Defining Moments (34 page)

“Look, there really isn’t anything to talk about. I know Cord has moved on. I’m fine with it. If we have a chance to talk, so we can clear the air, awesome. If not, that’s okay too. If I learned anything over the past few months, it’s that I can’t make someone care about me or want to be a part of my life,” I tell her honestly. “I really don’t want to talk about Cord anymore, Claire. If he is there, we will act like adults and do the job we came out to do. Now, tell me where I’m going.”

She just nods and then starts in with the directions as I drive. About thirty minutes later, we are driving down a dirt road when a cabin comes into view. It takes my breath away.

“Holy shit,” I whisper, my eyes bugging out as I take in the beauty of it.

Claire nods and points to a fork in the road up ahead. “You’ll want to take the right side, the left goes to the house. The venue is about five more miles up this road on the other side of the lake.”

I can’t tear my eyes away from the cabin. Its two stories, but the windows in the front go from the ground of the huge wraparound deck all the way to the roof of the second floor. Those windows are amazing. The wraparound deck has a couple of bright colored Adirondack chairs that seem to match all the flowers planted in front of the deck. It looks like it was nestled into the perfect spot, surrounded by tall trees and the lake gleaming behind it.

And then it dawns on me. Cord was building a house by the lake before I left.

“That’s Cord’s house, isn’t it?” I blurt out.

“Yeah. He’s actually the one who told Tyler about the gazebo. He’d seen it while he was out hiking one day. We found out it’s owned by a company that does destination weddings. There are about fifteen cabins not far from the gazebo that they also rent out. The honeymoon cabin is where Tyler and I are staying for a couple of days after the wedding.”

As we pull into the parking lot, the gazebo catches my attention. Claire was right. It is absolutely perfect. I can imagine how beautiful it will look once we get all the decorations up.

We are discussing the center pieces as we make our way down to the lake edge where the gazebo sits when I hear his laugh. I don’t turn, trying hard to act unaffected.

“He’s here,” Claire whispers. I can see her out of the corner of my eye, staring at me, waiting for a response.

“You don’t have to whisper, Claire. He can’t hear you,” I chuckle.

“He’s coming this way,” she whispers again. I turn slowly, avoiding looking directly at his face because I just don’t know how he is going to react to me being here. The last time we had any contact was the “
I needed more
”
I.M. and subsequent goodbye email. I just don’t know what to expect from him.

I hear his footsteps coming, but I don’t hear them slow down as he gets closer and I whip my eyes up to meet his and immediately start backing away from him. Whatever that look on his face is, he’s definitely determined.

Before I even have a chance to acknowledge him, I’m off the ground and in his arms, his face buried in my neck as he hugs the life out of me. I can’t breathe, he’s holding on so tight.

“Cord,” I choke out, tapping his shoulder. I hear Claire laughing as she walks toward Tyler.

“We’ll go ahead and start getting things out of the truck. You two take your time,” she tells us.

The fact he hasn’t completely let go of me, only loosened his hold, makes me nervous. I was not prepared for this reaction from him. I’m happy this isn’t going to be a fight, but I really did not expect to be in his arms the first time we spoke. He takes a deep breath in like he’s inhaling for the last time, and whispers, “Don’t think I didn’t see you run from me at the store, Eleanor.”

I relax into his embrace, my body reacting to the pull it has always felt for him. He holds on to me like he’s afraid I’ll bolt the moment he lets me go.

“It was Angelica,” he murmurs into my ear, loosening his hold on me and setting me back on my feet, but grabbing my hand and holding on.

“What?” I ask, confused, my eyes meeting his.

“Angelica answered my phone. I was extremely drunk and she was scared to leave me alone, so she stayed the night. We passed out in my living room after she listened to me blab half the night about how bad I had fucked things up with you.” There are no words to explain what an absolute asshole I feel like right now.

I feel the tears fill my eyes, but Cord shakes his head. “None of that,” he mumbles before wiping his thumbs under my eyes and cupping my face with his hands. “This is not the time nor place for this discussion, baby, but we will be discussing it when this wedding is over. I just needed you to know I didn’t cheat on you, because I know that’s what you thought. We’ll talk about the rest later.”

He doesn’t even give me a chance to respond before he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the gazebo where Claire and Tyler are bowing their heads together acting like they are doing something other than gossiping about what is going on between me and Cord. It’s almost comical the way they jump back from each other as we approach.

“Let’s get to decorating,” Cord booms, letting go of my hand and heading toward the box labeled “twinkle lights.”

I’m not sure how long I stand motionless watching him before Claire breaks my thoughts.

“Are you okay? I knew he had planned to talk to you, but I didn’t realize he was going to barrel into you like a freight train. What’d he say?” Claire asks.

I just shake my head, not ready to discuss it. She notices my avoidance and reaches over to squeeze my hand. “Later,” she adds.

For the next few hours, we all concentrate on decorating and do what needs to be done. Cord hasn’t said anything else to me, but I catch him looking at me every now and then, and when my eyes meet his, he gives me a small smile before continuing with what he’s doing.

With all the busy work, I’ve had a chance to really think about his reaction to me being here. He hugged me tightly, called me baby, and held my hand; but he has a “plus one” for the wedding, so I had assumed he had a girlfriend. Maybe he does have a girlfriend and just wants to make amends because Tyler is a good friend to him now and he wants things to be cordial when we have to be around each other. Maybe he just needs to talk through everything so he can move on with his girlfriend. We were friends before we decided to try a relationship—a relationship that didn’t get very far. Maybe he just wants to rekindle our friendship. My thoughts are all over the damn place.

“Stop over thinking it, E. I see the wheels spinning,” Cord chuckles as he walks toward me. “After the wedding tomorrow, you and I have a date for a very serious conversation. Don’t run from me.” I nod and continue trying to put together the big paper lanterns so the guys can hang them from the posts of the ceiling.

The rest of the afternoon goes off without a hitch, and when we’re done, Cord tells us all he has more errands to run and will see us all tomorrow. Then he’s gone and I’m left with the same thoughts as before. Cord and my conversation tomorrow will be the only thing I can think of until it happens.

Tomorrow night cannot come soon enough.

MY EYES MEET
Cord’s as I make my way down the aisle to where the pastor waits. The first thing that registers is the chair next to him is empty, making my heart skip. He came alone. He notices my eyes swing to the empty chair, and he smirks before shaking his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. When he licks his lips, my eyes drop to his mouth, and he mouths, “Sami.” His plus one was Sami, which makes me smile, and then my stomach drops because she’s not here. I hope she’s okay. I know she’s due any day, so maybe she went into labor.

The ceremony is beautiful and I can’t stop the tears that flow when the pastor pronounces Claire and Tyler husband and wife. They both look over-the-moon happy, and I couldn’t be happier for them if I tried. I think, since both of them waited to marry until later in life, they knew what they wanted in a partner, and I have no doubt they’ll be celebrating many anniversaries during their lifetime together.

The newlyweds make their way back down the aisle, the wedding party following quickly behind them. I’m ready to get the pictures done so I can get out of this dress. It’s beautiful but uncomfortable, and I’m ready to kick back and enjoy the reception. My boys all look so damn handsome in their suits. I’ll have to remember to tell them later when I get time to chat with them. Sara didn’t get to come with Eli because she had to work and, of course, my Eli didn’t ask her to come until just a few days ago. She does, however, have tomorrow off and is able to come to the family dinner I’m planning. I’m excited to sit and chat with her. She seemed like a nice girl when she took care of me in the hospital.

Pictures go off without a hitch, and before I know it, I’m in my comfortable sundress, hair pulled up, enjoying the evening beside my kids and best friend. What a perfect night. The reception is just as beautiful. I haven’t seen much of Cord, and believe me, I’ve been watching for him.

I’m standing at the bar, waiting for the bartender to pour me a glass of wine, when I feel a hand on my lower back, making my body tense at the touch.

“Dance with me, E,” pleads Cord, his lips so close to my ear that I can feel his breath. I take the glass of wine from the bartender and thank him, turning to Cord.

He takes the glass and holds onto my hand as he walks us back to my table, where he puts my wine glass down and slowly ushers me to the dance floor with the hand on my back.

When he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him, I take a deep breath and lay my head on his chest, hearing his heart beating wildly. He lays his cheek on the top of my head and pulls me tight against him. We dance, barely moving, but I just need to enjoy this moment. I’m not sure how our talk will go later, and I just want to savor this moment in case it’s the last time I’m in Cord’s arms.

“Is Sami okay?” I ask him, truly concerned.

He chuckles, “Yeah. She’s just big and tired and so ready to have that little man.” I nod, remembering that feeling well.

The song ends sooner than I’m ready for it to, and when Cord steps back, I stumble a bit. He places his hands on my hips to steady me and the look in his eyes says what I’m thinking. He’s not ready to let go, but the DJ announces its time for the lovely couple to depart and the guests to start wrapping things up.

“Are you driving back to the city tonight or are you staying in one of the little cabins?” he asks while pointing toward the cabins nestled into the trees.

“I’m driving back tonight,” I reply, my throat instantly dry. I walk toward the wine sitting on my table and lift is slowly to my lips. Cord is watching me intently, and it makes me even more nervous.

He doesn’t say another word as we hug Tyler and Claire and say our goodbyes to everyone. I’m assuming he is walking me to my car, but when we get there, he puts his hand on the door to keep me from opening it.

“Come home with me, E,” he says from behind me. “I’ve been dying to talk to you, and I just don’t know if I can go another day without us resolving this.”

As tired as I am from this extremely busy day, I agree. We do need to get this conversation over with because I’m not sure my brain can take another day of not knowing how this will play out.

“Okay,” I reply shyly. He gets into the passenger side of my car and I look at him funny.

“I’ll come get my car tomorrow. It’ll be fine in the parking lot,” he tells me without me having to ask.

The ride to Cord’s house is quiet, but it only takes a few minutes to get there. When I pull in front of the house, Cord jumps out and comes to my side to open my door for me. He helps me from the car and puts his hand on my back, leading me toward the front steps.

He gives me the grand tour of his home, which happens to be one of the most amazing places I’ve ever seen. When we make it back to the main level, he walks me into the living room with the amazing windows. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with two bottles of water, handing me one as he sets his on the coffee table.

“So, how was Italy?” he asks with mischief in his eyes.

“It was great. Beautiful. I learned so much from the home cooks I was able to work with. I hope to be able to use some of the amazing recipes wherever I end up working,” I reply.

He doesn’t say anything for a second, and when he opens his mouth to reply, I interrupt. “How have you been, Cord? I mean, really been?”

He watches me closely as he thinks about how to respond. “Well, I’ve learned a lot since you left and feel like I’m in a better place today than I was seven or eight months ago. I’ve grown a lot.”

We both sit quietly for a few minutes, taking sips of our waters to avoid the awkwardness. After a few minutes of us just sitting and staring out the big windows, I finally can’t take it anymore.

“Look, Cord, I’m going to be completely honest with you here. I was a mess when I left for Italy. I’m not going to pretend like I’m not fully aware of that. I thought I had dealt with Justin’s betrayal, but I hadn’t. I’d just pushed it far enough down that I could avoid it. I was avoiding looking at myself as part of the problem. I wanted to be able to blame it all on him, and the truth is, I know now that my marriage was over far before I found out what a bastard Justin was. I wanted to make myself believe I was strong and I was going to be this awesome, independent woman, but the truth is, I was just trying to psych myself up after being betrayed and afraid to be alone. It took me being in Italy for several months before I realized the feelings I was having for you scared the shit out of me like I’d never been scared before. It also made me realize, the moment I had the opportunity, I ran. If I’d been a stronger person, I would have confronted you head-on about the blow up at Saint that day, but instead, I hid and avoided. Then when Angelica answered your phone, it gave me yet another reason to push you away. Saving me from pain down the line, or so I thought,” I rant, stopping momentarily to chug half the bottle of water.