Denial (7 page)

Celeste
held
Amy
’s gaze. “We worked for days. The casualties were never-ending. I had never seen anything like it. The injuries were horrific.” She broke eye contact and shook her head. “We were only equipped for basic problems—dysentery, infectious bites, malaria, things like that. Anything more, the hospital in the city would treat.” She bit her bottom lip. “The militia made it a rule that anyone caught trying to leave the camp would be shot.” Her eyes closed. “But, people were terrified. Even knowing how dangerous it was, some people still tried to escape.” She frowned. “We were completely powerless to stop them from being hunted down and killed.” Her eyes darkened. “The soldiers weren’t good marksmen. Even close, they could still miss. And if they managed to wound someone, they wouldn’t waste bullets they’d just bayonet them to death.”

Amy
had seen news footage. Although appalled by what she saw, she realized there was no way she would ever comprehend what it was like to witness carnage like that firsthand. She looked at
Celeste
with new eyes. It must have been soul destroying watching the lives of people she was trying to save be so easily snuffed out.

“After a few days the militia went on a killing spree.”
Celeste
shook her head. “The day Felice was…killed, people were being shot all over the camp.” Anger flickered across her eyes. “It was a hopeless situation. We weren’t equipped to treat gunshot wounds. All we could do was gather up the casualties and have them flown to the hospital.
Celeste
’s eyes widened. “We were waiting for the helicopter to arrive, this young boy,” she shook her head, “couldn’t have been more than eight years old, ran toward us screaming for help. A soldier was chasing him. He was firing at him.”
Celeste
’s face tightened. “The boy ran toward Felice, ran straight into her arms, screaming for her to help him. It was only when the soldier saw an officer with us that he stopped.” Pain tinged
Celeste
’s tone. “But Felice and the boy were hit.”

Tears stung
Amy
’s eyes as images of this unknown woman, horrifically shot down flooded her mind.

“The helicopter had been shot at earlier, and couldn’t land.”
Celeste
swallowed. “Felice was in serious condition and we couldn’t treat her at the compound. We needed to get her to the hospital. But the roadblocks the militia had in place were a nightmare to negotiate. An army officer tried to get us through checkpoint after checkpoint. And I couldn’t do anything. I was in the back of the ambulance with Felice and the others.” A look of desolation crossed her face. “I did what I could but we weren’t equipped.” She closed her eyes. “When we eventually got through, it was too late.” Her voice cracked. “We lost her.” Her voice broke. “Amy…she fought so hard.”

Amy
pulled
Celeste
into her arms and hugged her.

Celeste
held
Amy
tightly.

Feeling her pain,
Amy
shuddered at the horror of such an impossible situation. She understood loss—her father’s death had devastated her—but losing someone like that. She could not comprehend what it must have felt like to watch someone you cared for die before your eyes. Feeling a wealth of compassion for
Celeste
,
Amy
cupped her face, and looked at her intently. “You’re safe here,” she whispered. “It’s okay to let go.”

Leaning her brow against
Amy
’s,
Celeste
caught her breath.

Aware she was probably one of a few people to see
Celeste
this vulnerable,
Amy
watched transfixed as tears slid down
Celeste
’s face. Unable to resist, she caught one with her thumb, and rubbed it between her fingers.

Celeste
leaned into
Amy and wept
. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes.

Grabbing a nearby rag,
Amy
gently dabbed
Celeste
’s cheeks. She kissed her cheek tenderly. “Release is good.”

Nodding,
Celeste
said, “It was…unexpected.”

Amy
whispered, “I know.”

They looked at each other.

Celeste
cleared her throat. “Thank you.” She looked at the painting, and changed the subject. “You can see my scar.”

Amy
glanced over her shoulder. “Yes.”

Aware that
Celeste
was vulnerable,
Amy
decided not to break contact. Turning in
Celeste
’s arms, she added, “Its good…your scar. I like it.”

Her arms hanging loosely around
Amy
,
Celeste
frowned.

Immediately embarrassed by how stupid the remark sounded,
Amy
added quickly, “I mean…I really like your scar because,” she tried to justify, “it…it adds depth.”

It was true,
Amy
did like
Celeste
’s scar. When she had sketched
Celeste
’s face, her hazel-green eyes were initially the dominant feature followed by her lips and cheekbones, but the small scar somehow, inadvertently, held center stage. Looking at the painting,
Amy
contemplated why she liked it. After a moment, she realized it was because it robbed
Celeste
’s face of perfection, and somehow that pleased her, as her artistic eye always found imperfection more appealing.

Arms tightening around
Amy
,
Celeste
whispered, “But, still, you’ve made me look so…so…” she seemed to struggle for words as she looked at the painting, “beautiful.”

Surprised
Celeste
would think anything less,
Amy
took a breath. “That’s because you are beautiful.” She turned her head to look at
Celeste
. “Very beautiful.”

Their eyes locked.

Amy thought about
how good it felt being in this woman’s arms and blushed.

“Thank you. It’s a wonderful surprise,”
Celeste said then
kissed the top of
Amy
’s head.

Amy
wanted to let
Celeste
know that it was good what they had just shared. “I’m glad you trusted me.”

Celeste
nodded slowly.

Watching
Celeste
,
Amy
focused on her generous mouth and full lips, then finally her eyes. Her lips parted slightly in surprise when
Celeste
bent her head, and kissed her cheek then her mouth. It was a gentle kiss, warm and sweet. One meant to communicate more affection than desire. One never designed to ignite the full-body hormone rush that exploded through
Amy
.

Eyes wide, lips tingling,
Amy
stared at
Celeste
. Completely overwhelmed by the unexpected intensity of her physical response, she whispered, “Did you feel that?”

Celeste
nodded slowly. She sucked in air. “Yes,” she answered huskily. “I did.” Moaning lightly, she pulled
Amy
to her.

Heat rose within
Amy
. Her senses exploded when
Celeste
encouraged a full-blown, open-mouthed kiss. Pressing her against the workbench, their mouths hot and demanding,
Celeste’s
hands moved urgently up
Amy
’s rib cage. Kissing her deeply, she lowered the straps of Amy’s dress.

Dress falling to her waist,
Amy
moaned when
Celeste
cupped then caressed her bare breasts. Unable to focus on anything but
Celeste
’s mouth and the incredible sensations exploding within her,
Amy
could do nothing but completely surrender.

Celeste
let
Amy
’s mouth go. Sucking gently, she bit down the length of her neck. Leaving a trail of moistness, she nibbled her way down then back up.

“Oh God,”
Amy
whispered, her hair falling to the side as she allowed
Celeste
access. She gasped when a deep growl escaped
Celeste
as she sucked on her neck.

Amy
’s groin clenched when
Celeste’s
hands worked on her very sensitive nipples. The more she caressed, the more
Amy
responded. Soon, her hips were undulating.

Moaning,
Celeste
pulled
Amy
’s dress up above her thighs. Pulling the silky briefs aside, she rubbed her fingers over Amy’s soaking clit.

Wrapping her arms around
Celeste
’s neck,
Amy
moved against her hand, groaning deeply.

Hissing out her breath,
Celeste
slid her fingers deep inside
Amy
as her mouth kissed a moist trail down Amy’s throat. Biting down on her neck, Celeste thrust into her.

The combination of the sharp pain and the feel of
Celeste
drove
Amy
’s hips forward. Crying out, her entire body flushed as she came.

The pleasure coursing through
Amy
faded. Coming down, she opened her eyes and looked at
Celeste
.

Slowly
the brunette
pulled away from her.

The cold air cutting across
Amy
’s nipples focused her mind. Looking down, her brain scrambled. Dazedly, she pushed herself away from the workbench.

Breathing hard,
Celeste
leaned against the wall.

Unnerved, body shaking,
Amy
fled the room.

Chapter 9

Rushing to her bedroom,
Amy
threw the door open and hurried in. Shaken to her core and feeling bewildered, she stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. She shook her hands to relieve the growing panic.

“
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmyfuckinggod
!”

Amy
looked at the door and realizing it was still open, rushed to it. Closing it, she leaned her full weight against it and felt for the key. Alarmed, she remembered it was on her dresser. Eyes widening, she realized she had never used the key before.

Quickly retrieving the key,
Amy
tried to put it into the lock but her hands were shaking violently and she dropped it several times before succeeding. Sighing heavily, she leaned against the locked door. Fixing her dress, the full force of what had happened hit her. Shame filled her and tears started to fall as she sobbed in disbelief.

“
Amy
, are you okay?”

Amy
could hear the worry in
Celeste
’s voice.

Celeste
repeated, “
Amy
, are you okay?”
 

Amy
stood frozen.

Celeste
knocked on the door. “
Amy
, please answer me.”

Amy
wiped tears away. “No, I’m not okay,
Celeste
. What happened is not okay!” She clenched her fists. “Okay!”

“
Amy
, I think we should talk. I—”

“I think it’s best you go,”
Amy
interrupted, wringing her hands together. “I don’t think any amount of talking can explain what just happened.”

Celeste
tried to turn the door handle.

Amy
yelled, “For God’s sake, didn’t you hear me?”
 

“
Amy
, I want you to try and stay calm, and take deep breaths.”

Amy
paced the room. She was angry and confused. She needed time alone to think.

“
Amy
?”

“How am I supposed to stay calm, when I’ve never done anything,”
Amy
stopped pacing and faced the door, “I mean absolutely anything like that before!”

A vivid replay of what had taken place ran through
Amy
’s mind. Clasping her cheeks, she tried to absorb the enormity of the situation.

“I know it’s a shock,
Amy
.” The door creaked as
Celeste
pressed against it. “It’s a shock for us both.” She paused. “But I’m sure if we talk, we can sort this out.”

Beginning to hyperventilate,
Amy
drew out her words. “We just had…
sex,
Celeste
! I don’t think anything you say can talk us out of that!” She stared at the door. “I can’t deal with this…you…right now!”

“
Amy
, open the door.”

Trying to regulate her breathing,
Amy
leaned against the wall closest to the door. “I don’t…want…you here. Okay? There’s…nothing…to say…right now. I can’t—” Amy’s breath came in short gasps, cutting off her words.

Standing outside
Amy
’s room,
Celeste
listened helplessly.

“
Amy
. Listen to me, take deep breaths.” Aware that
Amy
was going into shock,
Celeste
injected authority into her voice. “I’m happy not to talk just now.” She tried being persuasive. “But I don’t want to leave you like this. It’s clear you’re having an anxiety attack, and I have no idea if you have a history of this or if you have respiratory problems.” Her tone precise, she added, “
Amy
, I need to know you are not on any type of medication or suffer from any problems like asthma?”

No response.

Celeste
swallowed. Her own anxiety increasing, she tried again. “If you want me to go, I’ll leave. But only once I know you’re going to be okay.”
 

No response.

Her face pained and voice tight,
Celeste
leaned further into the door. “
Amy
, please. I need to know you’re going to be okay when I leave.”

After a long silence,
Amy
responded. “No…I don’t have a problem.” Still struggling, she forced out. “I know what to do. I’ll get a bag, and breathe into it.”
Celeste
heard her suck air in deeply. “I’ll be fine…as soon as you leave.”

Relief washed over
Celeste
. Leaning her head against the door, she responded gratefully, “Okay. I’m going downstairs to get my things, and then I’ll go.” She stroked the door. “It’ll take me just a few minutes, I promise.”

“Just go…please.”

Pushing off the door,
Celeste
made her way to the room she would have slept in. In the bedroom, she sat on the edge of the bed, holding her head, wondering why the hell she hadn’t seen this coming.

Rubbing her temples, she exhaled slowly and remembered the golf day with
Amy
. She thought about how aware she was of her, and that
something
that passed between them when she tucked
Amy
’s label away.

Celeste
looked at her fingers aware on that day they had tingled for a long time afterward. Shaking her head, she blinked several times understanding she wouldn’t have seen it coming because since Felice’s death she hadn’t been thinking clearly.

Standing, she looked at her watch, she didn’t want to leave
Amy
, but medical experience told her it was best. Picking up her hair band from the bedside cabinet, she caught her hair and tied it back. Realizing she was barefoot, she picked up her overnight bag, and hurriedly stuffed in items she had removed earlier. She threw it over her shoulder, and quickly made her way to the living room to retrieve her shoes.

On the street,
Celeste
called a cab. Not wanting
Amy
to look out the window and see her hanging around, she gave an address two blocks down. Walking, her thoughts turned for the first time to Josh.

“Josh!”

Celeste
’s hands covered her mouth. Stricken to the core, her heart thudded hard against her rib cage. Tonight’s events would directly impact her twin. The adrenaline coursing through her veins forced her to speed up.
Oh my God!
Her stomach churned. “Jesus, Josh,” she whispered. Her stomach lurched. “Sweet, beautiful, adorable Josh,” she muttered. Her stomach heaved. “How could I hurt him like this?” Her vision blurred when an image of her brother flashed through her mind.

Halting,
Celeste
placed a trembling hand against the nearest wall and, unable to control her physical reaction, threw up.

†

Amy
could hear a noise in the distance. It took a while, but finally, she realized a phone was ringing. Stirring, she looked at her watch, but couldn’t see it properly. Groaning, she squinted at the blurred numbers, which eventually came into a hazy focus and read seven thirty. She sat bolt upright, lurched forward, and frantically reached for the ringing phone.

“Hullo,” a gruff voice said at the other end.

“Hello, Mr. Dreyfuss,”
Amy
said, trying to hold back the panic in her voice as she realized that she had stood up her client. She ran a hand through her hair and pulled the bed sheets around her, then profusely apologized. She explained it was her bachelorette party the night before and it hadn’t ended as quickly as she hoped.

To
Amy
’s relief, her client showed some sympathy, and was happy to discuss the salient points of the project.

After the call ended,
Amy
stared blearily at the phone before slowly placing it back on its cradle. Sinking into the bed, she pulled the covers over her head and groaned. Throughout the entire conversation she was bombarded with flashbacks from the night before. To her utter humiliation, during the call, she knew for sure she had tutted in the all the wrong places. She was even sure she had said ‘shit’ once.

Oh God,
Amy
thought, he probably thinks I have Tourette’s. She groaned in despair. Covering her eyes with her arms, she whispered, “What have I done?”

The sun pouring in through her bedroom window, and in need of some air,
Amy
threw back the bed sheets and absorbed some of the sun’s energy. After a few minutes, she checked the time then forced herself out of bed. Heading for the shower, she hoped Maggie was back and organized for their trip.

In the shower,
Amy
leaned against the tiled wall and let the water rain down on her.

Unable to believe she had let last night happen,
Amy
groaned. That she had cheated on Josh was unbelievable. With a woman—her future sister-in-law—was incomprehensible. She groaned. She could not have been more shocked if someone was to tell her that her brain had been missing for the past twenty-four years.

Feeling sick,
Amy
leaned her head against the wall. The now familiar feeling of panic welled up inside as she asked herself for the hundredth time, “How could you have let that happen?”

Unable to answer the question,
Amy
finally accepted that she didn’t have an answer. Turning off the shower,
she
got out, toweled herself dry then quickly dressed. Brushing her hair, Amy froze when she heard a knock on the door. Her heart pounded when the door handle turned.

“
Amy
?”
 

It was Maggie.

Sighing with relief,
Amy
quickly unlocked the door. Glad to see her cousin and needing some comfort, she pulled Maggie into her arms and hugged her tightly. “You look like hell,” she said, releasing her.

“Thanks, I love you too.”

“What time did you get in?”

Apparently too hung over to ask why the door was locked, Maggie looked at her watch. “Errrmm, about now,” she said sheepishly. Groaning, she moved toward
Amy
’s bed. Lying back, she croaked, “What an awesome night!”

“Are you organized?”
Amy
asked briskly, approaching her.

Maggie peered through one eye and muttered, “I’m ready whenever you are, jellybean.”

“I did all my packing yesterday.”

Maggie sighed. “I thought I was to meet you at the airport?”

Amy
’s pulse quickened. “Aye, well change of plan.” Pulling Maggie up off the bed, she added, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Amy
groaned when she entered Maggie’s room. Her cousin was anything but organized. The room was chaos.

Maggie flopped onto her bed.

“Where is it?”

“What?” Maggie’s muffled voice asked from under her pillow.