Defending My Mobster (BWWM Romance) (34 page)

“I don’t understand…”

“You wouldn’t. He didn’t want anyone to know. Now I understand why.” I swallowed hard, trying to push away more tears. Trying to subdue the churning my stomach. “Oh god, what am I going to do?”

I tried to breathe deeply, to get myself back under control. It was no use. I was going into a fit of hysteria. All my emotions pushed up in my throat.

Shit, here came trouble.

I grabbed the small waste paper basked from under my desk and threw up into it, my body retching and hurling until there was nothing left.

“Oh my god, Alyssa,” Carol jumped up and rubbed my back. When I put the little bin down again, she handed me a tissue. I took it gratefully, blowing my nose. The taste of vomit was still in the back of my throat.

Carol stood up and went back to her position leaning on my desk. I couldn’t read her expression. She looked thoughtful, like she was turning a lot of things over in her mind. I’d expected her to be angry. If it had been anything else I could have dealt with it myself. But I’d needed to tell someone, anyone, and she was the only person I counted as someone resembling a friend. I was pathetic, puking in my dustbin, crying like a teenager.

“You know,” Carol said, staring off over the cubicles. “He’s been different, lately. It makes sense now.” She smiled. “I can just imagine the ripples that would have caused.”

“I guess one day I’ll get to the point where I can see the humor,” I said, sounding bitter. Carol looked at me sharply.

“You should go fix it with him,” she said. I snapped my head up to look at her.

“What?” I’d thought she would be upset. “You’re not opposed to all of this? Not even after we’d hidden it from you?”

“I don’t think you did that much wrong. Sure, it would have been different if some people knew, I think. But I know our family. Especially his mom – my aunt. We were all raised how you come across is what makes you in this world. You  better know that if you’re set on making this work with him, you’re in for a very tough time, honey.”

I shook my head and looked down at my hands. “It’s over. There’s nothing for me to worry about other than healing up my wounded pride and my broken heart.”

“Nonsense,” Carol said, waving her hand like she could swat it away. “Go fix it with him.”

“He’s gone,” I said. “He’s only getting back next week.”

“So go after him then! One thing you should know about Nate is that he’s a sucker for big romantic gestures. I don’t know what the future holds for you two. It’s going to be difficult, yes, especially with the family. But if I think of how he’s been the last couple of weeks, happy for the first time in… well, ever… then I think it’s only right you go after him. He hasn’t been like that with a woman he’s dated in all the time I’ve known him.”

I took a deep breath and let it out in a shudder. “You really think so?”

“I know so. Close your eyes and jump, sweetie. Nate will catch you. He’s that kind of man.”

Fear clawed at my throat. Another new city? Besides, how was I going to get away?

“I can’t take leave right now,” I said.

“How are you feeling? After that little display in your bin?” Carol asked. “I think it’s time for you to take some sick leave. I can cover for you, and Sarah thinks you’re coming down with something, anyway. I heard. If she bugs me about it, I’ll shove that in her face.” She nodded at the waste basket, and despite my horrible mood, I grinned.

She stood and walked out of my cubicle.

“Go on, get out of here,” she urged.

***

I stood in at the airport, looking at the departure times. My flight was due in ten minutes. Carol had booked a ticket that had cost me an arm and a leg at such short notice. In my hand I clutched a piece of paper with scribbled directions and the address to where Nate was. At least she’d given my something to go by. I swallowed hard and reread it for the millionth time.

In my head I ticked off all the things I had to do: Get to Cape Town, find a car, follow the instructions to Mrs. Moore’s house. Win back Nate. The last part seemed to be the hardest. The scariest.

At the boarding call I made my way to the tunnel that led to the plane, and handed my ticket to the lady that manned the booth.

“Have a safe trip,” she said in a thick accent, and smiled brightly.

The flight was two hours, and when I stepped out of the airport in Cape Town, the tang of salt in the air filled my nostrils, reminding me I was at the coast. A chilly wind cut through my thin jacket. It was autumn in South Africa now, when it would be spring back home. I pulled my jacket tighter around my body.

The traffic was a lot less intense than in Johannesburg, and I found the roads easy to navigate. Carol’s directions were clear, and before long I ended in front of a gate with the number ninety-eight in mosaic on the wall. I pulled out my phone and tried Nate’s number one more time, in case it was switched on, but I got voicemail again.

This was where I closed my eyes and jumped. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. My stomach was still unstable, but I would ignore it. The last thing I needed was to throw up in front of Nate’s family when I came crawling back to him.

I pushed the intercom button that read ‘house’, and waited.

“Hello?” a woman’s voice crackled over the intercom a moment later.

“I’m here to see Nathan Moore?” I said into the speaker.

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“Uhm…” I would have used another name if I’d known anyone else in his life. But I didn’t. “Alyssa,” I admitted. The line went dead, and there was moment when nothing happened. I was starting to think I had to leave, when the gate creaked and then slowly opened. I started the car again, and drove down the drive that curved behind a clump of trees.

I stopped in front of a garage that had the old doors that opened to the sides. The house adjacent was Cape-Dutch, white with curly finishes and dark brown slats framing the windows. A porch stretched along the front of the house, and there were plants everywhere.

The front door opened as I got out of the car, and Nate stepped out.

“Alyssa,” he said, staying where he was. I had envisioned me running toward him, his arms open, and falling into them. That was fairytale, of course. Reality hurt a lot more. He was distant, emotionally and physically, and closed off.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I spoke to Carol.” His face blanched when I said it, but he kept quiet. “I had to come see you. I couldn’t leave things the way they were.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he got anything out, a woman walked out behind him. She had short white hair and dark eyes. Her build was delicate, and she wore a summer dress that complimented her skin tone. She stepped forward and linked her arm with Nate’s.

“Who is it, hun?” she asked. This woman wasn’t Nate’s mother.

My stomach sank, and my mouth went dry. I swallowed but my throat felt like sandpaper. I was too late. I was starting to wonder if I’d been anything important at all.

“Go back inside, Claire,” he said. “Just let me deal with this.”

Claire looked me up and down like I was filth. Then she turned and walked back into the house with a cheeky strut.

I’d seen enough.

“I shouldn’t have come,” I said, walking back to my car.

“Alyssa, wait,” he called and started down the porch steps, but I shook my head and kept walking.

“This was a mistake.”

I got in the car and turned the ignition. With a wide turn I reversed on the grass, nearly hitting Nate, and turned back onto the drive way. The gate was still open, thank god, and I turned onto the road in the direction I’d come.

When I was three blocks away I pulled over. I couldn’t see the road anymore, tears blurred my vision and my body racked with sobs. I folded my arms across my stomach and doubled over until my forehead touched the steering wheel. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened my mouth I a silent scream.

I was in a strange town, with nowhere to go, and nothing to do. I had bargained on him taking me back, and I hadn’t planned for anything else. Grey clouds formed above me as I sat crying, and fat raindrops plopped onto the windscreen, first only a few, and then it turned into a massive downpour.

Perfect. The weather matched my mood.

What was I going to do now?

Chapter 6 - Nate

The moment Alyssa left, a storm broke loose in the house. Claire had run inside and told my mother that ‘some black girl’ was here to see me.

“Who is she?” my mom asked when I rushed into the house. I grabbed my car keys off the hook by the door, and I planned on heading out again, after her. The sight of her had relieved the dull ache in my head and the echo in my chest. I’d been shocked to see her, surprised that finally it felt like the sun had come up. It didn’t feel like it had only been a weekend after I ended with her. It felt like I’d been wandering for a lifetime.

“Why are you going after her?” Claire asked, crossing her arms over her chest. She was so different from the girls I used to date when I lived here, I hardly recognized her.

“Because she doesn’t know anything or anyone here, and I can’t leave her driving around here at night. There are some ugly neighborhoods just a couple of blocks over.”

“What does it matter?”

My mom came into the living room.

“Don’t tell me you’re involved with this girl?” she asked. She still wore her apron, and her hands were white with flour.

“I have to go,” I said.

“Don’t go after her,” she said. “What about Claire?”

I turned and looked at my mom, and then at Claire. My mom looked serious, her expression stony. Claire pouted.

“What about Claire?” I asked. Clair’s mouth dropped, and my mom gasped. I turned my back on them and stormed out of the house.

It had started to rain, cold drops dripping on my skin and shirt. I was in the car just one time. The drizzle turned into a heavy downpour.

I didn’t know which way Alyssa had gone. As soon as I’d turned into the road I fiddled with my phone, trying to switch it on. The damn Blackberries took so long to boot. I swore at the loading bar that crept across the screen at a snail’s pace.

I shot past a faded green car parked on the side of the road. It was dim through the sheets of rain, and I only registered it when I was past. I slammed on brakes and skidded across the road. Thankfully it was a suburban road and there were no cars. I did a crude U-turn, half over a pavement, nearly taking out a trash can, and parked across the road, opposite the green car. I got out of the car. I was soaked immediately.

I didn’t care. I ran across the road and tapped on the driver’s window.

Alyssa was inside, her head on the steering wheel. When I knock on the window she jumped. When she looked up she opened the door and stepped out into the rain.

“I’m sorry,” I said before she could say anything. “I was wrong. I was an idiot, an absolute bastard. I miss you. I don’t want you out of my life.”

“But you said...“

“Forget what I said. I didn’t mean it. I thought I did but I was an idiot. I love you.”

I grabbed her face and kissed her hard. I wanted her in my life. It felt like heaven having her in my arms again. When I pulled away from her, she looked at me for a second, and then she broke down and cried. I pulled her into a hug, and she buried her face in my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. She didn’t say anything. Her arms wrapped around my body, and we stood like that, in the rain, for a long time.

Finally she let me go, and looked up at me. Her face was warm despite the cold downpour we were standing in.

“Come on, let’s get out of this rain,” I said.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s a City Lodge nearby. Let’s get you cleaned up and dry.”

“And then?” She looked scared to ask. I took a deep breath. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

“And then I’d like you to meet my mother.”

She gave me a small smile. We drove to my mother’s house, where I dropped off the car, and then I drove her to the hotel in her rental. She was quiet the whole way, her hand on my leg, squeezing slightly. The small reminder that she was next to me again was like an anchor.