Dangerous Authority (12 page)

Enjoy the introduction and first three chapters from
Mary Contrary: Volume One of the Nursery Rhyme Chronicles

1986

Ryu Black is smiling at me again.

He always smiles and laughs at me, but his face is ugly. His smile is ugly. Ryu Black is the only person I know who makes me feel weird inside when he smiles.

Me and a bunch of other little kids come to Ryu’s house every day. Ryu’s mommy is our babysitter. She is a sweet lady. She has pretty dark eyes and hair, and a soft, sweet voice. All of us little kids love her. She fixes us yummy food and lets us play in her yard and fun basement. There is a TV in the basement just for us and lots of toys.

But, Ryu is too old to play with us. He’s a teenager; practically a grown-up. Ryu Black is the only big kid I know who hangs around little kids. It makes me feel nervous inside my belly when Ryu hangs around. He’s not nice. If he’s not nice, that must mean he doesn’t like us little kids, so why is he always around?

Today, I am lying on the couch in the basement watching the television. All the other kids are outside playing. I can hear their voices shouting and giggling from somewhere else. But I don’t feel like playing out in the heat right now, and Mrs. Black let me come to the basement by myself.

The basement is nice and cool. With only inconsequential windows, not much light gets in. I lay there on the comfy couch under dusty rays of light that sneak across me from overhead. The TV is playing quietly, but I’m not really paying attention to it. I’m feeling relaxed and lazy, almost ready to fall asleep.

              This is when I first notice Ryu Black has come into the basement with his ugly, smiling face. Right away, I curl myself into a ball, feeling the bad nervous way Ryu makes me feel. Sesame Street is on the TV. Why in the world does Ryu Black, practically grown-up, care about Sesame Street? I squeeze myself into the comfortable couch, and hope beyond hope that Ryu will just go away.

              “Olive, you’re ignorant,” says Ryu, standing in the basement doorway. I sneak a look at him. He’s big, with dark eyes and hair like his pretty mommy. His voice is soft like hers, too. But, there is nothing pretty about Ryu. He’s ugly, only ugly. And his soft voice is not sweet. It’s scary. Ryu Black’s soft voice makes me feel very, very afraid.

              “What does ignorant mean?” I yell in my best mean way. Ryu Black calls me that word all the time and it makes me feel angry because I think he’s making fun of me, but I’m not sure because I don’t know what it means. I’ve asked Ryu a thousand times to tell me what it means, but he never tells me, just keeps calling me that. Over and over.

              “Ignorant…” Ryu says back, in a way that sounds almost like he’s singing. “Ig… Nor… Rant…”

Whisper singing.

Right now, I feel like I should just ignore Ryu. It suddenly feels darker and colder in the quiet basement and I shiver. I sit up on the couch, pushing myself more into the soft cushions. I try hard to stare at the TV and forget Ryu Black.

              “Olllliiiivvve,” Ryu whispers, “you’re ignorant…”              Ryu starts to creep across the room. I see him out of the corner of my eye, but I try hard not to let him know I’m paying attention to him.
              “Olive is ignorant,” he chants with more singsong whispering.
Ryu sits down on the couch, blocking my view of the TV. I don’t know how to ignore him now.

“You’re ignorant,” he says right into my face with his meanest smile and a different voice.
I feel tears in my eyes and I am trying hard not to cry. “Ryu! Please! Tell me what that means,” I say in my very most big girl voice.

              Ryu Smiles. I can see every single one of his teeth. He’s just staring and staring at me, not saying anything. I look away from him and look at the door, wishing Mrs. Black would appear and I could just ask her.

Finally, Ryu whispers, “Here, I’ll show you.”

Ryu Black reaches over nimbly. He grabs my arm with one giant hand and pulls me against him. His other hand darts quickly.

It all happens fast.

I can’t hold back my tears now, and begin to cry a lot. I struggle to get away, but Ryu’s hand squeezes my arm and when I move, it makes what he’s doing hurt much worse, so I stop moving.

Ryu Black can’t stop smiling, right in my face.

I am crying so much.

“Now you know what ignorant means,” Ryu says cheerfully. He reaches to touch my face, but I jerk away and bury my face in the cushions that I notice for the first time smell musty and old.

Ryu leaves the basement room in a happy mood. He seems nicer now than I’ve ever known him to be.

I am so confused. Ryu is wrong; I still don’t understand that awful word. I hate that word so much now. I feel like if I ever hear it again, I’ll just scream and scream until my head blows up.

This is the first time I really notice just how cold the basement feels and suddenly, I really hate it here.

***

Soon, another little girl like me starts going to the babysitter. The little girl is named Mary. Mary is small and pretty, with blonde hair and blue eyes just like mine. Mary is a quiet girl and something about her makes me want to be her friend. Even though we don’t usually talk to each other much, Mary and I are together a lot. We play with toys at Mrs. Black’s. We sit together on the school bus, in class, and at lunch.

Even though Mary and I stick together practically all the time, Ryu Black still finds me alone. Anytime Ryu Black slips into the basement or in the yard behind the shed, or into the potty, where I am supposed to be alone, I know that I should run away. But, after a while, I stop trying to get away from him when he wants to tell me what ignorant means. When I try to escape, he always makes it hurt a lot worse. This is how I learn that if I keep quiet, the pain will be less.

One day, I am feeling safe playing in the basement because my little friend Mary is there with me, and we are playing dolls.

But then Ryu Black walks in.

I stare at him with big, confused eyes. Ever since Ryu decided to start teaching me about that horrible word, he’s stopped bothering me when other kids are around. My eyes dart from him to Mary, my friend. Her face is strange. Mary looks angry. I’ve never seen her like this.

“Hi, ignorant girls,” says Ryu, cheerfully.

I gasp, my heart speeding up. Mary quickly moves right next to me, her arm against mine, both of us kneeling together over our dolls. “Mary,” I whisper, “do you know what ignorant means?” I am completely shocked and I feel like I might get sick all over the dolls.

“Yes,” says Mary and she is so angry. Ryu smiles.

Ryu has lurched at us.

My head is spinning as I drop down and lay quietly on the floor. From somewhere that seems like far away, I can hear Mary furiously fighting and clawing telling Ryu to leave Olive alone. She is angry. She doesn’t care that he’s hurting her; she just wants him to leave me alone.

Then my mind is quiet as I accept that I will never be safe again.

***

Even though I’ve figured out that Mary and I don’t keep each other safe, we are still friends. We never talk about being ignorant or much of anything, but we stay together all the time.

At times when Ryu Black bothers us, Mary screams and fights. It’s the only time I ever know Mary to say anything. But no one ever hears Mary when she’s angry except me, and it makes me cry more. And except Ryu, and it makes him laugh.

And growl at us, laughing, as he tells us how ignorant we are.

Because screaming and fighting does no good, I have learned to be quiet. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think of anything else besides the feeling of Ryu Black’s big hands and the sound of his nasty, hateful voice.

I just hush and pretend that being ignorant doesn’t exist.

One day, Mrs. Black is taking all of us to a swimming pool on an Army base where her husband works. Ryu and some of his teenager friends are going on the trip, too. But, I am still excited because it is hot and sunny, and I’m feeling like nothing bad could possibly happen this day. Mary is not excited at all, judging by her hard, unsmiling face. Mary never gets excited about anything. She just goes around being quiet and watching the world.

All of us kids enjoy our time splashing and playing in the pool. Eventually, Mrs. Black decides to leave the pool to go eat lunch with her husband and she leaves the teenaged kids in charge.

I start to feel nervous. Not having Mrs. Black around can be a scary thing.

Mary and I get out of the pool and find two pool chairs as far away as possible from Ryu Black and his friends. Mary and I don’t talk about it, but silently decide to just stay quietly on the pool chairs until Mrs. Black returns.

I lie down on the chair next to Mary’s and enjoy the way the sun quickly warms my chilled, wet skin. I think hard about nothing except the way my skin feels as it begins to tingle under the sun’s loving touch. I feel sleepy and relaxed. I start to forget Ryu swimming with his friends. I even start to forget about Mary, watching me from one chair over. I start to drift away, eyes closed, seeing nothing but blue sky inside my mind, and feeling the pleasant warmth mixed with a gently breeze on my face. Everything slips peacefully away.

“Hi, ignorant girls.”

My eyes snap open and an ice-cold shock of panic chokes me like fingers around my throat. Mary and I are both gripping our chairs with white knuckles, looking around frantically for Mrs. Black or any grown-up. I want to scream, but my voice is completely lost. No way… There is just no way…

“GET THEM,” shouts Ryu Black.

Quickly, Ryu Black’s friends lunge at Mary and me. Big hands, much stronger than our small forms, grab us roughly and pin us to our chairs, even as we struggle and try to get away.

“Hold onto them,” Ryu orders and he begins to tickle us. I am laughing hysterically. But, I am also crying hard. I don’t want to laugh at all because I feel like getting sick. I also know that I have to use the restroom, and feel I may have an accident. This increases my panic. But, I can’t help the laughing.

“Please! Stop,” I choke out behind hysterical laughter and painful crying. “Please…” this time a whisper. Mary is her usual self of wild animal anger.

Now all the kids are watching as the big boys hold us down and Ryu tickles us both. Because of our laughing, everyone is having a great, funny time. Everyone is giggling. Ryu is laughing too, but as always, his laugh is different. Low. Threatening. His eyes are nothing but shadows.

I can no longer speak and I am doing my best to be still and not laugh or cry. Every move is making the burning in my tummy because of my terrible need to use the restroom much worse.

Ryu grabs my feet. With huge tears rolling down my face, I shake my head as he looks into my eyes and smiles his wicked smile. As Ryu tickles our feet, Mary and I both eventually lose control and have major accidents on ourselves.

Ryu’s assault ends and the big boys release us. Now everyone is cracking up because we have peed all over ourselves. Mary screams angrily at them all and I run to escape into the pool.

I want to wash myself before Mrs. Brown returns so that I won’t be in trouble for peeing my pants.

I sink, crying, into the water and a part of me that was there before is gone.

***

Sometime before the days I started going to Mrs. Black for babysitting, my mommy and Daddy got divorced. I didn’t know what the word “divorce” means, but I learned about it late one night.

Mommy cried and didn’t say much. Daddy rushed between packing bags in their bedroom and taking the bags down the steps where he’d load them into his, gray car. I kept looking outside at the dark sky, knowing that if my daddy was taking a trip this late, something must surely be wrong.

I kept asking questions, but I guess in all the fuss, nobody heard me.

When Daddy finally climbed into the driver’s seat of his car and started the engine, I ran across the garage and climbed in the other side.

“Daddy, where are we going?” I had started to cry, knowing something really wasn’t right.

Daddy lowered his head. “Baby, I have to go away without you for right now.”

I cried my heart out. “No,” I wailed.

“Olive, you have to go inside with Mommy now. Please, baby, don’t you cry,” Daddy fretted. But by then, Daddy cried too, so it was totally impossible for me not to.

I had never seen Daddy cry.

Not long after that, I woke on a sunny morning to find two men I’d never known before lifting my dresser and carrying it out of my room. The two men packed up all of Mommy and my things that day, and took them to a new home without Daddy.

And so, I learned about divorce.

***

At first, I felt sad. I hated to leave my home. My first bedroom there had been a cheerful yellow with bunny wallpaper. Later, in that house, my Mommy and Daddy moved me into a big girl room with a neat waterfall on the wall and a pretty white canopy bed. It was the same bed that I woke up in to find moving men taking my dresser.

I was sad my Daddy would be there without me, and Mommy and I would live someplace different. But, it didn’t take long to realize we’d be right down the street from Daddy and I’d still see him a lot. I liked the place Mommy took me to live and I loved the little puppy she got me. Mommy did fun things with me like take me and my puppy to parks to run and play. Or Mommy and I made huge batches of Christmas cookies with green mint filling that tasted amazing.