Desired and Dominated (48 page)

When the music fades, and the spell is broken, Simon takes to the stage.

“Hey everyone. I just wanted to take a few moments of your time to honor the woman we’re all here for tonight. My baby sister.” She makes her way through the crowd, burying her head against my chest as tears well in her eyes. “Sofia is without a doubt, one of the strongest women I know. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and I know that she will do amazing things at the Joffrey Ballet. They’ll be lucky to have you, Sof, and I’m so happy for you, but I’m also really going to miss you. I know we’ve had our differences, especially about your taste in men.” The crowd gives a collective chuckle, and for some of them, a knowing nod. “I never thought that any man would be good enough for you, and when Nate came to me, telling me that he was in love with you…well, I punched him in the face…on several occasions.” Sofia shakes her head, laughing and crying at the same time. “I wasted a lot of time being angry and ignorant, and just plain wrong about you two. Standing here tonight, celebrating your impending adventures, it’s clear to me that you
did
make the right choice when it came to Nate. Any man that puts the needs of my sister above his own, and loves her enough to let her go…is worthy of her love. I’m sorry that it took me so long to see it, but better late than never, right? Nate, you’ve always been like a brother to me, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for Sofia over the past year. You’ve been there for her in the good and the bad, stuck by her when most men couldn’t handle the pressure. I’ve watched her turn into this formidable, confident, amazing woman while she’s been with you, and I just want to thank you. You’ve given me back my sister. The one I used to play hide and seek with as a kid. The one who used to jump on my bed on Christmas morning to tell me Santa had been.” I can see he’s struggling to hold it together. Sofia is a mess in my arms at this point, and I’m not far behind, my throat burning from holding it all in. “So thank you. I love you, bro. And, Sof, no matter how far apart we are, you will always be my baby sister, and I will always be here for you. Ti amerò sempre. Everyone, please raise your glasses, to an amazing sister, daughter, aunt and friend – Sofia.”

I hold tight as she crumples in my arms, her body shaking as she sobs uncontrollably. I want to tell her that it’s all going to be okay, that it will get easier, but I can’t even speak. I just cling to her, battling my own grief; staving off the overwhelming emotions that are fighting their way to the surface. I have to keep it together until she leaves. I can’t and I won’t make this any harder on her.

Simon steps down off the stage and into Jess’s arms, obviously upset, but trying to keep Sofia from seeing just how devastated he is. The DJ restarts the music with something a little slower, the tone of the party calling for something more sedate. ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran comes over the speakers, and I can’t imagine there being a more perfect song for us to share a last dance together.

“Dance with me.” She doesn’t speak; she simply takes my hand and lets me lead her onto the dance floor, snaking her arms up around my neck, her head resting against my chest.

As we sway to the music, I find myself singing the words to her; a declaration of my undying love, but as the lyrics sink in, and the gravity of the situation hits home, I can’t…I can’t keep singing. It seems fitting, that we are right back where we started, so long ago. Dancing to a song that speaks volumes of my feelings for the girl in my arms. Knowing that I’ll need to let her go when the night is over. We’ve come full circle together. From a stolen first kiss, to a heart-breaking last.

“Take me home, Nate. Make love to me.”

I have no words, but she doesn’t need them. She knows how I feel, and as I take her hand in mine and lead her out of the club and back to my apartment, the air between us crackles with electricity; the unspoken promise of an unforgettable night together.

I didn’t sleep at all last night, and Sofia only succumbed to her own exhaustion three hours ago. I know that she wanted to stay awake, to spend every possible moment with me, but in the end, it was too overwhelming.

I thought our final night together would be frenzied, and fierce, but the reality was something so much more than that. When I brought her home from the party, we didn’t talk, we didn’t need to. I led her down the hallway of my apartment and into the playroom, our playroom. I watched as she stripped off her clothes, removing all barriers between us, before she did the same to me. It was slow, and sensual, and sexy as hell. I used every surface, every restraint, every toy in that room; teasing her, pleasing her, navigating that fine line between pleasure and pain with her, one last time. We made love, we fucked, we worshipped each other for hours, and it was the most amazing night of my life.

It was everything you could ever want in a goodbye, but I can’t believe it’s actually here. That it’s actually happening. We have to leave for the airport in five minutes, and I’m just not ready to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to the love of your life? Your reason for being?

I grab her suitcases and watch as she takes in everything around her, memorizing every little detail of my apartment, of what has been our home together for the past nine months. Everywhere I look, I see her; little touches that turned my house into a home. Things that will remind me of her. She wipes the tears from her eyes, leaves her key on the table by the door, and walks out, unable to look back, overcome with emotion.

It feels like a death march as we make our way to the car in silence, and the drive to the airport is so devastatingly quiet, Sofia clinging to my hand, her knuckles white with the force she’s exerting; me driving slower than I ever have, just delaying the inevitable. The mood is somber, a physical weight bearing down on us, around us, between us. I’ve never felt so helpless, and hopeless.

When we reach the airport, I park in the furthest away lot, giving myself every possible minute I can get with her. I keep her tucked under my arm, pressed close to my side as we slowly make our way into the terminal. I have to let her go to the desk for check in, and as I wait for her, my mind is racing to find any way out of this. Could I just leave my life behind, my business, all of the bands that depend on me for their livelihood? Could I be that selfish, and follow my heart to wherever Sofia is? Even if I could, it would take at least a year for me to get all of my affairs in order, and then what would I do? We’ve tried the long distance thing in the past, and it didn’t work. It almost tore us apart, and it almost killed Sofia. I couldn’t risk that again. I know she’s much stronger now, and she doesn’t need me the way she used to, but she deserves someone that can be there for her, and as much as it kills me to think of her with another Dom, I can’t expect her to wait around on the off chance that we could make it work in a year, maybe longer. She’s already put her life on hold in so many ways, over the years. Now is her time, to live life to the full, and only for herself.

I’m lost in my own thoughts when her hand brushes my arm. “That’s me checked in. They told me I need to go through to the gate now, they’re going to start boarding in twenty minutes.” Her voice is strained, her eyes welling with tears. “I thought I would have more time…that we would have more time. I’m not ready. I can’t do this.”

I clasp her delicate, flawless face in my hands, willing myself to remember every single detail of her exquisite features. The way her eyelashes kiss her cheeks when she blinks, the warm velvet brown of her eyes, the way her full pink lips twitch when I’m near. “Sofia, listen to me. You
can
do this. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ve been through so much, and you’re still one of the sweetest, most caring, giving, and loving people I’ve ever met. The way you feel everything with such intensity, isn’t a flaw or a weakness. It’s your greatest strength. Never forget that.”

“But what if the depression comes back? I’ll be alone, and what if I can’t cope?”

“Take a deep breath.” She does as I ask; my obedient submissive until the very end. “You know that depression is something that you might have to fight for the rest of your life. There are going to be highs and lows, and you have the tools to deal with it. That’s what we’ve been working towards all these months. You know that hurting yourself, or using, will never be the answer.” I lean in and give her the lightest of kisses before I continue. “And you won’t be alone, baby. You have Luca, and you have family there. You’ll make friends quickly, because to know you is to love you. And Sofia…it’s really important that you remember this…if you feel like you can’t cope, and that you have no one to turn to that understands…I will
always
be here for you. I will always love you, and no matter what happens, and how much time passes, in my heart, you will
always
be mine. You’re the love of my life, and you will forever be, my Nyx.”

She throws herself into my arms, crawling up my body as if she can somehow attach herself to me. “I don’t want this, Nate. I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with you.”

It takes every ounce of strength I have, not to agree with her. Not to walk out of here with her in my arms. “I know it feels like that now, but you need to remember how excited you felt when this opportunity was offered to you. It’s a once in a lifetime chance, and you have to take it.”

“You’re a once in a lifetime chance, Nate. We’re a once in a lifetime kind of love.”

She’s breaking my heart, and I will never recover. “I will never be a once in a lifetime chance for you, Sofia. You have my heart, today, tomorrow, forty years from now. It’s yours. I love you with everything that I have, and everything that I am, and that’s why I need to let you go. You need to do this, or you’ll always look back with regret, wondering what your life could have been like if you’d been brave enough to grab it with both hands.”

“I…but I love you.”

“I love you too.” I claim her lips one last time, pouring all of the love I feel for her, into this kiss. Our final goodbye. The taste of her lips and the feel of her tongue caressing my own, will forever be ingrained in my memory. “You’re going to miss your flight if you don’t go now.”

Her eyes are red, tears coursing down her cheeks as she struggles to gain composure. “I can’t walk away from you.”

“Then, I’ll do it for you. As much as I don’t want to. It will be the last thing I do for you as your Master. Turn around, and don’t look back. I’m going to leave now, and you are going to get on that plane, and go and start a new amazing life, full of all the happiness and love that you deserve. I’m so honored to have been your Dominant, Sofia Mantovani, but I need to let you go now. Goodbye, Nyx.” I give her one last kiss, one final embrace, before turning her to face the gate, and then, I do the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I put one foot in front of the other, and I walk away; her sobs echoing in my ears, her words ripping my heart open.

“I love you, Master Callaghan. I always have. I always will.”

I feel the distance growing between us, like a physical tether being stretched to its limit, before it finally snaps, and it’s gone. She’s gone, and my life destroyed. I am a man set adrift, lost and alone in a sea of thousands. Turning around, I torture myself with one last glimpse of her, and as I see her disappear around the corner into the departure gates, I can’t hold back anymore. I let all of the emotion I’ve been holding inside, come flooding out.

“Fuck!” My eyes are clouded with unshed tears, as I shove my way through the crowds. “What the fuck have I done?” I pick up the pace, fighting to outrun my desolation, feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden, and unable to catch my breath. When I finally burst through the doors, out into the fresh air, I struggle to draw breath, gasping to try and fill my lungs, and when it finally comes, it’s painful. Every inch of my body hurts. Craving her, needing her, wanting her so badly I feel like my heart has been torn from my chest. I need a way to release at least some of this all-consuming despair. I start punching the pillar in front of me, over and over until my knuckles bleed, shouting until my voice is hoarse. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“Nathaniel Callaghan. What the hell are you doing?”

I turn to face her, stunned and defeated. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I’m yelling to the heavens, to the universe, to give me a fucking break. She’s the last person I want to see.

“Well that’s a lovely way to greet your mother. The airport seems to be the only place I run into you these days. I see your temper is as…fierce as ever.” She’s staring down at my blood soaked hands, and that’s when it dawns on me. I’m not angry with her anymore.