Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One) (3 page)

Finally, she heard Bob moving outsid
e the door. She heard him try the latch. Holding her breath, she watched the latch move up and down as he jerked trying to get the door open. In a trembling voice she screamed, “Mr. Lewis, I have a musket and I am not afraid to use it! Leave my home now!” 

In a v
oice full of anger, he shouted through the door, “Now Kate, I will not give up. You may have won today, but there will be another day. You can’t stay locked up in your cabin forever. I will give you a couple of days to think about your situation. Like I said, I am proposing marriage. I have a lot to offer. Most women would jump at the chance to marry me. Think about your options.” 

Kate’s unl
adylike snort filled the room. She couldn’t think of one woman she knew who would want to marry the likes of him. The only person who thought he was a prime catch was Bob Lewis. She shouted through the door, “Leave and don’t come back!”

She let out the breath she had been holding when she heard t
he pounding of hooves as Bob’s horse galloped out of her yard. “I hope you have one hell of a headache!” She shouted at the door. 

She let the musket fall to the f
loor, and sat down hard on the large, oval rug that covered most of the floor. Funny, she never noticed the frayed edges until now.

The back of her throat burned
as she fought back the tears. Giving in to her feelings, she began to weep. She cried for her parents, her brother, and lastly her grandmother. She cried because she was all alone with no hope of fighting someone as powerful and strong as Bob Lewis. She had to think of something. She couldn’t marry him. She would not marry him. 

She
cried until she had no more tears. Gloom and doom took over, and she had to force herself to get off the floor. Weak knees barely supported her body. She walked to the bedroom she had shared with her grandmother. She sank onto the bed as memories of how happy her life had been before the war assailed her. So much had changed.

T
he small daguerreotype of her brother sitting on the scarred table caught her attention. Kate calmed as she thought of how handsome he looked in his uniform. Only fifteen when he sat for the daguerreotype, his life had only just begun. The grey short jacket and trousers made of wool made him look so much older than his fifteen years. His grey cap covered his dark, curly hair. The rifle musket that had just saved her from Bob Lewis stood by his side.

She
missed her brother terribly. If he were still alive, he would protect her. She thought about how much they had looked alike. The only difference, he was taller and thicker than her. 

Th
at is when the idea came to her. For the first time she felt hope. She sat up and smiled. It might be crazy, but just maybe it would work. She could join the war for the South. She looked so much like Jake. All she needed was to alter Jake’s uniform to fit her properly. She knew she had to do something to get out of this dilemma. It could even mean death, but she would rather die than spend a life with Bob Lewis. She felt better knowing that she had a plan to get away from him.

She dried her tears
, squared her shoulders, and got to work. She stayed up late into the night painstakingly working on Jake’s uniform. She had to take it in several inches, and cut and hem the pants to fit her shorter frame. She finally tried it on and looked in the mirror. Her green eyes sparkled when she saw how well Jake’s uniform fit her body.

She wondered what she could
do to hide her ample breasts. They would definitely give her gender away. She found some old sheets, tore them into strips, and wrapped them around her breasts. Pulling them tight together, she tied the ends. It would take a while to get accustomed to the constricted cloth pressing against her breasts. But then she was willing to put up with the discomfort if it would save her from an unhappy life spent with a madman.

She slipped back into her shirt
and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The strips flattened her breasts making her chest look as if she had the chest of a young boy. There was one more thing she must do. She dreaded cutting her long, thick, brown hair, but it was her only alternative. Her hair was beautiful, and flowed in waves down her back. Her hair was her best feature. Wrapping a wavy curl around her finger she whispered, “You’re being vain, it will grow back.”

Kate lifted th
e scissors to her hair and cut. The first lock of hair fell to the floor. She thought of her dad. He had always complimented her on her thick hair. She faltered before cutting off the next lock. Her hands began to tremble and she thought she would retch. She continued until all her hair lay in a heap on the floor at her feet. She looked in the mirror at her reflection. The short locks curled on top of her head. Tilting her head from side to side, she whispered, “It’s not so bad.” No one would be able to tell she was female. She looked like a smaller version of her twin brother, Jake. She swept up the long locks and buried them in the back yard. No doubt Bob Lewis would return and it was best not to leave one shred of evidence behind.

All
of Kate’s energy was drained. She lay on the bed and drifted off to sleep thinking of happier times when her family was alive and together.

****

Bob Lewis lay in his bed thinking of Kate. She should be honored to have a man of his standing interested in her. It was not like men were beating down her door offering to marry her. Hell, there were no men. They were all off fighting in the war. The only men left were the ones at the wake and they were all too old for her.

He touched the bump
on his head and couldn’t believe she had gotten the best of him. She had a rebellious nature. He would be better prepared next time and not let his guard down.

J
ust thinking about her soft mouth got him aroused. Her breasts felt perfect in his hands. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted a woman in his life. He wanted to touch her body every night, to feel the lushness beneath his fingertips. At first she might fight, but he was sure he could force her to succumb. Maybe all she needed was a few days to think about her situation. She didn’t have any other option but to marry him.

The longer he thought a
bout Kate the harder he became. He bounded off the bed, opened the door, and bellowed, “Tilley, get up here this instant!”

Five minutes later, Tilley stood in the doorway ringing her hands in fear. “You called me, Master?” Big chocolate, brown eyes peered at him.

“It’s about time, took you long enough.” He unbuttoned his shirt. “Take your clothes off.”

“Please, Master, don’t make me lay with you again. It’s broad daylight outside
, and I’ve got work to do.” A tear slipped over her tawny cheek.

“Let’s get something straight. I’m the master and you do what I say.” He unbuckled his pants and they fell to his ankles. “
In time you will accept your fate.” In a more forceful voice, he snapped, “Shut the damn door and get undressed!”

With a trembling hand,
she closed the door, tears glistening in her eyes.

Chapter Two

The next morning Kate rose early. She slipped into her Confederate uniform, ate a meager meal, and crammed the few things she was taking with her into Jake’s pack. At least her appetite seemed to be returning. Now that she had a plan, things didn’t seem so hopeless.

Moving throug
h the cabin, she lovingly touched all the homemade furniture her father had built out of spare lumber. It wasn’t like she wasn’t coming back. After a few years Bob would lose interest in her and she could return.

Time was wasting and she needed to leave before Mr. Lewis came back
. She looked at it as an adventure. She would meet new people, see new places. There was a whole world out there beyond Durham.

T
he musket felt cold as she lifted it from its place over the fireplace, then walked toward the front door. She turned and looked at the home she had shared with her family committing it to memory. The home her mother and father had built with their own two hands. Butterflies moved in her stomach as she thought of leaving the only home she had ever known. Why did Bob Lewis have to ruin everything? She hated him for forcing her to leave her comfortable home. 

Kate had a long walk ahead of her and knew she should get m
oving. Frost covered the porch and surrounding trees. Even though it was spring, the mornings were still pretty cool causing her to shiver. She pulled Jake’s jacket tight against her trying to ward off the nippy air. It was six miles to Durham so she trudged on not wanting to miss the noon train. 

Kate topped
the hill above the little farm. One last time her eyes roamed over her home. The charred remains were all that was left of the barn. A pain swept through her whole body as she remembered the worst day of her life. Jake had only been gone a year when lightning struck the barn causing it to catch fire. The flames were so intense they looked as if they were licking the sky. A fire that killed both her parents, Daniel and Mary.

Seconds
passed before she focused on something other than the charred pile of rubble. Everything had a white sheen from the covering of frost. The vines of the wild roses that wrapped themselves along the rails of the front porch were a few weeks from blooming. The fiery pink of sunrise cast a glow over the land. In the pearly dawn the farm was a peaceful scene, and she felt melancholy to leave it. Yet, she had no other choice because of Bob Lewis. Her revulsion of marriage to him gave her courage. She wanted a man that made her feel special, not frightened. She longed for the love that her mother and father had for each other. She wanted true love.

****

Durham had grown since the last time Kate had been into town. When her parents were alive, she enjoyed coming to town to shop for supplies for their small farm. Those were better times. After her parent’s death there was not enough money to do something as frivolous as shopping. What little money Kate and her grandmother had, they spent on food and necessities. 

The streets were mostly deserted because m
ost of the men had gone to war. Hat pulled low over her head, she kept her face hidden just in case she ran into someone she knew. She walked to the train station to buy a ticket.

“How much for a ticket to Richmond, Virginia?” Kate asked trying to make her voice sound deep
. Jake had served in North Carolina during his time in the war. She hoped if she went to Richmond no one would know Jake or her. If she tried to stay in this area, she might be recognized and sent back home.

He
r mother had lived in Richmond before she married her father. She had described the beauty of the plantations and rolling hills. When her mother talked of her life on a wealthy plantation, Kate could tell she missed her home.   

The short, fat man behin
d the counter looked her over. He answered, “One dollar and twenty cents, young man.”

She fished into her pocket and
pulled out all the money she had left in the world, which wasn’t much. She counted out the money and handed it to the man.

“Where have you been fighting, young man?” questioned the ticket seller.

Voice calm, she answered, “No where yet. I’m headed to Appomattox to sign up now.”

“When I saw the worn uniform
, I thought you were already fighting.”

The c
olor drained from her face. Nervous because of his questions, she told him she was anxious to leave and quickly scurried out the door. She would have to become accustomed to answering questions. If she let her fears show someone would get suspicious.

It seemed an eternity before the train was ready to leave with Kate seated and feeling a little apprehensive
about what lay ahead of her. The man at the train station believed she was a man, so maybe she could fool everyone else.

The train sped along while Kate tried to take i
n as much scenery as she could. She had never been farther than Durham. The young man sitting beside her told her that it was about one hundred and twenty miles to Richmond. The countryside was beautiful, rolling hills, green pastures, and thick forests of huge trees. The war had not touched this area.

Bone chilling accounts of all the land where blood
oozed into the ground from all the dead bodies had been discussed at church. Members of her congregation told stories about land destroyed from all the cannon fire. Even Jake had conveyed so much to her about the terrible war. Maybe she wouldn’t have to fight. There had to be other jobs in camp, like cooking, or helping in the infirmary. Since she could read and write, maybe she could even be an officer’s aide. She hoped she could find something that would make her inconspicuous as possible so she would not draw much attention.     

The speeding train traveling quickly over the terrain, made Kate feel more alive than she had in a
long time. She was doing what most young girls would never be brave, or crazy enough to do. She was proud of her bravado.

****

Bob rode his huge roan into Kate’s yard at a slow pace. He did not want a repeat performance of his last encounter with her. No doubt she would shoot him if he gave her half the chance. Perhaps she had calmed down and thought about her circumstances. He was offering her a wonderful life. 

As he
stepped onto the porch, a board creaked. His eyes studied the front window but he didn’t see Kate. He knocked softly on the door. When he did not hear her footsteps on the plank floor, he knew something was not normal. He lifted the latch on the door and found it unlocked. With caution, he pushed it open, and peered inside. The house was as silent as a tomb.

Hesitating for a minute, he
hoped Kate was not concealed somewhere waiting to shoot him. He searched the little cabin but she was not there. So she thought she could escape him. He would find her if he had to search the world over. She would not get away from him that easy.

He
mounted his horse and galloped back to his plantation as fast as his horse could carry him. Uncontrollable rage ravaged through his veins. When he arrived back at his plantation, he sent one of his field slaves with a message to deliver to a Pinkerton detective that had worked for him in the past. He would find Kate no matter where she had gone. A young, beautiful girl like her should be easy to find, especially since she did not have many options without family support.

While Bob waited for the Pinkerton to arrive
, he knew he had to do something about his temper so he could think rationally. He needed something to get his mind off Kate. He opened his door, stepped onto the landing, leaned over the banister, and yelled, “Tilley get up here right now!”

Watching from the landing, he saw
her slink into the foyer below. Huge, frightened eyes looked up at him. “Did you need something, Master?

“Yes, I need you to come to my room.” With slow, small steps, she began to climb the stairs. Her hand gripped the banister so tight, her knuckles were white. Her fear made him feel powerful.
She detested his touches, but that also brought him a sense of control. There were always tears when he had sex with her. In time that would stop. She would come to the realization that he was her master and she would do what he told her. In a couple of weeks she would know what he liked and do the sexual acts without him having to coax her.  

Tilley whispered
when she stood only a foot from him, “Please, Master, don’t touch me.” Eyes downcast she wouldn’t look him in the eye.

Bob closed the distance between them. He placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face. Huge doe eyes stared
at him. “Come to my bed and pleasure me, Tilley.”

Even though she wanted to defy him, s
he obediently followed him into his room and shut the door behind her. Bob took great pleasure knowing she had no other choice but to do as he ordered.

****

Kate stepped off the train to the hustle and bustle of Richmond, Virginia. She walked down the street taking in all the buildings; dress shops, restaurants, and businesses. She wished she had time to see more of Richmond but felt she should not dally and needed to find a place to enlist.

Gra
y uniformed soldiers dotted the streets. She was a little intimidated by all the uniformed men walking around town. No one seemed to notice her so she began to relax. Kate stopped a soldier on the street and asked, “How do I get to the nearest infantry camp?” 

“Go to the courthouse and th
ey will see you get to a camp.” Now that she had directions, off she went.

A wagon was leaving for camp Kanway
, near Red Springs. Fifteen other recruits, headed to join up sat in the back of the wagon so she climbed aboard, and took her place amongst them. Keeping her cap pulled low, she talked as little as possible. She did not want to draw attention to herself. All the other recruits thought she was shy. No one suspected a woman was sitting in their midst.

After two days of traveling, the wago
n arrived at the infantry camp. Kate stood back to take in the sights and sounds of a bustling Confederate camp. The camp was a buzz of activity. Some men practiced marching and drills. There were men cleaning guns, some washing uniforms. She had never seen such a multitude of men in one place in her life.

White dog tents dotted the g
rounds as far as she could see. She never realized there were this many men in the world. Some were still just boys, maybe fourteen, or fifteen. Some were older, maybe, as old as fifty.

Someone finally noticed her
, and pointed her to the center of camp where the new recruits were to gather. Laying down her pack, Kate lined up with the other young men. A tall, handsome man with thick black, curly hair stepped in front of the group of men. Firm muscles rippled under his uniform and she could tell his body was magnificent. The bluest eyes she had ever seen scanned the group of men. He cut a find dashing figure in his gray uniform. Suddenly Kate realized she was openly staring at him. Never feeling lust before, she was shocked. She had never been attracted to anyone until she laid eyes on this perfect man. In fact she couldn’t take her eyes off him. 

“I’m Captain David Harris. We will whip you boys into shape
and get you ready for battle. We only have a couple of weeks before you will be on the battlefield so we have a lot of work ahead of us.”

The tall man
stopped right in front of her. He looked her up and down. Kate’s stomach began to roil, frightened he would know she was a female, she began to tremble.

Captain Harris tried to look into her e
yes but she kept them downcast. “What’s your name, on?” 

She took a deep breath and
tried to talk as deep as she could. “Jake Monroe, Sir.”

A black eyebrow arched as he
ordered, “You should look the officers in the eye when you are being spoken to soldier.” Kate peered into Captain Harris’ eyes and saw the amusement. He chuckled, “How old are you, Private Monroe?”

“Seventeen, Sir.”
She felt the color leave her face, she was so nervous.

“Son, you don’t ha
ve any peach fuzz on your face. You don’t look old enough to be off your mama’s tit.” The other men began to laugh.

The urge to
run away and hide was strong, but that was not possible. To keep everyone from being suspicious, she stood her ground. She could feel her face turning red. Glad when Captain Harris moved on to check out the rest of his recruits, some of the tension lifted.

After standing in one place for more than an hour, Kate felt better when
formation was over. A sergeant showed her and the other privates to their tents.

She dropped her things onto the tiny cot she assumed was hers. The other cot had a body in it. She sat on the cot and wondered what she should do now.
Minutes passed as she fidgeted trying to get comfortable.

The young man
sleeping in the cot sat up and rubbed his eyes. Not wearing a shirt, his white chest showed when the sheet fell away. Kate’s first impulse was to turn away, and then she remembered she was suppose to be a man and shouldn’t feel ashamed when she saw a male chest. “Hi, I’m Jake Monroe,” Kate stood and held out her hand to shake the young man’s hand.