Desperately Seeking Suzanna (13 page)

He fell back into the chair to cool his blood for a few minutes—and not by choice. Offending half the partygoers wouldn’t do, and considering his condition, they would most certainly be offended. He’d let her slip away again. And after that kiss… He cursed a long string of oaths he was certain would have offended the other half of the
ton
in attendance this evening.

Finally, he stood to rejoin the party, stalking across the dark library toward the door. If Suzanna was still here, he would find her and finish what they started…twice.

Sue was still steaming with indignation when she found her mother at the edge of the ballroom watching Evangeline dance.
I
would
recognize
these
lips
anywhere
. “Blind horse’s arse,” she mumbled as she snatched a glass of champagne from a passing footman’s tray and drained it.

“Did you say something, Sue?”

“Nothing, Mother.” She stared at the movement around her as everyone returned from the dining-room buffet, not really seeing anyone. His lips. His hands. And still he hadn’t known her. She was foisted to the side as Evangeline arrived on the arm of a gentleman. She didn’t care. They could push her down to the floor while they were about it. Her lot couldn’t get any worse. What did it matter? He’d seen her again, this time with no mask on, and he still didn’t know her. Granted it was rather dark in there…but truly, how dense was he not to know her? And she’d done exactly what she’d sworn she wouldn’t do and fallen right into his arms.
Did
I
swoon?
“Blast it all, I do hope not.”

“What was that, dear?”

“Nothing, Mother.”

She touched her fingertips to her lips. Why had she allowed that man to lay a finger on her again? Much as she tried, her plans seemed to disintegrate into dust whenever he was about. As if summoned by her thoughts, there he was before her again.

“I see you found your family earlier with no issue, Miss Green.”

“Do you? Do you see that? Shocking.”

His head tilted to the side as he regarded her, his blond locks catching the candlelight from above. “Have I offended you in some manner, Miss Green? I thought we were getting on rather well this evening.”

“You were mistaken. It seems to be a common problem with you.”

“Is it? I’ll have to make an effort to improve upon my mistakenness.”

“You should. Oh, look, here is my beautiful sister. I believe you are next on her dance card. I’m sure you don’t want to be mistaken about that. She’s perfect, you know. Some say ‘unforgettable.’”

“Yes, I suppose it is time for our dance.” He extended an arm to a confused Evangeline and led her away.

Sue didn’t stay long enough to see them on the dance floor. Watching them glide away together looking the perfect couple was hard enough. Mother was beaming with pride, of course. With the murmured excuse of a headache, Sue was out the door and in their carriage before the music began. She wasn’t even sure what she was upset over anymore. The list was simply getting too long to keep track: Victoria’s lies, the twins luring her to the library, her mother’s reminders of where her season would no doubt end, Holden looking her over once again after their kiss. That kiss…

She sank further into the carriage seat as if someone might see her in the window and know what was on her mind.

***

The waltz had barely come to an end when Holden deposited the younger Miss Green back with her mother. She was pretty enough but agreed with him to an annoying degree, unlike her sister who seemed perpetually angry with him. In this instance he preferred anger. What was wrong with him? He shook his head.

In the past, the exotic beauties who laughed at his jokes had always held his attention the longest. Granted that attention span was somewhat short lived, but this was the first time he’d ever been pleased that a dance with the most beautiful lady in the room was over. Perhaps it was the interlude in the library that had him rattled this evening. That must be the issue—Suzanna had slipped from his grasp once more. His mind steadily avoided the horror at seeing his “deceased” mother chatting with Sue earlier. He sighed and tugged on the cuff of his coat, even though it already sat perfectly on his shoulders.

His mother had made it plain earlier that she couldn’t be pried from this ball without a scene, drawing even more unwanted attention than if he left her here. He supposed he had no choice but to do just that and hope no one discovered her identity. Where had she found a bloody ball gown anyway? He would have to have a word with Fezawald when he returned home. His staff must be more vigilant if he was to keep his mother hidden in London. It was ill advised to keep her about, but so were many of his actions these days. He almost chuckled. No good could come of any portion of his daily life and he knew it.

No longer in the mood for dancing and chatter about the weather this evening, he made his way toward the door. There, beside an exceedingly large potted plant near the base of the main stairs, he spotted the one person who could make leaving even more difficult—his mother.

“My lady, why don’t I escort you to your carriage,” he said as he gripped her elbow and began pulling her through the main hall.

“Yes, I should be getting back. I’m quite weary from all the excitement.”

“If you feel that way, then perhaps you shouldn’t have come.”
As I asked of you
, he finished to himself. He bit his tongue, however. If they were to argue at a ball, half the
ton
would know of her existence by tomorrow. He pasted on a polite smile. “I must admit I’m surprised to see you here this evening.” Almost as surprised as he’d been to see her at his home.

“I’m flattered you noticed me at all with the way you were fussing over that Green girl.”

“Leave her out of this,” he snapped before placing a carefully crafted smile on his face. When he’d seen his mother talking to Sue earlier… He pushed the thought away. Now was not the time to dwell on the contents of that little conversation.

“Oh, have I upset you? Are you interested in her? She doesn’t seem your type, Holden.”

“I’m not, and how would you know of my interests?” he hissed at her as a footman handed him his hat and top coat.

“Just as well. You don’t have room for a lady in your life anyway since I only recently arrived and we need to become reacquainted.” She reached up and patted his cheek before he could move out of her reach. “How I’ve missed you, my dearest boy.”

“Yes, this is all so very…nice.” He leaned away from her and shoved her out the door in one swift movement. Had anyone seen her touch him? He led her away from the entrance toward the line of carriages, stepping farther into the cloak of darkness.

Once they were beyond earshot of the door, he added, “But you know you cannot stay with me forever. It’s only temporary, until I can make arrangements of some sort.”

“I don’t know about that. I’d forgotten how much I missed society.” A bland smile covered her face as she looked at him. Surely, she didn’t mean to repeat this evening, but he could see by the set of her jaw that indeed she did.

“Mother, you can’t come to another ball. I do apologize, but you simply cannot.”

“So forceful, my son. When did you grow up and learn to speak in such a manner to your mother?”

“I was forced to come of age far before my time, and that was many years ago.”

“All the more reason for me to stay. We can do all the things I’ve missed over the years. Where shall we start?”

“
We
can start by going home and not attending any more balls.” He led her along the line of carriages until he spied his rig.

“That sounds perfect! We can stay home and chat in the evenings…”

“I won’t be there. You will stay at home. I need a drink.”

“You’re leaving me? Alone? With that butler of yours? I don’t trust him one bit, Holden. There’s something unsavory about him.”

“He’s two and eighty! Even if he had an unsavory bone in his body, which he doesn’t, he wouldn’t have the energy to take advantage of it.”

“Perhaps I need to set some things right for you in your home. You need a woman about to handle these things. I haven’t been here as I should have, my dearest.”

“Leave my staff be,” he stated in a tone that could not be misunderstood. “They’re my family.”

“I’m your family. Only me.”

“Mother…” He turned away, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t discuss her future here in the Geddings’ drive. He needed air and apparently there was none to be found, even outside on a crisp night such as this one. Turning back, he handed her up into the carriage. “Good evening. I’ll be home late.”

She gasped as he shut the carriage door, closing her in darkness as he walked away. Would that keep her away from the next event he attended? Most likely not. He exhaled a slow breath and stepped away from the line of carriages, watching as his vehicle rolled away. There was a long row of wrought-iron fencing running the length of the front garden, and he braced his hands on it behind his back.

Closing his eyes, he waited there for some answer to come to mind, yet it didn’t. He’d never understood why his father sent his mother away. Even now it seemed a harsh punishment. But his father was a harsh man. If he heard that Holden had allowed his mother to stay even one night with him, his father would be furious. So he mustn’t find out. The sound of barking dogs caused Holden to open his eyes.

Were those Lord Geddings’ hunting dogs making such a racket? He bragged of their superior training to anyone willing to listen, but surely he wasn’t showing them off in the middle of a ball. Holden sighed, leaned back onto the fencing, and looked up into the cloudless night.

With the drama of his mother dropping in at balls, perhaps he should give up the idea of seeking out Suzanna. It was all a bit too much, and he was coming off as rather desperate anyway.

Would she ever not run from him? He either needed to abandon the hunt or get more information from the devious twins who led him here to begin with. As muddled as his mind was, this was no time for decisions. And the footmen would begin to talk if he loitered here much longer. Pushing off the fence, he began walking toward the street.

“Steelings!”

Holden turned to see his friend striding out the door of the Geddings home. “Thornwood. Just the man I was in need of this evening.”

“Oh? Is there something you need?” The duke slowed as he neared Holden.

“No, it’s mostly the fact that you are not female that speaks in your favor tonight.”

“Ah. I agree with your sentiment entirely. In addition to a lack of women, I require a strong drink.”

“As do I. What a mess of an evening.” Holden shook his head.

“A pack of hunting dogs in the middle of a ballroom do tend to make a mess of things, don’t they?” Thornwood chuckled and clapped his friend on the back.

“A pack of dogs? And I thought my night was interesting. It seems I missed the true excitement of the evening.” They started off down the street toward the heart of town.

“Indeed. I shall tell you of it over a large glass of whiskey, and you can relate the ongoing saga of your avoidance of a leg shackle.”

“There will be no leg shackles, ever. Just so we’re clear.”

“No. Of course not. Let’s go have that drink.” Thornwood grinned.

***

Victoria arranged her skirts around herself on the blanket in Hyde Park. “I was only trying to enliven your season a bit, Sue. There’s no reason to get angry.”

“You told me Isabelle was ill and in need of rescue in that library. You knew who would await me instead of a sick cousin.” Sue accepted a plate of cold chicken from her cousin’s maid and sat back against a tree, squinting into the sunlight.

It was a bright afternoon, an oddity in London that had to be celebrated with a picnic. Or so she’d thought. Evangeline was locked away inside to protect her cheeks from freckling. But Victoria and Isabelle were with her and they had some things to discuss. Namely, the library stunt at the Geddings’ ball.

“My involvement was never in question, Sue. Of course I lured you to the library. Am I supposed to feel guilty now? Because I don’t.” Victoria popped a bite of apple into her mouth.

“How can you not feel guilty? I could have been compromised. He might have…”

“Were you? I want details. Did he kiss you?”

“That’s not important.” Sue focused on picking at a piece of bread on her plate to avoid her cousin’s gaze.

“He did! You must tell us!”

“I will not!” The heat was already rising in her cheeks, betraying her secrets.

Isabelle was practically bouncing with excitement as she interjected, “But don’t you see, Sue? This is wonderful news. Now he knows who you are. After he came all the way to our house to find you, then followed you to London, now he’s found you. You can be together. I bet he’ll make arrangements with Uncle soon. Oh, Sue! You’re going to be married! And to such a handsome gentleman.”

“That’s not quite how events transpired, Isabelle. I’m no closer to marriage now than I was a week ago, further in fact because there are two fewer balls now.”

“He won’t marry you? The rake!” Isabelle’s mouth made a perfect “O” in her shock.

“We never discussed marriage, Isabelle.”

“But he kissed you.” Isabelle shook her head in dismay.

Victoria rolled her eyes. “Isabelle, sometimes I wonder how we’re related.”

“We’re twins,” Isabelle returned as if that settled all discussion.

“Thank you for the reminder.” Victoria sighed. “I meant how can you be so terribly naïve?”

“I am not! I believe the best of people. There is goodness all around in life. You simply refuse to see it.”

“Goodness all around us?” Victoria threw her head back in laughter. “I suppose all gentlemen have honor, rainbows line the skies, and wildflowers spring to life in your footsteps.”

“All gentlemen do have honor. Papa told me he’d see to it.”

“You didn’t notice the way he was cleaning his hunting rifle when he said that?”

Sue stood and shook out her skirts. “Would you mind if I slipped away for a few minutes? I need to walk to clear my mind.”

“I’m sure you do after an evening in Lord Steelings’ arms.”

“I was not…”

“Don’t lie, Sue. You know you’re a terrible liar.”

“I…I’m not…” Sue huffed and kicked at the blanket where it was tangled with her foot, then stalked off across the grass.

Victoria was right. She was a terrible liar. So why did it feel as if her whole existence was a lie right now? She followed the path around a bend where the large clearing became more wooded. She slowed down, kicking sticks with the toe of her half boots. Isabelle’s words were still ringing in her ears:
You’re going to be married.
If only.