Defiance Rising (42 page)

He shakes his head, staring fixedly on the ground.
 
“I volunteered.”

“No!” I cry, stepping closer, ignoring his obvious discomfort.
 
“Why would you do that?”

“I can’t stay here anymore.
 
You’re with Eamon now.
 
If I stayed I’d be in the way and I…I don’t know how much more I can take,” he whispers, his voice cracking pitifully.
 
“It’s best for everyone.”

“But you kissed me…on the roof…in Drakon’s room…”

Bastien’s face crumples in shame.
 
“I know.
 
I’m so sorry.
 
I was weak…”

“Weak?” I whisper.
 
“That’s why you…”
 
Bastien nods, refusing to meet my gaze.
 
“No.
 
I don’t believe you!” I cry, rushing forward.
 
“Look at me!”

Emotionless eyes rise to meet mine.
 
I reel back, shocked by the hollow man standing before me.
 

“You’re really leaving?”
 
The clear blue sky disappears as dark thunderous storm clouds brew directly overhead.
 
Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes, but I barely notice.
 
Bastien lifts his head as the first drops of rain fall from the sky.
 
He closes his eyes as the rain patters against his face.
 

The downpour drenches us within seconds.
 
Bastien’s dark hair plasters to his scalp and his chest rises and falls as he struggles to gain control over his emotions.
 
When he opens his eyes, I see only deep sadness.
 
His hope is gone.

“This is why I can’t stay,” he points to the churning skies above.
 
“You’re too emotional when you’re around me.
 
Your powers are growing quickly and you can’t control them when I’m nearby.
 
I can’t stay and take the chance of someone getting hurt.”

“But if you go, I will be hurt!” I plead, knowing that I’m not fighting fairly.

“I’m sorry.
 
I can’t keep denying myself if I stay so the only thing I can do to help you is leave.”

I shake my head, backing away.
 
“No.
 
We can find another way.”

“There is no other way.”

“We could try,” I whisper.
 

“Why?
 
So we can torture each other some more?
 
So we can keep living a lie, hoping that things will work out in the end?
 
It won’t, Illyria, and you know it.”
 

“Don’t you love me?”

Bastien closes the gap between us, placing his hands on my arms.
 
“More than life itself.
 
That’s why I have to go.”

“It’s not fair!”

“No,” he shakes his head, “but it’s the right thing to do.”

In all the time we’ve been apart, I have never wanted to run away from my destiny so badly as I do in this moment.
 
All I want in life is to have Bastien by my side, but fate has dealt me a different hand.

“I will miss you,” Bastien says.

I wrap my arms about myself as I sob, knowing there is nothing I can do to change this.
 
He pulls me into his arms, resting his head atop mine.
 
I can feel his pain churning within him just before he steps back.
 

“It’s time for the rain to stop, don’t you think?”

I nod and close my eyes, pushing back the clouds.
 
The last few raindrops mingle with my tears as they fall from the sky.
 
“I wish things could be different,” I whisper as I dry my eyes.

Bastien swallows roughly.
 
“I know.”

“Will I see you again?”
 
I drop my head, trying desperately not to think of what my life will be like without him.
 
As hard at it was to see him every day, knowing that I couldn’t have him, never seeing him will be far worse.
 

“I’ll drop in from time to time.”
 
His lie is so obvious that a fresh rain of tears floods from my eyes.
 
He is leaving…for good

“Please don’t do anything reckless while you’re gone,” I plead.

“Nothing more than usual,” he forces a laugh.
 
“Same goes for you.”

I nod and wipe my nose with the back of my sleeve.
 
“When do you leave?”

“Now.”
 
He looks beyond me and I turn to see Kyan waiting.
 
“We’re transporting Drakon to another location nearby.
 
There’s a ship waiting to send him on to Calisted with our message.”

“I have to go.”
 
His brave façade falters as he walks past me.
 
The sag in his shoulders tears at my heart.
 
I can’t just stand here and let him leave.
 
Not like this.

“Wait!”
 
I race around him and throw myself into his arms.
 
I pull his face to mine before he can protest.
 
Crushing my lips against his, I try to express every ounce of my love with one final kiss.
 
It isn’t enough.
 
How can it be?
 
But it’s all I have left to give.

With a whimper, I pull back.
 
“Please come back.”

Bastien fights hard to clear the emotion from his face.
 
He finally manages something close to expressionless, but he can’t hide the burning agony darkening his eyes.
 
He clenches his jaw and steps around me.
 
“Goodbye, Illyria.”

He straightens his shoulders and marches away. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t look back.
 
He leaves me, standing alone, in the war-ravaged street with my heart utterly shattered.
 

I sink to my knees and feel a chasm widen in my chest.
 
I have no idea if I will ever see him again.
 
It is too painful to be near each other, but unbearable to be forced apart.
 
I weep for the love I have been wrongfully denied.

Strong arms envelope me.
 
I look up into Eamon’s face, full of understanding and forgiveness.
 
I cling to him, desperate for him to make the pain disappear.
 
I sob until my sides ache and his shirt drips with my bitter tears, and still he says nothing.
 
He just holds me.

My tears dry up slowly and I pull back to look at Eamon.
 
His gaze is sympathetic.
 
“I’m sorry that he left you,” he murmurs against my hair.
 
“He’ll be fine.
 
He’s the best fighter we have.”

“What about us?” I whisper.

Eamon smiles against my head.
 
“That’s entirely up to you.”

My mouth falls open as I lean back to look at him.
 
“You mean you still want me, after all of this?”
 

“Always,” he presses his lips to mine.
 
“Nothing can ever change that.”

I smile.
 
Maybe there is still hope.
 
Maybe, just maybe, I can be happy with Eamon.
 
My heart will forever long for Bastien, but I know I’m lucky to have Eamon by my side.
 
He will never take Bastien’s place in my heart, but maybe I can make a new place for him.

As Eamon leads me back to the courtyard, love and pride swells in my chest, driving back my sorrow.
 
My friends and family are here, willing to stand by my side as we strive to change the fate of our world.
 
This battle may be over, but the war has only just begun.

The Rising was a success.
 
We fought hard and won our first victory, but there is much work to be done.
 
The days ahead will be long, filled with danger and uncertainty, but I am ready to embrace my destiny, no matter what the future holds for me.
 

RELINQUISH

a Rising novel

coming fall 2013

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amy Miles was born and raised in a military family but now lives with her husband and son in South Carolina.
  
She is also the author of Forbidden and Reckoning..
 
To learn more about her and her books, visit AmyMilesBooks.com