Darnay Road (36 page)

“You better be careful,” I say. “He’s
going to stay here and what are you going to do? He’ll never be accepted by the
crowd you run with.”

“What crowd? I cheerlead. So what?”

Well I’m too mad to think about it.

“He’s so free,” she says all dreamily.

“Did he kiss you again?”

She is blushing and smiling and not
looking at me, just at the ceiling.

“Abigail May. You cannot go crazy with
him.” I feel like a hypocrite.

“Look who’s talking,” she snaps.

“Well I know what I’m doing and Easy is
much more…grown up than Cap. Cap is fourteen or fifteen now. He doesn’t even
have a job or a pair of pants without holes!”

“He is not materialistic. He doesn’t
want his life to be about that!”

“Hogwash. He’s just a bum!” I say.

“He is not! But he’ll never go into the
army like Easy. He loves Easy, but he will never let the establishment send him
into their war!” she yells.

I can’t believe this is Abigail. She’s
talking like…like I did…before Easy came back. She’s the jock. She’s the one
that sells out and doesn’t apologize for it. At all. I’m the one trying to make
her see…to make her listen and care about more than the next cheer or the next
sock-hop and she says non-conformist, and establishment…to me? And now Cap…it’s
all about Cap?

I don’t know why we’re fighting. I feel
the same about Easy.

“You’re so mean,” she says sitting
beside me like she’s had the air poked out of her.

“I know,” I say like it’s a revelation.
“But I’m just…I don’t want you to get hurt. Or pregnant like that one girl we
heard about.”

“I won’t,” she says. “I wouldn’t do
that. We’ve just kissed.”

“But he’s free love, right? He’s
probably been with lots of girls in Tennessee.”

“Easy too then. They’re brothers.”

“But Easy….” I’m thinking how he stopped
us. He’s different from Cap. Cap wouldn’t have stopped.

“I wouldn’t do that,” she repeats.

I look at her, and love is so powerful.
I didn’t know before, but I do now. “Promise,” I say.

“I promise,” she says.

I put my arm around her then, my hand on
her still pointy little head.

Darnay Road 59

Granma
calls us down to help with supper and my ears are tingling. Abigail May has
given me the many details from her time with Cap. He brought a marijuana
cigarette to the trestle one night and she took a puff. I slapped her for it.
Just hauled off and hit her arm.

“I didn’t feel any differently!” she
yelled.

“It’s illegal!” I say. “That damn
Disbro! Don’t you have any morals!”

“I have morals just fine! I just wanted
to know. Cap says one puff doesn’t even count. You can’t get hooked.”

“Cap says? Where’s your brain? Remember
the movie we just watched with Sonny Bono turning into a monster in the
mirror?”

“I asked Cap and he said that was bull.”

“You asked the pot-head?”

“Don’t tell.”

“You’re the snitch,” I say and it’s not
what I wanted to say but I’m so mad at her. I know Disbro has pot. That’s what
he put in the steering wheel. But we’ve had enough lectures about not jumping
off the bridge with the rest of the lemmings. Abigail May has no conviction!

At least I took a puff of tobacco.
That’s way better. Probably.

So it’s been a lot, a lot of talking.

“Lay the plates,” Granma says first
thing when we enter the kitchen.

“Granma…I was wondering,” I’m not
supposed to talk to her about me and her stuff in front of Abigail or anyone,
but Abigail hears it all the time anyway, and I’m ready to pop at the seams so
I say, “Granma I was thinking you could punish me all you want once Easy is
gone. I’d stay in for a month if you said, and wash windows. I just don’t think
it’s fair….”

“Easy and that other one are coming to
supper. So is May and maybe Ricky,” Granma says without looking at me cause
she’s setting the timer.

I don’t like Ricky coming but I’m so, so
happy Easy can I can barely protest anything.

This big, fat joy hits me. “Oh thank you
Granma,” I say. I look into the big skillet of Stroganoff. Life is really good,
really fast. Just perfect.

“You invited all of them? We’ll have a
party,” Abigail May says doing the twirl even without a skirt.

But she seems to notice then, that she’s
in a jumpsuit that looks a lot like the sunsuits she wore a hundred years ago.
She squeals a little and runs out of the room. I hear her on the stairs.

“Where you going?” I call from the hall.

“He can’t see me in this,” she says.

“He’s not materialistic, remember?” I
call after, but she’s already disappeared upstairs to raid my closet.

Back in the kitchen I go to my Granma
and hug her from behind cause she’s working over the stove. “You’re the best
granma in the whole world,” I say. And I mean it.

She goes kind of limp and she’s moving
and I step away and she gets to a chair and pulls it out and drops and she’s
crying into her hand, her elbow on the table. No sound but shoulders…shaking.

“Granma,” I get out. I’m almost crying
too.

She sniffs big and sits straighter and
wipes her eyes with her apron.

She looks at me, eyes so red. “I’m going
to trust you. You haven’t earned it after that stunt last Friday. But you
haven’t lost it either. I can’t follow you around. I didn’t raise you to be a
fool. Did I?”

“No,” I assure her.

“Then
don’t be one.”

“You saying I can see Easy? Like…could
we go to a movie and maybe do stuff?” I’m on my knees. I don’t even remember,
but here I am.

“I’m saying one thing at a time and if
you don’t give me a reason not to…I’m going to trust you. Can I?”

“Yes Granma. Yes, oh yes.” I throw
myself over her lap and cry a little. I love her so much I’d sign a paper in
blood if she asked me.

She pulls on me a little. “Then get up.
Lay those plates.”

I get on my feet and just like that,
it’s over. I don’t know when I’ve felt so happy…well seeing Easy. But I’m ready
to burst with it.

“The plates,” she says, still sniffing
while she goes to the refrigerator and digs around.

Darnay Road 60

I have just loaded a stack of
forty-fives on the living room stereo when there’s a knock on the door. I start
the music and pull on the sleeves of my navy blue dress. It is form fitting on
the top but it’s a scooter skirt on the bottom. So it looks like a dress but
there are shorts built in under a front and back panel.

It hits above my knees of course, but
it’s not super short until I sit down, the shorts move up and you can’t pull
them down, but there’s the panel in front that goes to my knees when I’m
seated, but it’s not wide enough to cover the sides of my thighs. It’s kind of
neat, a mini but not all the way.

I pretty much love this dress and the
little belt around my waist. I had to make an extra hole because my waist is
small and Granma says that is very much like my mother was. But I’m wearing
this, and a pony tail with a scarf tied around it. I’ve got on navy blue knee
socks and my Weejuns. I feel about sixteen, or just so aware of myself in a new
way both self-conscious and kind of…powerful.

I pull the door and it’s Aunt May
holding a big chocolate cake and Ricky standing behind her, his thumbs in the
pockets of his jeans.

I step back and hold the door wide for
Aunt May, then Ricky. He looks me up and down. Ugh.

I let him close the door himself.

“You did it now,” he says after Aunt May
makes it to the kitchen. “You and your little boyfriend.”

“Little?” I say. Easy is taller than
Ricky.

Janis Joplin is rasping out
“Summertime,” from the living room. She’s singing about a rich daddy, something
neither one of us had.

“Abigail tell you what they’re saying at
school?” he says.

“They say a lot of dumb stuff at school.
Can’t imagine who’d start such a rumor.”

“Not me.”

“Saint Ricky.”

He smiles, but it never quite looks
happy. “I like that,” he says low moving into the kitchen.

I turn back to the door to watch for
Easy and Cap. They are just entering the yard. It takes my breath like a
morning sky and I feel all that hope. Easy is in jeans and a t-shirt and his
jacket. Cap is in his torn jeans but his long hair is combed and tied back. I
pull the door and Easy is first up the stairs onto the porch. He comes to me
and we join hands and he squeezes mine and I think to do the same but we don’t
need it he squeezes so hard.

“I…hello,” I say to him.

He
smiles big, and it’s real, just like he is. He also looks me up and down and
wolf whistles very softly and Cap laughs a little and I say hi to Cap and point
to the kitchen and Cap follows the good smells and Easy pulls me in the living
room, which just takes a little tug on my hand and we’re there and the music,
and he says low, “How’s Sing-Sing?” and before I can answer his lips are so
warm on mine and before I can breathe he pulls me back into the hall and it’s
almost like we didn’t even miss a step.

In no time we’re in the kitchen and it’s
crowded with seven people in that space but I am so, so happy.

“C’mon, Granma,” Ricky says, “everybody
gets an inch. Two inches,” he is saying holding a bottle of wine Granma has had
in the refrigerator for a year.

“For heaven sakes,” Granma says and she
doesn’t even stop Ricky from pouring everyone an inch and a half in seven Dixie
cups.

May is laughing at Abigail’s reaction because
she takes a little sip and says, “It’s yuck.”

Cap downs his and holds it toward Ricky
for a refill and Ricky drains the bottle into Cap’s cup and it looks like
sediment in the dark glass bottle but Cap doesn’t care at all, he downs it.

“Georgia,” Ricky says handing me the
cup, his eyes sliding to my chest and back up right before he swallows his.

“Georgia,” Easy says and he’s holding
his cup and wants to fake-clink cups with me so we do that and it makes me
smile, but I only sip and it’s so grody.

“Here,” I say and I mean to hand it back
to Ricky but Cap says he’ll take it so I hand it to him.

Granma is trying to protest that we’re
minors drinking alcohol but May is telling her they do it in Europe all the
time, young children even.

We start to crowd around the table. Easy
and I get chairs next to each other. Abigail isn’t so lucky, Ricky gets next to
her before Cap does so Cap is left on the corner beside Aunt May, and I’m not
so lucky because Easy might be on one side of me, but Ricky is on the other.

So May is telling Granma how she made
the cake and bowls full of food hit the table, nothing fancy like I said
before, but very substantial cause my Granma can just make the best food appear
in minutes.

Ricky goes to serve himself some green
beans and May says, “Ah, ah, ah,” and makes to almost slap his hand. So we have
to bow our heads and May says, “Bless us oh Lord and these thy gifts which we
are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Granma and Abigail and I say, “Amen,”
and make the sign of the cross.

I look up at Easy and he smiles. I think
he’s been watching me. I pick up the mashed potatoes and set them between our
plates and I give him a big spoonful, then another.

He laughs and everyone does like I gave
him too much. But I don’t care and I don’t know why they are watching me anyway
when this food needs passed so shut-up.

“I want some,” Ricky says holding his
plate up a little.

“Well keep your shirt on,” I say serving
myself. Then I lift the heavy bowl and set it by Ricky’s plate.

Next
it’s green beans, Easy gets those and puts some on his plate and passes me that
bowl. I serve myself and hand off to Ricky. Ricky touches my hands a lot. When
I give him a dirty look he just smirks. He does it again with the corn so when
the stewed tomatoes come by I just plunk them on the table with my elbow over
his plate and no ‘excuse me.’ I don’t hand off anything else.

Cap and Easy about love Granma’s food.
Everyone does. She doesn’t cook like she used to, but tonight she’s got a good
spread. I’m just lifting my fork to my mouth when I feel it, Easy’s foot next
to mine, tapping against the side of my shoe. I look at him and he’s eating
away not looking at me. So what I do next is pull my foot back and move it
around his like a hook.

He is wiping his mouth on his napkin
then he looks quickly at me and almost no smile at all, just almost. I pull his
foot just my way just a little, just an inch.

“This is delicious,” Cap says and
Abigail giggles like he’s said something funny.

Since he’s across from her I can’t help
but wonder where her feet are. Hard telling with Abigail May and she’s very
dexterous so anything is possible.

So then, from Easy’s side I feel this
light touch against the bare skin of my thigh where the shorts ride up. I am
taking a drink of my water when that happens and I cough a little.

Ricky looks at me and says, “Calm down
Green.”

Now Aunt May is chattering on about
cakes and frosting and Granma says you have to add sugar or something, and I
have to remember to eat so I drop the hand toward Easy onto my lap and move it
enough and his hand finds mine right away and we are holding hands under the
table.

Then I feel Ricky’s knee hit mine. It’s
just a hit, then it happens again.

“Watch it,” I say, moving side to side,
trying not to disturb my hand-holding with Easy.

Ricky laughs a little and keeps
shoveling his food.

Then I feel his knee again. I point my
knees more toward Easy.

Granma glances at me, but just a glance.

“Yes Ma’am,” Easy says and I realize
Aunt May asked Easy a question.

“Well that must have been hard work,”
May says.

“Yes Ma’am but I like to see progress
like that,” Easy says. She’s asked about him and Cap working in the hayfields.

“Well they ran cattle, just enough. Had
some horses too.”

“Your family?” I say.

“My uncles,” Easy says.

“You like that work too?” May asks Cap.

“No Ma’am,” he says, same as Easy with
politeness. I’m relieved.

May knows Cap some from earlier days.
“What do you want to do with your life?” May says.

“Aunt May he’s just a kid,” Abigail
says. “He can’t know what he wants to do with his whole life!”

Cap laughs and you can tell the way he
looks at Abigail May he thinks she’s the cutest thing.

“Trash man,” Ricky says and he laughs
and Easy bends forward to look past me at Ricky like he’s curious about him
saying that.

Cap goes on the back two chair-legs,
boys always have to do that. “Live off the land. Grow things.”

“Mary Jane,” Ricky says under his breath
and Abigail laughs and Easy looks past me again at Ricky.

“Be
a farmer?” Abigail says in a voice like, ‘say what?’

“Yeah,” Cap says. “Not a chemical using
soil eroding one, but back to the land. You know.”

“Should a stayed in Tennessee,” Ricky
says forking away.

“I ain’t going back,” Cap says. “I like
it here. Lots of small farms in Missouri.”

I’m surprised again that he has any plan
at all. Of course he could also say a hundred other things that could and
probably will change. But I can see him as a farmer. Of sorts. I cannot see
Abigail May anywhere around a farm. And apparently, now that she’s berating the
whole idea, she can’t either.

“I want to live in a city. New York!”
she says. “I want to go to Macy’s!”

Cap levels his chair and keeps eating.
He keeps smiling at Abigail too, but everything he does is what they call
low-key.

Easy is playing with my thumb. He’s
one-handing his meal, like me.

“They’re talking all over school about
what went down Friday night,” Ricky is looking past me talking to Easy. “She’s
gonna have a real time when she gets back to school,” he says.

Granma is paying attention. “She didn’t
do anything. Bunch of busy-bodies.”

“I tell you this is my whole beef with
Christianity. Most gossiping people on earth,” May says.

“May,” Granma says.

“It’s true Vi. They put all the big sins
underground but gossip and gluttony they’ve turned into an art form so they can
keep right on doing it.”

“For heaven sakes May,” Granma says.

“It is not for heaven’s sake at all.
They worry about their do’s and don’ts and rip good people to shreds and don’t
give it a thought. That’s not what my bible says. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Whited walls and empty wells.”

I try not to groan cause ever since Aunt
May got the bible in her hands…well I already said it. But she’s got a point,
maybe. Even though I know this is more about Father Anthony…just Anthony, I
mean. Aunt May thinks he got a raw deal of some kind.

“Yes May. And I hope you’re doing all
you can to shut down any gossip spoken in your presence, Ricky,” Granma says.

There have been times in my life, maybe
more than I know, where Granma has tried to make Ricky protect me. When we were
younger, at the swimming pool, or walking home. These days it’s riding us home
from games and dances. To his credit he has been protective. Sort of. We’ve
just never had anyone to protect us from him.