Deacon: A BWWM Billionaire Romance (23 page)

Finally, she spotted me. Her lips wobbled for a smile, but never quite reached it. Good.

She came out. Traffic rushed by on the highway kicking up wind and grind. It sounded like some raging battlefield.

My mom stopped by the table and looked me over carefully.

I had rifled through my closet to find a skirt that didn't go below the knees. For my top I had on a cherry red shirt that clung to my curves. What I'd bought these for, I couldn't remember. I'd never once worn them, but she should see that I could if I wanted.

“You look nice,” she said.

Nice...? “You look well, too.”

“May I sit?”

“That's why I'm here.”

She dropped into the chair, gripping her hot cup between her hands like a bible. She looked over my face as if it was a monument. Maybe she was marking places where time had chipped me into someone else.

“A mother shouldn't go so long without seeing her daughter,” she said.

The softness of her voice kept my rage from kicking up, but the words still annoyed me. “A mother shouldn't do a lot of things when it comes to her daughter.”

She dimmed toward her cup, and took a long, sad sip. The stone fist around my heart cracked. Why was I the one being so emotional here?

“I did many things wrong,” she said. “The good lord has shown me that in the time you were away. But I'm not here for myself. I'm here for your father.”

“I am most certainly not,” I said. “If that's your impression of what we’re here to talk about, then let's sort that out right away.”

“Kiara,” she said, more urgently. “This is serious. He's dying.”

Her face tightened with worry, as if eternal justice lay on the line. And it did, perhaps, if he really was dying.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Cancer of the pancreas. It's Lucifer's disease, truly. The speed at which it moves...” She clasped her hands tighter. “He has only a few months left.”

I dug for feeling at that. I really did try. It wasn't that there were no unkind memories of him, but they were almost always little treats or a stray kind word – the sort of thing you use to house train a dog.

My father lived by his beliefs. Obey and be rewarded. Fall short and feel his wrath. That was the best that could be said for him.

“I'm sorry to hear that,” I said. “But I can't forgive him, Mom. Not for what he did to me, or what he did to you.”

“To me?” Her head flinched back. “What in the lord's name are you talking about?”

I steadied my breath. She still couldn't see how well he'd trained her. It wasn't her fault. She had just lived under his roof too long.

“I mean all the times he made you weak,” I said. “How he made you stand aside as he abused me for stepping out of line.”

“Weak?” She shook her head. “Your father didn't make me weak.”

“What are you talking about?” I shoved aside my tea. “You tried to feed me once that weekend when I was ten. You remember? He flogged you for that. He hurt you so much that you never even tried to help me again.”

Her chin dipped, her eyes shrouded in pain. I sat back. I didn't want to crucify her. But she should see who she'd become. I needed to know she'd seen it coming all along, that it hadn't snuck up on her.

“The Lord's plan had always been so clear to me,” she said. “ I knew it was hard for a child to understand, but that didn't make His Word wrong. You were such a quiet girl. A studious one. It just seemed useless to put you in the darkness for a small sin. I thought it was better to show you the light instead, so that you could learn for yourself of the Lord's glory.”

I waited rapt as she took another infuriating sip of coffee. Even her rebellion was wrapped up in faith. My father's claws must have sunk into her from the beginning.

“But I did not show you the light,” she said. “I simply freed you from your punishment. I disobeyed your father. The good book itself is clear on how you deal with that. I earned what you saw that day.”

“No you didn't,” I said. “How could you say that? It wasn't a book that beat you. It was your husband.”

“He was only following what the Lord told him.”

“Is that how he justifies it? Is that what he made you believe?”

“Kiara, stop. He didn't make me believe anything. I trusted the Lord's judgment even before he brought your father into my life.”

“So it was your own choice to stop getting in the way of his punishments,” I said. “You weren't afraid. You chose to let him hurt me.”

Newspaper ruffled nosily at my back. My voice was too high. I held up a hand to let Antoine know to hold back. This was going completely off track, but I didn't want it over yet.

My mom’s flashing eyes dulled again. “I went back to the book whenever you were sinful after that. I tried to find ways to show your father reasons for temperance. But he was already tempering the punishments that the Lord commands. I couldn't find reason for my beliefs, at least not back then.”

“But you can now?” It was the only thread to grasp onto anymore.

“There are...other ways to read the Lord’s messages,” she said, softly. “I had nothing but scripture after you left, and with the help of some groups online, I found the proofs I had always been searching for.”

“Did you tell my father that?” I said. “You tell me he's sick, that I owe it to you to see him. Did you make him understand how horribly he had treated me?”

My mom crumpled deeper. “Your father argued my points. He might not have stayed his hand even if I showed him then. I don't know. But I know he would have at least listened. He certainly did not silence me if I argued with the words of our Lord.”

I had never heard these arguments, but of course they wouldn't reveal them to me. A child's only biblical purpose was to obey their father's commands. Did my mom actually protest those commands? She looked awfully in control of herself now.

“You two are regular religious scholars,” I said, grumpily.

“What your father did was wrong. I believe that now. It drove you away from us, and it may have put your soul at peril.”

“My soul is fantastic,” I said. “There's lots of ways to see the light.”

My mom's mouth tightened, but she didn't spout scripture at me. She took calm breaths - as if she had any reason to be as angry as me.

“We did what we could based on what we knew. That's all any of us flawed by the sin of mankind can do.”

Lord and sin, light and dark. My mom had uttered more religion in a dozen minutes than I'd heard total since I left. My dad had done a number on her, but apparently not without her permission. He hadn't been the one that drove her to a strict reading of the Bible. The idea itself had gripped her. Maybe it even brought her to my dad to begin with.

We choose the things we chain ourselves to,
Deacon echoed in my head.

If I took Deacon's offer, my mom and I would be exactly on the same path. Our lives would be devoted to an idea of how what it was worth spending on.

But we believed in different things. As long as that held true, it made all the difference.

My mom sat, oblivious to the gears nearly coming loose inside my head. She was waiting for my judgment now.

“I can't forget what happened,” I said. “And I don't ever plan on going back to it or talking to my father. Do you understand?”

Her shoulders sagged. “I had to try. He didn't ask, but I had to try for him.”

She looked so diminished and sad and weak. I couldn't stop the next words out of my mouth.

“But if you’re truly sorry and you can accept who I am now, then maybe we don't have to go six years before we see each other again.”

Her light brown eyes lit up.

“I suppose I should take what blessings I can.”

“That would be a start.”

I managed a smile back at her. Mira stood pressed against the door, blocking guests from leaving, hand cupped over her heart.

What did she see? Forgiveness?

It wasn't my past I saw in my mom though. It was my future.

And the craziest thing of all was that it didn't seem nuts to reach for it.

****

I was trying to unlock the door to Deacon’s penthouse by the galleria, when he thrust it back open. He scooped me up, keys and all, and smothered my shrieks with a kiss as he brought me over to the white leather couch.

I was so dizzy by the time he set me down.

“You didn’t shut the door,” I said.

“It’s a penthouse, darlin’. You needed your keycard just to get up here. Who are you afraid is gonna follow.” His powerful mouth erupted into an equally mighty smile. “My mother?”

“I guess not.” It was why we were meeting here these days.

I stood and looked out the massive tinted windows. Houston and Abu Dhabi weren't so far apart. The skyline here was pretty nonexistent, but I was getting awfully used to being in the tallest building around.

Deacon shut the door and plopped back down, pulling me into the lap of his jeans. They bulged with promise of what the night held, but he kept grinning at me instead of sinking straight into our lust.

“You look like you’re hiding something big,” I said, rubbing his crotch.

“A few things, actually, if you’re including that.”

I looked at him curiously. “What?”

“I’m launching a new venture.”

He ticked his head from side to side. I pinned it down with a kiss, but he just smiled through it.

“Well, tell me.” I said.

“Guess.”

“Aw, come on.”

“It’s not hard. You know exactly what I’m doing.”

I took a breath and then I did.

“You’re doing it,” I said softly. “You’re buying Habibi Solar yourself.”

“Just like a certain women suggested.”

My heart beat a million beats per second. I had gotten him to do this?

“Don’t look so horrified,” he said. “You didn’t brainwash me. The deal was solid. That’s why I played my hand.”

“I know,” I said. “But so much money… And it’s truly your own company. You’re certain it’s what you want? I’m not the Yoko to the Stone family am I?”

His strong hands wrapped me tighter. “Not unless you consider Lennon’s solo stuff to be his best work.”

I nodded and snuggled in. Through the lens of my career, this was my biggest victory ever. But Deacon was more than my career. I didn’t want to lead him astray. I didn’t even know I had the power. I'd spent so long worrying about his effect on me. Apparently I had a huger effect on him.

“Stop worrying,” he said.

“I'm not.” But my mouth was still twisted.

“Darlin', it’s out of your hands now. And it's going to work.”

His body almost rumbled with energy. I hadn't changed his course, just set him free to do what he always desired. Just like my father might have pushed my mother down a road she already thought was righteous.

Maybe all we needed in this world was someone to push us towards the things we claimed to want.

“Your mom is not going to be happy with me now,” I said.

“Ah, I doubt you can sink much lower on her meter,” Deacon said.

“You’re sure though,” I said, grabbing his face. “You’re sure that you’re willing to take this risk alone.”

“I’m not alone. I have you. Right?”

I knew what he was asking. He wanted me to work for him. Only now the stakes were much higher. Everything about this held more risk. If Stone Solar failed, Stone Holdings wouldn't come to its rescue. My career might take a nose dive. And worst of all, I'd feel guilty as heck for suggesting then failing to deliver on the idea.

But Deacon wouldn't push me down a dark road. This one held the promise of light, light beyond what I ever dreamed of bringing into this world, even as a little girl, only trying to reach the heaven her father promised.

And I'd be doing it with the man I loved.

That, was a lot easier to believe in.

I nodded. “I'll need a little time, but yes. I'll be there. I'll join your company.”

He sighed, long and seductive. “Thank you.”

He clutched me to him, to his vast and powerful body. Our lips didn't meet, but this was more intimate. His hands moved up and down my back, as if making sure I was real. My 'yes' had never felt so mighty. I had never felt so needed.

“All I've wanted to know today is that the girl I love supported my plan,” he said softly in my ears.

Love. The word dipped my body into a warm pool of water. I could lie in this moment forever.

“It's not the plan I support,” I said. “It's you. Don't get me wrong, you're still crazy. But I love you.”

He gripped my head to his, those gorgeous grey eyes softly on me. His thumbs teased my cheeks. Ever so gently, he pulled my lips to him.

Our tongues flecked across each other. The warmth in me went up to a boil. I nestled into him, surrendered myself to his strength.

I was in it now. No way to go but further into him.

“How about we go to bed,” he murmured, “and seal this partnership.”