

“I
won’t let you down.”

When
I hung up the phone, I felt a renewed sense of hope that Ms. Golding might
actually come through this time. 

I
sat down at my desk and stared at my computer screen.  I still needed to review
Frankenstein
for the newsletter for Luke’s Book Club. 

By
the time I finished, the sun hung high in the sky.  My older brother, Dylan,
would be arriving home from college for the summer at any minute, and my
parents required my presence at supper this evening to welcome him home.  If I
were going to spend any time with Dara today, it would have to be now or late
this evening.

Worried
about her wellbeing and the fact that I hadn’t checked on her as much as I
would’ve liked through the week, I decided to go now.  It didn’t take me long
to ride my crotch rocket from my house to Mr. Milton’s.  When I arrived, I
noticed that Dara had visitors.  Two cars were parked in the driveway behind
hers.  One belonged to Crimson Cruze, and the other one belonged to Chance
Murray.

Mr.
Milton’s car was nowhere in sight, and I knew he’d be working at the grocery
store.

I
pulled off my helmet, hung it on the mirror, and remained at the end of the
drive, wishing I had a cigarette, even though I hadn’t smoked in months.

The
front door opened and Crimson, Scarlet, Dara, and Chance poured out onto the
front porch, talking quietly.  My hands curled into fists as I watched him hug
her, and before I could stop myself, I walked swiftly to the front porch.

Dara
spotted me first.  “Hey, Stone!”

I
continued up the steps until I was no more than a couple of feet from them.  “Hey,
Dara,” I said, giving her a quick kiss on the lips and draping my arm over her
shoulder.

“Way
to mark your territory,” Scarlet muttered under her breath.  “You wanna pee on
her, too?”

I
gave Scarlet a half-cocked grin.  “I never knew why you didn’t like me until
just now.  I do believe that you, Scarlet Cruze, are jealous.”

Crimson
giggled.  “She definitely needs a date.”

I
snapped my fingers.  “I’ve got the perfect date for you, Scarlet.”

“Like
I’d really take any of your suggestions,” she spouted.

“I’m
gonna go, Dara,” Chance said, motioning toward his car.  “If you ever need
anything, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thanks
for dropping by,” Dara said, waving to him.

When
I saw him drive away, I finally relaxed my clenched teeth.  If he got half a
chance, he’d try to get Dara back, and he and I both knew it.

“We’ve
got to go, too,” Crimson said.  “We promised Mom that we’d go shopping with
her.”

Scarlet
hugged Dara.  “We’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Stone,
see if you can find Scarlet a date.  For real,” Crimson said.  “Then we’ll all
go to the movies or something.”

“I’m
perfectly capable of finding my own date, thank you very much,” Scarlet
snapped.

“I’m
on it, Crimson,” I said, bumping fists with her.

Crimson
walked to her car with Scarlet on her heels, mouthing about not needing a date
the entire way.

Dara
and I remained on the porch as they pulled into the street and drove away.  I
sat in a rocker and pulled her into my lap. 

“Was
he hitting on you?” I asked.

“Stone,
don’t do this.”

“He
wants you back, you know.”

“Are
you worried?” she asked, her eyebrows arched while she waited for me to answer.

“Why
would I be worried?”  I placed my hand over her heart.  “You respond to me in a
way that you’ll never respond to him, and you know it.”

She
licked her lips, but she said nothing.

“Admit
it, Dara,” I pressed, leaning toward her until my lips hovered a hand’s breadth
from her face.  I ran my palm along the silky skin of her thigh until my
fingertips dipped into the edge of her shorts.

Her
chest rose and fell quickly.

“Admit
it,” I whispered, touching my lips to hers, kissing her achingly slow.

Her
hands rose to my cheeks as she deepened the kiss in a frenzy of emotion. 
Suddenly, she pulled back.  “I admit it,” she whispered, breathing heavily.

A
small smile of satisfaction touched my lips.

“That’s
why you need to go,” she said softly.

“I’m
not going anywhere,” I whispered, rubbing the soft flesh of her inner thigh.

She
jerked away from my touch.  “I’m serious, Stone.  You need to go.”

“What
the hell are you talking about?” I asked.  “Does Chance have anything to do
with this?”

“No!”
she shouted.  “This is about you and me.”

“What
about us?  What’s going on, Dara?”

“I
don’t know,” she whispered.  “I just need some time to myself.  I love you,
Stone.  Maybe too much.”

“You
can’t love someone too much,” I countered.

“Stone,
please,” she begged.  “My whole life has been turned upside down, and I’m
scared.”

“All
the more reason not to turn me away, Dara,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Don’t
be angry,” she whispered, her soft breath warm against my skin as she traced my
jawline.

“I’m
not angry,” I growled.  “I just don’t understand what the hell’s going on.”

“With
everything that’s happened, I just need some time to think things through, to
see what I need to do with my life, what I
want
to do with my life.  I’m
confused, Stone.  I just want to make sure that my feelings for you are real,
that I’m not just becoming closer to you because I’m going through a bad time.”

I
clenched my jaw.  Those weren’t the words that I’d been hoping to hear from her.

“Just
a few days,” she whispered.  “I love you, Stone.  I do, but I just need to make
sure that it’s for all the right reasons.”

“I’m
not gonna wait forever, Dara.”  As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, I
knew that I’d said them out of anger, but I didn’t have it in me to take them
back.

She
nodded, slid out of my lap, and stood near the porch steps.  She looked at me,
wringing her hands nervously.  Tears glistened in her eyes.

I
stood in front of her, rubbing my fingertips down the length of her face. 
Damn, she was beautiful, and this sucked.  What could I do?

I
bent down and kissed her lightly.  “I love you, Dara.”  Then, I turned and walked
away, before she could see the hurt on my face, the pain in my heart.  I
thought that she and I were on the verge of getting back together.  Now, I
didn’t know whether we ever would.

I
pulled on my helmet and sped down the road.  After spending some time alone on
my bike, I finally went home.

When
I sat down to dinner, I noticed that Mom had gotten out the good dishes and her
finest silverware.  As usual, Dad drove the conversation with lots of mundane
talk about school.

“Are
you on track to graduate in two years?” Dad asked Dylan.

“Yes,
I just met with my advisor about a month ago, and everything still looks good,”
Dylan replied as he sliced his roast.

“What
about you, Stone?”  Dad turned his attention to me, and I dreaded the onslaught
of questions that I knew would come.  “What are your intentions?”

“You
know I’ve been accepted for college, Dad,” I answered irritably.

“Yes,
but I thought perhaps you’d applied to some of the more desirable schools.”

I
gritted my teeth and answered.  “There’s no reason to, Dad.  I’ve already
decided to go to the local college.”

“Is
it because that’s the school that you really want to attend or because that’s
the school that Dara’s attending?”

I
dropped my fork on my plate, intentionally letting it clank against the fine
china.

“Stone,”
my mother said softly.  I knew all the warnings that she was conveying in the
simple use of my name.  She had warned me countless times about antagonizing my
father, as well as about what constitutes good table manners.

“Does
it matter?” I asked my father.  “I’m going to college.  Isn’t that what you
wanted?  And yes, I’ll go wherever Dara goes.”

“I’m
glad to see you’ve been able to get your own girlfriend, and I’m kinda shocked
to see that you’ve actually been able to hold on to her for a while, too.  She
must not have very high standards,” Dylan spouted, his eyes the same shade as
my own, staring at me from across the table.

I
pointed at him.  “Leave Dara out of this,” I grumbled, my voice low and
menacing.

“You
never bothered to leave my girlfriend out of it,” he snapped.

“Stop
it!” Dad thundered.  “Now your mother went to all the trouble of fixing this
meal, and neither of you are going to ruin it.”

Dylan
and I both clamped our mouths shut, but damn it, my hands itched to close into
fists.  My brother and I both ate quietly, refusing to exchange any more words
between us.

***

Dara

On
the morning of graduation, I got up extra early.  I missed Granny terribly and
decided that I’d watch the sunrise from the front porch rocker.  I’d done that
with her so many times as a kid that I’d lost count.  During my teenage years,
I’d opted for sleep, and now I regretted that I hadn’t joined her more often as
she watched the night sky erupt into a burst of golden rays.

My
life was in a state of complete upheaval, and I’d never felt so alone.  I no
longer had Granny as my pillar of strength, and I had pushed Stone away.  While
my mother did seem to be back in my life again, who knew whether it would be
long-term and what secrets she was hiding?  It seemed that my only stability
came from Mr. Milton, and while I loved him dearly, I could never share my
secrets with him.

I
could depend on Crimson and Scarlet, my two besties, but lately, I seemed to be
shutting them out, too.  I’d missed Stone during the last week, and I’d wanted
to pick the phone up and call him several times.  It was only through sheer
willpower that I’d been able to refrain.  I’d seen him during the graduation
rehearsal, but I had avoided him.  I wanted to sort through my feelings, and
I’d never been good at doing that when he was near me. 

In
a way, it felt like a cleansing process.  With so many things happening so
quickly, my emotions were a jumbled mess, and I hoped that my time away from
him would clear my head and help me make the right decision regarding the
future of our relationship.