Dangerous Beauty: Part One: Destiny (15 page)

Carter had never seen Nathan this angry with her before, but there wasn’t just anger in his eyes, there was hurt. He was hurt because she kept secrets about herself from him. But she had to. She was protecting the love that they had developed for one another. Carter convinced herself a week after her and Nathan found each other that sharing all the details about herself with him wouldn’t make their relationship stronger. It would only bring him to his senses. He would realize that she wasn’t good enough for him, that he was better than her, that she had nothing to offer him, and probably never would.

“Nathan, can we talk about this in the bedroom?” Carter asked softly wiping the tears from her face.

Nathan’s jaw clenched. “Talk about what?” He cocked his head to the side. “About the fact that you don’t trust me, or trust the fact that I love you enough for you to truly let me know you? Or that you, for some damn reason, felt more comfortable sharing your life story with an enraged bitch than the man you’ve been sharing a bed with for nearly a month?”

Carter could see Nathan was getting more and more furious with her, but she couldn’t speak. She was too afraid of saying the wrong thing, and she couldn’t lose him. Nathan ran his hand through his hair, and paced before stopping in front of her once again.

“Carter, I want you to answer this question for me honestly. Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Carter said without any hesitation. She did trust him. Nathan was the only man she would ever trust with her life, her body, and her heart.

Nathan grabbed both of her hands and brought them to his heart, his eyes finally softened. “Then stop hiding from me. You can fool everyone else, but not me, honey. I can see every part of you. I look into those beautiful hazel eyes and see every bit of hurt, anger, pain, uncertainty, and fear that you try to hide behind that beautiful smile, and it kills me. It kills me to know that you don’t trust me enough to let me know you, all of you, and I can’t accept that, Carter. I won’t be in this relationship with you if you continue to hide from me. Tell me why I should continue to be with you when there are times, like today, when you say or do something that makes me feel like I don’t even know who you are.”

Nathan waited for a response, and when he didn’t get one he spoke again. “Carter, baby, you have to help me out here this is new territory for me too. I’m trying to navigate through this shit right, but I can’t do it alone. I need you to be honest with me. Whatever you’re holding back is affecting you. You have my heart, Carter. What affects you affects me too.”

Carter was trying to think of what to say, but she couldn’t think straight. His words played over and over in her head but she didn’t know how to respond. Carter did trust Nathan, but sharing too much of her past with him would only make him leave her, right? At least that’s what she thought. She just didn’t know anymore. She knew she had to say something or she was going to lose him, and she couldn’t take that. She couldn’t even handle the thought of it, so she spoke. Her voice barely above a whisper, “Nathan I…”

Carter’s words were cut off when Nathan abruptly let go of her hands, and stormed furiously to the bedroom. Carter gasped at the force in which he pushed her back, and when she regained her balance, she ran in the room after him. When Carter walked in the bedroom she literally felt her heart fall to the pit of her stomach. Her eyes darted everywhere around the room trying to register what she was seeing.

Nathan pulled his suit case from the closet, and began packing his clothes. He pulled out his cell phone and texted someone, then he threw it aside and continued putting his things in the suit case.

Carter could feel her heart beat quicken, she felt light headed, and nauseous. “What are you doing?” Carter asked frantically through the waterfall of tears coming out of her eyes.

“My vacations over. I need to get back to Manhattan. There are things I haven’t been paying attention to that I should be. I’ll call you as soon as I can,” Nathan replied not even looking at her.

Carter crossed her arms over her chest, she suddenly felt cold and her body began to shiver. “No, Nathan, please don’t,” she whispered through a sob, shaking her head over and over again.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t leave.”

“I need to, Carter,” Nathan said continuing to pack his suit case not even sparing her a glance.

She was losing him, and she didn’t know how to make it stop! Nathan was leaving her when he promised her that he fucking wouldn’t. That thought was enough to turn her tears from sad to angry.

“You won’t call!” she snapped.

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

“But you won’t! You’re trying to get away from me. You’re a fucking liar! You told me you wouldn’t leave me, but you lied!” she yelled, taking deep breaths and sobbing.

Nathan turned abruptly, finally looking at her. “I’m the liar?” he yelled, his eyes were filled with hurt and rage. “I have never lied to you about anything. I haven’t done anything but love you, Carter. I’ve fucking stripped myself bare. Do you think that shit was easy? That I just go around telling women intimate details of my life. Well I don’t? Just you?” he yelled.

“You are not the only one who has issues with that shit, Nathan! I’m trying! I’m doing the best I can,” she screamed trying to get through to him and make him understand.

“You’re not trying shit. All you’re trying to do is find new ways to keep me at a distance, Carter.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. I’ve been waiting for you to let your fucking guard down and trust me, but you’re stubborn as hell, and you’re convinced that I’ll leave you. I don’t know what else I can do but give you time.”

“Leaving right now is not giving me time, Nathan. It’s leaving and that’s exactly what you said you wouldn’t do. So you are a liar,” she screamed.

“You are the only one in this relationship telling lies, Carter.”

“I’m not lying to you, Nathan. I’m protecting us.”

“From what?” he screamed.

“From me! From my entire fucked-up existence. I’m a freak, Nathan. You’ll find out why I’ve had to live my entire life hiding and you’ll treat me like my father did, like Chrissy…” Carter stopped speaking, she was saying too much.

Nathan kept packing. “I love you, Carter, but you need time to figure things out.”

Carter stormed over to him and jerked his suitcase off the bed, throwing it across the room. “I don’t need shit, Nathan. You’re a fucking liar. Don’t you dare stand here and tell me you love me, and then walk out that fucking door.”

Nathan let out an exhausted sigh. “Carter, you know that I love you—”

“Bullshit,” she screamed cutting him off. “You told me you wouldn’t leave me and you lied! You don’t love me, you’re just like them! But go ahead, I’m used to it by now, my mother left me, my father…sometimes, he could barely look at me…and Chrissy…” Carter couldn’t finish, she was sobbing uncontrollably as the memories of her father and Chrissy all came flooding back to her at once. Carter’s arms dropped to her side and her head began to feel too heavy for her neck to hold up. She couldn’t hold it back any longer. All of the hurt, anger, pain, sadness, everything she had been trying to hold in for the past five years of her lonely life came rushing toward her like a freight train, moving too fast for her to get out of the way in time before it hit her. And oh, did it hit her.

Carter began panting. The room started to spin, and the earth began to move beneath her feet. She knew there was no way she could stand much longer and she tried to walk to the bed. But as soon as her first foot left the floor she began to fall forward.

Carter didn’t even come close to hitting the floor before she felt strong arms lift her body. Nathan cradled her against his chest, and laid her head to his shoulder.

“Shh…Come here honey. Don’t worry,
мое красивое Роуз
. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” Nathan cooed, kissing her tenderly on her forehead as she continued to cry.

Carter wrapped her arms around him, and held on to him with every bit of strength she had. Here, in his arms, was the only place she had peace, and she couldn’t lose him. So she made it up in her mind at that moment
. No more hiding
. She would lay herself completely bare before Nathan, and trust that afterward he would still love her.

The rain beat against the large sliding windows leading out to the patio, while Nathan sat in the middle of the bed eating his favorite pasta meal with his beautiful rose, her beautiful face still flush from crying in his arms.

Nathan had held Carter while she cried in his arms for a full hour, and he would have held her longer if she needed it. He would do absolutely anything for his beautiful Carter. He had almost broken when the first tear fell from her eyes in the hallway, but he wanted to stay strong so that they could get passed this difficult part of their relationship now rather than a year from now.

He had nearly broken down, seeing Carter in so much pain, and not being able to take her in his arms and kiss the pain away. It was the hardest shit he had endured in a long time. The devastation in her expressive eyes nearly made him pull her to him and tell her that he would never leave her, that it shattered him completely to even think of living his life without her. But he couldn’t, he had to be strong. He knew that he was too close to finding out everything Carter was keeping from him. The shit was not fun, and Nathan didn’t really know how far he would have went, but he was happy she let go before he left, which he wouldn’t have really done anyway. He did get his suitcase out, but he had no intention of leaving. Kyle had texted him during the argument, and told him that takeout had arrived and he wrote him back telling him to set it aside, he knew that their fight was close to being over, and he really wanted that delicious ass pasta.

After Carter had cried herself to sleep Nathan carried her to her side of the bed and placed her under the comforter. He wanted to have their dinner upstairs and ready when she woke up, so he went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed their food and a couple extra things for dessert.

Nathan could tell from the looks he was getting from the guys that they’d heard him and Carter’s argument, but he didn’t give them any information. It was none of their business anyway. He just silently retrieved their dinner, drinks, and made a quick fruit salad for their dessert then went back to their room.

When he had come back to the room, Carter was still sleeping and the storm outside was full blast. Nathan had gone to the large windows to watch the ocean being tossed and turned by the wind. He’d been standing there for about five minutes when he felt soft hands on his back, then arms wrap around his waist. He kissed one of her soft hands, and felt her press her soft full lips against his back as she slid one hand into his sweat pants, and ran her soft fingers up and down his length. It took about a total of two seconds for his body to respond to the touch of his beautiful Carter.

Nathan was sure he had never been crazy for a woman the way he was crazy for Carter. She could snap her fingers and he’d get hard. It was a pleasant change from feeling absolutely nothing with a sexual partner. Everything was better with Carter.

“Why did you get to put on boxers and I have to eat naked?” she asked with a playful smile on her beautiful face.

Nathan scanned her sexy body and licked his lips. “Mmm…Because it pleases me,” he replied with a sly smile on his face.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the passionate, wild make up sex they had before they finally settled down to dinner. An hour and a half of worshiping her beautiful body had Nathan covered in sweat and more satisfied then he’d ever been in his life. After they showered Nathan threw on a pair of boxers, but when he saw Carter pull out one of his t-shirts he suddenly thought of a new rule. In the bedroom, Carter was to always be completely naked, no exceptions. Nathan thought the rule was genius. Best rule he ever came up with.

Carter giggled, and placed the rest of her food on the bedside table. She moved to the middle of the bed in front of him, and lay on her back. Her back arched as she brought her long thick black hair over one shoulder. Every move she made was graceful, and sensual, Nathan couldn’t take his eyes off of her beautiful body. He couldn’t get enough of this woman. She had absolutely no fears about being naked in front of him. Her confidence was refreshing, and sexy as hell. She turned over on her stomach and looked up at him, a sensual playful smile on her face.

“Does this please you, Nathan?” Carter asked lightly shaking her sexy ass back and forth, biting her bottom lip to hide a smile.

Nathan seriously almost lost it right there, the answering erection was instant. Her ass was so damn juicy he wanted to bite her, but he didn’t act. He just remained in his spot and enjoyed the view. “It does, very much,” he replied not taking his eyes off her ass.

“
Vvous êtes un garçon très impropre,
Nathan Salerno,” Carter said with a naughty smile.

Nathan’s brows shot up and his eyes left her delectable ass and he looked at her face. “What? Was that French? You speak French?” he asked surprised.

Carter smiled and nodded yes. “Fluently, and I do an incredible French accent, so if you like role play…” she said with a sensual smile biting her bottom lip.

“When did you learn to speak French?” he asked, storing that role play offer away for later.

Carter turned on her side toward him and propped herself up on her elbow, she rested her head on her hand. “I taught myself when I was ten. I learned pretty fast. I have an eidetic memory, I tend to pick things up quickly. I was fluent a month and a half after I started learning. I did it for her,” Carter replied, she frowned, and shifted uncomfortably.

Nathan knew this was hard for her, but that wasn’t going to keep him from moving forward with the direction of their conversation. “I’m assuming that
she
is your mother?”

Carter was still frowning, but she nodded. “There was a time in my life when I was obsessed with Anastacia. I begged my dad to tell me everything about her, but the only thing he told me when I was ten, was that she was French and she spoke with a thick French accent.” A small smile appeared on her lips. “I spent hours every single day listening to those tapes and reading those damn books. My dad hated it sometimes, I could tell. I spoke French constantly, at dinner, when I read my textbooks to Chrissy I would say the words in French instead of English. I was so desperate to have something in common with Anastacia, even though I had never seen her.” Carter cleared her throat, and the smile left her face. “That was around the time I first noticed my dad become a little uneasy around me. I thought he would be proud of me for picking up my mother’s language so quickly but whenever I spoke French around him he would just look at me and frown. Sometimes it was like looking at me caused him discomfort, and that only got worse as I got older.”

“Did you ever ask him about it?”

Carter shook her head. “I didn’t feel the need to. I knew he loved me, and I was afraid to find out anyway. It could have been something that really hurt me, you know, but I eventually found out why,” Carter said with a shrug.

Nathan’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

Carter sighed. “That, my love, is a long sucky ass story that my father didn’t tell till I was fifteen.”

“I have time.” Nathan was very interested in finding out the reason Spook would make his daughter feel like it pained him to look at her.

Carter smiled, a sexy crooked smile, then sat up, and crawled closer to him before settling on her heels in front of him. Her palms flat on her lap. “In order to understand that, you need to know the back story, my dear Nathan,” she said with a smile.

Nathan smiled and gave her a nod to continue.

“Okay. My parents weren’t in a relationship or anything, they just knew each other because they had a similar career.”

Nathan’s eyes went wide. “Bullshit, your mother was a hit man?”

Carter laughed softly. “I don’t really know, Nathan. My father wasn’t completely clear he just said that they had a similar career, but not exactly the same. He said that that they loved each other very much, but their relationship was complicated. He didn’t know she was pregnant with me or that I even existed the first month of my life.”

“Where were you?”

“With Anastacia I guess. Apparently she disappeared, which wasn’t okay with whoever she worked for. The man’s people looked for her everywhere. She was obviously the queen of hide-and-go-seek because they didn’t find her until she was ready for them to, which was after I was born. She had me in the U.S. and named me Carterina Anastacia Stone. Stone is my last name legally, but I have always said Steele because my father is the parent I know, not Anastacia.”

“But why didn’t your father know you existed if she was in America?”

“She didn’t find him until after I was born. When she came to his apartment in Manhattan he was shocked. He said he didn’t believe that I was even hers at first, but he didn’t tell her that, he said it would have been a huge mistake to accuse Anastacia Stone of being a liar. Because she would have killed him on the spot, apparently she had a bit of a temper,” Carter said giving him an ‘are you getting it yet’ look.

Nathan hadn’t gotten it yet so he answered her look that said continue the damn story.

“Anastacia stayed in my life until she was finished breast feeding and then they hired Chrissy. They paid her a shit load of money to stay too. I think that she stayed because she was in love with my father though, and because Anastacia threatened her.”

“Threatened her how?” Nathan asked

“Put a knife to her throat and told her that if anything happened to me, she’d rip her throat out. My father always told Chrissy she could leave whenever she wanted.”

Nathan took a deep breath and nodded his head. He got it.

Carter nodded to seeing that Nathan finally got it. “When I was fifteen, I was still obsessed with my mother, but my dad refused to talk about her so I got really angry. I believe that was the first time I yelled at my father. I may even have thrown in a few curse words.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, my dad lost it after that, and yelled the entire story. I ask him why he never talks about her or tells me about her and he flipped his fucking lid. I seriously, didn’t even recognize him. He told me if I want to know who the fuck she is then I should just get to know myself. I talk like her, we have the same walk, mannerisms, character, voice, fascination with knives, everything. He told me I was on the road to becoming exactly like Anastacia Stone so I better change fucking direction, because Anastacia Stone makes it impossible for anyone to love her. He said that if I wanted to be like my mother then I need to be prepared to live my life alone.”

Nathan breathed in a deep breath finally understanding Carter’s fears “That’s why he couldn’t look at you it’s because…”

“He said sometimes he thought he was looking at Anastacia, apparently the resemblance is uncanny that’s why we moved to that boring ass town. He said that if the right people saw me they would know exactly whose daughter I was or they would just think I was her. I was very developed by the time I was fifteen, seriously the only difference now is that my breasts are bigger. He said that most of them would run, but there were some that would want to hurt me. Nathan focus!”

Nathan looked up from Carter’s breast to her face quickly. Whoops.
What did she expect?
She couldn’t mention her fantastic fucking tits and expect me to stay focused on anything but said fantastic tits
. Nathan justified with a shrug.

Carter smiled in spite of herself. “You’re ridiculous,” she said shaking her head.

“Who is this one person that would hurt you?” Nathan asked getting back on subject. If there was someone out there that would try to hurt Carter, Nathan would put a stop to that shit before it even started. He’d find the fucker and kill them.

Carter shrugged. “I have no idea, I wish I did, ‘cause I’m thinking the same thing you are, babe. I’d cut that motherfuckers throat so fast. I’d use my favorite knife too,” she muttered, picking at the sheet in thought.

Nathan smiled wide and pulled her into a big hug. Carter let out a surprised squeal. “We’re such a good couple, baby.” He took a deep exaggerated breath and sighed loudly. “Mmm… You just get me.” Nathan squeezed her tight and rained kisses on her face.

Carter squirmed in his arms trying to get loose, but he was too strong, so she settled for hitting his arm. “Nathan! Let me go before I kick your goofy ass,” she said through a laugh.

“Carter, why didn’t you tell me all of this, why were you so afraid?” Nathan asked. He wanted to understand why she would keep all of this from him.

Carter settled in his arms and leaned back against his chest. “Because of what my father said, and because Chrissy said I scared her and she was leaving me after my eighteenth birthday.”

“You scared her?” Nathan asked confused.

Carter nodded and worried her bottom lip. “I’ve always had that stupid obsession with knives. So I learned how to turn that obsession into something that protects me. My father taught me a lot, but he didn’t like my knives, his preferred weapon was a gun, knives would be Anastacia.” Carter shifted uncomfortably. “Chrissy and I were in the kitchen one morning eating breakfast and I was messing around with a new set of knives I bought online. Chrissy told me I shouldn’t play around with them the way I did because I could hurt someone. I swear I didn’t know I would freak her out, because all I did was look at her and smile and ask her if she was afraid for someone else or herself. I was just messing with her like I always did. That night I heard her talking to my dad telling him that she just couldn’t stay anymore, that it was impossible for her to look at me and not think of Anastacia, that’s when I heard that Anastacia threatened her.”

“Did you ever ask your dad for a picture of this woman? I find it difficult to believe that you look exactly like her. I know parents and children have similarities but they make it sound like you’re an exact replica.”

Carter nodded in agreement. “I know, that’s what I thought, and I did ask him and he said that he didn’t have any pictures of her. So I asked him to describe her to me. He said she’s beautiful, had brown skin the same color as mine, between 5’4 or 5’8 in height, long thick silky black hair that went passed her waist, and if I wanted a visual go look in the mirror. Of course that day, he said it nicely.”