Deenie (12 page)

"Yes," I told her, holding my books tight against me.

"How did you do today?"

I didn't know exactly what she meant so I said, "Fine, thank you."

"No trouble?"

I wondered if Miss Wabash reported me? Should I tell Mrs. Anderson it wasn't my fault I forgot the material?

Before I could make up my mind Mrs. Anderson said, "Now then, Deenie … the reason I sent for you … " She fumbled with a mess of papers on her desk and I was pretty sure she was looking for trie note Miss Wabash must have sent to her office. "Oh, yes … here it is," Mrs. Anderson said, holding up some kind of printed sheet that definitely wasn't a note from Miss Wabash. She waved it at me. "How do you get to school, Deenie?"

"I ride the bus," I told her.

"Take this form home and have your parents fill it out." She handed it to me. "You're eligible for the special bus now. It would be much more convenient and it's free."

"You mean the bus that picks up the … " I started to say
the handicapped kids
but I couldn't —because all of a sudden there was a big lump in my throat. I had to look out the window so Mrs. Anderson wouldn't notice. Another pigeon was on the ledge and both of them were walking back and forth looking at me.

"It's on your street every morning at ten after eight," Mrs. Anderson said. "Deenie … Deenie … are you listening to me?"

"Yes," I said in a voice that didn't sound like mine.

"Just have your parents fill in the form and return it to me."

I barely managed to whisper, "Okay," before I turned and walked away.

I wanted to run off by myself but Janet and Midge were waiting for me outside. Janet was fooling around with Harvey Grabowsky. He kept grabbing her jacket and throwing it in the air and Janet was shrieking, "Harvey … give it back!"

When Harvey saw me he asked, "What happened to you?"

He
would
be the only one in school who didn't already know. "I have scol … " I stopped in the middle. I didn't feel like explaining anything to anybody. Instead I looked straight at him and said, "I jumped off the Empire State Building!" After I said it I felt better. I usually think up clever things to say when it's too late. From now on, when people ask me what's wrong, I'm going to give them answers like that. It's a lot smarter than telling the truth. Nobody even wants to hear the truth. "I jumped right off the top!" I forced myself to laugh.

"Oh Deenie!" Janet said. "Tell him the truth."

"I just did."

"Hey … that's a good story," Harvey told me.

"Deenie … " Janet was annoyed now. She didn't like Harvey paying attention to me.

"Let's go," I said. "We'll miss our bus."

"You go," Janet said. "I'm not ready yet."

Me and Midge looked at each other, then walked away.

"He's not interested in her," Midge said. "He thinks she's a little kid."

"She'll find out soon enough," I told her.

We walked down the hill, past the church with all the statues, and around the corner. Old Lady Murray was fixing up her magazines as we got to the bus stop. I bought a roll of Life Savers from her. I stood closer than I ever had before. When she gave me my change I told her, "I have scoliosis. That's why I'm wearing a brace."

She didn't say anything.

"You have kyphosis, don't you?" She went back to stacking her magazines.

"I know you have kyphosis … that's what made your spine crooked." Old Lady Murray didn't answer me. She started coughing. She had a terrible cough. Her face turned purple. I offered her a Life Saver but she brushed my hand away.

When she stopped coughing I said, "Do you have any kids?"

"No."

"Are you married?"

"No … I got nobody … no family at all."

"But you have a mother and father … I mean, you did when you were small."

"No."

"But … " I almost called her
Old Lady Murray.
I caught myself in time and instead I said, "But
Miss
Murray … everybody has a mother and a father."

"Not me," she said.

"Than where did you come from?"

"The stork," she said, and started to laugh.

"Deenie!" Midge called. "Here comes our bus!"

I wanted to explain to Old Lady Murray that I wasn't fooling around with her. That I was really interested in her family. But Midge called me again and Old Lady Murray wouldn't stop laughing.

"Why did you have to start in with her?" Midge asked. "Everybody knows she's crazy!"

"I never heard that," I said.

"Well, she is. Besides, she smells bad. Didn't you notice?"

"She smells like sauerkraut," I said.

"Worse than that!"

"So does Harvey Grabowsky's breath."

"What do I care about his breath?" Midge said. "Tell it to Janet."

"I think I will. Tomorrow."

When I got home Ma and Aunt Rae were doing each other's hair. I went straight up to my room and tore the Special Bus Information sheet into tiny pieces. I wasn't taking any chances. Suppose Ma decided I should go to school on that bus? I'd absolutely die first!

On Tuesday morning Susan Minton was waiting for me outside homeroom. She had a haircut just like mine. There were even a few long strands hanging in the back.

"How do you like it?" she asked.

"Did you do it yourself?"

"No. My mother took me to her beauty parlor and I told Miss Lorraine exactly what to do."

"If you'd done it yourself it would look better."

"Really?"

"That's a fact."

I thought Susan looked very funny and I almost told her so but that's when she said, "We could be twins, Deenie. We really look alike now!"

"I suppose you wish you had a brace like mine too," I said.

"I wouldn't mind," Susan told me.

Miss Greenleaf shouted, "Please sit down at your desks, girls. We're waiting for you!" I never got to tell Susan I think she's a mental case.

I spent most of the morning worrying about gym. I didn't want to change in front of all the girls. So right before lunch, on my way to the cafeteria, I stopped at the nurse's office. "I don't think I should take gym this afternoon," I told her. "I've got my period."

"How many days have you had it?" she asked.

"Since Friday."

"Well, that's five days," she said, counting on fingers. "There shouldn't be any problem. Besides, exercise is the best thing for you. I never excuse girls from gym because of menstruation."

"Oh." I turned to leave.

"You're the Fenner girl, aren't you?" the nurse asked.

"Yes."

"How are you managing with your brace?"

"Okay," I told her.

"Good," she said. "Keep it up!"

I ran to the cafeteria, gobbled my lunch and hurried to the locker room.

Barbara Curtis is the only girl in my gym class who has a locker in my row. If I can change before she gets here I'll be safe, I thought. No one will have to see my brace. I took my sneakers out of the locker and set them on the bench, next to the gymsuit I'd been carrying around with me. Ma fixed Helen's old one for me because mine doesn't fit over the brace. I kicked off my loafers and pushed them under the bench. Our gymsuits are one-piece so before I had to take off my skirt I was able to pull the gym suit up to my waist. Then I had no choice. I couldn't finish until I took off my shirt. My heart was thumping very loud. I sneaked a look down the row of lockers but nobody was there. So I stood facing the wall and unbuttoned my shirt. I got out of it as fast as I could, pulled on my gymsuit and zipped up the front. I made it! I thought.

But when I turned around there was Barbara Curtis, standing in front of her locker, getting undressed. I'm sure she saw my brace, even though she had her back to me now. Her creeping crud was getting worse. It was all over her arms and legs … big red blotches and ugly hivey-looking things.

When Barbara turned around she caught me staring at her. I didn't say anything and neither did she. I sat down on the bench to put on my sneakers. I got my feet into them okay but I couldn't bend over to tie the laces.

"You want me to tie them?" Barbara asked.

"No," I said.

"You'll trip over the laces."

"I don't care."

"I really don't mind tying them for you."

"Oh … all right. If you want to."

Barbara knelt in front of me and tied my shoes. I felt like the world's biggest jerk.

We walked into the gym together. When Mrs. Rappoport saw me she didn't make a big thing out of my brace. She acted the same as always and I was glad. When she told us to choose partners me and Barbara looked at each other and grabbed hands.

Seventeen

I've been wearing my brace two weeks and I've finally found a comfortable sleeping position, flat on my back. I never thought I'd be able to sleep that way but I guess if you're tired enough anything works. Besides, I've got a worse problem now. The stupid brace is making holes in my shirts. I've torn two new tops this week and Ma is really mad. She says we can't afford to keep buying things. I've told her over and over that it's not my fault. I don't even know how they get ripped. I think it has to do with the metal parts of the brace. But I've promised to be more careful anyway.

Daddy's joined the Y so I can go swimming. Midge belongs too and she's going to swim with me three days a week after school. The Y pool is heated which is nice. Dr. Kliner told Daddy that I have to swim laps and not just fool around in the water. I wish I could swim like Midge because she's a regular fish. She can make it halfway across the pool without a breath. She's going to coach me so maybe we can make the Olympics together.

The best thing about swimming is getting out of my brace. I feel so free. But when the hour is up and I have to put it on again I could just cry! Sometimes I think I should throw it in the garbage and force the doctors to operate on me. But then I remember what Dr. Kliner said about spending a long time in bed and I think of all the things I'd miss like the seventh-grade mixer, which is next Friday.

I wonder what would happen if I didn't wear the brace at all? Would I really turn out like Old Lady Murray? I wish there was a way I could find out fof sure, without taking any chances.

Mrs. Anderson sent for me again, this time in the morning.

"It's been two weeks and I haven't heard from you, Deenie."

"You didn't say I had to come back."

"But where's the form? I expected you to bring it in."

"Oh that … " I looked out the window but no pigeons were on the ledge. I tried to think of what to say so Mrs. Anderson wouldn't be suspicious. "My parents threw that form away I guess."

"Did you explain it to them?"

"Oh yes … but I told them I like riding the bus to school with my friends and they said that was fine with them so I suppose that's why they threw it away."

"As long as they realize they could save money if you rode the special bus … "

"It's not that expensive. I get student discount tickets." Could she tell I was lying?

"I've been talking to some of your teachers, Deenie … "

Is Miss Wabash after me again? I wondered.

"And they tell me you seem to be managing very well in spite of your handicap."

How could she sit there and say such a thing to me! Did she honestly think I was handicapped? Is that what everybody thinks? Don't they know I'm going to be fine in four years—but Gena Courtney and those kids are
always
going to be the way they are now!

When I got home from school Ma and Aunt Rae were waiting for me at the front door. I hoped that didn't mean Mrs. Anderson had called.

"We have good news for you, Deenie," Aunt Rae said.

"What?" I asked, praying it wasn't about the special bus.

"Remember that modeling agency where we had to break the appointment … "

"Oh, not that again … "

"Listen to Aunt Rae," Ma said.

"I told you I'd fix everything," Aunt Rae said. "I talked to the head of the agency, himself, Deenie … and he told me that seventeen isn't too late to start out at all. So we can stop worrying. He'll be happy to see you when you're out of the brace."

"But I don't even know if I want to be a model!"

"Of course you do!" Aunt Rae said. "Isn't that what we've always planned?" She turned to Ma. "Thelma … what's wrong with her?"

"She's just upset," Ma told Aunt Rae. "She's not used to the brace yet."

"You wouldn't let her waste that face, would you?" Aunt Rae asked Ma.

"I'm not just a face!" I shouted. "I'm a person too. Did either one of you ever think of that?" I ran past them and up to my room.