Authors: Christine Feehan
Tags: #Romance, #Paranormal Fiction, #Man-Woman Relationships, #Fiction, #Vampires, #Fantasy, #General, #Love Stories
At once the noise and smells assaulted her, jangling and jarring until she managed to turn down the volume in her mind. Nothing could stop the way her stomach knotted and twisted in protest of what she was about to do. Her gaze went unerringly to MaryAnn.
MaryAnn, sitting on a barstool, half turned toward the door. She was laughing at something the woman next to her was saying. Destiny knew MaryAnn so well, she could hear the forced notes of merriment. Destiny didn't look at the woman speaking with MaryAnn, or try to identify anyone else in the bar. She focused on MaryAnn and willed her to look up, bracing herself for the horror and knowledge she would find in the depths of those soft brown eyes.
MaryAnn turned her head slowly until her dark gaze met Destiny's. Joy lit her face, banished the worry from her eyes. She jumped from the stool, leaving her companion in mid sentence, and rushed to Destiny. Time stood still while Destiny watched her hurtle across the room like a small rocket.
"You're alive! Thank God! I was so worried. I didn't have any idea whom to contact. I checked the hospitals, even the morgue." MaryAnn nearly flung her arms around Destiny but checked herself when she saw how uncomfortable the younger woman was.
Destiny stood staring at her, her mind numb, a perfect blank. Her carefully worded apology was wiped from her memory; she could only stare dumbly. Twice she cleared her throat.
"Come on, let's move away from the crowd," Mary Ann suggested gently, drawing Destiny a few steps out of the crush of people.
"You don't have a single ounce of self-preservation," Destiny accused. "Why don't you ever try to protect yourself?"
"I don't know. All I could hear was the sound of his voice. It was so melodic—hypnotizing almost. I couldn't see him clearly until you spoke to me. Then he sounded horrible and grating and he looked…" Her voice trailed off as she sought the right word. "A monster. His teeth, so jagged and sharp. His fingernails were something out of a horror film. But at first he looked handsome. I would have gone to him if you hadn't pushed me into the church. Thank you, Destiny."
Destiny could only stare at her in a kind of shock. "I'm not talking about him. You wouldn't have had a chance with him anyway. He was a vampire. They aren't easy to defeat, and you don't have the necessary knowledge or skills. I'm talking about
me
. You're happy to see me—"
"Of course I'm happy to see you!" Mary Ann interrupted. "I was so worried, Destiny. I looked for you every day, all the places you might go, but I couldn't find you anywhere. Don't ever scare me like that again. You should have come to my house. Didn't you think I'd be worried?"
"Yes, I thought you'd be worried that I might kill you by draining every drop of your blood," Destiny said. She could hardly endure the conversation.
MaryAnn was telling the truth; Destiny could read her anxiety. It made no sense, and Mary Ann's lack of fear, lack of self-preservation, angered her.
"That's silly. I saw your injuries. I wanted to take care of you."
Destiny studied her hands. "How can you say that? You must know what I am."
"What is it you think you are?" MaryAnn asked softly, her voice as gentle as ever. There was no hint of condemnation. No hint of laughter. Just MaryAnn's quiet acceptance. Unconditional acceptance.
"You saw me. And you saw
it
. The vampire. You must know I'm one of them." Destiny couldn't look at her. She couldn't bear to see the revulsion looking back at her in those trusting eyes. "I'm sorry—I shouldn't have allowed our lives to touch. You won't remember, but I want you to know that I give you my word of honor I will never harm you."
There was a small silence, and her stomach churned and knotted. She felt MaryAnn's touch. Light. Her fingers settled on Destiny's forearm. "Why do you believe you are a vampire?"
Destiny stiffened as if she'd been struck. "He took my blood. He forced me to drink his. I think that's the accepted way of making a human into a vampire."
MaryAnn nodded. "Well, of course, from what I've seen in movies. Is that where you're getting your information, too? The movies?"
"You don't have to believe me," Destiny pulled her arm away from MaryAnn. She could hear hearts beating. She could hear the ebb and flow of blood. The whispers of private conversations. "I'm not crazy." She said it firmly, more for her own benefit than for MaryAnn's.
"I know that. I couldn't leave the church, even though I knew you were in danger and I wanted to go help you. I sat there until morning, although I prayed for the strength to leave. But I couldn't. I saw him, Destiny. I saw and heard everything he said." MaryAnn shivered delicately. "He wanted you to call me out of the church."
Destiny nodded her head. "Yes—to share your blood." She said it bluntly, wanting to conclude this conversation. She had forgotten how emotions could tie one up in painful knots. She preferred physical pain.
"Let's go back to why you believe you're a monster. What makes you think so, Destiny? Because this maniac, this vampire, exchanged blood with you?" MaryAnn asked. "I can only go by what I've read in books or seen in movies. I know little of vampires and didn't for a moment believe they existed until I witnessed that horrible man. Now I'm open to the possibility, but I still can't believe you are one. Garlic, for instance…"
Destiny shuddered. "I never go near the stuff. I don't know what it would do to me, but I don't dare try it." She pushed an unsteady hand through her hair. "
I
haven't looked in a mirror in years. I don't think I have a reflection, but I don't know for certain. I want so much to enter the church, but I can't take the chance."
"Sweetheart—" MaryAnn caught her firmly and turned her. "Your reflection is just as clear as mine in the mirror there. And you happen to be standing directly under a string of garlic. You haven't even noticed it."
Destiny's brilliant gaze found herself in the oversized mirror above the bar. She looked pale. Startled. Frightened. Did that face really belong to her? The last time she had seen herself she had been eight years old. How long ago had that been? She didn't know. She didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. Hanging above the bar where deli sandwiches were advertised were various food items, including strings of garlic in nets.
Afraid that if she took her eyes from her image it would disappear, Destiny watched herself shake her head. "I've never looked before. I was afraid of what I might see, or not see."
"Honey," MaryAnn continued with great gentleness, "when you pushed me into the church, you went inside with me. I was still struggling toward the man. I didn't have control of myself until you spoke."
There was a small silence while they both turned her words over in their minds. "I went into the church?"
"Then
you
had control of me," MaryAnn mused. "Destiny, whatever you are, you're not evil. You're not anything like that monster." She shuddered, remembering the fangs, the jagged teeth stained with blood. She glanced around the bar, spotted a small empty table in a corner and steered Destiny toward it. She was beginning to understand why the young woman had such troubled eyes. How long had Destiny lived with the knowledge that such monsters inhabited the world?
"Sit down, Destiny." MaryAnn used an authoritative voice. Destiny was so pale, so shocked, she looked as if she might fall over. When Destiny seated herself, MaryAnn took the chair across from her. "Did that man really take your blood and force you to take his?" It seemed a silly question to ask, something out of a Hollywood horror film, but MaryAnn had seen the creature, and she had known he was evil and that he was not human. She'd been a witness to the blurring speed Destiny had used in attacking the thing.
"Not him." Destiny's voice was so soft, MaryAnn strained to hear her. She sounded far away. "There was another. A long time ago. He…" Destiny trailed off, one hand going to her throat defensively. She covered her pulse, pressing her palm to her skin as if covering a ragged wound. For a moment she looked so vulnerable, so young and fragile, MaryAnn had to force herself to remain silent. "I can't think about it. I don't dare think about it."
"What do you think would happen if you did, Destiny?" Her voice was neutral. "Burying bad things only allows them to surface when least expected."
"Sometimes it's the only way to survive. Whom do I tell? The police? They'd lock me up in a mental institution." She met MaryAnn's gaze squarely. "How do you think I live now? You asked me to come home with you and have a cup of tea. For you that makes perfect sense. I'll never have a cup of tea again. Never." She pressed her fingertips to her temples. "My mother drank tea. I remember that now. I'd forgotten. Every morning she made tea in a little teapot and put a cozy over it to allow it to steep. She'd make mine with milk, more milk than tea really, but I felt so grown-up and close to her when we shared it." She closed her eyes, wanting to keep forever in her mind the memory of her mother's face, her scent and the way she smiled when she handed her the teacup.
She looked across the table at MaryAnn. "Thank you. I haven't thought of that in years. The last memories I had of my family were… bad. Frightening. I made myself forget everything so I could forget that. My mother was such a beautiful woman."
MaryAnn smiled. "I'm certain you must look a great deal like she did. What a wonderful memory. Do you have brothers or sisters?"
Destiny shook her head. "I was the only child."
"Other family?"
Nicolae popped into her head instantly when she should have said no. His voice, his presence. Destiny felt him strongly. What was he to her? Mortal enemy. No, never that. Destiny raked her hand through her hair, shaken by the depth of her attachment to him.
MaryAnn was waiting for her answer, seeming comfortable with the silence. Destiny's life was silence. She hadn't talked so much with anyone in years. Other than Nicolae.
"How do you know when you can trust someone?" Destiny asked softly. "How do you know they won't betray you?"
"I think sometimes it's instinctive," MaryAnn answered carefully, "although it is always possible to make a mistake. Usually you reserve judgment until you've been around someone, until you've seen their true character."
"Is that what you're doing now?" Destiny tilted her chin.
"With you?" MaryAnn's reply was mild. "You want something from me I can't give you. You want me to condemn you. You've saved my life at least twice. I like you as a person. I know you're troubled, but that doesn't make you the monster you want me to name you."
Destiny heard the swell of conversation in the bar, the blare of music. Laughter erupted from a table only a few feet away. She waved her hand. "This isn't real. You think you live in reality, but this isn't real."
"Of course it is. It's as real as your life has been, just completely different. You can't go back; I can't go back either, but we can go on."
"That's not true," Destiny said softly, raising her vivid eyes to meet MaryAnn's gaze. "It isn't true that you can't go back."
For the first time MaryAnn looked uncomfortable. She rubbed her fingertip along the tabletop as she composed her thoughts. Weighing her words. Thinking it through before she spoke. "I presume that means you can do something to my mind to alter my perception of reality."
Destiny nodded slowly, hearing the sudden increase in MaryAnn's heart rate. "I can take away your memories of me. Of everything you've learned about vampires. You won't remember and you won't ever have nightmares. You won't be in danger from… anyone."
"You can do that?"
Destiny smiled suddenly. There was no amusement in the depths of her eyes. "You would be shocked at what I can do. Yes, easily. I'm one of them, MaryAnn. I'm one of them, and I've become comfortable being one of them."
MaryAnn shook her head. "You're something different, Destiny. I don't know what, but you aren't anything like that creature who wanted my blood."
Destiny leaned across the table. "What do you think I exist on?" She placed her palms flat on the table, leaned closer still. Her voice was a soft hiss of warning. "I can hear your heart beating. I hear the blood rushing in your veins." She ran her tongue over her small, perfect teeth. "I have to fight to keep my incisors from lengthening. I haven't fed in two risings. I think about hunger every moment I'm awake. It crawls through me, an addiction I can't overcome. Don't make the mistake I did. Don't ignore the fact that something beautiful, something alluring, can be the most dangerous thing you will ever encounter."
MaryAnn's frown slowly disappeared. She leaned closer still. "It isn't going to work, you know. I know what you're doing. Of course the idea of vampires is frightening to me. I had no idea such things existed outside of movies and books, but I've had two days to think about that thing. He
felt
evil. I'm not scared of you, but you're deliberately trying to frighten me. You want to drive me away from you. I threaten you in some way, don't I? Why are you so afraid of me?"
Destiny pulled back as if MaryAnn had slapped her. She forced air through her lungs, forced the roaring in her head to a semblance of quiet. "I can't breathe in here. How do you breathe inside a place like this? I have to get out of here."
"Destiny, don't. I don't want you to remove my memories, and I don't want you to try to drive me away from you. I just want to be your friend. Is that really such a difficult thing? Do you have so many friends that you can't use another?"
"I can't breathe," Destiny repeated.
It was a measure of her discomfort that she didn't realize someone was approaching their table. He moved in silence, a stalking predator, and was upon them before she had a chance to scent him. Nicolae laid his hand on her shoulder, his fingers curling almost possessively around the nape of her neck.
Yes, you can, little one. I am here; just inhale and the air is there. If not, I will breathe for both of us. I will be your air
. The words whispered in her mind. Soft. Sensuous. Robbing her of her ability to speak.
Nicolae lifted his gaze from Destiny to the woman sitting across from her. His eyes were flat and cold as his gaze rested on MaryAnn. "What are you doing to her? I warn you, she is under my protection, and if you have done anything to hurt her, you will answer to me."