Defiance (New Adult Romance) (Isaac & Maya) (4 page)

“Actually, I’m not sure,” I reply quietly. “If I had to write down a list of names, that one wouldn’t be on it.”

“Oh really?” she says, perking up and smiling a little.

“Good God, woman.” Carl was right, there really are no words.

“I’ll need a picture. I’ll have to ask them for pictures,” I tell her.

“Pictures?”

“They didn’t exactly introduce themselves first, Glory.”

Carl closes his eyes and hangs his head in remorse even though he didn’t do anything. Glory on the other hand sees an opportunity. She knows I’m not sure who he is. She knows that I might not have anything on her. And even though that Mama Bear might rear her head when someone else fucks with me, Glory is a multifaceted person and most of those facets are very angry at me for what I did to her. Maybe she will let me go down in flames. She’ll regret it, but her pride is freshly wounded and she is still incredibly volatile.

“Well in that case, I need you to look at a few pictures,” she says, pulling out her phone.

“One guy. You said
one
guy,” I remind her. “And honestly, I can’t promise that I’ll be able to do it. It depends on the face.”

“Well, let’s just see what face you pick.”

I know a fishing expedition when I see one and I’m not falling for it. “It’s taken me a long time to forget these faces, Glor. I only want to see them one more time. In Dan’s office, when it counts.”

“Just one quick look, Isaac.”

“You are a monster.” Carl steps between us before she can shove the screen in my face. “I am not letting you do this,” he says, pulling the phone out of her hands.

Glory’s lips part and she returns from wherever it is she goes
when all traces of humanity disappear. She looks at me with tearful eyes and quivering lips and mouths the word ‘sorry’, shaking off that ruthless cruelty that she can’t control even when she tries.
What the hell happened to you, Mom? How did you get like this?

“Do you have a picture of him?” I ask Piper’s father.

“I do, if that’s what you really want.”

“It is. I have my reasons.”

Carl nods and reaches into his desk drawer, fumbling around for a while until he pulls out an old picture of some groundbreaking ceremony. My father and Glory aren’t in it. “This man.” He points to the guy standing next to him, but he doesn’t have to. I knew right away.

I flip the picture over after looking at it for less than a second. My throat tightens up as my breathing gets faster. My reaction doesn’t make sense to me because I didn’t actually recognize that face, but at the same time I did. I can’t connect it to a certain night or anything, I’m not sure it would have jumped out at me if I wasn’t prompted. It all just blurs together. I’m pretty fucking adept at spotting that particular type of evil. I just know, but it’s a type of knowledge that I can’t exactly trust. There are very few faces that I could condemn with absolute certainty and I’m not ruining somebody’s life on a fucking hunch.

I look at the picture again as they watch me and memorize this twisted face. It may not mean anything to me, but apparently it’s the face of a person they think the lead investigator will stop at nothing to bring down. That could definitely work in my favor if push comes to shove.

“This is a pretty big fucking favor.” My voice is rather shaky, but instead of hiding it, I play it up.

“One that I am not asking,” Carl says.

“Oh, stop with the fucking Mother Theresa act,” Glory chides him.

“I’ll take it from here, Glor,” I tell her. “So how do you feel about a trade, Carl?”

Now that definitely surprised him. “I’m probably not interested,” he stammers.

“I bet you are. Because Simon here belongs in prison, but you never put him there. And I can tell you’re a good person, I’m sure you want to see it happen. But it hasn’t yet. Because you definitely have something to lose if he goes down, don’t you?” I do a pretty good job at sounding neutral, even though I’m feeling a little superior because I just got the upper hand here. “Something that might destroy your whole life. It’s never just one person’s life that gets destroyed, is it? They always drag everyone they love down with them. Wives. Daughters. Mothers. It all gets torn apart. That’s what you’re trying to avoid, isn’t it?” I ask sympathetically.

“Yes,” he answers. “Yes, Isaac, that’s what I’m trying to avoid.”

“I don’t want to do that to anyone either. Especially Piper. I really,
really
don’t want to do that to Piper,” I say. Carl drops his glass and it shatters on the floor.

5

Isaac

“That’s the truth, I swear to God, I fucking promise
,” I tell Carl. “I’ve been worried about Maya’s life this whole time, but hers isn’t the one I’ll end up ruining. Maya gets to have me when it’s all over, and she wants to be with me, she truly does. But Piper… there’s nothing but heartache and pain for Piper. And I like her. She’s such a beautiful person. Strong. Sweet. I can see why she talks about you the way that she does, why she wants to be just like you. I do not want to take that away from her.”

Carl sure looks like he could use some Xanax. He just sits there blinking at me in disbelief and I decide it’s best to give him a few seconds of silence to get his bearing. “Is this a threat?” he says.

“I don’t want it to be. Honestly, I’m not sure if it counts or not. I mean, I should tell the truth, shouldn’t I? If it’s the right thing to do, how can it be a threat?”

“Do you want to explain what the hell is going on here?” he asks Glory.

“Well—”

“Shut up,” I cut her off. “I don’t want her speaking for me. It’ll come out all twisted and nasty even if she tries not to, that’s just how she is. Sorry, Glory, but it’s true.”

“Whatever, Isaac,” she scoffs.

“I am in love with Maya Sheffield. Completely, utterly, desperately in love with her,” I explain.
Glory rolls her eyes at me and lights up yet again. “I know what you’re thinking and it’s not like that, I swear on my life.”

“I am not hearing this right now,” he says to himself, rubbing his temples. “You do what you have to do, Isaac. If you think I’m going to
give
you Maya, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Piper’s father glares at me and reaches for the phone. I tried to be nice. I tried to stay calm. I tried to be smart, respectful, and honest. And it failed. Again. Like it always fucking does. I guess people like me just have to play by a different set of rules. I yank that phone out of his hand before he dials the first number, because for all I know, it only takes one to call security.

“You sure as hell didn’t have any qualms giving her to Luke, did you?” I snarl. Carl goes for the phone in his pocket. I rip that one out of his hands too and toss it across the room. He starts to call out, so I don’t have any other choice than to leap across his desk and cover his mouth. Papers go flying everywhere and his computer monitor crashes to the floor as Glory moves aside, letting out an excited laugh. She might as well be eating popcorn. “I will not hurt you,” I say calmly. “I’m going to take my hand off your mouth and you’re not going to scream, okay?”

He nods emphatically. “Goddammit Carl, I know you’re lying. You don’t have to promise me you won’t scream because I won’t let you. There are pressure points that can make that impossible, but I don’t want to use them,” I inform him. I don’t think I’ve ever terrified someone quite this much before
and I wish there wasn’t a messed up part of my psyche that’s enjoying it, but there is. “I’m trying hard to not sound like a fucking psychopath here and you’re making it very difficult. I know showing up with
her
didn’t help. I’m not a fucking psycho, I swear. They don’t feel. I fucking feel, Carl. All the time. I can’t turn it off. I used to wish that I could, but I don’t anymore because of this.”

I reach into my pocket and he really starts to freak out, so I roll his chair backwards until it hits the wall and I can use it for leverage. “Geez, I’m not going to shoot you in your fucking office, Carl. I’m not stupid.” Using my knee, I pin his chest as gently as I can so that I can free one hand to pull out my phone. “You were a judge, right? So innocent until proven
guilty, remember? That applies to me too,” I murmur. “I can’t help who my Dad is. But I am
not him.
This is who I am.” I flip to the mushiest, most embarrassingly personal video I have of me and Maya. Her beautiful giggling fills the entire room and nearly takes my breath away. I haven’t been able to watch this for a while, it’s just too painful. “Look at her. Look at me. Look at my eyes, the way I touch her. Listen to us.” But he won’t, his terrified eyes stay locked with mine. “
Look at it!
” I scream, putting the phone up next to my face so he has to. “You’re a man’s man, I can tell. You have to know how fucking humiliating this is even though I’m not ashamed.
This is who I am
. When I get away from him, when I get away from
her
,” I spit, jerking my head towards Glory. “This is who I’ll get to be all the time. This is what I can give Maya.”

It starts to get a little X rated, but I need to make my case so I let it go a bit farther than it should before I cut it off and flip to another video. Okay, I was wrong, this one is definitely the mushiest. We’re cuddling on her couch, saying ‘I love you’ over and over and over. She’s in my lap and we’re kissing each others faces everywhere, rubbing our noses back and forth, tickling and laughing and loving each other so fucking much. He has to see it. “This is real,” I choke. I can’t stand hearing it anymore, it’s ripping my fucking heart out, but I keep it on. Carl’s eyes dart back and forth from the screen to mine. He’s definitely coming around, but I can’t risk letting him go yet. “I love her.” I try not to scream it out, but I just can’t help it. “I need her back. I
need
her. And I will get her, one way or another.”

“You love her too, don’t you?” I ask, trying to keep it together, but I’m definitely starting to sound like a fucking maniac at this point. “Don’t you?” He nods. “You’ve known her for a long time, since she was a little girl. Did you ever think she could be like this? Did you?” Right on cue, Maya lets out the sweetest, girliest little squeal that morphs into such a perfect, adorable giggle and then she whispers how much she loves me into my ear. My insides flop around because it feels like she’s so close, but my brain can’t escape the reality that she’s not and I choke out a sob. “I know you think she’s broken inside, and she is, but she’s not fucking empty. She’s not a robot. That’s what everybody thinks about her, isn’t it? Did you ever think she could be like this?” I shove the screen farther into his face. “
Answer me!
” I yell. “Did you ever think she could be like this?”

Carl finally shakes his head no. “That’s what I thought!” I flip to a video that I scolded Maya for taking, but it sure is coming in handy now. “This is me with your daughter,” I say softly. His eyes widen and he starts to struggle a little, but he’s helpless. It’s a rare moment that Maya wanted to capture because Piper and I are actually getting along. I’m showing her a shortcut to perfectly caramelize onions. “I’ve been sleeping one bedroom away from your only baby girl since August, Carl.
August.
I kept their fridge stocked with food so they wouldn’t have to eat garbage or spend an hour cooking that they could spend studying. Or partying, in Piper’s case, if I’m being honest. I’m not her favorite person, but she liked me the best when I made breakfast on mornings when she was hung over.” Jace shows up in a few seconds, so I have to turn it off.

“They know what I am, too.
Piper
knows exactly what I am and she wasn’t thrilled about it, but we had a heart to heart. She saw how happy I made Maya like you just did. And yeah, sometimes she heard me fuck her in all the rough and dirty ways that I fuck her. I’m not pretending to be someone that I’m not here. But did your daughter call you and tell you about the horrible person sleeping next to her best friend? You know she would have.
Did she
?” I shout. His eyes are furious again. “If she was scared of being in her own house, she would have told you. I have a fucking key. I was there all the time. She would have called you if she was afraid of me, but she didn’t. Did she? Fucking answer me so I can let you go, because I don’t want to keep holding you down.
Did she
?”

Reluctantly, he shakes his head no again. “I’m not innocent, but I’m not guilty either. If that wasn’t a shadow of a doubt, then I don’t fucking know what is,” I rasp, staring into his eyes to see if that worked. I think it did. “I’m about to take my hand off your mouth. I know how uncomfortable that is. Don’t make me hurt you so you can’t talk, Carl. And it does fucking hurt, believe me.
Simon
likes it when it hurts. So does my father. And if you’ve been fucking Glory, you must like it a little bit, too.
I don’t
. I’m sorry that I put my hands on you, I truly am. But you know that you didn’t give me any other choice.”

I let him go, but I can’t back away. He doesn’t scream, just stares at me completely dumbfounded while he rubs the back of his neck. I spin around to see Glory looking rather bewildered and a bit hurt. I sort of forgot she was there. That was probably difficult for her to hear, but I’m glad she did.

“How the hell did all this start?” Carl asks.

“This all started,” I say, taking a seat on his desk so he can’t get close to a phone just yet. “Ten fucking years ago when Maya was climbing an oak tree outside your window.” I can’t help but take satisfaction when the shock on his face morphs into shame. “Yeah, I know every sordid detail about that little incident. And if you don’t think seeing that shit at such a tender, impressionable young age wasn’t the catalyst for how Maya found herself within my grasp, you are really fucking kidding yourself. So if I suspect that you’re passing judgment on her for enjoying herself the same way you do, I’ll rip your fucking life apart. Maya never told your daughter, but I sure can. Along with your wife. Not to mention get the ball rolling on that whole Simon fiasco. I’m not a monster, but I will play the part if I fucking need to.”