Daughter of Deep Silence (29 page)

I
n the end, though I’ve spent hours—days—agonizing over it, my letter to Grey is simple. I write it on plain paper, with my new address at the top, and tuck it under the ribbon tying my journals and notebooks together along with the only backup of the video from his old phone.

You want to know who I am, here it is. This is me—every thought, every fear, every truth. I leave myself in your hands. You can turn me in, you can condemn me, you can ignore me.

You can come find me.

I’ll be waiting, for whatever it is you decide.

But know this: I’ve lied about most everything in my life, but never about my love for you. It is as strong now as it ever was. There is a reason your heart found mine. It is my sincerest hope you find me again.

Yours always,

I struggle in the end, not knowing how to sign it. And so I leave it blank. But that’s the thing about silences and futures; someone always comes along to fill them in. If you let them.

I love that I get to spend my days in the world of books. Thank you to my passionate readers for making this possible—you are a dream come true!

The very first seeds of this book were planted around Ally Carter’s breakfast table, and I owe her a huge thanks for saying, “Yes, write that!” and for cheering me on ever since. Thanks also to Jennifer Lynn Barnes, whose quick plot adjusting not only helped to sell the book, but also spawned a cult following of eight box plotters, and to Melissa de la Cruz who gave me great advice when I needed it. Sarah MacLean and Diana Peterfreund not only read, but listened many, many times as I talked through plot details. Several other folks read this book at various stages and helped me work through the snags: Beth Revis, Holly Black, Sarah Rees Brennan, Kami Garcia, and especially the Bat Cavers. Thanks also to the Debs who have been there from the beginning.

I’m so grateful to have had the chance to work with editor extraordinaire Julie Strauss-Gabel, whose keen insight teased out themes I didn’t even realize were there. She’s brilliant! The entire Dutton and Penguin Young Readers team is amazing, especially Melissa Faulner, Anna Jarzab, Lisa Kelly, Carmela Iaria, Venessa Carson, Rachel Cone-Gorham, Erin Berger, Emily Romero, and Doni Kay. It’s a huge honor to have their creativity and enthusiasm behind this book and a delight to be working with Jessica Shoffel once again.

Merrilee Heifetz excels in her many roles as agent: fear-alayer, fire-putter-outer, advice-giver, advocate, and confidant (to name a few). I’m thankful to have her in my corner! Thanks also to Sarah Nagel, Cecilia de la Campa, and the Writers House crew for championing my books home and abroad.

As always, my family is a continued source of love and support (whose patience is boundless!). Thank you never feels like enough to show how much I love you all!

There were many hurdles in the way of getting here, but JP was there at every one, ready to catch me if and when I tripped. Thank you, my love!

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