Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (14 page)

Making an impression

The other day my boss commented on the fact that the pants of my suit did not have cuffs. He said that because I am tall (6'3"), it is considered a faux pas. He said my cuffs should be 1
¹
/
₈
inches wide. He also commented on my tie, saying it should have a dimple (he has a full Windsor knot). Finally, he didn’t like the monochromatic look of my tie against my shirt. Should I consider any of his comments?—T.M., Beverly Hills, California

It depends. What is the nature of the business? If you’re meeting regularly with clients, your boss sets the standard. Traditional pleated trousers should have cuffs, but a width of 1
³
/
4
inches is more appropriate for your height. If you’re wearing slender, fitted pants, cuffs aren’t necessary. Your tie should have a dimple, but stick with the common four-in-hand knot; the Windsor isn’t practical unless your shirts have spread collars. “Most well-dressed men don’t use Windsors because the knot looks much too self-conscious,” says Alan Flusser, author of
Dressing the Man
. “A four-in-hand is infinitely more stylish.” Monochromatic also works, for now. However, it may not work for your boss.

Fighting yellow pits

My deodorant creates yellow stains on the armpits of my white dress shirts. Is there any way to prevent this?—K.R., Los Angeles, California

The stains aren’t caused by deodorant but by secretions from your apocrine glands, which are found in your pits and near your genitals and produce those funky pheromones designed to turn the ladies to mush. The more stressed you are, the more secretions. Although the secretions should decrease as you get older, your cleaner is right—there’s not much you can do to prevent stains except to wear undershirts, throw each shirt into the wash instead of the hamper or retire to a beach resort. One fashion maven we saw on Howard Stern’s TV show demonstrated how she puts maxipads in the armpits of her jackets to protect them. You could try that, but don’t get caught.

White vinegar can get rid of those stains. Sponge it on or soak the stains for 30 minutes, then launder the shirts in the hottest water safe for the fabric.—B.M., Cedar Hills, Texas

Thanks for the tip. Another reader suggested pouring an equal mixture of laundry soap, bleach and dishwasher detergent (granules) into a hot-water wash, letting it dissolve and adding the shirts. After about three washes, she says, your whites will be white again. Or try a prewash scrubbing with a baking soda paste or a shampoo designed for oily hair.

Match game

When you wear dress shoes and trousers, should your socks match the shoes or your pants?—R.H., Ormond Beach, Florida

Your socks should match your trousers. For example, if you choose a dark gray suit and brown shoes, wear charcoal gray socks. And make sure your socks extend well above your ankles. The most serious hosiery faux pas is allowing a patch of skin to show when you sit down.

I’ve been told that your shirt-pants-shoes color combination should alternate—that is, light-dark-light or dark-light-dark. What do you think?—S.C., San Antonio, Texas

That’s not the place to start. The goal of dressing well is to draw attention to your face. The first thing to consider is the contrast between your skin and your shirt, and your jacket and tie if you wear them. Selecting colors is trickier, but if you stand in front of the mirror and hold up enough colors to your face, some will stand out (you don’t want to look pasty or pink). Eye color and suntan are also factors. “If you have blue eyes, you definitely want to wear blue shirts or ties with some strong blue in them,” says Alan Flusser. “A dark tan tends to mean you should wear more contrast. That’s why men tend to dress more colorfully in the spring and summer.” If you play with contrast, be careful. Too much and you’ll look like a Creamsicle. Still confused? Stick with the classics: black jacket with gray pants, blue jacket with khakis.

Can you wear a striped tie with a striped shirt or suit?—A.A., New York, New York

You want tough? Throw in a striped suit. “I’ve seen a photo of Fred Astaire wearing three stripes, and it looks wonderful,” says Flusser. “It requires a delicate
touch. The more sophisticated the dresser, the more likely he’ll attempt patterns together.” Most guys can handle mixing three solids (one color should stand out) or two solids and a pattern. Fewer can find their way with two patterns. Ideally, one should be stripes, both should share a color and each should have a different scale. “If you’re wearing a suit with stripes that have an inch of space between them, choose a shirt that’s more of a pinstripe,” Flusser says. “If you have a striped tie, make sure it’s closer to the scale of your suit than to that of your shirt. You want to avoid wearing small stripes next to small stripes.”

David Letterman often wears white or cream socks with a dark gray or navy double-breasted suit. My late father, who sold clothes for 50 years, would have had a fit. Is this something that only Letterman does, or is it a trend?—W.D., Memphis, Tennessee

It’s a trend among late-night hosts who make $14 million a year and have no one left to impress. After all, style is just shorthand for “What can I get away with?” White socks work for Letterman because he’s a comedian. They wouldn’t work so well if he were handling people’s money.

The proper length of pants

I’ve been dressing myself for 40 years with no complaints. I recently took up residence with a much younger woman who gripes about the length of my pants. My girlfriend insists that I buy pants so long I walk on them after slipping off my shoes. I tend to wear them only long enough to cover the tops of my shoes. What is the proper length for a pair of pants? Is it different for dress slacks and jeans?—P.W., Helper, Utah

Your pants should have a single break in the front and hang about a quarter inch above the top of your heel in the back. In the front, they should be long enough that the cuffs cover one-half to two-thirds of the length of your shoes. The weight of your cuffs keeps them in contact with your shoes. “You see a lot of athletes and rap stars with their suit pants bunching up by the ankles,” says
Playboy’s
fashion director, Joseph De Acetis. “Don’t do that.” The quarter-inch rule also applies to jeans, although the trend lately is to wear them dragging below the heel, giving the edges a ragged look. You can get away with that, De Acetis says, but you’ll still be considered fashionable if the denim stops before it hits the asphalt. Propose a compromise: Your dress slacks will remain at, or be adjusted slightly to, their proper length, and your girlfriend can buy you a new pair of jeans that are long enough to walk on.

Business casual

Some time ago I took a job with a company that has a business casual dress code. For that reason, my wool suit jackets have begun to lose their shape. Do you have any storage tips for suits that are in the closet more than they’re on me?—W.K., Omaha, Nebraska

You need stronger hangers. Thin hangers (especially those made of wire) allow the shoulder pads to shift, giving your suits that wilted look even when they’re not in the closet for a season. For those that have already sagged, ask your tailor or retailer to replace or press the pads. Have your suits cleaned before putting them away, and don’t leave them inside the retailer’s garment bag, which can trap moisture and create wrinkles. Instead, cut the bag so that only the shoulders are covered. Also, make certain the suit is stored with a solid front; that is, the panels should overlap slightly so that the button holes line up with the buttons.

Is my tie like a penis?

When my wife and I go to parties, she constantly fiddles with my tie. I mentioned this to a colleague. He said not to worry about it because my tie represents my penis, and therefore my wife must adore it. He was joking, but it made me wonder if there’s any truth to his theory.—R.T., Atlanta, Georgia

We like everything about the analogy except the knotting and tugging part. Believe it or not, the Guild of British Tie Makers has studied the interaction between women and men’s ties. “The tie is a very psychological garment,” a guild spokesman told a London newspaper. “Very simply, it protects the jugular. It’s a man’s warrior shield. So a woman touching a man’s tie in public is a clear sign that she is laying claim to him.” According to the guild, women enjoy a variety of necktie nuances, including a simple touch (to gauge a man’s response), the brush (to show she’s interested), straightening (a sign of desire for intimacy), adjusting (a power move), loosening (to lower a man’s defenses, possibly to say she’s ready for sex), untying (staking her claim) and tying (possession, especially if she bought the tie). Let’s be careful out there.

The lines of the tie

I was complimented on my tie by a friend, who then flipped it over to take a closer look. He said tie quality is determined by horizontal lines enmeshed in the fabric. Is that true?—G.B., Orlando, Florida

That scene says more about your boorish friend than about your tie. Did he check the tag on your shirt, too? The bars he mentioned don’t indicate quality.
They are used by manufacturers to denote the weight of the lining. You can’t grade neckwear while it’s around your neck. Instead, suspend the tie by the narrow blade—it shouldn’t twist. Stretch it slightly to see if it maintains its shape. The finest ties come in three sections instead of two, with both ends of the loop on the larger blade held securely under the center seam. The most important ways to judge a tie are the fit and feel. If it looks good on you, it’s a good tie.

Leather pants

When is it acceptable to wear leather pants?—D.M., Detroit, Michigan

When you’re trying out for the Village People. Leather belongs on shoes, belts, coats and cows.

Launder or dry clean?

Should I launder or dry-clean my dress shirts?—C.F., Toronto, Ontario

We prefer to launder with light starch and have the shirts hand-pressed and placed on hangers. It’s better at removing ring around the collar and generally helps the shirts last longer. They may last even longer without starch, but that’s how we like it done. Dry-cleaning results in less shrinkage but leaves the fabric too stiff for our taste.

Traveling with clothes

I’ve noticed that it’s difficult to travel any great distance without looking as if you’ve slept in your clothes. Which fabrics are most likely to come out of a suitcase looking reasonable?—L.H., Juneau, Alaska

Polyester, rayon, wool and acrylic. But there’s no need for a new wardrobe—just refine your packing technique. Ours is to roll our trousers, carefully fold our shirts and find a laundry when we arrive. We had a shirt pressed in Italy that looked so good we were reluctant to wear it.

What can I do to flatten a crease in a tie?—B.D., Boston, Massachusetts

Usually you can hang the wrinkles out. If that doesn’t work, fold the tie in half, roll it around your index finger, slip it off and let it sit overnight.

Fashion faux pas

What do you think about guys who wear thongs?—J.H., Dallas, Texas

We try not to.

What is your position regarding men who wear short-sleeve shirts with ties but no jackets?—A.M., London, U.K.

They come around once a month to fix the copy machine.

The right jacket

Is it okay to wear a black overcoat with a navy or brown suit, or should I get camel hair?—J.W., Boston, Massachusetts

You’d be better off with a dark gray or vicuña coat that you can wear with blue, black, gray or some browns. Camel hair goes with anything, but it’s dressy.

Translating the invite

My wife and I were invited to a wedding that will take place at 3
PM
. The invitation reads “black tie optional.” My wife says this means you should wear a tuxedo if you own one. I don’t think it’s right to wear a tux in the afternoon unless the host insists on it. Who’s right?—J.K., Owings Mills, Maryland

We would wear a dark suit, but it depends on your personal taste—you won’t be overdressed in a tux, and we suspect it might also get you laid. For the record, “black tie optional” and “black tie invited” are a notch below “black tie preferred” and two notches below “black tie required”. In the last two cases we would wear a tux. With “optional” or “invited” you risk being the only man in a suit, but we’ve never been to an event at which that was the case. “Creative black tie” means you can have some fun.