Daystar (60 page)

Jegudiel rubbed away tears.
 
“I am sorry for you.
 
Your parents should apologize to you, bringing a creature like you into the world; it is not fair to you.”
 
He choked back a sob.
 
“If you happen to make your way back home tell your fathers I’m not coming back.
 
You three can have your household without me in it, as it should have been from the beginning.”
 
He leapt into the air, flying towards the outskirts of the city.

Bean rested her head on the roof.
 
She threw up.

She fell to her side.
 
She wrapped her wings over her body.
 
She could not cry.
 
Shock had not worn off yet, she was numb.
 
She stared at her hands under the cover of feathers.
 
Was she really so terrible?
 

Jegudiel had always been kind and patient with her.
 
He wouldn’t have said those things just to hurt her.
 
He wasn’t that way.
 
He was a good person.
 
He said he was her friend.
 

Bean squeezed her eyes shut.
 
She touched her hair, her lips.
 
She did not want to be what he said she was.
 
She wanted to be better, like he was.
 
She wanted to be like him.

Bean scratched her face; she tore her hair, breaking it off at random lengths.
 
She grew out her nails and left gouge marks in her skin.
 
If she could not control herself with others, she would render herself unappealing.
 
No one would be with her even when she threw herself at them as he said she would.

She stalled her ability to heal; she kept it at bay, letting the wounds on her body clot and scab.
 
Bean crawled to a chimney, grabbed soot, and covered her sparkling wings.
 
She made her purple hair black.
 
Tears ran through the grunge and dripped onto the rooftop.
 
Her sobs were loud, broken with coughs.
 
She stood and staggered away from the spot blindly.

From where he flew, Jegudiel’s heart constricted.
 
His glowing body grew dim.
 
He held his chest and snarled through tears.
 
“I don’t care.
 
Not with such a vile—”

Jegudiel shook his head as pain tore through him.
 
“No.
 
Go ahead and pain me!
 
She deserved it.
 
My love, to be so foul, she hurt me first.
 
She betrayed me
first
.
 
She abused me first.
 
I only did to her what she did to me.
 
We’re even now!”
 
He flew towards the forest, falling into the trees and losing consciousness as he hit the dirt.

***

Whitney made up lyrics to go along with the songs of Heaven.
 
She mouthed them to keep from irking Michael or attracting His attention.
 
They had been left alone since she had shut up.
 
She watched Michael out of the corner of her eye.
 
He remained kneeling, ever facing the throne.
 
His expression wavered between tortured and despairing.

The fire left the throne and Michael sagged.

Whitney rolled to her hands and knees.
 
She crawled to his side.
 
“Michael?”

Michael eyed her.
 
“Go away, Whitney.”

“But—”

Michael turned from the hosts of angels and grabbed her shoulders lightly.
 
“Please leave me alone.”
 
He blinked back tears.
 
“Just stop.”

Whitney gaped at him.
 
She leapt into his arms and hugged him.
 
Michael froze in shock.
 
Whitney squeezed him.
 
“It’s okay to cry, everyone does it.
 
Go ahead and have a cry.”

Michael regained himself and put his hands on her shoulders, trying to push her away.
 
“I am not crying.
 
What a ridiculous statement.”

Whitney held on to him tighter.
 
“Then your eyes are leaking, either way that seems hug worthy.”

Michael stood up, pulling her up with him.
 
“Please let me go, Whitney.”

Whitney shook her head.
 
“No.
 
When was the last time you were hugged?”

“I do not remember.”

“Bullshit, liar.”

Michael ground his teeth.
 
“Lucifer, all right.
 
Now let
go
.”

Whitney did, but she kissed his cheek and took one of his hands.
 
“Why are you crying?”

Michael frowned and pulled his hand from hers.
 
“I do not see any reason to tell you.”

Whitney shrugged.
 
“I am here as a hostage.
 
If I don’t serve a purpose I will be killed and you seem to have complete faith that whatever His plan is, it will work.
 
So what is the harm in telling me while He is gone?”

Michael stared at his feet.
 
“No.”

“Have you ever confided in anyone?”

“Yes.”

“Then go confide in them.
 
You need to talk to someone.
 
Please?
 
It will make you feel tons better.”

“I cannot.”

“Why?”

Michael closed his eyes.
 
“I only ever confided in Lucifer, Whitney.
 
Okay?
 
He was the only one who hugged me.
 
I confided in him and we laughed together.
 
You seem to want to know
everything
about Lucifer and I.
 
He taught me everything he knows and for a time we were connected.
 
We had each other.
 
He was my friend and I loved him, more than anyone or anything.”

His eyes filled with tears.
 
“But it does not
matter
now!
 
None of that matters anymore because Lucifer left me and now my purpose has left me as well!
 
You, a former human, you lived a life where you created your meaningless purposes; they gave you a reason to be.
 
We do not make our purposes.
 
We are given them.
 
Without one, we are
nothing
.”

Whitney took his hand.
 
“Why can’t you make one?”

“Because we cannot!
 
I am only here to die now.”
 
Michael gulped and stared at her with a fierceness that made her gasp.
 
“I do not want to die, but I will do as He asks.
 
That does not mean I face my end fearless.”
 

Michael shook his head.
 
“Lucifer is strong again and I have no spear.
 
I have no hope, Whitney.
 
Therefore, I sit and think about what my life is overall.
 
I am meant to die for I alone with no spear can in no way can defeat a Primangel, my brother, and He knows that.
 
My death will be but a meaningless gesture.”
 
His gaze was haunted.
 
“What point then will I have had?
 
Why was I even created?”
 
He pulled at his hair.

Whitney stared into his eyes.
 
“What purpose did Lucifer give you originally?
 
Doesn’t that mean anything?”

Michael closed his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek.
 
“I do not know, Whitney.”

“What did Lucifer tell you?
 
What did he say?
 
Didn’t you have a ward or something?”

“He called me Michael his brother and he told me he loved me.
 
That was enough.
 
I had no ward, I never did.”
 
Michael sank to his knees.
 
“Now no one loves me or needs me.
 
I might as well not even exist for all the impact I made on things.”
 
He shook his head and looked into her eyes.
 
“I am a cipher and I am alone.”

Whitney shook her head.
 
“No you are not!
 
You are Michael!”

“Second to the fallen Primangel, second to a failure…I am less than even he.”

“He is not a failure!”
 
Whitney frowned.
 
“He fights for love.”

“I cannot understand that or him.”

“Didn’t you once understand one another?”

“We were connected then.
 
We could not help but understand one another.”

“That connection was lost?”

“When he left he connected with
her
.
 
I could not stand to feel it.”

“Can’t you reopen it?”

Michael shook his head.
 
“Why would I do such a thing?”

Whitney spoke carefully, “Perhaps if you understood him, you would understand your original purpose or at least know better how to fight him.”

Michael shivered.
 
“I do not know.”

“What could it hurt to try it?”

Michael frowned.
 
“He would not approve.”

Whitney made her face hard.
 
“He wants you to
die
.
 
Fine, Michael, go and die, but shouldn’t you die on your terms with all the information?
 
Don’t you want to know why Lucifer made his choices?
 
Or would you rather face him and die not knowing, never understanding why he cast you off and chose her?”

Michael stared into her eyes.
 
“I do not believe that such an understanding is possible, but…”

“But?”

Michael stared at the ground.
 
“I want to know why Lucifer could not be content to obey.”
 
He took a deep breath.
 
“I have obeyed my entire existence and he was made to be better than I.
 
That he could fall while I remain steadfast…I have never understood.
 
I want to understand.”

“Then find out.”

Michael looked up at her.
 
“This could aid me in my battle against him, yet you support it.”

“Michael.”
 
Whitney slapped his shoulder.
 
“You have some fucking serious
issues
and I am a people pleaser and a sucker for tears.
 
Go find out what you need to know and then die like a fucking man.”

Michael sat back and touched his forehead.
 
“Will you wake me if Lucifer comes?”

Whitney nodded.
 
“Of course.”

Michael frowned.
 
“I do not know why I trust you.”

“I have one of those faces I guess.
 
Besides, Lucifer will want to battle you.
 
He will not stab you while you rest.
 
He wants to fight you as much as you want to fight him.
 
Killing you while you were vulnerable would not please him.”

Michael nodded and tapped his forehead once.
 
He went into a daze, his eyes unseeing.
 
Whitney took his hand in hers and sat by his side.

The angels around her looked to the throne as it erupted into flame.

BEGIN.

Gabriel bowed and vanished with Azrael.
 
The hosts of Heaven formed ranks and flew out.

Whitney took a deep breath.
 
“Good luck everybody.”

***

Belial made a hula-hoop of metal and gyrated her hips.
 
“Look, Andrealphus!
 
Look at me!”

Andy looked over and found himself caught, his eyes tracking her pelvis.
 
“Yeah look at you.”

Belial stopped moving and the metal kept going, round and round.
 
She smiled.
 
“Watch!”
 
She tapped the metal and it turned into two hoops that circled around her body.
 
“I have an orbit!”

Andy grinned and took her hand, stopping the metal.
 
He leaned in and kissed her.
 

Belial snapped and the metal dissolved.
 
She pressed against Andy.
 
“I wish we could have time to ourselves.”

He ran his fingers through her hair.
 
“We will when this is all done.”

She made a face.
 
“How long could that be?
 
We could be here for a long time.”