Dead Romantic (29 page)

My head still didn't agree, but my feet did the thinking for me, and before I knew it I was heading towards the door and out the door and running down the empty banana-skin-stinking corridor and out onto the concrete at the front of college.

And Louis was sitting there on the wall right outside the Science block.

‘I thought you were going to the police,' I sniffed.

He stood up and walked towards me. ‘Yeah, well I can't, can I?' he said. ‘You'd never speak to me again. And that would kill me . . .' He looked back at Damian who was
sitting right next to him, holding a cigarette with a shaking hand. I hadn't noticed him until that moment. ‘Because I love you. I really, really love you. And I don't want to do anything to ruin that.'

I sort of squeaked and made an ‘Oh' sound. It was all I could do. Once again my heart boomed into life.

‘Think I'm gonna puke again,' Damian muttered, swaggering away blowing his smoke high up into the night air.

‘If being with you means I have to go along with this, then I'll go along with this. I know it's crazy but I'll do it.'

I'd never heard anything so romantic in my whole actual life ever. I reached out to hug him and immediately felt his arms around me and we hugged for the longest time. I'd seen a couple in a garden centre hugging like this at Christmas last year and I'd watched them for ages, until they'd caught me looking and flicked me a V sign.

‘I can't wait to go to a garden centre with you,' I sighed into his shoulder.

‘What?' he said.

‘Nothing,' I said, pulling back and kissing him smack on the lips. He started kissing me back like he was a starving orphan and I was the best burger in the world, but I had to pull away from him. It took some willpower but I knew what we had to do now. ‘Come and watch us electrocute Sexy Dead Boy.' I took his hand like some little girl who wanted her dad to see some kittens.

Louis held open the door of the Sciences block. ‘Are you coming or what?' he said to Damian.

‘Else what?' he said.

‘Else you'll have to go home. Or stay out here on your own.'

Damian gave a quick look round, threw down his cigarette and scuffed after us, hanging back like a stroppy kid. A stroppy kid who'd been told he had to play nicely with the dead bloke.

 

 

 

 

I
t was broad daylight but the college was still empty so we had the place to ourselves. We tried shocking Sexy Dead Boy again.

Twice.

Fizzzzzzzzzaaaaaa juddddddddda fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz crack a judddda
.

Fizzzzzzzzzaaaaaa juddddddddda fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz crack a judddda
.

And each time, Zoe had her scopey thing at the ready to hear the heartbeats. But they never came. Louis held my hand. Pee Wee was asleep under the sink. Above him, Damian sat on the draining board and tried not to look. The sight of Sexy Dead Boy writhing and squirming had him totally freaked out but the alternative – being left on
his own – was much worse. He was getting used to it though, I could tell. He'd stopped retching and had even looked over twice. The two electrocution attempts didn't singe Sexy Dead Boy, and the second time we all swore he'd taken a breath. The chest had definitely gone up and then down again. None of us could deny it.

She went for a third time.

Fizzzzzzzzzaaaaaa juddddddddda fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz crack a judddda
.

‘Did you see that?' Damian shrieked, jumping down from the draining board and running over, still keeping a safe distance. ‘He opened both his eyes, he did! Just for a second, he did!'

Zoe put her scopey thing on Sexy Dead Boy's chest. We all waited. Nothing.

Without any warning, Zoe went ballistic. She kicked over the tray of knives and empty syringes. Swept pots and beakers from the surfaces. Smashed test tubes and bottles against the walls. Sent everything banging and crashing and sliding across the floor. I felt awful. I put my arms around Louis and he cuddled me in.

‘Well that ain't gonna help no one, is it?' said Damian as the contents of the shelving units rolled and clattered about the floor.

Zoe paced up and down the length of Sexy Dead Boy's body, tapping his knees, checking his chest, shining her tiny torch into his lifeless eyes. She leaned over his face, listening.

Sexy Dead Boy's eyes batted once.

‘Did you see that?' she shouted. ‘Did you see THAT?'

‘I saw it, I totally did!' said Damian. ‘You're unbelievable! You're a genius!' They fist bumped. Zoe and Damian actually fist bumped. I couldn't believe it.

‘Could have been a muscle spasm?' said Louis. ‘The ones we get at the funeral parlour do that sometimes. Freaks us out when they open their eyes or fart or something but it's just a leftover reaction or escaping air. It doesn't mean anything.'

‘It means there was life present and that there could be life present again,' said Zoe. ‘What am I doing wrong?'

‘I hate to say it but did you know there's a cookery course in the Food and Nutrition room at half nine?' said Louis, still holding my hand.

‘What?' cried Zoe.

‘Yeah,' said Damian, still looking away, ‘and middle-aged women's aerobics in the gym at lunch. We're going to have to make ourselves scarce for the day.'

‘Now you tell me,' she said, her head falling back in utter exasperation.

‘We can come back later,' said Damian, which I thought was actually quite a helpful thing to say. For Damian.

‘Yeah, we'll cover him up and you can lock the door, Zoe,' I suggested. He'll be okay until tonight.'

‘And what about refrigeration?' she said, hands on hips.

‘I'll whack up the air con,' said Louis, and I felt the ache of his hand leaving mine as he went to the wall and flicked down the plastic cover on the room temp box. He pressed a couple of the buttons and in seconds, I felt the room go as cold as a fridge.

Zoe nodded. She seemed happy. Unfulfilled, antsy and tired, but happy.

It was still only half past eight when we made it into town. Nothing was open so we basically walked the streets, sat in bus shelters, sat on the roundabout in the park, kicked pine cones and conkers around. (Zoe didn't.) Me and Louis kissed a lot. Damian and Zoe argued a lot. And Pee Wee chased wasps and did wees a lot. I had a good time. I really liked being with them. It was like having Lynx and Poppy back, but kind of better.

The seafront cafe Wonkies opened at ten and we were the first ones in.

‘Who fancies a fry-up?' said Damian, rubbing his hands in glee. ‘I'm having the full monty – double egg, bangers, five rashers, beans, black pudding, fried bread and mushies. Loser?'

‘I'm not that hungry, Dame,' said Louis, getting out his wallet. ‘I'll get this though if anyone else wants anything. Camille?'

‘I'm not hungry either,' I said. Then I had a little think. ‘We could share some toast though?' I never EVER shared food usually but at that moment, I didn't actually mind.

‘Yeah, all right.' Louis smiled, offering Damian a ten pound note. ‘And a hot chocolate. We could share that too.'

‘You two are gonna be at it like rabbits, aren't you?' Damian laughed as Louis blushed full on in both cheeks. ‘Put your cash away; this is on me. Blue Eyes, can I tempt you?' he said to Zoe.

Zoe shook her head and continued to stare out of the window.

‘And a couple of sausages for Pee Wee,' I called after Damian when he'd gone up to the counter. ‘You should eat something, Zoe,' I said. ‘You haven't eaten anything for yonks.'

‘I'm fine,' she said. She carried on staring out of the window.

Louis held my hand on the table and did this windscreen-wiper thing with his thumb on my hand. I liked it a lot. If Zoe hadn't been there, I would have just kissed him on the mouth and stayed like that for however long, I wouldn't even have thought about time. But then I remembered. I remembered how much it had hurt me to see Lynx and Damian kissing all those times. How annoying Poppy and Splodge had been and how ignored I'd felt. That might be how Zoe was feeling, watching us hold hands. There would be tons of time to kiss him later. I dropped his hand. He frowned.

‘Just for a bit,' I whispered. He nodded but he looked like Pee Wee did when I took his empty bowl away.

Damian came back to the table, order placed, pushing fifty pound notes back in his wallet. ‘So what we doin' after this then? Fancy going dogging?'

‘What?' said Louis.

‘I heard about this lay-by on the outskirts of town where they do it at all hours. We could just watch if you want.'

I looked at him with complete disgust, and then he folded over with laughter. ‘Your faces! Pulling your leg,
aren't I? Christ, why's everyone so miz?'

‘Why do you think, Dame?' said Louis, his eyes darting towards Zoe.

‘Oh come on, beautiful,' said Damian, sitting next to Zoe and putting his arm round her. ‘You just need a break from it, that's all. Tell you what, why don't we all go back to mine, I'll kick Dad up to the golf course for a couple of hours and we can chillax till tonight and maybe come up with a new plan to get your corpse working. There's loads we can do. PSP. Snooker. Dad's gym's up and running now too. I bench pressed 200 pounds last week, Lou.'

‘Great,' said Louis, who'd probably been forced to watch him bench press lots of times before.

‘Or we could sling some steaks on the BBQ and have a pool party if you like. You two could nip home and get your bikinis on.' He winked at me. ‘It's October,' I said. 'Don't matter. Pool's heated. Still can't use the hot tub though.'

‘He had an accident,' Louis told me.

‘Had a couple of birds in there in the summer and the patio heater fell in and electrocuted 'em.' He sniggered and lay back until his chair tilted. ‘They weren't best pleased,' he laughed. ‘Even less when they found the vids on the Internet the next day.'

‘You gave them second-degree burns!' said Louis as our food arrived. He ate a piece of toast, I went to drink the hot chocolate but it was nuclear so I put it down and tried panting to cool my scorched tongue tip. I broke up Pee Wee's sausages and put them on a napkin on the floor for him. He dived right in.

‘Yeah, well, they were the ones who suggested filming it,' Damian said. He grabbed the ketchup bottle, flipped it over in the air and caught it at the neck, squirting it all over his food.

‘Ugh. You tape girls when you have . . .'

Damian shrugged and tucked into his fried breakfast. ‘Yeah. Dad still does a bit sometimes too. We got quite a library going.'

‘You're joking,' I said, trying the hot chocolate again. Still scorchio.

‘No, he's not joking,' said Louis.

Zoe was looking at Damian, equally disgusted. Then out of nowhere, as he was tucking into his beans and sausage, she grabbed hold of his chin and turned his face towards her. ‘You electrocuted two girls in your hot tub?' she said slowly.

Damian chewed and then gulped. ‘Yeah . . .'

The same thought seemed to dawn on him too. I looked at Louis, but we were still none the wiser.

‘Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' Damian said to her.

Zoe nodded. ‘Galvanic bath.'

‘Huh?' I said.

‘Water and electricity,' said Damian.

‘Like, the worst combination ever,' said Louis.

Zoe looked like she was in pain. ‘Oh how could I not have thought of this before? Water is a highly-efficient conductor of electricity.'

Louis chewed a corner of his toast. He'd caught on too. ‘Yeah! In one of my favourite films,
The Son of
Frankenstein's Daughter
, the professor reanimates this dead boy by putting him in this water tank. Then he adds the electrodes.'

‘And SALT!' cried Zoe, grabbing the salt cellar off Damian who was merrily shaking it all over his mushrooms. ‘We have to put him in a salt bath and
then
we apply the electrical source. It's so obvious! Water combined with salt acts as the perfect electrical conductor. We put him in a salt bath, apply a low voltage direct current and the electromagnetic field will greatly improve the circulation of the blood and the serum!' She looked at Louis and Damian in turn. ‘You are both geniuses!'

Louis smiled and his cheeks went to Volcano Town. Damian laughed and wiped his mouth with a serviette.

Now I had caught on. ‘But where will we get a bath from?' I asked.

‘DIY place on the roundabout?' said Damian. ‘They do baths.'

‘Yeah,' said Louis.

‘Or the hot tub at my place?' said Damian.

‘Can you lie down in it?' I said.

‘No,' said Damian. ‘But you could prop him up with summing.'

‘A hot tub is no good,' said Zoe. ‘The modern ones tend to have plastic or polymer bases. The charge would be too hot. It would melt. Keep thinking.'