Desperate Housewives of Olympus (23 page)

“You’re so dramatic. Come on, you need to sit up.”

“I can’t,” he grumbled from beneath the sheets.

“You stink like the back end of a dead skunk.” Abstinence turned the light on.

“Turn the light off, I’m hideous!”

Abstinence sighed and rolled her eyes. This was going to be a colossal pain in her ass. “There are only two things hideous about you. Your little temper tantrum and the stench coming from underneath that cover. I’m going to tell you once more to get up and haul your carcass into the shower or I’m going to curse you.”

“You already did.”

“Oh no, sweets. What I gave you was a gift. This, this will be a curse.”

He burrowed deeper into the bed.

“Don’t test me,” she warned.

Zeus tugged the covers down and Abstinence did her best not to show a reaction. It wasn’t that he’d gained weight, because wow, he looked like he’d just opened his mouth under a spigot of sausage gravy and drank until he couldn’t move—every day for a hundred years. It was the hollow emptiness in his eyes.

He was starving.

Abstinence found that to be quite the paradox, not to mention ironic.

“Behave and I’ll feed you.”

“Does this look like it needs to be fed?” He slapped the pile of Jell-O that jiggled in place of his perfect abs.

“Not that, idgit. The other. But not until you get in the shower.”

“I don’t wanna. I hate this body. I’m not washing it.”

“Then you’ll never get fed because you stink. Then you’ll be fat and
old
.”

“How are you going to feed me? No woman will look at me.”

“
I
will feed you. Now, don’t be contrary. I’m already losing my patience with your petulance. You’re a god grown, not a baby to be coddled. Take responsibility for yourself.” Abstinence put her hands on her narrow hips.

“You couldn’t possibly want this body and if you did, you couldn’t have it. You’d die.”

“Because you’d crush me? Nah, I’d be fine.”

“Won’t sex kill you?” He was incredulous.

“We don’t have to have sex to have sexual energy to feed you, Zeus.” She laughed. For being such an experienced god, he was sure slow to catch on.

“Yeah, but you’d have to want me,” Zeus replied in a pitiful tone.

“I do want you, dumbass.” Why did he think it was only about how he looked? She didn’t know why she wanted the rest of it, self-centered as he was, but she did.

“All you do is insult me.”

“Can’t seem to help myself,” she said merrily.

“You should abstain,” he grumbled.

“Looks like you haven’t lost your sense of humor with all that whining.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I don’t know, honestly. We’ll talk about it later, when I can stand to breathe in your presence.”

“Good, if you can’t stand breathing, maybe that means you won’t talk anymore.”

“No, I’m going to take your suggestion and
abstain
.” She ripped the covers off the bed and flung them to the floor. “Get in that shower right now, Zeus or so help me I’ll call Demeter to make it rain in here. You know she’ll do it too.”

He rose in all of his naked glory to pad to the shower and Abstinence found she wanted to pat his round belly as he went. She kind of liked that he wasn’t physical perfection any longer. He was real.

Of course they’d have to get some of the weight off, if only because she’d made him sense himself like a mortal and lugging all that baggage around would make him feel like shit. But if the perfect abs and sculpted ass never came back, she’d be okay with that.

Abstinence had been hit with inspiration several days ago in relation to the whole sex issue. She was pretty sure she
could
have sex. Mortals who were pro-abstinence on that front usually waited until marriage or a committed relationship.

All she had to do was be in love with the god she had sex with. That wasn’t so bad a gig after all. Now, she didn’t know if she loved Zeus, wasn’t sure she even wanted to, but it felt good to know her eternity wouldn’t be spent in misery.

Abstinence was pleased to notice she was thinking about this job long term as opposed to how long she could hold out. That first real taste of her power and more than that, her purpose, it had been like a drug, but it wasn’t an addiction. It fit like a good pair of boots that had already been broken in.

“Do you have anything besides Avalon Organics? Maybe a nice Dead Sea Salt scrub?” he called from the shower.

“Nope, that’s it.”

“Are you going to join me?”

“I thought you were all unhappy and shy with your new body?”

“You said you’d feed me. I’m hungry.”

“I’ll feed you after we work out,” she called back. Positive reinforcement was her plan of attack.

There was dead silence and then a thud.

She ran into the bathroom. “Oh my gods, what happened? Working out won’t kill you, I promise.”

“I just dropped the soap.”

“Another lesson to be learned.” She nodded sagely, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Never, ever drop the soap.”

“Why not?”

A million different scenarios of Zeus dropping the soap skittered through her mind and she debated telling him about it, but decided not to.

“Never mind. Just hurry up.”

“So, why would I want to take a shower
before
I work out? That makes no sense.”

“Be quiet and scrub.”

“One time I let you have the upper hand and now you’re all Bossy McBrat. I’m not going to put up with much more of this.”

“Whether you like it or not, you don’t have much of a choice. If you want to manage this on your own, you go ahead.”

“How about you just take your little gift back and we’ll call it good.”

Abstinence thought on it for a moment. She knew from her time as a psychiatrist that people didn’t learn the lessons others wanted them to, they had to be ready to learn them. And maybe Zeus wasn’t ready.

“Okay, on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t go making promises you aren’t going to keep, Zeus. Because if you don’t keep your promise to me, I’ll curse you and you’ll suffer such as you never have before.”

He pushed back the shower curtain. It was odd seeing the King of the Gods with a duck pattern clutched in his mighty hands. She would have snickered had the situation not been so serious.

“I guess that’s fair. What do you want to take this damn thing back?”

“I want you to leave Hera and Hades alone.”

“Hell no.”

“There’s your answer then.” The writing was on the wall, why wasn’t he reading it? This was a simpler lesson than what she’d hoped her gift would teach him.

“How am I supposed to hold on to my crown if every god of every pantheon knows my wife and brother cuckolded me and I did nothing about it?”

“The same way Hera has since eternity was young.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Oh really?” Abstinence’s voice dropped an octave.

“Abi, don’t get your feathers ruffled. It is different. You know Bran has been eying my crown for centuries.”

“And what would he do with it besides have a bunch of fancy titles after his name and a shiny hat to wear? Hera? Hades would kick his ass into his next incarnation.”

“I know, that’s the thing. Hades is stronger than me, Abi.”

“So what? His dick is probably bigger too. Why do you worry? You didn’t want Hera.”

“But she was mine.”

“Back to that again, are we? You’ll never learn.” She sighed. “Nevertheless, I want your word you’ll leave them alone.”

“No.”

“Then I guess you’re stuck.”

“Damn it.”

“That was only my first demand, Zeus.”

“Double damn. What’s the second?”

“Who cares? You wouldn’t agree to the first one, so why bother?”

“Fine, I agree. You’ve got me over a barrel. I guess I’m lucky you didn’t ask for something bigger. I’m ready, what’s the second thing.”

“You go from my temple right now and you never come back.”

“What?”

“Do you want your freedom or not? I didn’t say any of these were negotiable. They’re not.”

“What about explainable?”

“No.”

“Why not?” He was obviously displeased with her answer, but he was displeased about everything that related to the situation.

“Because I just said they weren’t explainable.” It was like arguing with a child, or a brick wall that knew how to ask why.

“
Why
aren’t they explainable?” he asked again, as if she were the one who didn’t understand the question instead of it being him who didn’t understand the answer.

“If I went into that, I’d have to go into the reasons I don’t want to explain. So, take it or leave it, Zeus.”

“I’ll leave it.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope. I want to know why more than I want any of those other things right now.”

“Why?” she asked tiredly.

“Well, Abilicious, then I’d have to go into reasons I don’t want to explain.”

Professional cocksucker. Asshole. Bastard.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” he quipped.

Now he thought he had the upper hand? Oh no, not by a long shot. She could always take all of her toys and go home. Not
this
home, but a new home. The great thing about being Abstinence was that she didn’t have a bunch of stuff to move. She could take herself and go whenever she felt like it. Property value be damned.

“It doesn’t have to. I’ll miss Hera, but I can move.”

The curtain jerked open and Zeus stepped out of the shower in all of his round glory, water sluicing off his body and making a great mess on her floor.

“You don’t make any sense, Abi. First, you want to help me, you say this is all to help me and now you can’t get far enough away from me, but you still offer to feed me with your energy. I don’t understand. Make me understand.”

She pushed her fingers through her hair in an exasperated motion. “If you don’t understand, I can’t explain it to you.”

“You mean you
won’t
explain it to me.”

“No, this really is something that if you don’t get, you just don’t and no one can explain it to you. You’re dangerous to me, Zeus.”

“Why? I promised not to kiss you again.” He looked genuinely confused.

“Because, you great ass, I want you to kiss me.”

“Oh.”

“And I think I can have sexual relations if I’m in love, but I don’t want to love you. You’re a bastard. I’m not one of those chicks who are into the fixer-upper types. I don’t even usually like the bad boys and for all your blond goodness, football player shoulders and GQ looks, you’re bad to the core.”

“You must not have thought I was all bad if you decided I was worth all of this lesson learning.”

“That’s just it, Zeus. You’re not ready to learn these lessons.”

“I want to be.”

“You are so full of Kraken crap, Zeus. It’s another line to get into another pair of knickers.”

“What if I swore on my godhood not to touch you that way?”

She snorted. “That would suck, as you so eloquently put it.”

“What about if I swore not to touch another female as long as you’ll have me?”

Abstinence narrowed her eyes. “What about other males? Hera told me about your “special massages”.” She made finger quotes in the air.

“Abi, I have to eat.”

“Yeah, you’re like an addict, only you’re addicted to your food. I have enough on my plate to deal with.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes any longer. “Don’t leave me, Abi.”

“Co-dependant much?” She realized how harsh it sounded after she’d spoken and Abstinence didn’t mean to be cruel, she didn’t want to hurt him, but she’d been mistaken to think any sort of interaction with Zeus could be anything but bad for her health.

Sure, he’d shown some moments where it looked like redemption was on the horizon, but she couldn’t spend her existence waiting for a moment that might never come. It would be bad for both of them.

“Label me with whatever you want. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only one who’s ever thought I was worth this. And you know what? It feels… I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t want it to stop.”

“You don’t want. You do want. You need. What about me, Zeus?”

“I don’t know. I figured you got something out of it to keep doing it.”

She sighed heavily. “I don’t. All I’m going to get is pain.”

“Please, Abi. Don’t give up on me. I’ll bear your curse or blessing; just don’t take yourself away from me.

Zeus, the King of the Gods, fell to his knees naked and vulnerable before the fledgling goddess and begged her to stay.

She closed her eyes against the onslaught of emotion rising inside of her. If anything was gluttony, this surely was. His need for her was intoxicating.

“Zeus, promise me about Hera and Hades and I’ll stay.”
What happened to go away and leave me alone? You idiot.

“Whatever you want, Abi. I promise.”

“Get back in the shower. You’re naked,” she said and tried to break the tension.

“You’ll be here when I get out, right?”

“I said I would. I won’t leave.” Why had she agreed to this? It was madness, pure and simple. Abstinence was sure she’d regret it. Especially when he spoke again.

“You won’t regret this, Abi. I swear it.”

Of course she would. In her experience, whenever a person promised you wouldn’t regret something you’d agreed to against your better judgment, the explosion of the crash and burn was always nuclear.

PERSEPHONE

Persephone hadn’t seen hide or hair of any of the people who were supposed to be her support system. Her mother was uncharacteristically absent and at first, Persephone had been thrilled. She didn’t know what had changed, but the fact Demeter was leaving her to her own devices had her jazzed. Until she needed some motherly guidance and she was nowhere to be found.

Eros wasn’t answering his phone either, so she assumed they were together and she couldn’t begrudge either of them spending all their time together. They’d both been alone for so long and Eros had loved her mother since she could remember him speaking of such things.

Thanatos wasn’t answering his phone and neither was Hades. Was it a conspiracy to take away everyone who meant something to her?