Desire Me More (9 page)

“Forgive me,” he said quietly.

Placing one hand along his jaw, she waited for him to focus on her eyes. “I trust you, Nick. I just need to take this slow. You make me feel things that cause me a great deal of guilt.”

“There is nothing wrong with anything we do. Nothing to feel guilty about.”

“You'll think me a ninny, but I want to see you and look in your eyes when you want something new. I want to touch you. I feel bereft, having that sense taken away from me.”

His thumb lazily circled one of her wrists, drawing the numbness out. “I'll never bind you again.”

Amelia buried both her hands in his thick, black hair. “That's not what I want.”

“What do you want, then, Amelia? Don't you know I'll give you anything you ask?”

She bit her bottom lip. “I want to do everything with you. But I need to take this one step at a time. We are still learning about each other. The things you want, I would never have dreamed possible. I want to give you complete control, but I also want you to be honest with me. I want you to talk to me and reveal yourself to me, as I've shared myself with you. There's nothing you don't know about me. Nothing.”

Nick's thumb brushed back and forth over her lips.

“I won't taint you with my past.” One of his hands caressed the side of her face, and he kissed her tenderly on the mouth.

Neither closed their eyes; they watched each other, even as their lips brushed back and forth in a lazy loving.

“Not all of your past is dark . . . ” She was fishing for anything that would chase away the remnants of his dream, of his guilt for taking her in a way that she didn't think many indulged. And to her surprise, she'd do it a hundred times more. For the pleasure and to hand him the reins of control, if that was what he needed to pull back from the darkness.

He pushed off the bed and padded across the floor toward the bathing room, and for the second time that night, she followed him. The water in the tub was running as she entered. Nick retrieved a linen cloth from a cabinet and ran it under the water of the washing stand before wiping himself off. He was still hard, and his member bobbed when he released it and tossed the cloth over the porcelain sink.

The man was insatiable. She blushed and turned away.

“Cat got your tongue now?”

“You are changing the subject.”

“It's three in the morning, Amelia. The last thing I want to do is talk about my dreams when you're standing naked, like a feast yet to be tasted. Get in the bath.”

She crossed her arms over her middle, the motion plumping up her breasts. “And if I say no?”

“Then I'll happily assist. You're going to be sore. The hot water will help ease any lingering tenseness in your muscles.”

She already was feeling a little bruised, not that she'd admit that. “It's going to be difficult to bathe with you here to distract me.”

He smiled, and there was nothing innocent about the look her gave her. “I promise only to keep you company.”

She gave him a suspicious look and then finally dunked her toes into the hot water. It took her a while to ease in, but when she did, Nick pulled a stool over and washed her hair as she lazed in the water, feeling her muscles loosen the longer she soaked. It didn't escape her that Nick was still closing himself off from her. He couldn't continue doing so. Whatever they had between them wouldn't work if he couldn't he honest with her.

A
melia tapped her fingers along the edge of the velvet bench. Her hired carriage jostled along the uneven road, hitting quite a few bumps that required her to hold on to her seat intermittently.

She couldn't keep her mind from repeatedly wandering back to Nick and the fact that he hadn't roused her this morning so she could sneak back into her room undetected. It did not matter who had guessed they were sleeping in the same bed; what mattered was respecting her wishes that their relationship appear to be no more than professional.

After spending her morning feeling frustrated and ignored by Nick, she knew she needed to get out of the house for a while and focus on anything but matters of the heart. But here she was, thinking about him . . . again.

Amelia pulled the curtain aside to peek outside. The clouds rolling in promised quite a storm later this afternoon. She hoped to make it to Sera's before the skies opened up.

While Nick had invited Amelia to befriend his sister, she suspected he would not approve of what Amelia had in mind right now. Sera could provide information on Nick's past. Give Amelia the insight into what haunted him so thoroughly that he refused to open up to her. Desperation to understand why he was avoiding her drove her to do this, but it wasn't her sole reason for meeting Sera. She did miss having a friend in whom she could confide. And she had told Sera she wished to discuss the building of the new school.

After only twenty minutes of fretting, the carriage slowed and pulled up in front of a quaint two-story blond-brick townhouse. The front door was painted sage and had an oval section of stained glass in the upper half. Clay flowerpots lined the windows on either side of the door. The pots were empty, though, a testament to the coming winter season.

Amelia stepped out of the carriage, mustering her courage with a deep breath. The street on which Sera lived was quiet. Few people strolled by, but the appearance of those who did seemed to indicate this was a working-class neighborhood.

Before she could change her mind, Amelia tapped the knocker against the wood door. A rotund woman, an apron wrapped around her and a small mobcap covering her hair, opened the door.

“Good day, miss.”

“I have an appointment with Miss Riley. She's expecting me at four, but I'm afraid the carriage ride was quicker than anticipated.”

“Bella,” rang Sera's voice from inside. “Escort Miss Grant into the parlor.”

The housekeeper stood to the side so Amelia could enter. Amelia removed her gloves and shawl, which Bella took before leading her into a cozy room just off the front entrance. Sera stood on seeing Amelia and approached to take her hand in greeting. Sera didn't release Amelia's hand until she had led her over to a seating arrangement of red floral-chintz chairs.

The room was small but perfectly suited for two women catching up on news and gossip. There were four chairs that invited a guest to sink into them, with an ottoman sitting squarely between then. The walls were papered in a gold leaf and ivory-colored design all the way up to the wood-beamed ceiling.

“I apologize for arriving so early, but I had no idea where your address was in relation to Mr. Riley's residence. I thought I would be in the carriage a good deal longer.”

“Nonsense. Your timing is impeccable. Bella just brought in the tea service.”

Amelia breathed a sigh of relief on the casualness with which Sera handled the change of plans.

Sera placed two teacups on the trolley and filled them. “What do you take, Miss Grant?”

“I drink it black.”

Sera handed Amelia the teacup and saucer.

Amelia inhaled the black tea and felt suddenly recharged. “Mr. Riley suggested I help with the school, once the purchase of Caldon Manor is settled. As my note this morning indicated, I am willing to assist in any capacity.” Amelia sat in the chair closest to the fireplace, absorbing the warmth, feeling a bit silly for blurting out her plans.

Sera looked at her for a full minute, assessing her in the same uncanny way her brother did. “For some reason, I think you might have come for more than that reason alone.”

Amelia tucked a stray curl behind her ear as she met Sera's gaze. “It's been a long time since I could confide in anyone, Miss Riley.” She hadn't really had anyone she could trust, other than Nick and her father, for more years that she cared to admit. “Truthfully, I took a chance coming to London. I do not know anyone here, and have no extended family to speak of. I haven't had tea with another woman since I was a young girl.”

“If I might say so, coming to London on your own is an incredibly brave thing to do. I insist on being your first friend and companion.”

“Thank you, Miss Riley,” Amelia said, ducking her head as the warm infusion of a flush bloomed in her cheeks.

“And I insist that you address me by my Christian name.”

A smile lifted Amelia's lips. “And vice versa.”

“Absolutely, Amelia.”

“If you don't mind my curiosity, I wonder about the origins of your name, as it is uncommon in spelling.”

“It's short for Seraphina. My mother called me her little angel for the longest time. I asked her why she would call me that when I caused trouble, and she told me that I was the brightest thing to come into her life and that my name was a sacred order of angels for only the most special people.”

“Whenever you and your brother mention your mother, it's with the highest regard and with the most beautiful of stories.”

“She was a wonderful woman and an adoring mother. Now, tell me what brought you to my house today.”

“In all honesty, I couldn't stop thinking about the school and its importance to the children who will use it. I want to be more involved, but I worry that the difficulties of the deal with Lord Murray will make that impossible. Mr. Riley and Lord Murray seem to see things differently.”

“My brother has always made calculated risks during his purchases. I don't think he has ever lost out on a deal about which he was so passionate. And if there is one thing that I can promise, it is that Nick is passionate about this deal.”

“He is; I won't argue you that. However, he immensely dislikes Lord Murray.”

Sera laughed uproariously. “Amelia, I hope you don't mind my pointing this out, but your experience seems insular, considering the length of time you've been employed by my brother. I should make it clear that he abhors more people than he admires.”

Amelia frowned at this revelation. Everyone she'd met, aside from Lord Murray and Shauley, seemed to be a friend of Nick's.

“Now you're thinking of anyone else he hates,” Sera suggested. “That's easy—anyone from whom he buys property. As I said, his risks and business interactions are deliberate.”

“What is his purpose, then?”

“Retribution. For my mother, for the life we lived when my mother died.”

“What does Lord Murray have to do with Mr. Riley's past?”

“Not Lord Murray.” Sera took a sip of her tea, watching Amelia curiously. Amelia felt as if she had asked too many questions. “He wants to crush Shauley, and the best way to do that is to make him look bad, to strip away the reputation he has built for himself.”

Amelia recalled the tense moment when Nick had sent her away upon discovering Shauley standing in his study. Now it all made sense. “I thought there was unusual tension between Mr. Shauley and Mr. Riley. You know Mr. Shauley, too, don't you?”

“I do. Our mothers were in the same profession. A laneway separated our homes.”

“In St. Giles? Nick . . . ” She'd been so caught up in the conversation that she'd forgotten to keep up the front of merely playing the role of secretary. Clearing her throat, she hoped Sera hadn't noted the slip of tongue. “Mr. Riley mentioned growing up in St. Giles.”

A smile played on Sera's lips, and Amelia wondered if she was thinking of the familiar way Amelia had addressed Nick. She must mind her tongue.

“If we are to be friends, Amelia, I would at least like the truth from you.”

Sera's question caught her off guard, and she sputtered out her tea. “I'm sorry.” She set the teacup down, not sure what to say. Not sure what kind of question Sera planned on asking and worrying her charade was up.

“You and my brother? I don't think I would have ever guessed, except he hired you without my having ever heard of you—and your familiarity. You realize what this means, don't you?”

“Please . . . ” Amelia didn't know how to change the direction of their conversation. And she doubted she could lie her way out of this. She'd been foolish to come here at all.

“Oh, you need say no more, Amelia. I will keep your secret.”

“Your brother and I haven't exactly come to an understanding, aside from the fact that I am his secretary and he my employer. Please don't make any more of my comments than that. The nature of your brother's ventures means that I work closely with him and sometimes at all hours of the day. I see why you would make an assumption.”

“So he hasn't been honest with you.”

“I'm not sure what you mean.” Amelia put her shoulders back, wishing more than anything she could slink away like a scolded dog. There was no one to blame but herself for allowing her secrets to be so easily read.

“I've scared you. I promised I wouldn't say anything. I won't even bring up the topic with Nick.”

“I did wish to discuss the school.”

“My brother will get that land from Lord Murray. I know him; I have seen the games of chance he plays, but mark my words—my brother always wins.”

“And when he does?”

Sera frowned into her teacup. “I haven't seen the manor house yet. My brother assures me it will have to be practically rebuilt from the bottom up, but he knows a good architect and advised me that I can meet with him just as soon as the deal is firm.”

“When do you suppose you will teach from Caldon Manor?”

“It won't be for another two years. But I need to do a lot in the meantime.”

“Is it something with which I can help? I genuinely want to be a part of this project.”

“I'd be very happy to have you assist me. I know Landon plans to take over the leases, along one of the main strips. I think six or seven properties come with the house; they are only halfway through their lease terms, which I believe is ninety-nine years. Landon is good for finding tenants who want to make something of where they live and work.”

“What do Lord Burley's buildings have to do with the manor?”

A wicked grin curved Sera's lips. “An incentive for families with a lot of children to move.”

Now Amelia understood. If they couldn't convince parents to let their children attend school outside London center, they needed to entice them to move and build a new life, if they were willing.

Nearly three hours had passed before they realized how much of the afternoon they had used in talking about plans for the school and for their future. Amelia hadn't realized that Sera planned to move into the house that was going to be built for her and situated near Caldon Manor. It was admirable that Nick was giving his sister her lifelong dream.

Amelia learned nothing else about Nick, which was just as well, as she hated to shine another light on just how close she and Nick truly were.

When it came time to part, Sera walked her out to her carriage. Rain had already washed through the city, and everything was damp in the early evening hour. Sera took her hand. “I haven't had this much fun spending time with another in ages. I would love to make this a Friday habit, if we could.”

“You honor me. I don't know if I will be able to get away every Friday, but we will make arrangements to see each other soon.”

Amelia climbed up into the carriage. Before she could shut the door, Sera stuck her head in. “I see why my brother has taken a liking to you. You are a wonderful person with a big heart. And I have to say that Nick has needed someone like you for far too long.”

Sera shut the door before Amelia could respond, and she was left with her thoughts, turning over the revelations during her conversation with Sera.