Destined to Feel (2 page)

When I arrive in Singapore I switch on my phone to send a quick text message to the kids. I can’t help but smile when I see that I’ve already received one from them, all ready for bed in their pyjamas and blowing me a kiss goodnight. My heart swells with love for them, I want to kiss the screen. I take the opportunity to stretch my legs and take a nice long walk around the ever-clean and organised Changi Airport before having a quick freshen up in the first-class lounge. I look longingly at the smooth, curved showers with their giant, rainwater showerheads, but unfortunately I don’t have enough time to linger. As I’m facing the mirror to ensure I look respectable enough for the next leg of my journey, I notice the woman at the next mirror staring at me intently. I wonder if I’m imagining this and being a bit paranoid, when she suddenly speaks to me in a rather formal polished, French-accented voice.

‘Please excuse my staring, but are you not Dr Alexandra Blake?’

Although slightly taken aback by her intensity, I answer, ‘Yes, I am.’

‘Oh, this is wonderful.’ She visibly softens. ‘Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Lauren Bertrand.’

She is immaculately coiffed, dressed in a smart suit, matching pumps and handbag, as only the French can be. She is an impressive-looking woman, a small powerhouse.

‘Oh, hello.’ We shake hands and it takes me a moment to search my memory for where I have heard her name before until it dawns on me that she is a member of Jeremy’s research forum. Ah yes, Doctor Lauren Bertrand. If I remember correctly I think her speciality is chemistry.

‘I work with Dr Quinn. It is so nice to meet you, welcome to the team.’ Her smile appears friendly but remains professional.

‘Of course, lovely to meet you too. Thank you.’

‘Are you on your way to London?’

‘Yes, my flight leaves shortly. Are you?’

‘I’m heading to Brussels for a meeting and then home to Paris for a few days before meeting up with the team in London. The research Jeremy sent through recently is intriguing on so many fronts. I am very much looking forward to our forum and working with you more directly. Such surprising, fascinating results…’ Her eyes drift over my body and she seems lost in thought for a brief moment. I redden at her appraisal and wonder exactly which results are surprising her so much. How come she has received them as part of the forum, and why haven’t I received anything? I can’t help but flush with embarrassment and disappointment at the thought of being on the other side of the experiment without any of the analysis to critique and review. I wonder if any of my clients ever felt like this during our sessions. Quite possibly.

I’m thankful to hear my flight being called as the intensity of her gaze is making me feel ill at ease.

‘Well, that’s my flight. Safe travels and I assume I’ll see you in a few days.’

‘Absolutely, I look forward to it. Do take care, Dr Blake. I’m so pleased to have had this opportunity to meet you first-hand.’

‘Please, call me Alexa.’

‘Thank you, Alexa, until we meet again.’ She shakes my hand, this time with both of her hands cupping mine. I can’t decipher whether it’s from affection or possession. Weird feeling. I turn to leave as her cell phone rings and she answers quickly. Her voice is excited and clipped.

‘You’ll never guess who I’ve just bumped into…yes…she is on the next flight to London from Singapore…’ As I walk out the door as she gives me a quick wave and turns around to continue her phone call.

Back on the plane and flying high, I happily drink a couple of glasses of Cape Mentelle Sauvignon Blanc Semillon. I do so love Western Australia’s Margaret River. The wine goes perfectly with my herb-encrusted fish and salad. And I can’t resist the delectable passionfruit cheesecake for dessert. As this is the longest part of my flight and I didn’t sleep on the first leg, I take great joy in donning my new, not very sexy, first-class pyjamas and socks, and flatten my seat into a bed to snuggle up against the fluffy pillow and warm blankets. I spare a thought for all those people travelling in economy, as I have so many times, and I hope they manage some upright sleep in the hours ahead. My palms moisten as I put the earplugs into my ears and I hesitate before deciding whether to use the blindfold provided. Just the thought of being blind again sends lascivious shivers down my spine and hardens my nipples against the soft cotton I’m wearing. I take a few deep breaths to temper the flow of heat rising within me and squeeze my legs together tightly to prevent the potential ambush. I quickly throw the blindfold towards the end of the bed, away from me; I’m obviously far from ready for anything to be covering my eyes after such an extreme experience last time. Although the thought of
that
blindfold, its silkiness, its lace…it sends me straight back to Jeremy and his tickling feathers, all over my body, his patience, my impatience… Oh dear lord. I must stop these thoughts. Thank goodness I’m in first-class so no one can see where my hands were accidentally wandering. Heaven forbid — on a plane, with people surrounding me! I fleetingly wonder whatever happened to that blindfold.

Maybe Jeremy still has it?

But at this moment I need sleep more than anything, not these intense, erotic feelings that need to wait another 24 hours until I am with him so they can finally explode to their passionate content. It’s as if the feelings understand that being put on hold will be worth the wait, and they subside enough to allow me to fall into a satisfying sleep.

I am standing at my bedroom window in my negligee and glance over my shoulder to see
Jeremy’s tanned, muscled body sound asleep in my bed. The strength of his
back and his
tousled, sleepy hair remind me of our recent intimate connection. I hug myself in happiness
before stepping onto the balcony to see Elizabeth and Jordan playing in the garden. I smile
as I wave at them, running and shouting around the willow tree. I step back inside and notice
Jeremy is no longer in the bed, which is strange as he was sleeping so soundly just a moment
ago. I walk out the door and downstairs calling his name, wondering where he could be. I
enter the kitchen, which suddenly feels cold and empty and leaves me with a chill. I follow the
draught down another set of stairs and trip over, tumbling further down, deeper and deeper.

My negligee is filthy and torn and at the end of my fall I can barely move my legs, it feels like
I could be wading in molasses. The stairwell above me goes on forever, too high for me to
climb with my leaden legs. I scrape and crawl along the floor, commando-style, unable to see
clearly where I am going. I instantly still in absolute terror when I feel something slither
alongside my body. As my eyes adjust to the darkness I see the body of a thick, long snake. It
pauses as if sensing my presence and my heart pounds hard and fast in my chest. Its forked
tongue darts back and forth in its mouth, before it raises its head and moves seamlessly and
silently onto the small of my back. I dare not breathe. Its weight is hefty as it follows down
the lines of my body. I am frozen with fear as the length of its dark, thick body continues
sliding leisurely between my buttocks over what’s left of my silky white negligee. Such a
strange sensation, it’s as if its movement paralyses me. The last of its weight leaves my body
and its tail finally smooths past my toes. It climbs up a phallus-like staff. Light is shining
from above and I can see that it is bright green and gold in colour as it wraps itself around
the Rod of Asclepius, the symbol for medicine and healing. I sense there is something
mystical about the vision before me and I can’t help but be in awe of the snake’s presence —

my previous fear is immediately replaced by a sense of peace and calm. At the same time I’m
about to turn away, I feel painless drops of blood pool in my belly button before sliding
directly downwards. Strangely, it gives me strength and I know I must continue on my own
journey to the light. I head towards an archway, momentarily glancing over my shoulder to
reflect on the path of my shedding skin. As I round the corner into the glimmer of light, my
arms have become wings and my nose a beak. I carefully poke out into the air, spread my
magnificent wings and fly, feeling my body strengthen with each passing second. I fly higher
and higher
into a majestic tree. My bird’s-eye vision fastens on an owl resting on another
branch. It’s as if he nods to me and I acknowledge him by lowering my head in return. I see
the world like I’ve never seen it before, so high, such perspective. As I tuck my wings back
around my body, they brush against a nest full of eggs nestled discreetly into the hefty
branch. One egg wobbles dangerously over the edge, as if in slow motion. I attempt to save it
as my body leaves the safety of the branch and my wings lengthen to protect its fall.

I wake up suddenly with the feeling I’m falling and gasp out loud, completely disoriented. What a weird dream. I don’t ever remember dreaming of animals. It leaves me feeling a little anxious and with a sudden sense of foreboding — as if there is a path I’m destined to take that could result in short-term pain for long-term gain. I shake my head to dislodge the mental images from my mind. I wish I had my dream book with me. Maybe I can find an app when I land that will help me interpret such vivid, colourful imagery. The lights shine in my eyes and breakfast is being served. I must have been asleep for a while. I change from my pyjamas back into my travel clothes and look forward to my imminent arrival, a step closer to Jeremy and whatever he has planned for me this week. I’m so excited to finally be here and soon to be in the arms of the man I love — have always loved. I can’t keep the smile from my face.

Finally, we touch down in London as scheduled.

I walk through the swinging doors at Heathrow and notice a chauffeur standing with my name on a placard. What a pleasure it is to travel like this, with every detail smoothly organised. We share greetings as he takes my luggage.

When we arrive at a luxury black sedan with the door open, there is another man standing beside it dressed in similar attire to the chauffeur.

‘Good morning, Dr Blake. Welcome to London.’

‘Good morning. Thank you, it’s great to be here.’

I smile as he opens the door for me and the first man takes care of my luggage. As I settle myself in the back seat, ensuring I have everything, I hear my name being called from somewhere in the distance behind me. As I look over my shoulder I am stunned to see Jeremy and Samuel running towards the car I am in. How amazing. What on earth are they doing here? I didn’t think they were due in until later tonight? I wave my hand in surprised recognition as the driver’s assistant suddenly shoves the door closed and bolts into the front seat. I see the panic in Jeremy’s and Sam’s eyes and on their faces as they run towards me. Just as I am about to ask the driver to wait for them, the car surges forward and I am flung across the back seat. I ask them to stop, telling the driver that I know those men. Jeremy is now running after the car and banging on the back window and there’s fear in his eyes. Something is terribly wrong. I try to open the side window to speak to him, but there is no button. The window tint turns black and I can’t see his face any more. The door is locked and as I turn around to look at the driver, a blackened barrier rises between the back and front seats. I scream and bash on the door and the glass. We are moving fast. I start to tremble as the memory of Jeremy’s agonised face is etched firmly on my brain. I fumble for my phone in my handbag, only to find there is no service indicated. I don’t understand any of this. I am in a blackened car with no phone reception. Who are these drivers?

I bang on the windows and barrier, screaming at these men, trying to make sense of what is happening. I attempt to open the doors, urgently checking both of them and bang my palms against the black tinted windows until they hurt with pain. What is this about? Suddenly I feel woozy, faint. Then I don’t feel anything at all…

Jeremy

My world closes in on me in slow motion as I witness the scene in front of me in astonished disbelief. My chest is collapsing within my ribcage. I can’t breathe. Alexa has literally disappeared from within an inch of my grasp, before my very eyes.

‘Sam, grab that taxi, we need to follow them. Quick, jump in.’ We leap into the back of the first black London cab idling in the rank.

‘Follow that black sedan in front,’ I shout at the driver. ‘We can’t afford to lose them.’

He drives off much too slowly. ‘This isn’t Hollywood, mate. Let me tell you right now, I’m not losin’ my fuckin’ licence for a bit of your James Bond nonsense.’

I slam the seat hard with my fist. What a fucking nightmare!

The driver immediately pulls over to the kerb. ‘Get out, get out of my cab, I don’t need you bastards smashing things up. Piss off. Go on, get out.’

Shit. I’ve never been this out of control.

When it becomes clear that the driver is going nowhere with us inside his cab, we scramble out again. Sam stands speechless and shocked as we are left on the side of the road wondering what the hell we are going to do now.

We arrived at Heathrow late last night as I had a meeting cancelled and could get to London earlier than planned. I couldn’t wait to surprise Alexa by greeting her personally, to wrap my arms around her and tell her how much I’ve missed her, how much she means to me. I had the whole day planned. I took the liberty of taking a larger hotel suite than usual so we could share, but booked a small room in her name too, just in case she had an issue with it — I know Alex has quite fixed ideas when it comes to presenting a professional persona to the outside world.