Desperado: Deep in the Heart, Book 2 (35 page)

“Isn’t that what you wanted, Stormy?” Sun asked.

“Yes, it is.” She opened her eyes. “We were only together because of the baby.” Then she burst into full-blown crying she couldn’t stop.

Sun and Moon leapt to comfort her, but it wasn’t the same as Cody. She wanted him so much, but all the while she’d been spinning the fantasy, she’d known it would come unwound sooner or later.

And when the nurse came in a little while later with something to help her sleep, Stormy took it just so she could forget about everything a little bit longer.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“I don’t know, Cody,” Annie said, the next day while they stood around in her kitchen. Her belly was getting bigger every day, to the point where he wondered how comfortable she was, and how much farther she could stretch. “Maybe you came home too soon.”

He sighed, pushing his hat back on his head. It was a relief to unburden his soul to this woman who had known him for so long. “I didn’t know what else I could do. Stormy didn’t want me there, and I thought if I left and she could be with her family, she might recover better.”

“I know.” Annie turned to stir something in a pot. “Well, you can call her in a few days, I guess.”

“I guess.” He wasn’t sure what the protocol was at this point. What could he say to a woman who had suffered the loss of her child—their child? She was experiencing so many different emotions and he wasn’t sure how he fit into her feelings anymore. “I was all set to marry her.”

“Oh, Cody!” For a moment, Annie’s expression was shocked, then she smiled sadly as she threw her arms around his neck. “Are you going to?” she asked, stepping back to look at him.

“That’s the part that has me confused.” He turned a chair so that he could straddle it. “It all came about because of the baby. She was having my child, so of course I was going to marry her.”

“And now?”

“Well, now there’s no child.” He scratched at the back of his neck uncomfortably. “And since she’d already told me no when she was carrying my child, it makes me kinda think the answer is a flat hell-no now that…” He broke off his words. It was too hard to say that there was no child.

“I’m so sorry, Cody.” Annie’s blue eyes sparkled with compassion and sympathy. “I wish she’d, I mean, I don’t want to sound critical of Stormy, but I do wish she’d talked to you sooner so she would have gotten proper prenatal care.” A heavy sigh escaped her. “I feel so bad. I’d like to write her, or call her, but I guess now is not the time. There’s not much I can say, except that I’m sorry.” She reached out to touch his shoulder. “I’m sorry for both of you.”

“I know. I am, too.” He touched her hand briefly. “Thanks.”

Annie stood before him, round and blossoming with her pregnancy, following doctor’s orders and resting as she should. He thought about Stormy, heedlessly making up blood types as she went along and planning trips to foreign countries, and he felt a sad anger stir within him. She should have known better. But that was the same way he’d felt about her in the beginning. She was headstrong and impulsive. Trying so hard to be independent that she actually caused herself problems by not leaning on anyone else.

He loved her. He wanted her to lean on him.

“Well,” he said conversationally, so the heartache wouldn’t be revealed in his voice, “guess I’ll mosey on home.”

“Sure you won’t stay for supper? I’ve got plenty extra.”

He shook his head, his boots loud on the tile floor as he left the kitchen. “No, thanks. I’ve bent your ear long enough. Tell Zach ‘hi’ for me.”

“I will.” Annie walked out onto the porch behind him.

Turning, he suddenly stared at Annie, remembering that he hadn’t inquired about his niece. The miscarriage had bothered him so much he’d needed to talk to someone who would listen and understand his sorrow. “Where’s Mary?”

“Over at a friend’s house. She missed you while you were gone.”

“She still got the acting bug?”

“A little. Mostly she talks about the new baby sister who’s on the way.”

That caught his attention. “Girl, huh?”

“Yes.” Annie’s smile was radiant.

“Well. Bet that did tickle Mary.”

“Yes. She said her uncle would have another little girl to spoil.”

Quick stinging tears jumped into his eyes. “Sounds good to me.”
But I won’t have my own child to spoil, much as I’ll love this new niece of mine.

“You know how much Mary loves her favorite uncle.”

“Only uncle,” he said gruffly, getting into his truck. “Even though I wouldn’t take her to California?”

Annie laughed. “Mary doesn’t hold a grudge. I think she decided she needed to finish out this school year and then she’d hound you again about going.”

He started the engine. “A lot can happen between now and then. I could change my mind. Could be I don’t.” Wiping his chin thoughtfully against his shoulder, he said, “You know, I just can’t see her parading around in Hollywood, wearing a bunch of makeup, and playing make-believe.”

“You just don’t want her to.” Annie reached in the window to playfully pull his hat down over his eyes. “To retain favored uncle status, you may have to be a little more broad-minded.”

Pushing his hat back up, he stared at her belligerently.

“Or maybe not.”

Annie shook her head at his stubbornness. “Cody Aguillar, you can’t keep her a child forever.”

“You’re her mother. You’re supposed to.”

“Do you realize I married your brother when I was only a few years older than Mary?” Annie’s expression turned serious.

The cold water of forgotten memories washed over him. “I’d forgotten that,” he whispered. His brother had just finished high school. They’d been a young couple. Carlos had married Annie and immediately started working her farm, trying to bring it around, even though he’d always been more of a student than a sodbuster. As a younger brother, Cody had wondered why his brother, the person he looked up to with admiring, proud eyes, didn’t continue with his scholarship to pursue a dream he loved. Instead, he’d turned to making a success out of a dusty, hundred-acre, barely productive farm.

He’d done it because he’d fallen in love with Annie. And Cody knew that Carlos had never looked back on his decision. A tractor might have ended his life, but Cody knew that if his big brother were here today, he would tell him that he would do it all over again the same way. And if Carlos could give him the advice he’d been looking to Annie for, his brother would say that being in love took some changing. Maybe going in a different direction than he’d planned on.

Overhead, the clouds parted and the sun beamed down directly on the front of his truck. Cody ignored the chill bumps sticking up on his skin. “Well, I’m not ready to get Mary married off yet,” he replied.

“I know you’re not. I’m just saying that she’s growing up. One day, we’re going to have to let her go.”

He nodded briskly and put the truck in reverse. He’d let Stormy go, and he hoped that was the right thing to do. He wasn’t sure. “Have ladybug call me when she gets home.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to tell her that I missed my girl while I was gone. And that maybe, just maybe, but I’m not making any promises—and if she makes good grades all year and doesn’t get into any scrapes
and
keeps being such a help to her mom—I might, hear me,
might,
be persuaded to take her to California to have a look-see on some…some of those audition things.”

“Oh, Cody.” Annie leaned in the window to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You are a good man.”

“Yeah, well. You’ll be busy with the new baby, and—heck. I can’t believe I’m actually saying I might willingly take my niece to the land of make-believe.”

She laughed. “This will elevate you to sainthood as far as Mary’s concerned.”

“I’m no saint.” He shook his head and began backing the truck down the dirt road. “But if Mary’s got this dream she thinks she’s just got to go after, then I’d better see what I can do to help.” He touched a finger to his hat and drove off quickly, before the tears he felt building at the back of his eyes could spill. It was the least he could do for his brother’s child. Carlos had known about dreams, and if his daughter had one, then it was up to Cody to help her. He sighed, his heart bruised and sore, his emotions as dry as an overworked well. He hadn’t known he had a dream—until he’d lost his baby.

The price of losing a dream was a pain he didn’t want his niece to suffer. She’d already lost enough when her father died.

My brother. I loved my brother more than anything. I didn’t know he’d been gone so long.
Fresh tears pressured Cody’s eyes, though he refused to release them.

And now my own child is gone.

Stormy sat in her dark apartment alone. She’d sent her parents home and pulled the curtains so the sun couldn’t bring its light inside. It was almost too much to bear, losing everything at once. And she had no one to blame but herself. She had some pills for anxiety the doctor had given her, with a referral to a psychiatrist he wanted her to see, as well as her regular obstetrician for a follow-up examination. The hospital physician had been seriously concerned about depression overtaking her.

She blinked away tears, then allowed herself to weep unashamedly. There was no one here to see, after all. She was completely on her own now.

She wanted a pill. It would be best to take one, so that she could sleep. If she was unconscious, she wouldn’t have to suffer. She thought about Rip Van Winkle, who’d slept for so many years that when he awakened everything had changed. It was a tantalizing picture. Could she outsleep the pain? Would she wake up refreshed and full of vitality, instead of feeling this terrifyingly empty sensation that filled every part of her body and made her so tired? So unable to fight?

Maybe a hot bath to soothe her. Or maybe a cool shower to wake her up.

She was too overwhelmed to make a decision. Clutching a tissue, she fell asleep on the sofa, her body curled into a tight ball of misery.

“Stormy! Stormy!”

She forced her eyes open at the sound of Jonathan’s voice outside her apartment door. “Just a minute!” she called. With one hand, she pushed her hair out of her eyes and went to let him in.

“Are you all right?” He took in her disheveled appearance at a glance as he walked inside. “I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”

Perplexed, she glanced at the phone. “I didn’t hear the phone ring.” It was in its usual place in the small den.

He checked to see if the ringer was on. “Maybe I dialed the wrong number.”

Of course he hadn’t. Jonathan had known her phone number by memory for years. Stormy nodded at his attempt at an explanation and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for him to take one of the stuffed chairs.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.” He stared at her uncomfortably. “I’m sorry about the baby, Stormy. Your folks told me what happened.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, too. I wish I hadn’t been so irresponsible about my pregnancy. I wish I…” Her voice trailed off. It wasn’t right to say that she wished she’d told Cody from the beginning. “Hadn’t lost the baby,” she finished, and glanced away from Jonathan.

He leaned back in the chair, obviously trying to make himself comfortable when he wasn’t. Stormy knew she looked like a mess, but she didn’t care. It was too difficult to worry about anything. All she could think about was how much she’d fouled up her life. And how she had lost any chance of Cody loving her by trying so hard to make sure he loved her by the standards she’d set. Her stubbornness had cost them both.

“Where’s all that stuff you bought?” Jonathan glanced around the room.

The packages and bags that Cody and she had heaped on the floor were gone. She had not even looked for them because she knew seeing the baby clothes would make her start crying again. Astonished, Stormy got to her feet. “They were here when I…went to the hospital.” She hadn’t put anything away, preferring to spend her time with Cody making love. Her heart tightened at the memory of their moments together. It had felt so right being with him.

On the kitchen bar she found a note written in Cody’s strong hand.

Dear Stormy,

I took the baby things back to the store and returned them on your credit card. I hope you won’t mind, but I didn’t want you to have to do it.

Cody.

She glanced over the note at Jonathan, her eyes wide with unshed, sudden tears. She’d never met a man who tried to protect her the way Cody did. Jonathan was a wonderful friend, his love for her fatherly. He didn’t have the emotional connection to see inside her heart the way Cody did. For the first time, Stormy became totally aware of his feelings for her. It was true that actions spoke louder than words. Cody might not express his emotions the way she felt she had to hear them, but he’d been strongly committed to her and the baby.

“Nice of him,” Jonathan said.

“It was,” Stormy agreed softly. “I probably wouldn’t have taken anything back. It would have made me miserable to do it. I’m sure that I would have just buried everything in a dark closet and never opened it again.”