Denial (15 page)
Josh followed his sons as they ran along the hallway to wake their mother. His heart swelled when he put his head around the bedroom door and caught sight of his beautiful wife.
Amy woke with a start when the boys jumped on her bed. They shouted excitedly. “Daddy’s here, Daddy’s here.”
“Wowwhhh,” Amy said. Sitting, she hugged the boys to her. Teasing them, she kissed their faces all over and at the same time tried to stop Christopher’s hands from pulling on her hair. She didn’t succeed.
Josh smiled and watched, fascinated, as Amy carefully unraveled her hair from Christopher’s small, pudgy hands.
She reached into the bedside cabinet and retrieved a hair clasp. The action caused the bed sheet to fall away and reveal her firm, full breasts.
Surprised she was nude, Josh’s heart jackhammered. He watched her straighten up, pull the bed sheets around her, pile her honeydew hair up, and clasp it.
Josh smiled when Amy lovingly lifted Christopher up and cuddled him to her. He grinned when she rubbed her nose with his, and looking at his boys, felt proud that they were a good mix of their parents. They had his dark hair and complexion, but Amy’s fine features, and their green eyes were a mixture of theirs.
Wanting Amy up, Ryan jumped up and down on the bed. “Mommy,” he said, “Daddy’s here…Daddy’s here!”
Amy reached out a hand to stop Ryan.
Josh entered the room and made his way to the bed. Grabbing both boys, he ruffled their dark hair playfully.
“Jossssh,” Amy said in frustration as he messed their hair.
The boys yelled, “Mom!” as she tried to sort their unruly mops. They wriggled away, rolled off the bed, and began play fighting on the floor.
Squinting, Amy looked at the clock. Her eyes widened in surprise, it was ten in the morning. She looked at the boys; they were fully dressed. Camille must have decided to let her sleep in this morning.
Amy tensed when Josh sat beside her. Her stomach tightened as last night’s encounter flooded her mind.
Josh reclined against the headboard. He ran his hand down Amy’s bare back, resting it lightly at the base of her spine.
Unable to stop herself, Amy stiffened when his hand moved around her waist and up toward her breast. Turning to face him, she whispered, “Not now.”
“I know, honey,” he said, stroking the side of her breast lightly. “I can take them downstairs?”
“No…it…it would be too obvious.”
“When?” he asked, removing his hand.
Amy visibly relaxed. “Soon,” she replied, then swallowed. Turning, she hugged him tightly. “I’m so happy to see you.”
Josh wrapped his arms around her.
She snuggled into him. “Is everything sorted?”
“Yeah,” he said, pulling Amy closer. “I…” his words were lost as he nuzzled into her neck.
Amy pulled away and turned to look out the window. “Look how beautiful the morning is,” she said, wanting to get up. “Let’s get ready for the beach. We’ll have some time together tonight.”
“Okay,” Josh said. He herded the boys out of the room so Amy could get ready.
Amy watched them leave. Her heart sank. For the first time since knowing Josh, she dreaded the thought of spending time alone with him. Not wanting to think anymore, she threw the duvet back and headed for the shower. Opening the glass panel, she stepped inside and turned on the spray.
Letting the warm water hit her, Amy tried to block out the memories, but couldn’t. She bit her bottom lip hard as her mind movie reeled the encounter. Unable to stop the vivid replay of the most intense orgasm of her life, Amy groaned and rested her head against the tiled wall. Last night, she knew she hadn’t been aware of anything. Not who she was or what she was doing. She was only aware of Celeste.
Closing her eyes, Amy pressed her head hard against the tiles. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she tried to block out of the image of being with Celeste and instead focused on making sense of what had happened.
Anger flared up inside Amy as she realized that she was completely powerless around the brunette. She grappled with the new knowledge that Celeste, if she decided, could break down any barrier she put up. Tears blurred Amy’s eyes at the thought of telling Josh, as she had intended on her wedding day. Tears spilled over as she remembered that all she succeeded in doing that day was seriously hyperventilating.
Minutes passed as Amy cried. Loneliness overwhelmed her as she finally accepted that she could never tell Josh. Divorce would be inevitable. Josh would never live with such a betrayal.
Who could?
Straightening, she thought about what her father went through. Turning off the shower, Amy swore resolutely to herself that no matter what nothing would ever happen with Celeste again. She and Josh would never become a divorce statistic.
Not wanting to think any more than necessary, Amy dried off then threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Tying her hair back, she straightened her shoulders and headed downstairs.
Entering the kitchen, she was filled with dread at the thought of seeing Celeste. Eyes focused on the steaming coffeepot, Amy headed straight for it and poured a cup.
Camille entered the kitchen. “
Bonjour, mon chéri
,” she said brightly. Coming up to Amy, she kissed her lightly on both cheeks. “Are you hungry?” she asked affectionately.
Amy’s stomach turned. She shook her head.
“Feeling slightly the worse for wear, no?”
Blushing, Amy stared into her coffee mug.
“
Qui
?” Camille teased moving toward the coffeepot.
Amy watched Camille take a china cup from the cupboard and pour a small cup of coffee.
“Celeste mentioned that you stayed up very late last night.”
Amy choked on her coffee.
Ohmyfuckinggod!
Camille looked at Amy. “Are you all right?”
Amy gulped. “I’m fine. The coffee is…stronger than I expected.”
Camille carefully placed two sugar cubes in her cup. “Celeste said you needed to sleep this morning,” she said, stirring her coffee. “Do you know she left early?”
Terrified to look at Camille in case her face revealed something, Amy shook her head, and gave her coffee cup her full attention.
She’s gone. Thank God!
“Oh,” Camille replied with a note of disappointment. She leaned against the kitchen counter. “She did mention something about going to see Alex.”
Color rising, Amy eventually looked at Camille, but didn’t say anything.
Please, Camille. Would you stop banging on about Celeste!
Camille held her cup in both hands. “I asked her what could be so urgent that she must leave so soon.” She raised the cup to her mouth. “She didn’t say.” Camille looked at Amy for a moment before sipping her coffee. “I do not understand why she is so secretive. Do you?”
Desperate to give nothing away, Amy shook her head.
Camille took another sip of coffee then grumbled, “I mean, what is it that she is making her mind up to do?”
Amy shrugged her shoulders.
“Keep a baby, because she is pregnant?”
Amy gulped.
Pregnant?
Gesturing grandly, Camille continued, “Is she making her mind up to bring not a boyfriend or fiancée, but a husband home to meet her parents, like she did with Nick?”
Amy’s eyes widened.
A
husband?
Camille put down her cup. “I don’t know what is going on?"
Realizing that everything Camille had said was conjecture, Amy blinked a few times.
“
Merde,
” Camille sighed.
“
Je ne le comprends pas
?”
Nodding her head, she arched an eyebrow, and looked at the door. “Zzzooommm,” she said with some annoyance. “She was out of the door before I could ask her.”
Amy shivered slightly. Camille’s mannerisms reminded her so much of Celeste.
Looking at Amy, a hint of pain showed in Camille’s eyes. “I cannot understand what Celeste wants!”
Amy swallowed hard.
You and me both!
Camille sighed. “I worry for her.” She lowered her head. “She has an honorable profession, and I am so proud of her. But it is all-consuming, and that worries me.”
Amy held her breath. It was unusual for Camille to confide in her.
“I do not expect anything. But I hope,” she looked at Amy, “I only hope that she will find someone special.” Camille moved closer to her. “I want her to be happy like you.” She smiled. “I want her to settle down and have children. I mean,” she clicked her tongue, “she is in her thirties now.” Camille shook her head. “But when I ask her, she is always so…vague.” She gently rubbed Amy’s cheek. “It is a mother’s instinct to want her children to settle down and be happy. You know that, now that you are a mother.” She lifted her eyebrows and looked at Amy. “I think she trusts you. I know she is fond of you.”
Amy visibly swallowed. Unable to keep eye contact, she bent her head.
Placing a hand under Amy’s chin, Camille lifted it and regarded her. “I know she confides in Josh,” she said quietly, “but he is as closemouthed as she is. Will you at least talk to Celeste about what her future plans are?”
Desperately uncomfortable, Amy quickly nodded, then pulled away from Camille. For something to do, she refilled her cup and attempted to change the subject. “Where’s Sophie?” she asked.
Oh, sweet Jesus. That was a big mistake!
“
Mon Dieu
!” Camille uttered. She went off on a tangent about how Sophie probably wouldn’t surface until noon and that
she
, too, needed to find herself someone to love. Camille concluded, “If they were only a little more like you, Amy, then I would be a happy woman!”
Blushing, Amy bowed her head in shame.
If only you knew, Camille. If only you knew.
Amy listened to Camille’s chatter for a while before looking out through the patio doors. She watched Josh play with the boys. They’re your priority, she told herself.
Watching her husband play with their children, Amy’s world slowly righted itself.
To Camille’s evident surprise, Amy hugged her then kissed her cheek. She whispered, “
Merci
.”
Sounding slightly confused, Camille replied as she hugged Amy back. “You’re welcome,
mon chéri
.” She stood back. “You must eat, darling.” She looked her daughter-in-law over. “You have always had a lovely figure, but you will get scrawny if you do not eat.”
Amy shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“Mmmm, I know what you working mothers are like—busy, busy, busy. All work and no play, huh!” Camille rolled her eyes disapprovingly then clicked her tongue. “But listen to me, you need to eat.” She opened the fridge. “Now, let’s see what we can get you for breakfast.”
Celeste glanced at Alex’s smiling face.
It was early Friday morning and they were driving to the Keys to spend the weekend with some friends.
Bemused, Celeste watched Alex carefully unwrap a sandwich from his well-stocked picnic basket. She shook her head when he offered it to her. Food, she thought swallowing a bitter taste in her mouth, was the last thing on her mind.
Celeste watched Alex bite into his sandwich. He groaned loudly with satisfaction, and she laughed softly. She adored Alex. Ever since they were at grade school, they had been close. Now, he taught English literature at their old high school.
Alex ate his sandwich and chatted while Celeste half listened. Normally, she would have enjoyed this journey, but today too much was on her mind. She couldn’t go on like this, she realized. Not after the summerhouse a few nights ago. She needed Alex to help her rationalize what was happening. Deciding to confide in him, she said quietly, “Alex…”
Alex stopped chattering, content that Celeste was now relaxed enough to talk. Since she had arrived a few days ago, it was clear that she was completely preoccupied.
“Yes.”
Celeste gave him a quick smile, drew in a breath and proceeded to tell him everything.
Amy!
Alex was in shock.
My God, she’s into Amy!
“I should have realized something was wrong when you took off before the wedding.”
Celeste glanced at Alex. “What else could I do?” Her hands gripped the wheel. “When I found out Amy was pregnant…well,” she sighed, “there was no other option. We couldn’t take it any further.” She looked at him. “If I’m honest, I wasn’t ready to explore any more than a one-time event. Felice had just been killed, and emotionally, I was a mess.”
“Tell me more about Felice,” Alex asked.
“Not much to tell,” Celeste said. She frowned. “We didn’t get much of a chance to explore it fully.”
Alex nodded. “And Amy, you’re sure, is more than a one-time event?”
“Yes. It’s…different,” Celeste replied.
Alex wondered how it would have been if Amy hadn’t been pregnant. Maybe they would have gotten together. He realized it didn’t matter now, his job, as her friend, was to stop her from making this mess any bigger than it already was.
Celeste glanced at Alex before focusing on the road. “Are you going to say anything?”
“Celeste, no matter how you look at it, she’s your brother’s wife, your sister-in-law. That alone should set off major, leave-well-alone warning bells in your head!”
“Jesus, of course it does!” Celeste said. “But I’ve explained to you what happened.”
Alex knew that in the last few years, Celeste had barely been in a country where defining her sexuality was important. Getting on with saving lives was the important thing. “I know that we never really discuss it,” Alex said. “Tell me, have you been with a few women? I mean more than Felice,” he hesitated, “and Amy?”
Celeste nodded.
Pleased, Alex smiled. It was reassuring that she’d been with other women. Less chance of fixating, he thought.
“Good, then let me make it easy. This weekend, you can have whatever and whoever you want.” He smiled broadly. “Let me tell you, sweetie. You can have your pick.” He shook his head when Celeste opened her mouth. “Except, you
know
who!” He clapped his hands. “Anyway, you’ve told me how you feel, but what about Amy? What does she feel? I mean surely she must be confused?”
Celeste didn’t respond.
“What’s Amy’s take on all of this?”
Celeste gave him a vulnerable look.
Alex sighed. He was going to have to be gentle with her. “Okay. Do you want the long or short version of what I think?”
“The short.”
Alex decided to be brutally honest. He ran a finger down his palm. “Let’s have a look through the moral code chart.” He tapped his palm. “Coveting your brother’s wife. Now where would that be? Yup, found it.” He looked pensive. “It’s right up there on the priority list,” he said, showing Celeste his empty palm. “Catch ’em and hang ’em, it says here.”
Celeste shook her head.
“If I know Amy, this will be tearing her apart.” Alex frowned. “I’m assuming you know the baggage between Amy and her mother?”
Celeste sighed heavily.
Knowing his words were hurting her, but knowing she needed to hear the truth, Alex continued, “According to Maggie, Amy has never forgiven Irene,” he bracketed his fingers, ‘
for having an affair
.’ The very same
affair
that caused her father to fall apart, leaving Amy to pick up the pieces. Hence, the reason she has never forgiven Irene. Ergo, any psychologist will tell you she is an A-one classic type. That’s the type that place serious, and I mean serious, emotional trappings on being in a monogamous relationship.”
Alex drew breath and waited for a moment. “I really am being serious. I know you’ve been away, and I know what I’m saying might hurt you, but you’ve still been on the same planet, right?” He looked to Celeste. She nodded. “So you do know about the issues she has with Irene?”
“Yes.”
“Then you must know that the only thing you’ve truly been fucking is her mind?”
Celeste winced. Her shoulders stiffened. “Is that what you think? That I’m playing a game?”
Alex shrugged. “Well, what else can it be? Look at you.” He opened his hands. “You’re gorgeous. You could literally have anyone you wanted.” He shook his head. “Don’t you think that it’s more than a little fucked up that you chose to ignore all the unattached, solvent, solid in the head, good lesbian citizens of the world, and go for what should be the most unobtainable woman on the planet to you?”
Celeste breathed in deeply. “It’s not like that,” she responded. “In all honesty, Alex, I have never been so attracted to anyone the way I am to her.” She glanced at him. “And I know exactly who she is.” She shook her head. “I know that it is completely inappropriate for this…
it
…whatever
it
is between us to happen.” Her grip tightened on the wheel. “But, Goddamnit, I want her.”
“
Want?
” Alex said, waving a hand in the air. “So what, Celeste? There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t want Mr. Richmond, our old sports teacher. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to hunt him down and break up his marriage!” Although, Alex thought dreamily, with those thighs, I might if I thought I had a chance. “It’s a crush, Celeste,” he added dismissively. “Nothing more. You’ll get over it.”
Celeste, staring ahead, replied firmly, “It’s more than that.”
Alex bowed his head. She was right, of course. It had to be much more than that. This kind of thing was definitely not her style.
This is some serious shit, and the repercussions could be horrific.
Alex loved the Cameron family like his own, and the last thing he wanted was a meteoric rift if the family found out, and he knew for sure that they would find out if Celeste didn’t stop this. Whatever else, he decided that she needed a reality check. He said quietly, “What about Josh?”
Celeste visibly paled.
Alex hammered home. “It would destroy him if he ever found out!”
Celeste nodded. “I know.”
Alex meant to whisper dramatically, but instead hissed, “Are
you
prepared to take the risk?” He raised his eyebrows, but Celeste completely ignored his dramatic flair.
Celeste exhaled deeply. “I want to say no.” She glanced at him. ”But I don’t know anymore.” She focused on the road. “I honestly don’t know what to do.”
Alex touched her arm.
Jeez, she has it bad
. “Darlin’, it’s simple. You need to find a new playmate. I only wish that you had told me all this a few years ago. Then, you wouldn’t have had to deal with it on your own. I would have introduced you to a few bombshells, and let me tell you, one touch of their
buzzzzoms
,” he put his hands out about a foot in front of his chest to emphasize his point, “would wipe your hard drive clean of any memory of Amy.”
Celeste laughed. “Alex,” she said, shaking her head. “Are you sure you’re an English teacher? You’re beginning to sound more like the wayward kids you teach at high school.”
He smirked. “You gotta move with the times, baby.”
Alex watched Celeste shrug a few times, obviously trying to relax.
“Alex, I’m not trying to fuck with her mind,” Celeste said. She shook her head. “I can’t explain it.”
“I know,” Alex said. He reached into the picnic basket at his feet, and brought out a bottle of champagne. “Let’s just try to enjoy our trip.”