Destiny (Waiting for Forever) (36 page)

“Jamie, baby—” he started, but I stood up and grabbed my bag.

“I can’t. Let’s go find our flight and just enjoy the week,” I told him and felt more tired than I had in months. We didn’t talk about it again once we boarded the plane. After the night of drugs and sex and the early morning flight, I fell asleep before we’d reached cruising altitude.

“J
AMIE
!
Alex!” The voice rose above the babble of the crowd when we came through security at the airport in New Orleans. Alex and I both looked around, not expecting anyone to be there to meet us, and saw Brian waving his arms over his head. I’d never seen a more welcome sight. For the week I was in New Orleans, I didn’t have to be scared or bullied. I could be with Brian, loved and happy. Mike trailed behind Brian, who was threading his way through the throng of people in order to get to us. When he got close enough, I didn’t think; I just pulled him into my arms and kissed him. The kiss went on for a long time, sweet and powerful, until Mike cleared his throat behind us.

“You guys have all week for that,” he said and rolled his eyes. Then he looked at Alex. “Are you still bunking with me so Brian can sleep in Jamie’s room?” I looked at Brian, not daring to hope I would be able to spend an entire week in his arms. He grinned and nodded.

“Will you kiss me like that?” Alex asked with a thoughtful expression, still looking between Brian and me in awe. Mike snorted and threw one arm around him.

“Sure,” Mike said and kissed Alex softly on the cheek. “I’m sure we can come up with all kinds of fun stuff to do.” Alex grinned and wrapped an arm around Mike’s waist while I took Brian’s hand and we headed for the baggage claim.

Because they’d flown in the night before to help Nick set up, Mike and Brian had rented a car. They used it to pick up the other models when their flights landed and so they could go out partying, Brian explained as we sat in the backseat. I wanted to memorize every second of being relaxed and happy with Brian. Alex sat in the front with Mike, and I was surprised when Mike reached over and put a hand on Alex’s thigh. That worried me because I didn’t want Mike to be interested in Alex only when convenient. Deep down, Alex was a romantic. I could tell by all the damn chick flicks he made me watch. He would be devastated if, when we got back to California, Mike ignored him or screwed with him like the other guys did.

“We’re all checked in to the hotel, and we’re not going to start filming until morning. We have the whole day to do whatever you want,” Brian told me as he held my hand and rested his head on my shoulder.

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what we do,” I murmured into his hair, and he sighed, practically melting in my arms. I wanted every moment to be just like that one.

“Bri, if you want to take that drive we talked about, then today would be the day. I don’t know what Nick is going to have set up for the rest of the week,” Mike warned, and I wondered what kind of drive they were talking about.

“I’m fine with that. I’m sure Jamie would want to go, but I’m not sure about Alex.” Brian reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes so he could see and laid his other hand on my chest.

“What kind of drive?” Alex asked, but instead of the apprehension I thought I’d hear, he sounded excited.

“To see my parents. They only live a couple of hours from here, and I haven’t seen them in just about a year. Mike says it’s my early birthday present, but I know he’s dying to meet my mom,” Brian explained with a chuckle.

“Your mom likes me a hell of a lot more than mine does,” Mike said with a snort.

“I… would she like me?” Alex asked quietly. He had spent most of his childhood battling things out with his mother’s list of boyfriends. When the wheel stopped spinning and she finally married one of them, Alex decided it was time to get the hell out.

“Carolyn likes everybody, baby,” I told him and reached up to ruffle his hair. Alex, much like Brian, had lacked physical affection growing up, and they both thrived on it.

It took a little over three hours to get to Crayford, and when we drove down the main street past our old high school, it felt like nothing had changed. But, of course, everything had changed. We drove past the little dime store where Brian and I used to walk all the time during the summer to get ice cream. In a moment, we would pass the street that I used to live on. We wouldn’t pass my house, the one place in the whole world I’d thought I was safe, but I could see it clearly in my mind. Someone else lived there, I was sure, but I could imagine every detail from the siding to the windows to the bushes and trees—and the tree house.

“Mike, pull down this alley!” I cried, reaching up to touch his shoulder. “Please, just for a second.” Without hesitating, he turned right, sliding a little on the gravel. I watched out my window until I saw the back of my old house. Brian told him to stop, and I got out of the car. The yard contained a nice wooden swing set and a little playhouse, with dozens of toys scattered through the grass.

The tree house was gone.

Our tree house, where we’d had our first kiss, our first everything, had been torn down without a second thought. It was just one more thing taken away from us, and I couldn’t stand it. Wrapping my fingers around the top of the new chain-link fence, I bowed my head and tried to stop the world from spinning.

“Jamie, baby,” Brian said quietly as his arms wrapped around me from behind.

“They took everything,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against the top of the shoulder-height fence. “They took you, my freedom, my happiness, everything.” Alex appeared at my side then, with Mike standing just behind him. I hadn’t even heard the car door open.

“Jamie, honey, let’s get back in the car,” Alex pleaded as he stroked my bare arm. I turned around, but the image of the empty tree burned in the back of my mind and I felt equally empty. Since Brian had come back into my life, I’d pushed everything out of my head and out of my heart so I wouldn’t have to think about how much I loved him and how much I needed him. My shoulders strained under the weight of those feelings, raining down on me from my missing boyhood sanctuary.

Mike opened the door of the small rental sedan and stepped back, allowing Brian and Alex to guide me into the seat. Alex stayed silent as he knelt next to the open door, holding my hand while Brian walked around to the other side to get in.

I let Brian pull me into his arms and rest my head on his chest.

“Jamie, I promise you… I promise that it will be okay,” he whispered against my forehead. I wanted so much to believe him, but I couldn’t see any way it could be true. He was just placating me, and I would let him. Brian quietly gave Mike directions to his parents’ house, and I stayed perfectly still for the few minutes it took to get there.

“Are you okay?” Brian asked as we pulled up in the Schreibers’ driveway.

“Yeah,” I mumbled and sat up because I refused to ruin Brian’s chance to see his parents. A little stab of jealousy crept into my head. My parents threw me away like garbage. I would have given anything for them to welcome me with open arms like Richard and Carolyn would welcome Brian. Mike parked right under the huge oak, just where I had parked to pick up Brian for our one and only date together. That memory made me smile, and when I met him at the back of the car, I took his hand. Leaning in close, I whispered that I loved him, and he kissed me softly.

He led me up to the porch with Mike and Alex trailing behind. I could tell from the tension in his frame that he was nervous as well as excited. Brian looked back to make sure we were all on the porch behind him before turning to the house. The screen door was shut while the big wooden door was open to let in the gentle summer air.

Taking a deep breath, Brian knocked on the screen door.

We waited for a minute, just listening to the sounds of the house as the smell of apples and cinnamon wafted to us on the early afternoon breeze.

“No, Richard, I’m not expecting anyone,” Carolyn’s voice called, and it sounded as if it were getting closer. Brian squeezed my hand almost convulsively, and I squeezed right back. I wanted to ask him why he was nervous about seeing his parents, but at that moment, Carolyn came to the door.

“Brian! Richard, it’s Brian! Oh, honey!” Carolyn cried and threw open the door. She wrapped her arms around Brian, pulling him close, but he never let go of my hand.

“Hi, Mom,” Brian said, amused as he enjoyed his mother’s love. “We came to New Orleans for a couple of days, so we thought we’d come and see you guys.” Carolyn finally looked past her son to see that three other guys stood on the porch with him. She turned to me first.

“Oh, Jamie, I’m so glad to see you, honey,” she said, and I could really hear in her voice that she meant it. She pulled me into the safety and shelter of her arms, and I tried to think of the last time my mother had held me, comforted me like that. I couldn’t. I felt pleased by her attention and was reluctant when she finally let go to greet the other guys.

“Mom, this is Mike,” Brian told his mother fondly, and Carolyn hugged Mike too. Mike tried not to let it show, but his face lit up like Christmas morning. His rough, streetwise exterior melted, and for a moment, he looked very vulnerable.

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Mike,” Carolyn said in his ear before they broke apart. In the back, Alex tried to make himself smaller, moving behind Mike and me. I could tell by the way he curved in on himself that he was expecting to be excluded. He was wrong.

“Mom, this is our friend Alex,” Brian said and pulled Alex forward. Carolyn wrapped Alex in her arms just as she had Mike and me, because that was just Carolyn’s way.

“It’s so nice to see all of you. Come inside,” she said as she ruffled Alex’s hair and stepped back to open the screen door. The smell of apples grew stronger as we entered the living room. Richard came down the stairs and, spotting Brian, engulfed his son in a one-armed bear hug, kissing the top of his head

“Brian! This is such a wonderful surprise! I’m so happy to see you,” Richard said into Brian’s hair because he hadn’t let go.

“Hi, Dad. I missed you guys too,” Brian replied, just as reluctant to let go. When they finally separated, Brian introduced Mike and Alex to his father, but Richard’s eyes stayed mostly on me. I started to feel a little uncomfortable at his scrutiny.

“You boys are so thin. Come on; let me fix you something to eat. I have a pie in the oven. How long can you stay?” The words came as a rapid tumble from Carolyn’s lips, and I saw Brian suppress a smile. We followed her into the kitchen.

“Are you sure, Mom? We eat like horses,” Brian said, looking around the kitchen. “Why don’t you let us take you out? You don’t need….”

“I have my son in my home for the first time in a year. He probably hasn’t had a good homemade meal since he left. Don’t you worry about how much you boys eat. In fact,” she continued, looking directly at me, “the more you eat, the happier I’ll be.”

I knew what I must look like to them. I had constant sniffles from the drugs the night before, and I looked like some kind of concentration-camp refugee. I’d lost so much weight since I’d left Alabama. Between the coke and being terrified all the time, I hardly ever ate.

“Richard, honey, would you go to the market and get two fryers for me?” Carolyn asked, making a quick inventory. “I have everything else.”

“Mom, I can—” Brian started, but at a glare from Carolyn he stopped. It was obvious she wasn’t about to waste even a minute of time with her son on something like sending him to the store. I’d seen that look on her face so many times growing up that it struck me as funny, and I giggled. Brian’s face relaxed into a smile. Being here with Brian, in Carolyn’s kitchen, made me feel better than I had in ages.

Brian overrode Carolyn’s refusal of help and started peeling the mound of potatoes required to feed four hungry guys. Richard came in through the back door and handed off the bag to Carolyn, who made short work of cutting the chickens into pieces and coating them in flour for frying. Fried chicken, a staple of Southern cooking, appeared to be a bit of a novelty to Mike and Alex.

“I’m going to have to live in the gym all week,” Mike moaned as Carolyn dropped the pieces one at a time into a large frying pan.

“I don’t care; it smells amazing,” Alex said.

“It smells just like Mama’s chicken,” I said, and out of nowhere a lump formed in my throat. Every Sunday after church, Mama would fry up a chicken for dinner, and we’d all sit down together. We’d talk about what was coming up the next week, school projects, church socials, whatever. It was our time together, a time that I would never have with them again. Suddenly, I hated myself for coming back here. I hated myself for being sentimental about the people who had thrown me away like a used newspaper. I hated myself for what I’d become as a result. Being there in Carolyn’s kitchen reminded me of the way my life should have gone.

“Excuse me,” I said and walked out the back door into the yard. Even the yard held memories of Brian and me playing catch or Frisbee. Those were such carefree times, and, not for the first time, I wished I could go back and change everything.

“Jamie?” Alex asked, putting his arms around my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… being back here,” I said with a heavy sigh. Nothing had changed in the sleepy little yard. The overhang of willows covered part of the area in shadows. Whenever Brian had gotten upset about anything as a kid, he’d hide under their branches. I wanted to crawl into that hidden space, protected from the world by its huge sturdy branches and thick cover of leaves.

“About six months after I left home, I went back,” Alex whispered. “I missed my brothers and my mom. I stood outside of the house for an hour, unable to make myself go to the door. I just kept saying that if they loved me, if they wanted me to come back, someone would come out and get me. No one did.”

“We have a new family now,” I whispered, and he nodded.

S
ILVERWARE
clattered as Alex set the table, something he’d probably never done in his entire life. At one point, he whispered to ask me which side the napkins went on. When I told him it didn’t matter, he looked at me with open curiosity, no doubt thinking of those television shows where no one knows what fork to use. Mike put a pitcher of sweet tea in the middle of the table while Brian set out platters of food.