Darkness Before Dawn (22 page)

I
T ALL STARTS ONE WEEK FROM TODAY
,” M
EG EXPLAINED
.

“And you’re ready?” Nancy asked, her tone breathy and hoarse.

“Well,” Meg explained, “I’ve been prepped. I have an idea of what the defense will
try to do and the questions they will ask. So I guess I’m as ready as I can be.”

“I’m ready, too,” Nancy grimly said.

Meg didn’t know how to reply to the small woman’s pronouncement. She was also scared
to ask what it meant. What she did know was that her habit of not leaving after work
until she had visited with Nancy had become very meaningful and she didn’t want it
to end. The tiny woman had a strength that awed Meg. Others would have given up by
now. Their funerals would have been weeks ago, but not this lady. She was a fighter.
She was determined to cling to every second she could. But, even though Meg didn’t
want to think about it, there was an expiration date looming.

“The pain must be getting bad,” Meg whispered.

“I can handle it,” came the quiet reply. “Besides, if I was on the meds, I probably
wouldn’t be awake when you came by each day. I look forward to that time. And, as
I know you
don’t work everyday of the week, I appreciate that you come to see Nosy Nancy on your
days off, too. It’s kind of like having a sister.”

Leaning closer to the bed, Meg patted the small woman’s hand. “I think you’re the
reason I’ve learned to care about my patients again, so I still have my job thanks
to you. I guess you’re the person who keeps the old Meg alive.”

“You don’t need to lose that part of you,” Nancy warned. “After all, that’s who Steve
fell in love with.”

Though she hadn’t meant it, Nancy’s words cut to the bone. She was right! Steve wouldn’t
have fallen for the person Meg had become. In fact, he wouldn’t have recognized the
person who now carried such rage in her heart.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Meg smiled, “No, Nancy you said something very right. When I met you I was mad at
everyone and everything in my life. You’ve caused me to refocus. I’m not angry with
the patients anymore. I’m not mad at my mother. I’m not ready to pal around with her
yet and I need my space, but I no longer feel a desire to push her completely out
of my life.”

“But you’re still carrying a lot of rage,” Nancy pointed out.

“Only for those who deserve it,” Meg admitted. “I focus now on the Thomas family,
especially the judge and his son.”

“What about God?”

Meg cocked her eyebrows. This woman really had a way of pushing buttons. “God is not
on my good side. If confession is good for the soul, then I’ll confess I don’t like
Him much, either.”

“Even a little hate can chew you up,” Nancy warned. “It’s like cancer; it starts small
and grows. If you don’t cut all the anger out of your life, it will kill everything
that is good in you.”

Meg leaned closer to her most special patient. “You go places others dare not tread.”

“Tact is not very important when your days are numbered.” Nancy paused, smiled, and
added, “But friendship is. Thanks for being my friend.”

“If Steve had met you first,” Meg whispered, “I don’t think I’d have ever caught his
eye.”

T
HANKS TO WILLIS
’
S WARNINGS AND NANCY
’
S INFLUENCE, MEG WAS ONCE
more acting like the perfect nurse at Springfield Community; yet in almost every
other situation, she was aloof and distant. Many who had once cared deeply for her,
those who had once thought that after she had time to work through her pain she would
return to her values and her beliefs, now tried to avoid her. Meg didn’t care that
she was being avoided. In fact, she liked the separation. It made it that much easier
for her to embrace her private little pity party.

When she wasn’t at work, Meg didn’t have to act like she was happy. She could be as
miserable as she wanted. And she usually was. She had quickly gotten used to being
by herself, but that didn’t mean she liked it. Even she had to admit her life was
depressing. There would be no happiness or satisfaction until Jim Thomas got what
he deserved. That goal kept her going. Seeing the teen declared guilty was her first
thought each morning. To emphasize the coming of that special day, every night she
crossed out the day on the kitchen calendar. Thus she was able to clearly see just
how much time she had left before putting the boy in his place. The big X over today’s
date meant April 26 was now just two days away. That was reason to celebrate.

As an act of cleansing, she had given some of Steve’s things to Goodwill and almost
all the rest she had shipped back to his folks. She’d removed all the photos and other
items that reminded her of him from the apartment and put them a locked trunk in the
closet. She had also gotten good at purging thoughts of her husband. She’d replaced
Steve’s memories with plans as to how she could best exact retribution for his death.
It was when she was making those plans she felt most alive.

Meg was looking over notes in preparation for the beginning of the trial when her
iPhone rang. It was Heather.

“Didn’t get to visit with you today.”

“Things were kind of crazy.”

“You’re right on that,” Heather replied. “I’m exhausted. I barely had time to get
off my feet today. Guess you went by to see Nancy after work.”

“Yeah,” Meg admitted. “I feel sorry for her. Her husband can’t get there ’til after
seven each night and there is no one else. It has to be tough waiting to die like
that.”

“I’m surprised you’ve bonded with her,” Heather noted. “I mean, you put a lot of distance
between you and the other Christians in your life.”

“She’s different,” Meg explained. “She doesn’t judge. Nancy sees the whole story and
therefore looks beyond my actions of the moment. She seems to have the faith to believe
that given time, I’ll work my way back to having a solid outlook on life. You know,
she even gives me books to read. I’ve got a whole shelf full of them.”

“What kind of books?” Heather asked.

“The kind I’d throw away if Mom gave them to me. They’re devotional books. I’m guessing
they must mean a lot to her. So I keep them.”

“Have you read them?”

“Heather, you know better than that. But I won’t get rid of them. I kind of like having
a piece of her heart in my house.”

“She’s gotten to you. Hasn’t she, Meg?”

“I wouldn’t say that. But you know there are some patients that each of us bond with.
Like you and that burn victim on the south wing. You spend a lot of time with her.”

“I guess,” Heather admitted, “but it seems like Nancy has become more your friend
than a patient.”

“She hasn’t replaced you,” Meg assured her.

Yet in a way she had. When Meg was angry, Nancy would sit through every story, never
once giving an impatient look or harsh word. When she wasn’t feeling well or she was
concerned that maybe Jim Thomas might get off, she informed Nancy. She even told Nancy
the story of her high school friend, Julie Evans. She had almost laughed when Nancy
pointed out that Julie’s killer was probably having a tough time living with the pain
of what he had done. She not only disagreed, she reminded the dying woman of the remorse
that Jim Thomas hadn’t been feeling. On that occasion, Nancy only smiled in a way
that said she didn’t want to argue. But the two of them did argue—mostly over God.
But it was a lot different than arguing with her mother. Nancy never pushed God down
Meg’s throat.

“Heather.”

“I was wondering if you were still there.”

“You don’t have to worry about Nancy replacing you. I just feel for her. I can’t imagine
facing death like she is.”

“So you put up with her for that reason?” Heather asked.

“I think that is it,” Meg admitted. But it was a lot more than that. There was something
about the way Nancy saw life that puzzled Meg, and she’d always been a sucker for
puzzles. Even as a kid, she wouldn’t stop until she figured them out.

“Heather,” Meg asked, “my land line is ringing. Can I call you back?”

“Sure.”

Ending the call on her iPhone, Meg walked over and checked her caller ID. She knew
the number well. Picking up the receiver she said, “Hey Nancy, Heather and I were
just talking about you.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll let you get back to her.”

“No,” Meg assured her, “I can call her back. Do you need something?”

Nancy’s voice sounded stronger than it had earlier in the day. “I just wanted to tell
you that God loves you. And He loves everyone and we should, too.”

“You’ve told me that,” Meg said. “But can I ask you a very personal question? One
that is tough and unforgiving.”

“Of course.”

“Nancy, if God loves you, then why is He killing you?”

“God’s not killing me,” Nancy explained, her tone seemingly tinged with anger. “Cancer’s
killing me. God gave us control over this earth because we demanded it. Check it out
in the story of Adam and Eve. When we got power over the earth, we also screwed it
up. People just aren’t good at giving in to anything, and that includes God. But He
is a loving father and He doesn’t zap people in car wrecks or with cancer. It is the
evil we invited into this earth that does that. You need to understand that.”

“Okay,” Meg quietly replied. “While I don’t understand it, I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Nancy answered, all signs of anger now gone, “I think I need to sleep now.
Will I see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll do my best. Good night.”

“Night.”

As Meg set the phone back in the cradle she considered this strange new friendship.
She and Nancy were so different. Maybe opposites did attract. Nancy’s life was all
about love and each day the little love that still existed in Meg was being buried
deeper and deeper by her need for revenge. Maybe Nancy was right, perhaps this lust
for vengeance was a cancer. Maybe it was eating at her, just like the disease that
was working its way through Nancy. In Nancy’s case, it was destroying her body; in
Meg’s case it might be destroying her heart. And yet, while Nancy fought her cancer
with everything in her, Meg treated hers like a welcome guest.

I
T WAS EARLY
S
UNDAY MORNING AND
M
EG WAS PREPARING FOR ANOTHER
day at the hospital. Since the day Willis had called her on the carpet, she had grown
to hate her job; but now, with the trial just forty-eight hours away, she had a good
reason to be happy. Even work—a routine day of sick people and bedpans—was not going
to mess up her feeling of anticipation.

When she arrived at Springfield Community, Heather greeted her with a sleepy, “Hello.”

As the two of them checked in, Meg couldn’t help but notice just how tired her coworker
looked. “Did you and Paul play doctor last night?” she finally asked.

Choosing not to answer the question directly, Heather asked one of her own, “Paul
and I have been going out quite a bit over the last few weeks and he’s starting to
put a lot of pressure on me to give up the prize. Do you think I should?”

“The prize?” Meg asked raising her eyebrows.

“You know what I mean,” Heather shot back.

“Why ask me?”

“Because I want to know if hanging onto it is worth it,” Heather responded. “I thought
that you could tell me. After all, you were a virgin when you got married.”

“Listen, Heather. What you do with your body is your business.”

“Meg, I don’t think you understand.” Heather was more than a little concerned about
what she should do. “I’m not tired from partying. My date ended early. Paul began
to put pressure on me to go all the way, and when I wouldn’t, he got mad and left.
I spent the night wondering if I had messed up.”

Meg jabbed, “You’re such a prude. I know I used to be one too, but that was back in
high school. We’re not kids anymore.”

“Two years ago you told me not to sleep with John,” Heather said. “And I didn’t. You
said it would be wrong. Well, it took me two long years to find someone who cares
about me and someone that I care about, and if I continue to say no, then I might
lose another guy. Is it worth that?”

When she asked Meg for advice, Heather probably didn’t stop to think about how much
her friend had changed over the past few months. If she had, she might have turned
to someone else; but she didn’t, and with sweating palms, she waited for Meg’s words.

For Meg, raised in the church and brought up with a strict moral code, there had never
been any question as to her virginity. She had never had any reason to doubt her choice.
After all, she’d won the one love of her life without giving anything up. Still, as
she looked into her friend’s distressed eyes she knew that being twenty-one and being
twenty-six like Heather were two different things. If she’d had to wait that long
and if she had been lonely, would she have made the same decision as she had so many
years ago?

Heather hadn’t had the greatest of upbringings and she hadn’t even gone to church
until Meg and Steve had taken her. Even now, she didn’t go very often, but she still
made her decisions based on what women like Meg did. So, Heather likely wanted her
to give her a reason to stay a virgin.

“Heather,” Meg casually said. “If I were in your shoes, I’d probably go for it. After
all, there are no guarantees as to how long any of us have and sometimes you have
to take your happiness wherever you can find it. Do what will make both of you happy!”

Knowing that a patient in 217 was due for a new IV, Meg got the needed bottle and
began her day. As she did, a now relieved Heather picked up the phone.

“Paul, I’m sorry about last night.” her voice drifted off as Meg walked down the hall,
but Meg still knew what Heather must have had in mind and how this conversation was
going to end.

T
HE NEXT TWO DAYS, DAYS THAT
M
EG HAD ONCE BELIEVED WOULD LAST
forever, flew by. There had been a huge patient load and her duties had kept her
busy from sign-in until sign-out. She’d been so covered up she hadn’t even had an
opportunity to ask Heather about what she did. Yet flowers delivered to Heather at
the nurses’ station on Monday afternoon served to assure Meg her friend had followed
her suggestion. And there had been that unique glow on the young nurse’s face for
the whole day that seemed to confirm her suspicions. Still, not a word was said about
what had happened. Probably none needed to be said. It was now just water under the
bridge. Heather had finally grown up.