Defining Moments (32 page)

When she opens the door to the room, my jaw drops. It is literally the most inviting room I’ve ever seen. The bed is a huge four-poster with a large canopy over the top and gorgeous gray fabric billowing out from all sides. The mattress is draped in the most beautiful dark gray and pale blue bedding, and it makes me want to crawl into it and never leave. There are pillows all over the place and the entire room is just breathtaking. I’m instantly relaxed. Although I know I’ll be going home soon, I can’t help but feel like this place has a deeper purpose for me. I almost forget that Gianna is standing next to me until she chuckles, startling me from my thoughts.

“I assume this will work for you, bella?” she asks with a huge smile.

“I may never leave this place,” I whisper in return. She pats my shoulder and shuts the door behind her without another word.

I feel a breeze hit my face, and when I turn to see where it’s coming from, my heart almost stops when I see there is a balcony with French doors, both wide open. I walk slowly toward the doors, speechless at the beauty before me. The balcony overlooks the east side of the house, the only side of the house I’ve not seen yet. There is a beautiful garden of flowers, with little white twinkly lights everywhere. This side of the house is surrounded by an extremely tall white fence and is decorated like a wedding venue. I bet this would be the most amazing place to have a wedding. Maybe I should suggest it to Claire, but dismiss the thought because I feel like this place is just mine. I don’t want to share it with anybody, and if that makes me selfish, so be it. This place has helped heal my soul and I want to keep it to myself.

I’m not sure how long I stand on the balcony staring at the lights and scenery, but I can feel my eyes starting to droop. Time to throw myself into that pillow of a bed.

The little bathroom attached to my room is just as inviting as the bedroom itself. The bathtub is an old, deep claw-foot, and there is no way I’m not going to be taking advantage of that in the morning before I leave. I wash my face the best I can without my face-regimen and I’m thankful for the new toothbrush and travel toothpaste that Stefano must have left for me.

After brushing my teeth, I head back into my room to snuggle my tired body down into the lovely down comforter. As I feel my body start to relax and give into the dream that is taking over, I wonder what Cord is doing right now. Is he dating? Is he happy? Is he still mad at me or has he also realized how bad we both screwed things up? So many questions that I know I won’t get answers to until I return. Will he even want to see me? Talk to me? I can only hope, when I do return home, he will give me enough of his time to explain I realize the mistakes we made and apologize. I’ll never kid myself into thinking I’ll get home, run into his arms, we’ll both magically be “healed” from our pasts, and we’ll live happily ever after . . . but I can always dream.

WHEN I GET BACK
to Rome the next morning, there are several emails from Claire, mostly about wedding planning stuff, like the venue they’ve finally chosen, and demanding to know when I’ll be returning. I just reply I’ll call her this afternoon so we can actually chat and get some things hashed out about when I can get there and what I need to do beforehand. I’ve already started buying a bunch of stuff to send back to the States for the wedding. Different kinds of Italian wines for the reception being at the top of her list. The one thing she doesn’t know about is I found her “something new.” I found a dainty anklet the other day at a vintage jewelry store in Ostia Antica and immediately thought of Claire. It’s absolutely perfect for her and I can hardly wait to give it to her.

I type out a quick email to Sami asking how she is doing and if they’ve found out the sex of the baby yet. I don’t know if she’ll email me back or not because we haven’t had contact since I told her about my email to Cord and how it hadn’t gone well. I feel horrible I wasn’t able to continue my friendship with Sami after Cord and I imploded. Another casualty of Cord and my stupid decisions. I really do like Sami and Bishop both.

I know I only have a couple of weeks left here, and I’m going to make every single second count. It’s Sunday, which means I will walk down to the church and attend afternoon mass, something I’ve taken to doing since I arrived. The amount of faith I feel in the old churches here is unexplainable. I’ve never been overly religious but have found my faith here, among other things.

When I return from mass, I’m surprised to find Sami has already responded to my email. My stomach drops, my thoughts immediately going to whether or not she will mention Cord.

To: Ellie Harper

From: Sami Cordero

Re: Hello stranger

ELLIE! I am so happy to hear from you! How are you, girl? We miss your face around here! When are you coming home?

Well, sit down and hold on tight . . . WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!!! Bish is beside himself and the girls are even starting to warm up to the idea of having a little boy running around. Bless his heart, he is going to never have a moment of peace in this house. Lol.

I hope you are doing well over there. We are doing well, but we all miss you. You kind of made an impression on the family. ;) Please write back to me soon and fill me in on the all the amazing things you’ve been experiencing.

Love

Sami

My heart could not be happier for Sami and Bishop. A little boy to complete their family. I’m sure Sami is on cloud nine and there is no doubt Bishop is already passing out the cigars. I wonder how Cord took the news. His first nephew. I shake my head trying to rid the thoughts of him. I have too much to focus on and accomplish today. Thoughts of Cord always distract me and I don’t get much done.

On with my day. . . .

AS I PACK UP THE
last of my clothing and hug the woman I’ve been staying with for the past few weeks goodbye, my stomach begins to flutter.

I am finally going home after more than six months away. I can hardly wait to hug my boys.

To say that I’m a new person would be an understatement. Italy has officially healed my heart and my soul. It took me a good long while to open my head up to the idea that Cord had been right; I had not truly dealt with Justin’s betrayal, and that was what had made him so upset when I’d thrown our relationship in Justin’s face, even going so low as to lie about the depth of it. In my defense though, he had overreacted to it, and then run when faced with the truth about his guilt about Maloree. We were both broken people when I left. I can only hope he found the peace he needed like I have to help him move on with his life.

Do I miss him?

Every single day.

The cool part about becoming comfortable in your own skin and learning to accept yourself for who you are, is I now know I can live without him and I am enough just the way I am. Some days, it hurts more than others because I really was falling in love with him, but I love who I’ve become and the lightness of my heart.

I am ready to move on with my life, and if a wonderful man happens along who finds me to be everything he’s ever wanted, awesome. But if he doesn’t, I’m okay with the freedom of being single too. I’m comfortable with my own company.

And one of the main reasons I’m returning home now, instead of staying a few more weeks, is Claire and Tyler are getting married next week, and as her maid of honor, I obviously have to be there.

I’m ready to go home anyway. I feel like the purpose of my time here has been fulfilled.

As the taxi heads toward the airport, I take in the scenery for what I’m sure will be the last time in my life. I’ve loved my time here in Italy, and it was exactly what my life needed, but it will forever be burned into my memory as the place I came to broken but left a whole person. I don’t want to come back and erase the memories I made here all on my own.

Leaning my head against the glass of the taxi window, I take a deep breath and smile. I’m so completely ready to move on with my life and enjoy every single second of it.

WHEN THE WHEELS
of the plane hit the ground in New York, my heart starts to race. I’m back on U.S. soil. I’m going home and I’m giddy to the point of having a creepy smile on my face as I walk through the terminals to make my connecting flight. I don’t even care how ridiculous I look right now.

I have an hour before the final leg of my trip leaves, so I head toward the little bistro closest to my gate and order a sandwich and tea. I am still smiling as take my phone off airplane mode and text the boys.

Me: I’M IN NEW YORK!!! I’ll be huggin you guys in a few hours. As of right now, my flight is on time. Can’t wait to be home.

When I’d told the boys I was coming home a few weeks ago, they started looking for a small house near them for me. I don’t want to live in an apartment complex again, and they were almost insistent I live as close to them as I could. Protective little turds. They found a small two bedroom, one and a half bath cottage around the corner from them, and were so proud of themselves for finding it within days of me telling them I was coming home. They even went last weekend and got all of my things out of storage and hauled it all to the new place. I’m not sure who is more excited about me coming home, me or them.

The boys respond all at once, excited that we only have a few hours left of our separation. I’m getting choked up about seeing them. I’ve missed them so much and feel like I’ve lost out on a bunch of their life experiences.

Eli has gotten serious about the nurse, although he’s still making it sound less than it is. Destry has been living back in Colorado with his brothers and he is back in school and doing well. Ben is still being a little bit elusive about what he’s been up too, but I know I’ll be able to get it out of him now that I’m back home. Ben is hiding something from me.

I eat my sandwich and people watch while waiting for them to call my flight for boarding, and the time flies by. I’ve gotten good at getting lost in my own thoughts and time getting away from me.

As soon as I’m seated and ready for my final flight, I text Claire saying I’ll be home in about four hours and then turn my phone to airplane mode. It doesn’t take long for me to doze off, my head filling with dreams of seeing Cord again.

I spot them the moment I walk through the security gates and I let the tears come. I rush into their open arms and hold on to them tight. I have missed my boys so much I can barely breathe. I hold on as long as I can before the boys pull back, all three of them emotional but trying hard to not let their tears fall.

“You look wonderful, Mama,” Destry barks out, grabbing my hand and spinning me around. “Did you eat while you were in Italy?”

I laugh out, “Of course I ate. I ate a lot actually. I just paid attention to the portion sizes and I also took up running while I was there.” I knew I’d lost some weight, but they are all acting like I dropped the weight of a whole person, and then it dawns on me. I did. I may have only lost ten pounds, but I dropped the weight of the sad, pathetic woman I’d been. I look different because I am happy, healthy, and loving my life.