Deep Down (Lockhart Brothers #1) (23 page)

I gazed up at him, his coffee-colored eyes seeming to see inside me.

“True?” he asked softly.

“Yes.”

“Has a man ever forced himself on you?”

I kept my eyes locked on his, my mind warring with itself. I’d decided to tell him when his thumb brushed over my lips again. It felt so good that I kept my lips pressed closed as he outlined my upper lip and then my lower one.

“You don’t have to answer. I know from how scared you were that night I laid on top of you. That tore me up, Ivy–knowing I made you feel that way. I’d never hurt you. I couldn’t.”

I nodded slightly, leaning closer so I could feel the warmth of his chest against mine.

“You have to talk to me, okay?” he said. “I need to know what you like and don’t like. What triggers bad memories, so I don’t do it. I can’t let go when we’re together if I’m worried about scaring you.”

“It’s like you said . . . if I feel overpowered or trapped, it’s hard for me. I do love it when you touch me. No one’s ever touched me like you do. When you go really slowly . . . it does things to me.”

“Does it, now? Tell me more.”

“I like it when you touch my back. When you run your finger down my spine. And when you put your hands under my shirt to rub my shoulders.”

“I can’t wait to see all of you,” he said, his thumb tracing my jaw line.

“I want to try,” I said tentatively. “As long as you know I might freak out again. It might not work.”

“Try . . . ?”

“Sex. I want to. With you.”

He pushed his brows together, looking concerned. “Are you sure?”

“Completely sure. As long as you get that I’m very inexperienced, and I can’t stand feeling trapped.”

“I’ll go slow. But . . . I wanted to wait until—”

I put a finger over his lips, silencing him. “I do, Reed. But I want to wait until that night to say it. Do you?”

“I do. Very much.”

Warmth radiated to every nerve ending in my body. “Okay. So we’re going to try. When?”

He considered. “This weekend? I want to make some plans, and I’ll need a couple days.”

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh over his rock-hard erection against my stomach.

“What’s funny?” he asked.

“I can, um . . . tell you approve of this idea.”

“Hell yes, I approve.” He pulled both my hands up to his lips and kissed them. “I promise to make it good for you, Ivy.”

I smiled, forcing away the twinge of apprehension churning in my stomach. Reed didn’t realize what he was dealing with. I felt guilty for not telling him, but I wanted this to happen without him thinking of me as a victim. I just wanted to be a woman making love to a man for the first time. Maybe it wasn’t possible for it to be good for me, but I wanted to try. For Reed, but mostly for myself.

MY STOMACH WAS IN
knots as I waited for Reed to arrive. The day was finally here. We were going away for our first night together. I’d dropped Noah off at Margie and Gene’s and told Margie to wish me luck.

She hugged me and did just that, though she probably thought she was wishing me luck on a simple date.

I’d packed a bag of things and splurged on a small bottle of perfume. The anticipation was killing me. After several sleepless nights in a row, I was hoping to fall asleep curled up next to Reed later tonight. Much, much later tonight.

When he pulled up in front of my apartment, I stepped out, locked the door and ran out to his truck, my bag and purse in hand.

“Hey,” he said, smiling when I opened the passenger door and got in. “You eager tonight?”

“A little. Aren’t you?”

“A lot.” He leaned in for a kiss. I relished his coffee and chocolate taste for a few long seconds before leaning back and reaching for my seat belt.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

I groaned, but couldn’t keep myself from smiling. He’d taken the time to plan something special, and that reminded me that he was worth facing my fears for.

“You want to listen to my Sex playlist?” he asked.

I gaped at him. “You have a Sex playlist?”

“I made it this afternoon. I was in court at the time, actually, waiting for my hearing.”

“Way to multitask. So these are songs that put you in the mood?”

“Songs that remind me of you.” He pushed a couple buttons on the dashboard of his truck and ‘I Want You’ by Kings of Leon came on.

“I like it,” I said, leaning back in my seat to listen to the music.

When we went through the outskirts of Lovely but he just kept driving, I gave him a puzzled look.

“There’s nothing for almost an hour this way. Unless you’re taking me to the gas station in that next little town.”

“I’m not. We’ll save that idea for next time, though.” He turned next to a sign for the Lovely Airport.

“Are we going to the airport?” I looked at him, hoping for a clue. “It’s not a real airport, is it?”

He laughed. “No commercial flights or anything, but it’s real.”

“Hmm.”

The rural airport was all runways and big metal storage buildings. Reed parked next to one and my stomach started churning.

“Tell me you don’t have an airplane,” I said just before he closed his door. He jogged around to my side and opened my door, offering me a hand.

I took his hand and stepped out, looking at him expectantly. “Tell me, Reed. Because there is no way—”

He pressed a finger to my lips, silencing me. “I don’t have a plane.”

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

“But my dad does,” he said, winking at me. He led me by the hand to the door of the building we’d parked beside.

“Wait,” I cried, digging my feet into the ground. “I can’t go on a plane.”

“Sure you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

He looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

“I mean . . . I’ve
never
been on a plane,” I said. “I’m afraid of flying.”

“I’ve been flying for a decade. I promise you I know what I’m doing.”

“It’s . . . not you,” I sputtered. “It’s the plane.”

“We’ll only be in the air for thirty minutes.” Reed looked down at me, his dark brown eyes imploring me. “Please, Ivy. I’d never put you in danger.”

“This is why I live in a bubble,” I muttered. “There’s so much I’ve never done. I’m not like other women, Reed.”

“And I like that about you.” He squeezed my hand. “Listen, if you really don’t want to go, we’ll drive.”

Something in his tone tugged at my heart. “No. I’ll go. Just please don’t kill me.”

He shook his head and gave me a sideways smile. I let him seatbelt me in and put my headphones on, and I concentrated on the reason we were doing all of this. He got on a radio and talked to someone and I squeezed my eyes shut.

The plane started moving and I gripped the sides of my leather seat with both hands, not opening my eyes until Reed had eased the plane from the ground to the air. Everything beneath us was getting smaller. I couldn’t deny that this was exciting and maybe even a little bit fun.

I smiled over at Reed and his expression relaxed.

“Okay?” he asked. I nodded, taking in Lovely from the air through the plane’s windshield.

The plane was small but the ride was smooth. Reed’s face was lined with concentration as he lowered the plane slowly and landed it on a runway in an otherwise vacant field.

“Where are we?” I asked as he helped me step down.

“This place belongs to some friends of my parents. It’s their vacation place.”

A path led us through a clearing and about a quarter-mile of forest. When we emerged, I sucked in a breath as I saw the building in front of us.

It was a sprawling log home, larger than any I’d ever seen. Built on a lake, it had a spectacular view of the water. There were dozens of windows and the wide front door was flanked with potted pine trees.

“Wow,” I said under my breath. “It’s amazing, Reed.”

“Yeah, they’re loaded.”

“Said the guy whose parents have an airplane.” I smiled at him.

The corners of his lips quirked up. “My favorite part of this place is over this way.”

He took my hand and led me around to the water. I pulled my coat closed with my free hand to block out the chilly winter wind.

“Almost there,” he said.

When we stepped onto a wood dock, I looked down and saw that both sides were lined with small floating candles in glass bowls of water.

“Reed, this is so—”

I was silenced when I saw the wood gazebo at the end of the dock. Candles glowed from atop a table inside. Reed led the way down the dock and opened the gazebo door.

The sweet scent of fresh flowers filled the air inside. A table for two was set, complete with a vase of white hydrangeas.

“We’re having dinner here?” I asked, shedding my coat and looking out at the sparkling water surrounding us.

“Yes. The caterers are working in the house, but they’ll serve it out here.”

“This is so beautiful, Reed,” I said as he pulled out my chair for me. “It’s . . . beautiful here. And it’s warm. How is it warm in here when it’s winter?”

Reed smiled and sat down across from me. “It’s heated. If it was summer, I’d row us out on the water to watch the sunset.”

“Sounds amazing. Have you ever done that before?”

“Just once with my Mom.”

The sound of footsteps on the dock made us both turn. A middle-aged man dressed in black was approaching, and he opened the gazebo door.

“Mr. Lockhart?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” Reed stood and walked over to shake the man’s hand.

“I’m Antonio, and I’ll be serving your dinner. May I start you with some wine?”

“Sure. Ivy?”

He looked at me and I shook my head. “Just some ice water would be great.”

Antonio nodded and departed.

“You look nervous,” Reed said.

“I am,” I admitted.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

I squeezed my hands together under the table. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel ready. I knew there was a world of difference between what my father had done to me and what Reed and I had been stopping short of doing for a couple months now. Everything Reed did made me feel good. More than good. I felt treasured. Sexy. Desirable. And the way my body responded to his was better than I’d ever thought possible. With him, I wanted it all. I just worried about how my subconscious would react.

“I’m ready,” I said. “As long as we go slow, I think I’ll be okay.”

Our drinks came, and I tasted Reed’s red wine. Surprisingly, I liked it, and he gave me an amused grin as he took the bottle from the wine coaster on the table and refilled the glass.

“Sorry,” I said, sliding the glass across the table.

“Keep it.” He slid it back. “I’m glad you like it. I can drink out of the bottle, either that or Antonio can bring us another glass.”

Antonio brought in a salad and bread, followed shortly by a baked pasta dish, and our conversation slowed as we ate. By the time we finished with cheesecake and fresh berries, the sun had set and the glowing candles were the only light in the gazebo. We talked and laughed until the moon was bright in the sky.

“I’m feeling so relaxed now,” I said, sitting back in my seat. “Like
super
relaxed.”

Reed’s eyes were warm and a smile danced on his lips. “It’s the wine.”

“Well then, wine for the win. I needed a little something to loosen me up.”

He reached for my hand and I leaned forward and twined my fingers into his.

“Ivy.” His face was serious now. “I want you to know that I love you. I love you in a way that’s more full and certain than I knew love could be. Every day with you is better than the last.”

I reached my other hand across the table and wrapped both of mine around his big one. “I love you, too. You’ve brought me out of myself and I can’t remember why I ever thought I didn’t need you. You make me feel things and want things I never thought I’d want.”

“You ready to go inside?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. We walked the short distance to the main house, a stunning log home with vaulted ceilings and a huge wall of windows overlooking the lake. The moon was bright tonight, its reflection shimmering in the water.

We’d just tossed our coats onto a chair when Reed approached me and cupped my cheeks in his hands. He looked at me intently for a few seconds before kissing me softly.

I parted my lips, eager for the warm brush of his tongue against mine. We kissed each other deeply, neither of us able to get enough. Our hands roamed over and under clothing until Reed pulled back, leaving me staring at him breathlessly.

“You want to move to the couch?” he asked, his eyes dark and hungry.

“I was thinking the bedroom.”

He nodded and led the way up an open staircase to a cozy bedroom with a king-sized bed covered with a rustic quilt. The room was intimate, not open and enormous like the main level.

“This room is nice,” I said.

Reed’s expression was intense as he cupped my jaw gently. “Tell me you’ll say so if I need to stop.”

I nodded.

“You have to talk to me, Ivy. Tell me what you like and don’t like. We’re learning as we go here–both of us.”

Warm excitement coursed through me. I walked over to the bed and sat down. Reed followed me and sat next to me. He brushed the hair back from my face and kissed me, his hand sliding from my chest around to my shoulder.