Defy (31 page)

I listened intently, watching Damian’s face as he spoke, won-

dering why he was telling me this.

“At the coronation ceremony, King Osgand offered to arrange

a marriage with his niece, in an effort to keep the alliance that had always existed between the two nations. He feared Dansii’s growing power and reach. My father was smitten the moment he saw

my mother, and he agreed to the marriage and to continue the

alliance.

“The first few years of their marriage were uneventful, from

what I’ve been told. She gave him two sons, and he kept his prom-

ise to maintain peace with Blevon. But then Dansii was attacked by

an unknown army, led by multiple sorcerers. King Armando was

nearly killed, and the Dansii army barely managed to force the

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army into retreat, and only by sheer number and size — not by

skill.

“Afraid for his life and for his brother’s, Armando hired two

black sorcerers — one for him and one for Hector. Iker came to

live at the palace. When my mother walked into the room to meet

him, he sensed what she was right away, and revealed her secret —

she was a sorceress.”

I gasped. “Your
mother
?”

Damian nodded, still staring down at the locket. “She used to

show Victor and me what she could do. We thought it was amaz-

ing, but she told us it was a secret game, that we couldn’t tell

anyone. We adored our mother, and we’d kept her secret. But Iker

sensed her ability the moment she walked into the room and he

told my father. Hector was furious — accused her of being a spy, a

plant, waiting for the time to turn on him and kill him so she

could hand Antion to her uncle. I remember the fight, because

Victor and I had been playing in the room next door and we could

hear him shouting. She tried to warn him about Iker, to explain

that he wasn’t an ordinary sorcerer, but my father wouldn’t listen.

“He locked her in her room, and only let us see her every few

days. And Iker was always with us when we visited her, making

sure she couldn’t say or do anything he didn’t approve of.” Damian

paused, his voice thick with emotion.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to keep going,” I said, terrified to

hear what came next. I didn’t want to make him relive it.

“I’ve never told anyone before. Not this.” Damian finally

looked up from the locket. “I got mad at my father. I yelled at him

for hurting Mother, for making her stop using her magic. That

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night, he took Victor and me to her room. He sat us down in front

of her and said he was going to teach us what happened if we ever

betrayed him. He told us sorcery was evil and that he wouldn’t

allow it in Antion. And then he killed her.” Damian shuddered at

the memory, which I was helpless to erase. “He’d been poisoning

her for weeks with bloodroot, so she couldn’t stop him. I remem-

ber her eyes widening . . . the way she cried out when he lifted his sword. She begged him . . . begged him not to . . .” His voice

broke, and he clenched his mouth shut.

I reached one trembling hand up to cup his jaw. He closed his

eyes and turned his face into my hand, pressing his lips against my

palm. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

He shook his head, his eyes still squeezed shut. “If I hadn’t

gotten mad at him . . . If I hadn’t accused him . . .” His voice was unsteady.

I took his face in both of my hands. “Damian, look at me.”

He did as I asked, his expression bleak, years of suppressed

pain breaking free from the tight hold he’d kept it under.

“It was
not
your fault. Hector is evil. He probably waited until one of you broke down and got upset at him to do it, so that you

would blame yourself. He was poisoning her for a reason. He

didn’t decide to kill her on a whim. He is evil.”

Damian took a deep, shaky breath. “The worst part is that no

matter how much I hate him, he’s still my father.”

I stroked the hair back from his face, wishing I could take

away his torment, his pain and guilt.

“He declared war on Blevon within two weeks of killing her,

claiming that a sorcerer from here had done it. And you know the

rest.” He took a deep breath and reached up to place his hand over

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mine. “The reason I am telling you all of this is so that you can

understand something. He’s still my father, but when the time

comes for me to kill him, I won’t let myself hesitate. I will picture my mother. My brother. Everyone I’ve loved, everyone he’s taken

from me. And I will have the power and courage to do what I

must do.”

My stomach clenched and I let my hands drop into my lap.

“But now you’ll never get that chance, because I’m not good

enough. I can’t stop Iker.”

Damian leaned forward and this time he took my face in his

hands. “Yes, you can. When you got past Eljin’s defense, it was

because you were completely focused. Every ounce of your mind

and strength and power was aimed at one thing — to get that

mask off his face, right? You didn’t hit him in the ribs; you yanked

off his mask with your sword.”

I thought back to that day, how I’d been so furious. In that

moment, I’d hated him and his mask so much, all I could think

about was tearing it off his face.

“If you can hone that kind of focus and determination again,

you will succeed. And my guess is that you have a lot more hatred

for the king and Iker than you do for Eljin. When you are training,

you have to imagine that Eljin is Iker, and that beating him is the

only way you can avenge your parents’ deaths. Your brother’s

death. He’s the only person standing between us being together.”

He stared earnestly into my face and I had to blink back tears.

I could see them — my parents, lying in their own blood. The

life leaving Marcel’s eyes. And now Damian, the prince of Antion,

was sitting before me, telling me . . . what? What was he telling me?

“Are you saying you want to be with me?” My voice was hoarse.

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The firelight made his eyes practically glow as he threaded his

fingers through my hair, pulling my face closer. “So much that it

hurts.” His eyes searched mine, a hint of desperation in their blue

depths. “Do you understand now why I’ve been afraid to let myself

care for anyone? If Hector ever found out, he would use you to

break me. We will never be able to truly be together until we defeat

my father.”

I knew it was impossible — even if he
wanted
to be with me,

even if he were made king and able to do whatever he wished, he

couldn’t marry his former guard. He would have to marry for

political advantage. Perhaps someone from Blevon, to rebuild the

former peace that had once existed between our nations.

But then Damian leaned forward so our foreheads touched.

And in that moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that it wasn’t pos-

sible for us to actually have a future together. All I wanted was to

be with him right now, in this moment. Blood pulsed hot through

my body — part of me wanted nothing more than to lose myself in

his touch, to kiss him until everything else faded away.

But another part was fighting, straining for release. I knew the

wise decision was to ignore how badly I wanted to stay here with

Damian. I had to focus instead on the sudden confidence surging

through me.

I pulled back. “I want to try again.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, now.”

Damian smiled wistfully at me. “I knew you had it in you. And

I know you
can
do this.” He didn’t move, though; his hand was still in my hair, holding me in place. “But would you mind waiting

for just a few minutes, at least?”

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“Why?” I asked, though I was sure I knew the answer.

“Because I don’t know when we’ll be alone again until this is

all over,” he said, making my heart race. His fingers tightened

against the back of my head, pulling me toward him. When his

mouth met mine, a rush of heat exploded in my body, burning

through my veins, my skin, my lips as I clutched Damian’s back,

holding on to him — as though he were my anchor in a violent sea

of uncertainty. I could feel his own desperation as he wrapped

his arms around my body, holding me tightly in the circle of his

embrace.

There was a light knock at the door and we sprang apart just

in time for Eljin to open it, carrying a tray of food, with Rylan on

his heels. Rylan gave me a hooded look, but he seemed resigned,

rather than angry.

“I have the food you requested,” Eljin said with a mocking

twist to his voice.

“There’s been a change of plans,” I replied.

“Oh really? How lovely,” he said.

“You’d better be prepared to lose.” I pushed past him out the

door and headed back to the practice room.

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 thirty-six 

A
re you sure you want to try again tonight? Maybe it

would be better if you
rested
for a bit.” Eljin mocked me as

he picked up his practice sword again.

“No, I don’t need to rest,” I bit out.

He shrugged and walked over. “Then let’s begin.”

As he began to circle me, watching for my attack, I thought

about what Damian had told me. I thought of him as a young boy

witnessing his mother’s murder. I thought of my own parents,

hewn down by an army made our enemy because of Hector’s evil-

ness. I thought of Marcel — how he had believed in me and how

he’d been another casualty of this war. I thought of Iker and

how he betrayed the queen’s secret and sentenced her to death. I

thought of the breeding house filled with terrified girls, who were

raped over and over again. I thought of Rylan and his unending

courage and of his love for his brother — I couldn’t bear it if they had to face the same fate as Marcel and I did. I thought of Damian,

playing a part all these years, trying to figure out some way to stop his father and save his kingdom. I thought of him kissing me, telling me he wanted to be with me.

But if we didn’t stop Iker and the king, I would lose him. We

would all lose everything.

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All of it, all of my love and pain and anger surged up and filled

me with fury — with purpose — with
power
. I felt it building in my chest, and I attacked. Eljin’s eyes widened in alarm. Left, right, left, spin, and jab. My sword moved so fast, he couldn’t follow me.

He grunted, desperately trying to throw up a shield. I felt it — the moment Eljin reached for his power, when the magic surged to

answer him. I refused to let him succeed. I refused to let Iker win.

I refused to let us all fall to his power. With a scream of fury, I

faked right and then spun around with all of my might and

slammed my sword into Eljin’s ribs, knocking him f lat on his back.

I stood over him, chest heaving, my sword clutched in my hands.

He stared up at me, his eyes wide. Silence filled the room until

the sword fell from my hand and hit the ground with a clatter.

“You did it,” I heard Rylan say, but this time, he didn’t cheer.

No one did.

For some reason, tears filled my eyes. Even though I tried, I

couldn’t hold them back. My shoulders shook with sobs. And

then Damian was there. He pulled me into his arms, stroked my

hair. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s okay. You did it. I knew you

could do it.”

“I’ll go tell my father,” Eljin said. I turned my head to see him

push himself off the ground, rubbing his rib cage. He looked right

at me and nodded. A nod of approval.

Through my tears, I smiled grimly, and then he was gone.

The next week f lew by as we prepared to go back to Antion and the

palace to launch our attack on King Hector. Each day, I was able

to recall that same power and beat Eljin, and my confidence grew.

The one dark spot was that I could never find a time to talk to

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Rylan alone. He grew quieter and more withdrawn every day, and

I was worried about him. But whenever I tried to ask him if he was

okay, he brushed me off. I knew he worried about what we’d find

back at the palace — who we’d find alive. I fervently prayed Jude

was okay.

But I also knew he was mad at me, and I was helpless to fix it

in our current situation.

The night before we were supposed to leave, General Tinso ate

dinner with us in the practice room. Lisbet arrived halfway through

with Jax, and right behind them was Tanoori. I was sitting on the

f loor, just lifting a piece of meat to my mouth when she walked in.

She looked at Damian for a long moment, then her gaze f licked to

me. She gave me a curt nod and sat down next to Lisbet, who was

saying something softly to Rylan.

Tanoori looked remarkably well, especially compared to the

last time I’d seen her, when she’d appeared nearly dead.

“We need to finalize the details of our plan before tomorrow,”

General Tinso said when we’d all resumed eating. I looked at

Tanoori suspiciously, and General Tinso noticed.

“It’s safe to speak freely before her,” he said.

“She threatened to kill me,” I disagreed. “And she attempted

to kill Prince Damian at the palace. She was going to be hanged