Deviants (28 page)

“A spy?” I draw in a long breath through my nose and blow it out slowly through slightly parted lips. “They must know by now that I wasn’t kidnapped. The Comps saw me Outside.”

“You weren’t identified. Our scouts have confirmed that Management is still broadcasting your photo and Burn’s. They’re still looking for you both.” He shakes his head and the right side of his mouth crooks up. “That boyfriend of yours is persistent and must be well connected. Another reason you’re valuable.”

My eyes narrow. Turning us in wasn’t enough; he’s making sure Management doesn’t give up searching. Cal’s betrayal keeps expanding. “Are they looking for Drake, too?”

“Just you.”

I press my back into the chair’s rungs. That doesn’t make sense. If the Comps came to get Drake that night, wouldn’t they be looking for him, more than me?

“Glory, don’t do this,” Dad says. “You’ve already been through so much and you’re still a kid. No way am I letting you do this.”

I offer my dad a slight smile. That he can care about me, after what I’ve done…

“What would I have to do?” I ask softly. My father shoots me a look but I take his hand and squeeze. “I just want to understand.”

“We can discuss the details,” Rolph says, “but your boyfriend’s place on the Junior Ethics Committee is a boon.”

I lean back. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Rolph straightens. “Burn said he was.”

I wince, unsure why this hurts but it does. “We
were
dating before I left but”—
but what?
—“I’m not sure we would be if I went back.”

“If we do this, you should maintain your dating license. Change nothing in your life. Nothing that would arouse suspicion. Plus, it would be advantageous to our cause to have an FA soldier with connections to Management.”

“I don’t have connections.”

“Your friend.”

I look down.

“Glory,” he says. “Service in the FA is voluntary. But you’d be our first chance to have someone working on the inside. And if your Jecs boyfriend trusts you, maybe we can learn who the Comps are targeting before he or she get expunged or moved into the Hospital.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “You could save so many people.”

“No!” Drake shouts. I didn’t notice he’d come over. He pushes Rolph’s hand off me. “She’s not going back to Haven. Ever.”

“I agree,” Dad says. “It’s too dangerous.”

I look back and forth between my brother and father. My mood sinks. I knew the idea of us living here as a family was too good to be true. Too good for someone who murdered her mother and paralyzed her brother.

But the thought of leaving is too much to bear.

Drake grabs my arm and tugs me forward. Grabbing my face in both hands, he forces me to look directly into his eyes. “You can’t do it,” he says fiercely. “You promised. You promised
you’d never leave me again.”

I run from the pub. Without a clear idea of where I’m headed, I tear through the streets and emotions spark the back of my eyes. I keep my gaze down.

Fleeing the crowds I head toward the lake, and when I get there I bend over panting, waiting for my breathing to slow. The hair on the back of my neck rises and I straighten and spin.

Burn
. He’s about twenty feet away, his legs spread wide, arms crossed over his chest.

I stomp toward him. “Stop following me. Leave me alone.”

He adjusts his stance but doesn’t move, and when I reach him I push hard on one of his shoulders. But my strongest force doesn’t make him waver, so I punch him in the arm that was injured. In a flash he reaches up and grabs my wrist before I can do it a second time.

I look up into his eyes but he’s wearing his dark glasses.

“Coward!” I shout. “Take those off.”

Still holding my my wrist, he pulls off his glasses with his other hand, then stares right into my eyes, bending down over me. “How’s that?” he asks. “That close enough for you to kill me? Is that what you want?”

I look away but he ducks around to find my gaze again. “Come on, Glory. Hurt me. That’s what I did to you yesterday, isn’t it?”

I don’t say a word.

“Isn’t it?” His voice is a growl.

“Yes,” I practically spit. “Is that what you want to hear?
You hurt me. You scared me.”

He drops my wrist and backs away a few steps. “We can never do that again.”

“Do what?” I ask, but I know the answer before the two small words are out of my mouth.

“Kiss.” He looks up. His neck and cheeks turn red. “I can’t do that. At least not with you.”

“Not with me?” My insides squeeze like I’m being crushed. “What do you mean?”

“I thought only rage brought it out. I’ve never changed, never turned into a monster…Not around someone I like.” Backing away, his calves hit a rock. He loses his balance, drops onto the rock, and buries his head in his hands. “What did I do to you?”

I sit down beside him, wanting to touch him but knowing I can’t. “If anyone knows what it’s like to hurt someone, without knowing or remembering, it’s me.”

He stays still and silent for a long time, so I break the silence. “They’ve asked me to join the Freedom Army.”

“I know. Rolph asked me whether I thought you could handle it.”

I suck in a sharp breath. “What did you say?”

“I told them you could handle anything.”

“I’m not sure I can handle facing Cal.”

His head snaps up and I wish I could kick myself. “Because I want to kill him,” I add so he doesn’t get jealous. He doesn’t need to know how Rolph’s also asked me to maintain my dating license and pretend nothing’s changed.

“Why would you want to kill Cal?”

“For what he did to Drake and me. He set the Comps after us.”

Burn leans back and stares up at the sky. He shifts his weight and the sunlight accentuates the muscles in his lower arms. “I don’t think that’s what happened.”

“Of course it is. Cal knew about Drake. He’s in the Jecs. He led the Comps right to us. You saw that.”

Burn pushes off the rock and crosses his arms over his chest. “They weren’t looking for Drake that night. They were looking for me.”

My head snaps back and I gasp. I rerun the horrible events—every word Cal said, everything I heard in the tunnel. There was no mention of my brother. Ever.

If Burn’s right, then Cal didn’t betray me.

The implications add heavy stones to the guilt I already carry. I need to do something to cast them off, something to make up for everything I’ve done.

“Is it true that you can’t go back into Haven?” I ask.

He looks down. “I only have to stay away from the Comps and their cameras. That’s all.”

“You can’t risk it. They’ll catch you. You can’t go back inside the dome.”

He grunts.

“What will it be like, if I join the army?”

He leans back. “I don’t know. It’ll be different for you. The rest of us hide. Sneak in and out of Haven through the tunnels. Stay in the shadows. You’ll be there as an employee.”

“Will that make it easier?”

He turns and looks me in the eyes. “Easier
and
harder.”

I chew on my lower lip and think through what he means. As long as they believe I was kidnapped, I’ll be able to move around freely, live legitimately, claim my rations—but I won’t be able to come and go like Burn did. “How often will I be able to come to the Settlement and visit my family?”
And see you
.

“You won’t be able to leave Haven.”

My chest tightens. Now that he says it, it seems obvious. Soon after I return, I’ll get my work placement. If I don’t show up for a few days, Management will instantly know something’s wrong and I’ll blow my cover. Emotions spark the back of my eyes and I look away as the reality stabs through me. If I do this, I’ll be separated from my family. I won’t see Drake grow into a man. I won’t be able to make up to my father. Not that I can ever make up for what I’ve done.

But there it is.

Joining the army is my chance to make things right. To do the right thing. To save other people in danger.

I turn back to Burn. “Do you think I should do it?”

“You have to decide.”

“But what do
you
think?”

He pauses for a moment, then turns to look out at the lake. “If they catch you, they won’t take a chance on an expunging. They’ll kill you.”

Burn leaves me alone to think, and I sit for hours staring out at the lake, watching the sun’s reflection slide across on its surface, changing the water’s color until it turns a deep blue and the moonlight strikes. Goosebumps rise on my arms and
I rub them, then lie back on the rock, still holding warmth from the sun. How can I leave here? How can I go back into Haven now that I’ve seen Outside?

And as fabulous as I am at keeping secrets, how can I not tell Jayma what I’ve seen—and Cal. I’ll have to keep so many secrets from Cal. Lie to him. Try to get him to trust me with his secrets, while shielding so many of my own.

I turn to my side and tuck my knees to my chest. After being so sure Cal betrayed me, what Burn suggested makes sense. There was no mention of Drake that night, no mention of him when we overheard the Comps in the tunnels. It wasn’t Cal who drew the Comps our way that night; it was Burn.

Burn drew the Comps to our building, and I drew them to our room. If I’d listened to Cal and let them question me in the hall, they might not have come to our room—at least not before I had a chance to hide Drake.

I have no idea how many Deviants are hiding in Haven, how many people are hiding injuries or illnesses like Drake’s, how many innocent people are suffering or in danger of being expunged. Staying here would be selfish. I don’t think I could live with myself, knowing I’d turned my back on so many.

As much as I’ve considered my Deviance a curse, I see now it might be a gift—and I’m lucky. Lucky my eyes don’t glow, my skin doesn’t change, that I don’t have sharp teeth on my knuckles, or gills on my neck. Lucky I can hide what makes me special—one of the Chosen.

And with practice, I’ll grow better at controlling my gift. Just look at how much I learned on my own, even though I
barely knew what was going on. And since I was exposed to the dust, my control has improved. I’m keeping my memories now and didn’t even black out the last time. Maybe Burn can learn to control his beast, too. Not that I’ll be around to find out.

“Glory!” My father’s voice calls out. “Where are you? Glory!” He sounds terrified.

I stand on the rock and wave.

Instantly I’m warm. My father loves me. He cares. I’m safe.

But I can’t be selfish when so many others aren’t. I can’t stay.

CHAPTER THIRTY

^“I
’
LL TAKE HER
.” Burn steps forward and Rolph glares. It’s clear our commander doesn’t take well to being interrupted. I’ve only had three days of briefings, but I’ve figured out that soldiers at our rank shouldn’t speak to Rolph unless spoken to. In some ways this army isn’t that different from Haven’s Management. I don’t point that out.

“No,” Rolph says. “Delta team will take her in.”

“Sir.” Burn widens his stance and his chest. “Management thinks I kidnapped her. If Delta is detected, they’ll blow her cover. If they find me with her, it supports her story.”

“But they’ll arrest you,” I say quietly. Rolph looks toward me, a scolding look in his eye, but Burn doesn’t turn. I’m not even sure that he heard.

The reality of my decision once again floods me with fear. I might die even before I reach Haven. Not to mention the risks I’ll be taking once I’m inside.

I order the fear to back down.

“In addition,” Burn continues, “With only two of us, we’ll have a better chance. I’m used to working on my own. You know how many times I’ve made it in and out of Haven undetected—Sir.” He adds the “Sir” at the end like an afterthought.

Rolph narrows his eyes. “She’s a valuable asset. If you fail in this task—”

“I won’t, Sir.”

“You’d better not.”

And with that, my fate is decided. No turning back. I’m leaving.

“I stash water inside my small pack, along with the food that I’ve packed for the trip. Giving up fresh and varied food is another downside of my choice—it’s back to gruel, limp gray vegetables, and rat meat—but that concern is petty and unimportant compared to what I might accomplish.

My father draws back the curtain in front of my bed, sits down, and pulls me down beside him.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to.”

“But you do know that you don’t
have
to, right?”

I nod. “Rolph gave me the choice. He made it clear that this was voluntary.” While briefing me on my mission, he gave me several opportunities to change my mind.

“It’s not pressure from Rolph I’m worried about.”

I look at him quizzically.

“I know why you’re doing this.” He takes my hand in his. “And you’re wrong. You don’t need to.”

“I shake my head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do, Glory. You’re doing this out of guilt. For what happened to your mother. For what happened to your brother, to me.” He grips my hand tighter. “Our family is much better off Outside. And your mother would hate to know that you’re putting yourself at risk to punish yourself for hurting her.”

I pull my hand back. “That’s not what I’m doing.” But he’s right—at least partly—although ‘hurting’ is such an understatement. “Dad, think of how many people I might be able to save. The good I can do. I think it’s what Mom would want me to do.”

He twists his lips but doesn’t disagree. “And Cal?” Worry floods his eyes. “What if he finds out what you are? What you’re doing?”

Emotions threaten to spark my gift, but I regain control and look directly into Dad’s eyes. “Don’t worry. I know better than to trust him with the whole truth. But he trusts me. I can use him to get information from the Jecs—and to pass myself off as a Normal. If I’m friends with a Jecs, no one will suspect.” And if I follow Rolph’s order not to make any suspicious changes, we’ll be more than friends. We’ll be dating.

“Don’t go.” Drake strides over from the other side of the room. “If you go, who’s going to take care of me?”