Dawn of Valor (22 page)

Chase was restless under a driving need to speak at length with her as soon as possible. “When can I see her, doc?”

Doug glanced at his watch. “It’s 1400. Rachel is due in at midnight. She’ll be the chief duty nurse until 0800 tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks,” Chase muttered, closing his eyes. Ten hours was too long to wait to see Rachel, to talk with her. Chase hungered to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her. Clenching his fist, he focused tiredly on the image of her face. Midnight couldn’t come too soon.

The ward was eerily quiet as Rachel padded softly down the main aisle. As chief duty nurse, she made rounds once an hour, checking on the twenty men who slept in the cots. With every step, her heart pounded a little harder at the base of her throat. Down on the right, Chase slept in his cot.

Slowing to a halt, Rachel took in Chase’s darkly shadowed features. Relief flooded through her. Despite his pallor, she could see the determination to fight his injury mirrored in the set of his jaw and the line of his mouth. Chase might be trussed up with IVs and dressings, but he was battling back. Warmth spread through Rachel’s breast as she walked to his bedside and sat down. As if sensing her arrival, Chase stirred. His lashes fluttered, then opened, revealing drowsy blue eyes.

Chase’s heart exploded with an incredible sensation of joy as a soft, shy smile shadowed Rachel’s lips. It was her eyes, gloriously green and lustrous, that drew him out of his pain-filled sleep.

“How long—” he cleared his throat, frowning.

“I’ve been here less than a minute.” Rachel tried to mask her tautly strung nerves, but the wobble in her voice gave her away. “Sure you don’t have radar?”

Reaching out, Chase took a chance and opened his fingers in invitation. Rachel lifted her slender hand, hesitated momentarily, then placed it in his larger one. “So much strength and courage in such a small person,” he whispered, his fingers closing around hers.

“In some ways, we’re a lot alike,” Rachel returned softly, leaning forward and blotting his brow with the cloth.

“Yeah?” Just hearing her voice, allowing it to wash through him, helped stabilize Chase’s spinning agony-filled world. “How?”

Rachel held his ravaged gaze. “We’re both stubborn, we speak our mind, and we have courage.”

“Good traits.” Chase squeezed her hand gently. “How are you doing?”

A small lump formed in Rachel’s throat. “I’m doing okay—worrying about you, mostly.”

“You look tired.”

“You look wonderful.”

He held her gaze, sparkling with undeniable warmth for him alone. Or was he misreading Rachel again? “Did you hear me muttering earlier?”

Rachel placed the cloth on the stand, continuing to hold his hand. “No. What were you saying?”

“That I wanted to talk to you, I had to see you.”

She stroked his fingers gently, unable to hold his burning, intense gaze despite the fever in his eyes. “Chase…my God, I don’t know where to begin,” Rachel whispered, choking back a sob. Her fingers closed tightly over his hand, and she took nearly a minute before she could speak again. “I—I was wrong about so many things, Chase. About you. I was confused, and I made so many awful choices that affected us.”

Chase saw the tears drift down her waxen cheeks, wishing he could sit up and smooth them away with his thumbs. “Look at me, Angel Eyes….”

It hurt to lift her head, and it hurt even more to hold his dark blue gaze. A sob made her tremble, and she felt his hand weakly squeeze hers. “I—I made some assumptions about you, Chase, that may not be true. And I based everything, my reactions, on them.”

“What assumptions?” he coaxed, caught in the matrix of her tears, her utter vulnerability toward him.

“At the time we were caught behind enemy lines, I thought you were just like every other guy.”

Chase managed a one-cornered grimace. “I was—at first.”

“But,” Rachel rasped, “that changed. I know when it did, looking back. When I led that patrol away from you and came back at the end of the day, things were different. Only, I was too shaken and worried to realize it. But, I know you did.”

He closed his eyes. “Yeah, lying there in those rocks and brush for five hours wondering if you were alive, captured or dead played havoc on me. It forced me to get in touch with how I really felt about you.”

Chewing on her lower lip, Rachel grew silent. “This is so hard, Chase…I’m finding out how naive I am when it comes to love. I never had a steady boyfriend before I met you. I had men who were friends, but nothing serious.” She saw the tenderness in his eyes, and it gave her the courage to go on. “I hope I’m not going to embarrass both of us again by saying something stupid, but I thought—I mean, I—well,” Rachel gave him a hopeless look. “Oh, Chase, I’m going to make a fool of myself again. But, did you fall in love with me at that time?”

Chase saw the fragility and indecision in Rachel’s beautiful green eyes. His voice grew raw with feeling. “Didn’t you hear me screaming in my sleep? Over and over again, I was calling for you, telling you not to leave me. That I loved you.”

Rachel’s breath snagged, and she stared thunderstruck at Chase. Had she heard right? Or were her spongy mind and shredded emotions playing some dreadful trick on her? And then the cold wash of reality hit her. Chase had used the word
love
in the past tense, not the present. Rachel didn’t blame him for not loving her now. Her voice was barely above a hoarse whisper. “I don’t blame you for how you must feel about me now. I misunderstood your advances. I thought you were trying to get me in bed without a commitment. That’s why I reacted the way I did.”

“I see.” Chase grimaced. “Angel Eyes, we’re both to blame, not just you.” He forced a slight smile through the waves of pain. “I messed up first, by going after you purely on a physical level. Then, as I spent time with you, I fell in love with your spirit and fire. You never gave up, and you were just as stubborn as I was. I respected all those things about you. But, let’s face it, I wasn’t exactly a gentleman out there.”

A tiny flicker of hope sprang to life in Rachel’s heart as she absorbed his shadowy, bearded features into her. “I didn’t realize you’d fallen in love with me, Chase.”

“I finally figured that out.” He squeezed her fingers. “I tried to make up for it when I got here, but by that time, the damage had been done. All I could do was deploy defensive strategy, and that didn’t work, either.”

“I didn’t let it work.”

“No, but I didn’t blame you.” Chase raised his other hand, resting his arm across his sweaty, wrinkled brow. “I really blew it when I gave you the silk robe and then kissed you. Hell, Rachel, I found myself up and across the room before I realized what had happened.” He managed a thin smile. “When you smiled like that, I just melted inside. It was the first time I’d seen how you really felt about me. It was the proof I was looking for. And then, I tripped all over myself like a teenager and kissed you.”

“It surprised me, too,” she admitted.

“But did you like it?”

Rachel managed a grin, the hope burning stronger in her heart. “Yes.”

“Good. That brings us back to you,” he said, holding her tear-filled gaze. “How do you feel about me?”

She lowered her lashes, placing her other hand across his. “Annie helped me put things in perspective, Chase. I didn’t realize it, but I was in love with you.” There, the admission was finally out in the open. Rachel was afraid to lift her lashes to see what kind of impact the words had on Chase, expecting the worst.

“Was?”
Chase goaded in a rasp. “What’s this
was
? If you were then, why can’t you be now? I know we’ve had some fights, but—”

Rachel smiled, meeting his desperate gaze. “I love you, Chase Trayhern, then and now.”

Disgruntled, he relaxed and took a long, unsteady breath. “Whew…that was too close,” he whispered. His voice deepened, holding her uncertain gaze. “Let’s make this official: I love you, too. Then, and now and in the future. Okay?”

Rachel’s heart contracted, and a shower of joy shimmered through her. The moments spun gently between them as he watched her from beneath hooded eyelids, monitoring her reaction.

“Look at me, Rachel.”

Blinking back tears, she lifted her chin, holding Chase’s dark, narrowed eyes. “I swore that if God let you live, I’d tell you how I really felt, Chase.”

“After you told me never to come back, I didn’t know what to do,” Chase admitted quietly. “I figured the only chance I had left was to leave you alone and hope like hell that you would eventually sort things out. There was nothing I could say under the circumstances that would clear me of the impression you had of me.”

“I know.” Rachel gave a small sigh, feeling so much weight slide off her shoulders. “Let’s never let this happen again, Chase. No matter what, we have to promise to talk—to stay at it until the issue’s resolved.”

Chase stared at her for a long time, digesting her admittance. He began to understand what kind of hell Rachel had gone through. “That’s a promise. I figured once we were stateside, I’d find you and try to start over. I’d keep my hands to myself until after I married you.”

A gasp escaped Rachel, and she pressed her hand against her breast, stunned.
Marriage?
“A-are you—”

“Yeah, I am. Will you be my wife?” Chase couldn’t breathe, all his raw feelings boiling to the surface. He prayed that Rachel would say yes. She blanched, turning pale, and he grew afraid. Before she could speak, he blurted, “Look, I know I’m not whole like before. If—if I lose this leg—”

“No!” she cried softly, “you won’t lose your leg. Don’t even say it, Chase.” Rachel laid her head against his shoulder, resting her arm across his chest. “I believe you’ll beat the odds, darling.”

Chase murmured her name, sliding his hand up across her back, tangling his fingers through her hair. “Listen to me, Rachel,” he began thickly. “If I did lose my leg, I’d be a cripple the rest of my life. My career in the service would be over. I’d have to scrape for a living some other way. I wouldn’t be able to provide you with the things you deserve, that our children deserve….”

She fought the sobs that wanted to tear from her, holding Chase tightly. Finally Rachel gathered her strewn emotions and sat up. With trembling fingers, she caressed Chase’s damp cheek. “I’ll love you with or without legs. And if the worst happens, you’ll create a job for yourself. You’re not the kind of man to give up and quit—no matter what the odds are.” Giving him a broken smile, Rachel leaned down. For the first time, she shyly initiated a kiss between them.

Chase’s mouth was cool compared to hers. Heat sang through Rachel as he responded, cherishing her, telling her in his wonderful silent language, just how much he really loved her. Although Chase was weak, there was nothing but strength in his kiss. Hungrily he captured her, nipping at her lower lip, soothing it with his tongue, worshipping her. His fingers tunneled through her hair, pressing her more tightly against his chest.

Breathing raggedly, Chase reluctantly released Rachel. Even in the grayness of the ward, he saw the rose flush in her cheeks as she drew away. He managed a lopsided grin.

“When you kissed me, the pain went away.”

“Better than drugs, huh?” Rachel whispered, dazed by the power of the emotions he shared with her in those precious seconds.

“You never answered me. Will you marry me, Rachel?”

Rachel met and held his intense blue gaze. “Yes.”

The last of the shadows that had haunted him since they’d split up, dissolved. Chase lay back, closing his eyes, savoring the happiness that made the pain disappear. Rachel was going to be his wife! “God, I love you,” he quavered, holding her warm gaze.

“I know,” she whispered, smiling brokenly. “If you hadn’t possessed that Trayhern stubbornness, we’d never be here—together.”

He smiled, proud of himself, of his tenacity. For once it had paid off—more than he ever could have imagined. Humbled, Chase captured her hand, holding her smoldering gaze. Rachel was hot and unbridled, not even aware how passionate she was. He closed his eyes. “I’m going to dream of a time in the near future when we can both be stateside—together.”

Some of her euphoria dissolved. “Dr. Thornton said that you’ll be here another week, providing you continue to progress.”

“And then?” Chase had no idea where he would be sent to recover.

“You’ll be flown into Travis Air Force Base near San Francisco. There’s a military hospital nearby that has the best physical therapy program for wounds like yours.”

“I’ll be damned. San Francisco. Not bad duty, is it?”

She smiled and shook her head. “I swear, Chase, if you were handed mud, you’d find some way of selling it for a profit.”

His grin was genuine. “You’re right, honey. Will you be coming back with me?”

Her smile slipped. “No…”

A frown wove across his brow. “Why not?”

“I have to stay in Korea four more months. My tour isn’t up until April of next year.” It hurt to admit it, because a long separation was the last thing Rachel wanted. “I—I wish I could be transferred to that hospital to help you as the wound heals. But that won’t be possible.”

Chase lay quietly, thinking. Four months without Rachel would kill him. “I’m spoiled,” he told her in a low voice. “Spoiled by getting to see you every day.” His fingers tightened around her hand. “Dammit, Rachel, I don’t want to be away from you that long.”

Tears clogged her throat. “I know, darling….”

All his happiness backwashed. How in the hell was he going to survive without Rachel’s laughter and sweet smile? At that moment, Chase began to realize just how deeply he loved Rachel, how much she had woven herself into the fabric of his life.

“You’re going to need those four months to bring that leg back, Chase,” Rachel explained in a strained tone. “You’ll be going from one kind of pain to another. The physical therapy will be grueling. Believe me, you’ll be busy and probably won’t miss me at all.”

He snorted. “There isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t think about you, Rachel.” He moved his gaze upward. The tears in her eyes made Rachel even more beautiful. She was suffering as much as he was. “Do you know what air base you’ll be flying into when you come home from this tour?”