Defector (13 page)

“T
essa?”

I snapped out of the past, only now realizing that I was clutching the kettle in a death grip. Devon stood in the doorway, a look of deep worry on his face.

“Sorry,” I croaked. “I got lost in memories for a moment.”

“I figured.” He approached me slowly, as though he was afraid I might break down or bolt at any moment. I turned the faucet on and filled the kettle with water before putting it on the stovetop. Devon didn’t say anything as he watched me wait for the water to boil. I put three heaps of instant coffee in a semiclean cup and poured the hot water on top. I gave it a few quick stirs with a dirty spoon before heading toward the living room. Carl was sitting on the sofa. He looked much more alert than before. I sat the coffee cup down in front of him. “Extra strong,” I said. “The way you like it.”

He downed the first gulp of the black liquid. He sputtered and coughed. “Fuck, that’s hot!”

That was the language I was used to from him. No please or thank you, just criticism. I settled on the armrest and waited for the caffeine to kick in. Devon sat down on the armchair across from me. From the state of the living room, no one had cleaned it for months. I wondered if anyone besides Carl had set foot in the house in about as long. Beer bottles, dirty clothes, used tissues, and empty cans of meatballs and baked beans littered the ground, and the layer of dust and grime on every surface was as thick as my pinky.

“You changed a lot,” Carl said eventually.

“People do change,” I said coldly.
At least most people do
, I thought. Except for the fact that he had less hair on his head and more on his shoulders—which were sadly uncovered, thanks to his grayish-white tank top—Carl’s life hadn’t changed.

“Suppose they do,” he said. For a moment, he seemed far away. “Sometimes all it takes is a little push.” A strange smile flitted on his face, but then he pulled himself out of his zone. “What do you want? I got no money.”

I had to stop myself from snorting. As if I’d ask him, of all people, for money! “I’m looking for my mother. I thought you might be able to help me find her, or have some idea where she is.”

“The bitch left me a few weeks after they took you away.”

Devon’s eyes grew wide at the insult, but I’d heard far worse from Carl’s mouth.

“Did she find someone new?”

Carl shrugged. “Don’t think so. Guess she’d lost interest in me.”

“Have you seen her since then? Or did she tell you where she was heading?” I could see Devon’s frightened eyes taking in every inch of the room, and my body heated with embarrassment.

“Nah, nothing. She was glad to get away.”

“You must know something,” I pleaded.

Carl got to his feet and pulled something from behind his back. He was pointing a Glock at us.

I tensed. “What are you doing?”

Carl ignored my question. He moved a few steps back, then gestured with the gun at Devon. A silencer was attached to its barrel. “You. Sit beside her. I want you close together.”

“Calm down,” Devon said. “We don’t mean any harm.”

“Shut up!” Carl snarled, spit flying from his mouth. “Get over there, or I’ll put a bullet through your skull.” Devon stood from the armchair and slowly made his way over to me. I never took my eyes off the weapon in Carl’s hand. I wondered if he knew that a silencer didn’t actually silence a gun completely. The sound of the gunshots would be suppressed, but the neighbors might still hear them. Not that anyone around here would give a damn.

“What did you do upstairs?” I asked.

“A couple of days ago, a guy showed up on my doorstep. Promising money and all, if I called him when I saw you. Thought he was joking, but he gave me five hundred bucks for nothing and promised there’d be a lot more where that came from. Of course, I thought that’s all I’d ever get. Didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to show your face around here.” He cackled, glee shining in his eyes.

“What have you done?” I whispered. My hands began shaking, so I curled them into fists.

“I always knew something good would come my way. Never figured it would come from you, but I’m happy to be surprised.” He smirked, and I wanted nothing more than to stalk over to him and smash his face. But he still hadn’t told me whom he’d alerted to our presence. And there was the problem of the gun.

Devon’s fingers brushed my hand. I hooked my pinky with his. “Who was it? Who was here?” I made my voice come out hard and unafraid, despite the fear turning over my stomach. Was the FEA looking for us? Or was it someone from Abel’s Army?

“Dunno,” he said, glancing at the window. I followed his gaze toward the street. “But the guy should be here pretty soon. I called him when you first got here, and he said he was close by.”

I shifted, every instinct telling me to do something, to run. Carl wouldn’t shoot us. He wouldn’t get a reward if he delivered us dead. Carl chanced another look at the window, and suddenly Devon ripped away from our touch and stormed toward him. Carl was slow, but he raised the gun before Devon had a chance to reach him. A crack sounded through the room, and Devon twitched and swayed backward. A bullet had hit him.

“No!” I screamed and ran toward them. Devon collided with Carl, and a second shot rang out. The back of Carl’s head smashed against the wall, and he crumbled to the ground. Devon lay right beside him. For a moment I wasn’t sure whom the second shot had hit, then I noticed the bullet hole in the ceiling. Carl’s chest was rising and falling—he was just unconscious.

I knelt at Devon’s side, trying to squelch the overwhelming panic pulsating through my body. I rolled Devon over so he was facing me. Blood flowed from a wound at his shoulder. There wasn’t a second hit. Devon’s eyes fluttered, and he gave me a shaky smile. The color drained from his face, but luckily he stayed conscious. “Why did you do that?” I whispered as I helped him to his feet. Even if he was wounded, we couldn’t risk staying here for much longer. Whoever Carl had called would be here at any minute.

“Remember? I’m bulletproof.” The humor died on his face, and he grimaced from pain as I wrapped his arm around my neck. He leaned heavily on me as I led him out of the living room. “It doesn’t look like that to me,” I muttered. Though I knew I should be grateful. Devon had bought us time and gotten us out of a hopeless situation, but I couldn’t forget the stab of panic I’d felt when I’d watched him get shot.

I cracked open the front door and peeked outside. The street was still empty. I hurried to our car, dragging Devon along with me. I could tell that he was trying to walk on his own, but his legs were too shaky. I pushed him onto the passenger seat, and he gave me a grateful smile. Droplets of sweat beaded on the top of his lip. I walked around the car and slipped behind the steering wheel. Part of me wanted to speed away, but on the other hand this was a good opportunity to get a glimpse at the person who was following us. If it was Abel’s Army, it would be good to know the faces I’d have to look for. Again I thought of letting them catch me. If they took me prisoner, at least there was a good chance they’d be leading me to Holly. But what about Devon?

His eyes were closed in pain. No. I needed stick to the plan. Keep Devon safe and try to find my mother. I put the key into the ignition and started the car. I checked the street. Four houses down, a driveway was vacant and the shades were drawn. It seemed like as good a place as any to hide in plain sight. I reversed the car and slowly drove toward the house. I backed into the driveway. That way I could make a fast escape, if necessary.

“I think you’ll have to remove the bullet,” Devon said through gritted teeth. I jumped at the sound of his voice. He didn’t even question why I hadn’t sped away, but he probably had bigger worries.

“What?” I said. “But your body heals itself.”

“Yeah, it heals itself, but that’s the problem. It’ll close the wound and encase the bullet. And then later, once it realizes how bad the foreign material is for me, it’ll start rejecting the bullet very slowly by driving it out and then healing again.”

I stared at the wound, which was already starting to close. The bullet was definitely still inside.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s better to get it out now and heal all at once.”

I’d never removed a bullet. I’d read about it and seen a video tutorial, but that was as far as my experience went. I hadn’t really paid attention when Devon had removed the tracker from my arm, and that had been close to the surface. This bullet was lodged way deeper. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Carl’s house, but he hadn’t stormed out to search for us yet. He’d hit his head pretty hard. As messed up as he was, I hoped we hadn’t hurt him too badly. My eyes drifted to the end of the street.

“I once managed to get a huge splinter in my knee when I had an accident with my bike and fell on a log,” Devon continued. “Let’s just say that it wasn’t a pleasant experience to have my body repel that splinter by breaking open my skin. Hurt like hell.”

“That’s not very clever of your body,” I said, turning back to Devon. “It should avoid causing you pain.”

Devon let out a raspy laugh. “Agreed.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll need a knife or anything else that’s sharp enough.”

Devon nodded toward his backpack. “Take my pocket knife.” I unzipped the bag and rummaged in it until my hands closed around cool steel. I unfolded the blade. I took a lighter from the middle console and flicked it on before I led it across the blade over and over again until I was sure that it was sterilized. Devon stuffed an old shirt into his mouth.

“This’ll hurt like hell,” I warned. “But remember, it’s going to be okay.” Devon’s eyes pleaded with me to hurry. My gaze flitted over to the house and the end of the street again. Nothing yet. I forced my hands to steady. With a deep breath, I pushed the tip of the knife into the already almost-closed wound. Devon let out a groan, sweat glistening on his skin.

“I guess it makes sense to close the wound first,” I rambled to keep myself and Devon distracted from what was happening. I didn’t think I was doing a good job. “It stops the blood flow, and blood loss is probably a pretty big concern for everybody.” The blade hit something hard. I changed the angle of the knife to wedge the tip under the bullet. Blood welled up and spilled over Devon’s shoulder and arm. With a moan, Devon began to shake. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he lost consciousness. I was actually relieved. At least that way he’d be spared the worst pain. The skin around the knife kept closing, making it extra hard for me to get a good look at the bullet, and the blood flow wasn’t exactly helpful either. When I was sure that I was below the bullet, I started pushing the blade up until finally the bullet came into view and I was able to pry it out. It landed on Devon’s jeans, where it left another bloodstain. As I watched the wound closing, I was incredibly thankful for his Variation. I took a small towel from my backpack and wet it with a bit of water from my bottle. Carefully, I wiped Devon’s forehead.

With Devon asleep, I suddenly felt afraid to be on the street alone. I’d been stupid to stay here to watch our pursuers. I put the car into gear and was about to pull out of the driveway when a black town car turned onto the street. It was too posh to belong here. Panic surged through me. “Shit,” I whispered as I floored the accelerator and swung the steering wheel around. My wrist screamed from the force it took to keep the car in check. The tires squealed as I shot down the street in the other direction. I checked the rearview mirror. The black car was gaining on us fast.

T
he car jolted as we shot over a bump in the road. Devon came to with a moan and tried to sit up but was thrown against the door as I turned sharply onto another street. But it was useless. The car was so close to us now, I could see the shape of a man behind the steering wheel. And suddenly I felt cold. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to see his face ever again, but there he was. Alec.

The front of his car was almost touching the truck’s rear. My foot on the gas pedal eased as a wave of calm washed over me. He appeared to be alone. All the fear, all the worry, all the urgency disappeared. The car slowed even more.

No
, a warning voice inside me said.
Keep going.
Run
. But I was so calm. There was no need to worry, no need to be afraid. Everything would be fine. Deep down, I was aware that those weren’t my
own
emotions. The car rolled to a stop beside an abandoned warehouse. I knew we should keep going, but I couldn’t bring myself to press down on the gas, couldn’t fight the overwhelming feeling of calm that had captured me.

Alec parked in front of us and got out, his expression wary. And suddenly the calm let up and my feelings returned like a whirlwind. I couldn’t believe he’d used his Variation to control me like that.

I gasped. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d grabbed Carl’s gun and jumped out of the car. My arm was steady as I aimed it at Alec’s head. “Take another step and I’ll shoot you.” But as soon as I’d said it, I knew I could never do it. And I knew that he could feel it too. His gray eyes were soft, not fazed at all by the weapon aimed at him. I’d just as soon pull the trigger on myself as I would harm him. Despite everything, despite all the lies and his betrayal, I still loved him. And I hated myself for it, more than I could ever hate him. I lowered the gun until it was pointed at his shoulder. He took a small step closer to me, his face begging for understanding. But even if I couldn’t shoot him, that didn’t mean I trusted him or forgave him. For him, the FEA would always come first. It would have always stood between us.

“You manipulated me again, though you promised not to do it,” I hissed. “You promised! But you lied!” The last came out as a breathless scream.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Devon open the passenger door of the car. I hoped he’d stay where he was. Alec briefly glanced at Devon, his lips tightening before he turned back to me. “Tess,” he said. “It’s not that simple. It’s not the way you think.”

“Don’t! Don’t use that tone with me. I’m done being your marionette. I’m done with you and your empty promises. I’m done with the FEA and their lies. I’m done. Done.” I took a deep breath, but my rib cage constricted painfully. I felt as if my chest was in a vice.

Alec stared at me like he couldn’t comprehend what I’d just said. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. You’re in danger. The FEA is your only protection. I want to protect you, that’s all there ever was. I care about you, and I want to keep you safe.”

The grip on the gun tightened until my fingers turned numb. “Liar,” I spit out. “I was your mission. Your puzzle to survey. Every word and every kiss we shared was a lie. If you think I’ll ever forget that, you don’t know me at all.” He opened his mouth, but I continued. “When will Major and the others be here?” I was surprised he’d come alone.

“No one’s coming. They don’t know I’m here.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s the truth, Tess. I came to take you back to headquarters with me. I talked to Major. He’ll listen to you, he’ll reconsider his decision to send you to the hospital.”

“That’s a lie I definitely won’t believe, Alec. I know Major. After everything I’ve done in the last few days, he’ll keep me locked away until he’s sure I’m brainwashed enough to obey his orders.”

Alec took another step toward me. Dark shadows lingered under his eyes, and he’d lost weight. “Tessa, I just want to help you. Please come back with me.”

“If you want to help me, tell me where my mother is,” I said. I knew it was a risk, but he was my best chance, and if the FEA knew where my mother was, they’d expect me to go there at some point anyway. Devon hovered near the bumper, uncertainty playing on his face. His left arm was pressed against his chest; moving it probably still hurt.

Alec shook his head. “Tess, please, listen to me. Abel’s Army is hunting you. They’re extremely dangerous. They are the enemy. You’ll get yourself killed. Please trust me, just one more time. I understand that you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be, but I swear I’m just trying to look out for you.” His voice was like a caress. I wanted to go over to him and bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathe in his scent, and rain kisses down on his scar. I pushed against the emotion, not sure if it came from within me or if Alec was manipulating me again. “When I said I loved you, I didn’t lie. I never lied about my emotions for you. I love you. And I know you love me too.”

Something snapped in me. “Maybe a stupid part of me still does. But let me tell you this: It doesn’t matter, because I don’t listen to that crazy part anymore. You only care about the FEA; it will always be more important to you than I or anyone else could be. That isn’t what love is about, Alec. And you know what? Your parents were right.” He tensed, but I didn’t stop. “I bet you loved manipulating them, making them doubt their emotions until they were sure they were losing their mind, just like you did with me. I bet you enjoyed it even as a young boy. No wonder that they couldn’t stand your presence. Nobody likes being manipulated and violated. If I’d been in their stead, I would have wanted to get away from you too.” I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Now I finally had proved that I was my mother’s daughter—just as cruel and careless with my words. I was turning into her; I’d hurt Alec where I knew it would sting the most.

Alec turned his face to the side, leaving me to stare at his profile. He swallowed hard, his jaw tense and throat flexing. I wanted to apologize. I wanted for us to forgive each other for the past. I wanted to let him take me back to headquarters to live a life full of happy lies. But I didn’t move. I couldn’t. That part of my life was over. Forever. Alec and I could never be together. He was on the FEA’s side and would always be. They didn’t have my best interests in mind. I was on a mission, and I had a job to do. And in order to do it, I had to forget him and the FEA for good.

There was nothing left to say. I whirled around, ready to go back to the car, but Alec spoke up. “I know where your mother is,” he said quietly. I stopped and slowly, afraid of seeing his face, turned back to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper. He held the snippet out to me, his expression unreadable. After a moment of hesitation, I walked toward him. Devon shifted on his feet, as though he was preparing to interfere if Alec tried to grab me. It was useless, of course. Alec was stronger than the two of us together. If he wanted to abduct me, nobody could stop him. But he looked so defeated, I didn’t think the thought had even entered his mind. My guilt tasted like acid on my tongue. I stopped two arms’ lengths away from Alec and reached out for the paper. Our fingers brushed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his gray ones. There was too much sadness in them. Tears sprang into my eyes, but I didn’t allow them to fall. I’d cried so often because of Alec in the past. That time was over. I snatched the paper from his hand and took a few steps back.

“It’s because of him, isn’t it?” Alec said. I followed his gaze toward Devon, who was watching us with confusion. Alec thought I’d left because of Devon? “You still don’t get it, do you? I left because of
you.
You once told me you’d do anything for me. And it was the same for me. I’d have given my life to save yours. I’d have done anything, absolutely anything for you. But then I found out how you’d betrayed me. I was stupid. I knew I’d never be able to forgive you.”

Devon looked more than a little uncomfortable, but I was glad that he hadn’t tried to interject. This was between Alec and me.

With clammy hands, I unfolded the paper and glanced down at the address. It was the name of a bar in Las Vegas. “A bar?”

“Yeah. Your mother works there.” Alec stared at a point above my head. I wondered if I’d ever manage to turn my face into a mask void of emotion. He’d perfected the art. But I’d glimpsed behind the mask, through the cracks of his strong appearance. I knew that hadn’t all been fake.

“How did you find this? Did she stay in contact with the FEA?”

Alec smiled bitterly. “No. I knew the bar. It’s a place I’ve been before. I thought I might find someone there who could help me find your mother. I didn’t think I’d find her there, but I did.”

“What kind of bar is this?” Devon asked. Alec’s eyes swiveled to him, and his stoic mask slipped into one of anger and suspicion.

“A bar for our kind,” Alec said, then he met my eyes. “It’s not run by the FEA. The people who go there have no business with the FEA, no alliance to any organization. This is an underground scene that doesn’t choose sides.”

So they weren’t Abel’s Army either. But if Alec knew about the bar, there was a good chance that Major or Abel had figured it out too, and that they had spies there. But I had no choice. This was my only lead and the only way to get to my mother.

“Major will kill you for this,” I said.

“Do you really think I still care?” His voice was hollow. I hesitated as I watched his face. I said my final goodbye in my head. It would have hurt me too much to say it out loud. I turned around and stalked back to the car. “Get in,” I told Devon. I didn’t have the strength to spare that last glance. I climbed into the truck, started the engine, and backed up from the limousine until I had enough room to maneuver onto the street. I hit the accelerator, and in passing my eyes were drawn to the rearview mirror, to Alec and the way he was frozen in place, his gaze on me. I knew that look in his eyes would haunt me for a long time, but even so, there was no going back.