Daystar (41 page)

Andy stopped and frowned.
 
He leaned against a tree.
 
“I thought we weren’t going to talk about this.”

She took a step towards him and reached for his hand.
 
He pulled away.
 
She rubbed her arms.
 
“But I do not understand why you are acting like this.”

“Belial, it’s not your fault.
 
Your brother should not have put me in this position, I’m sorry.”

She gulped.
 
“But I want—”

“No.”
 
He turned away from her, his heart aching.
 
“You are a child and I am an adult and I do not feel right about this.
 
I do not want to discuss it now.”
 
He walked away.

Belial followed him with her eyes.
 
Andy turned at the edge of the clearing and sighed.
 
“Coming?
 
I have more to show you.”
 
He turned away and walked into the shadows.

She took a deep breath and charged in after him.
 
Andy did not turn at the sound of her stomping through the underbrush; she had never been graceful.

Belial grabbed his elbow, picked him up, and threw him back towards the clearing.
 
She leapt on him and knocked him to the ground.
 
Her eyes welled up with tears.
 
“I am not a child!”

“Belial, it’s just—”

“Shut up!”
 
She jumped back and stood, pointing a finger at him.
 
“I am not a kid, Andrealphus.”

Andy struggled for words.
 
“You cannot make informed decisions.”

“Because I was sick?”

“Yes!”

“But what happened, Andrealphus?”

“I cannot tell you what happened to you, your brother has forbade it.”

“To me?
 
To
you
, Andrealphus.
 
What happened to
you?
”
 
Belial shivered.
 
“You used to smile all the time.
 
You used to hold me and toss me like Berith.
 
He still does that.
 
But you do not.
 
You can barely even look at me.”

“Because you’re different.”

Belial paced.
 
“This has nothing to do with me!”

Andy jumped to his feet.
 
“Of course it does!
 
You do not know the truth about the time that has passed.”

“Do you think I am a fool?
 
That I could not formulate on my own what I missed?”
 
Belial looked at her hands.
 
“I remember the trial, Andrealphus.
 
Dahlia locked away and I remember the order to take my wings.”
 
Her chin trembled.
 
“I remember escaping with Helion; it is only when Helion leaves me to go get help that the memories stop.”

“Belial, you don’t want to know what happened.”

“Exactly!
 
Because I know who Helion went to get and I know Uriel is dead, Andrealphus.
 
I smell his death on you, on Helion, on the ashes.”
 
Belial let tears fall unrestrained.
 
She shook her head.
 
“I do not want to know what deed could drive the two of you to kill him, but I trust that his death was well-deserved, because you are a good person.”

“Belial.”

She wiped at her cheeks.
 
“I know I was not sick with something like the flu, Andrealphus.
 
I was sick in the soul and heart.
 
Uriel hurt me.”

He paled.
 
“Yes he did.”

“Then why should I have to experience it again so that you can treat me like an equal?
 
Why must I be damaged for you to love me?”
 
Belial stared at the ground.
 
“The only reason you act this way is because my memories are gone, but I do not want to remember them.”

“Belial?”

Belial shook her head.
 
“I love you, without reserve and I understand that what happened to me must have driven something between us, something insurmountable.
 
For that, I am glad it is gone.
 
I will never request the memories of it from Helion, never.”

Her eyes met his.
 
“If we cannot be together after all this, then whatever he did hurt us
both
and it still is damaging
you
.”
 
Belial touched her chest where her heart beat.
 
“I am free of what he did.
 
The only thing hurting me now is
you
.”
 
She turned and fled into the woods.

Andy gaped and stared after her.

“You
idiot!
”

Andy turned.
 
He got a fist to the face and flew in the bushes.
 
Jegudiel landed on his chest.
 
“What are you
doing?
”

Andy caught Jegudiel’s fist.
 
“What?”

“Why are you acting this way?!”
 
Jegudiel was near tears.
 
“You love her and she loves you.
 
You finally can be together and you turn her away?
 
You hurt her?”

Andy stared.
 
“But, I am not trying to.”

“You still are!”
 
Jegudiel punched at Andy.
 
“Why does everyone hurt her?
 
Why can’t you just love her as she is?”

Andy gaped.
 
“I—”

“Say it!”

“Say what?”
 
Andy pushed Jegudiel off him.

“Tell me
why!
 
Give me one good reason why you can’t be with her!”

Andy looked into Jegudiel’s burning eyes.
 
“I don’t want to hurt her.
 
I don’t want anyone to hurt her.”

“Then get off your ass and go after her!
 
Show her what love is supposed to be!”
 
Jegudiel hauled Andy to his feet and pushed him towards the forest.
 
“Go, damn it!
 
If that is the only reason you have you have no reason to stay here!”

Andy took a step and stopped himself.
 
“I cannot.”

Jegudiel fumed.
 
“You will lose your chance!
 
You will fuck it up again!
 
You do not deserve her if you mistime this again!”

Andy turned to him.
 
“What did you just say?”

Jegudiel flapped his wings angrily.
 
“It’s true; you slow on the uptake idiot!”

“It’s too soon.”

“How do
you
know, Andrealphus?”
 
Ice white flames danced around Jegudiel’s head.
 
“When have you
ever
gotten the timing right?
 
You either think it is right and you’re early, or you think you need to wait and you lose your chance.”

Andy scowled.
 
“That’s not true.”

“Bullshit.
 
Just accept it.
 
You know fuck-all about love
and
you’re a coward.”

“I know more than you and I am not a coward!”

Jegudiel scoffed.
 
“I am a no-experience loser; I got that, but you?
 
You have it, you stupid bastard!
 
You have everything
right fucking there
and you just let it slip through your fingers over and over again!”

Jegudiel’s voice rose into a shout, “You are so lucky to have someone that loves you so much they would give up a piece of themselves for you!
 
Think
about that decision!
 
Think about how scary that would have been, but she made it and trusted that you would love her still.
 
And what to do you do?
 
You chase her away!”

Jegudiel’s cheeks flamed red.
 
“If I
ever
had someone so in love with me that they would do even a fraction of something that brave, I would never let them go.
 
Never push them to the side because of
my
fear.
 
If you do not go in there and chase her down you are a worthless coward who
deserves
to live alone!”

Jegudiel’s anger morphed into radiation, and the clearing grew scorching hot.
 
He reached into the air and pulled a flaming sword out of the firmament.
 
He leveled his weapon at Andy.
 
“You have run out of chances to make this work, Andrealphus, and as the Archangel of Love I am telling you that this is your
last shot
.
 
Get your fucking ass in gear and go to her
now!
”
 
The trees around him caught fire, sending pillars of flame into the sky.
 
The flames burnt their clothes away and made the ground smoke.

Andy gaped at him as ash painted him gray.
 
“I…”

“
Now!
”

Andy ran.

He threw himself into the forest.
 
It was not hard to see where she had gone.
 
Everything in her path was broken or bent.
 
Andy ran without thinking, he couldn’t allow himself to or his feet would have stopped.
 
His heart pounded in his chest.
 
He was afraid.

He slipped and fell into a stream.
 
He got up and trudged through the icy water, looking for where she had run into the woods.
 
He did not walk far before his eyes caught upon silver wings in the moonlight.

Belial sat at the base of a fig tree with her knees pulled into her chest, her eyes covered, her wings wrapped nearly all the way around her.
 
She sat on moss, inches from the stream.
 
He reached for her.

Her body shook and a whimper escaped.

She wept…she cried because of
him
.
 
He dropped his hand.
 
Andy was, at that moment, the most miserable creature on the planet.
 
He sought for someone to strike him dead.
 
He was an asshole.
 
He looked at himself in the stream.
 
This was his fault and she was not going to get better on her own.

Andy jumped up onto the bank quietly and got down on his hands and knees.
 
He crawled up to her and touched her big toe with a finger.
 
Belial’s wings pulled back and she looked at him through the curtain of her hair.
 
She gasped, but did not say anything.

He took a deep breath.
 
This was his to lose and he knew that.
 
He rubbed her feet.
 
“I am sorry.
 
What I said was not fair to you.
 
Your decision was brave and certainly not childish.
 
I am being the child.”
 
His face heated up from a blush.
 
“I’m scared,
terrified
and instead of facing it, I chase you away.”

Belial raised her head slightly.
 
“What are you scared of?”

“Of screwing this up, of having it not be right.”

“What is that?”

“What is what?”
 
Andy frowned.

“Right.
 
What does that mean?”
 
She pulled back another wing.
 
“How can it not be right?”
 
She touched his hand, took it in her own, and pulled him over until he sat by her.
 
“Do you expect there is some kind of script that we should follow?
 
If there is, I do not know it, though I would like to see such a thing.”

Andy gulped.

She leaned her head on his shoulder.
 
“What a silly thing that would be, the same lines and parts for each person to take.
 
To think that Lucifer and Dahlia would do the same things as Paimon and Furcas, as you and I.
 
That wish is impossible, and if no such thing exists then how can there be a measurement of correctness?”

He fiddled with his hands.
 
“I just want for us both to be happy, to enjoy our time together, for it to be
perfect
.”

Belial smiled.
 
“Andrealphus, you are still silly.”
 
She looked up at him.
 
“You are perfect; you make me happy.
 
I enjoy our time together.”

He blushed.
 
“I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Oh and what if you do?”
 
Belial poked him.
 
“Shall I be angry and beat you about the head because you did not say the perfect things in the perfect order to me?”
 
She grinned.
 
“We have lifetimes for you get the words just right, but I do not want to wait lifetimes for you to start to say the words.
 
I want to hear your fumbles now.
 
I love your mishandled turns of phrase.”