Danger In The Shadows (14 page)

He didn’t need her hiding her past, trying to pretend it didn’t exist. It was part of why he cared about her. Her courage was part of what made her so stubbornly attractive. “Do you remember the first time we met in the elevator, when I thought you were a reporter doing a story on me?”

She wiped at the tears that had managed to escape as she nodded.

“The thing I hated was the fact that I thought here’s yet someone else lying to me. Sara, I don’t need you to cover up the painful facts in your life. I need the real you. That’s the person I admire. We should be able to have a full evening without the past intruding, without having to talk about it, be touched by it, be reminded of it. But life isn’t always fair. I need you willing to be honest and real; the rest can take care of itself.”

He was as tired of riding this roller coaster as she was, but if there was no way to get off, then the only option was to go along for the ride. He needed her to be honest with him too. The last thing he wanted was her bailing out on him, just as he was getting to know her.

“Did Dave call you?” She looked troubled at the idea.

Adam squeezed her hand. “He thought I would want to know. He was right.”

He watched her absorb the words, think about them as she finished her tea so she could get a few more words from her strained voice. “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t care so much. I wish I could say this isn’t what my life is normally like. Unfortunately, it’s all too realistic.”

Adam framed her face with his hands, smiled, and leaned forward to kiss her. “Don’t fret, Sara. I already like you. Live with it.” His smile widened at her frown. When she tried to speak, he put a finger to her lips. “Just a minute.”

He got up to get her some more tea. “This will help.”

She took the cup, a small smile curving her lips. “Thanks,” she whispered after taking a soothing sip. “This still isn’t fair to you.”

Adam ignored where Sara wanted to take the conversation. She was not going to change his position. “It makes me angry to think I contributed to what happened by keeping you out so late.”

He watched her close her eyes even as she winced. “Don’t. It makes no sense to replay the past. You learn from it, but you don’t waste emotional time on it.”

Adam folded his arms across the back of the chair. “Then explain it to me. I know this is a lousy time to talk with your voice so wasted, but I need to understand. How do you deal with this? What gets you back to work on the same day a crisis hits? I saw it the first day we met, and I’m seeing it again today.”

There was an entire part to Sara that he didn’t comprehend. If the trauma of last night didn’t knock her down, what if anything ever would?

“I’ve got great coping skills. Don’t mistake that for strength. I deal with the situation because I have no choice. Keeping moving is part of coping. If I let any one crisis stop me, I doubt I would ever move again, they happen so frequently. I have a lifetime of them behind me.”

Adam understood part of what she was saying. He knew what it meant to endure for the duration. His twelve-year career in the pros had been that. A long endurance race. He had played hurt, sick, exhausted, defeated. If sacked, he got back on his feet. If losing, he continued to play until the last second expired. If defeated, he focused his efforts on winning the next game.

He understood dealing with the situation and moving on. He didn’t understand how she could live under a constant threat and still keep her sanity.

He hadn’t meant to ask that question, but he had.

Sara’s hand covered his. “Adam, God never gives me more than I can handle.” She smiled. “I’m really good at praying, ‘God, keep me safe.’ “

It drew an answering smile from him.

Adam turned his hand over to grasp hers. “I don’t understand why you should have to live like this. It makes no sense that this would be part of God’s plan.”

She took another sip of tea. “Dave likes to quote that Scripture from Romans 11 that says: ‘How unsearchable are [God’s] judgments and how inscrutable his ways!’ I don’t know when this will end. Honestly, I wonder sometimes if it will be old age. He’ll get old and die and the threat will be gone. I may get twenty years of freedom at the end of my life. That’s what I hold on to, Adam. A dream of someday being free.”

Adam looked at her calm face and clear, tired eyes and knew one thing: Part of her strength came from accepting that it would never be over quickly. It was depressing to realize in a way; her strength came from giving up hope for a quick solution. Her hope was in a long term, a last-man-standing-on-the-field victory. The realization sat hard in the pit of his stomach. The duration of that game was not attractive.

“Adam, didn’t you once tell me your dad taught you to play football one down at a time? To focus on the moment?”

“Yes.”

“That’s how I have to live my life. One day at a time. I can cope, as long as I never let the big picture overwhelm me.”

Adam smiled. One play at a time. He had spent a career focusing with that single-minded intensity. If that’s what it took to live life while under siege, it could be done. He squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Sara.”

“For what?”

“Not giving up.”

She leaned over and kissed him. Her head nestled against his shoulder. “Adam, if I gave up, I would lose what I do have. Ellen’s upcoming wedding. Finishing this children’s book. Going out to dinner with you. If I gave up, he would win.”

C
HAPTER
11

K
ing Henry took off down the beach after a seagull. Adam watched him run. The sand scattered as the dog plowed to a stop when a bird rose with a shrill cry into the air.

Adam had come to the beach to see the sunset, let his dog run. He had come to pray.

He tossed the worn ball he held back and forth between his hands. The peaceful evening was not reaching his heart.

He whistled for his dog to come back to his side. With a loping stride, Henry returned.

The disquieting sensation that he was being watched lingered, even though he was alone on the beach. The sensation had been with him ever since he left work, left Sara.

Adam knew what was happening.

Dave’s security sweep of his home. Sara’s flashback. They had both put him on edge.

God, I can’t live my life in fear. I’m not made to function that way. I don’t want to live like Sara and Dave, constantly having to look over my shoulder. So what do I do?

He knew that fear wasn’t God’s plan. God had never intended them to live in fear. Adam had nearly reminded Sara when they were horseback riding that perfect love casts out fear.

So why the sudden uneasiness? Wasn’t his faith strong enough for what was happening?

He knew part of it. This was his first real taste of fear where he had no control. His dad’s death had been different. He had feared it but had known what to expect, had been able to prepare. The situation now was like grappling with a shadow. The fear was there as this constant threat that at any time could lunge out and strike.

He felt as if he had to restore the dike in what he thought had been a solid faith.

What options did he have? A relationship with Sara depended on him not letting fear gain the upper hand.

He couldn’t imagine pulling back and not having Sara in his life. She was too unique a lady. He
liked
her. He wanted to spend the next months getting to know her better.

But he couldn’t live in fear.

He had to learn to cope and move on, just like Sara did. He couldn’t let the security dominate what he thought about or what they talked about in the future.

Sara had twenty-five years of practice in learning to cope. He had to be a fast learner.

She was right. Her past had intruded into their relationship with great frequency. But there had been brief periods of normalcy in their relationship—watching videos together, horseback riding, going to the movie. Adam knew it was possible to have more days like that with her.

There had to be a way to adapt to this situation so the relationship still had a chance. He had seen what that flashback did to her. How steep a price she had paid. He hurt just knowing what she had gone through.

What did she need from him?

Someone to listen, someone to help her cope with the pressure.

He knew he was well on the way to falling in love with her, all the signs were there: awareness, curiosity, attraction, fascination. It had been a long time since he had the simple pleasure of going to a movie and hiding in the back row with a date. The time spent with her was like silver and gold, memories that touched his heart. He didn’t let many people get that close.

In small ways the intimacy was beginning. Holding hands. Exploring with a few brief kisses. Risking the vulnerability to be real.

Love would be in full bloom with a little more time.

He had something with Sara that was priceless. He didn’t think she even realized what she had let them create or how unique it was. She handled his fame, his wealth, his past, the right way. His accomplishments were respected but not pandered to. She cared a lot more about who he was rather than what he had done. As she put it, it was who he was that had led to what he had accomplished.

Their relationship was equal and balanced. Maybe that was what made this relationship so different. She had a healthy sense of self-respect. He didn’t feel like he had to prop up her image of herself. He might desperately want to protect her, might want her to be less reserved about taking a risk on their relationship, but he didn’t have to worry about her sense of self. Her casual elegance spoke volumes. She tackled what she had to; she coped and moved on.

She was a joy to look at. He could image a lifetime of days spent with her.

God, You let us cross paths, didn’t You? This entire relationship has Your kind of feel to it. Something is required of me—a willingness to help protect Sara, for one thing. With each passing day I better understand just how involved that might be. I said I would be willing to adapt if You gave me the chance. So what do You suggest?

Sara needed to have a life beyond just the security. How simple it was to see that from the outside looking in. The web around her was so tight it had to be claustrophobic. The protection was necessary, but it came at such a high price. Adam nodded. That was something he could do—help her have a life inside of that constant security.

They were going out to dinner together. It was a start. He was going to do his best to ensure it was a nice, comfortable, peaceful evening they both enjoyed. To the extent he could make it happen, there would be nothing from her past to cloud the evening. He knew she needed a break. They both did.

Dave heard Sara up and moving around. He glanced at the bedside clock. Four A.M. He groaned, pulling a pillow over his head. At least she had not woken up screaming today. The last five days had been tough on both of them.

When he heard her move quietly downstairs, he gave up hope of getting more sleep. Sara was up. He was up.

A hot shower helped, but coffee would help more.

Dave found her down in the kitchen, fixing her normal breakfast of a bagel and hot tea. He leaned against the doorjamb as he towel dried his hair. “Couldn’t sleep?”

She looked over, smiled, and gave a slight shrug. “Not very well. Can I fix you some breakfast before you leave?”

“Leave for where?”

“The Wisconsin air show. It’s been on your calendar for months.”

“Oh. I’m not going.” He had called and canceled the date with Linda a few days ago. She hadn’t sounded that upset; a fact that should have bothered him but didn’t.

“Dave, you’ve been looking forward to this for months. You have to go.”

Dave grinned. She had that stubborn look she got when she was determined to win a discussion. She could forget it. He wasn’t leaving her today. Not when she had spent the last week flinching at shadows.

He would miss seeing the air show. He tried to go every year if he could. If he hadn’t ended up in this line of work because of Sara, he would have probably been a test pilot. He loved everything related to aviation. But he had more pressing concerns at the moment. “I’m not leaving you.”

“I don’t need a baby-sitter.”

Definitely a touch of mutiny going on today. Good. It was nice to see a little fire in her eyes. He leaned against the counter. Sara had been hiding in the house, using the fact her editor had sent back comments on the H. Q. Victor book as an excuse to avoid even going into the office. He needed to get her out of this house. He folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll go if you come along.”

“You know when I’m along you don’t get to enjoy yourself. You’re having to watch out for me.”

“Ben and Susan were planning to go along. I bet they would still like to come.”

A day of fresh air would do Sara a world of good. He watched her bite her lower lip. He could twist her arm when he had to, when it was for a good cause. “Come on, squirt. I want to go, but I’m only going if you come along. You’ll enjoy it. I’ll feed you junk food, and you’ll get some exercise. You’ll have fun.”

She looked over at him and he wisely hid his smile. “When do we have to leave?”

“Five. That gives you twenty minutes to change.”

She finally laughed. “All right, if I don’t say yes you’ll just badger me until I agree. I’ll go.”

Ben and Susan were more than willing to go along. It was the type of day that gave them a good break. They met at the airport as Dave worked down the preflight checklist for the private jet.

Dave watched his sister during the day, saw her begin to truly relax. She was enjoying herself. She wasn’t into planes and aviation the way he was, but she was a good sport, trailing him around dozens of planes. He fed her the junk food he had promised, hot dogs and popcorn, and shared the saltwater taffy he bought. She marveled with the rest of the crowd at some of the maneuvers the stunt pilots made during the course of the four-hour air show.

When it was finally time to head home, she had color in her cheeks and the contented look of someone who had spent a relaxing day outside.

Dave was glad he pushed her to come. Sara needed the day away. She sat beside him in the cockpit as he flew home, pestering him with questions. She wanted to do a children’s book about an air show. Dave answered the ones he could, tried to deflect others, and wished after a while there was an off switch for her ideas. When she was on a roll, she generated ideas too fast for him to follow her train of thought.

Dave set down the plane, pleased with the nearly flawless touch of the wheels to the runway. He loved this plane and the way it handled.

The airport was busier than it had been when they left at 5 A.M. Sara unloaded their souvenirs from the day, transferring them to the car, as Dave completed his walk around the Lear jet. He slipped his sunglasses back on and nodded to the flight line mechanic. The plane was maneuvered back into its hangar bay.

They had another two hours of daylight. Enough time to get home and start the grill. End a good day on an equally good note.

Sara joined him. “That was worth the trip.”

Dave dropped his arm around her shoulders. “Glad you let me talk you into going?”

“Yes.”

Dave smiled. “You were decent company.” He chuckled at the elbow he got in the ribs.

He dug out keys to the car. “Do you want brats or polish on the grill tonight?”

“One of each,” Sara replied, fastening her seat belt.

Dave waved to Ben and Susan and drove through the airport security gate. Tollway traffic was relatively light this afternoon. As he did on most drives, he was watching the mirrors for any signs of trouble while mentally reviewing the security plans for the next few days. “Are you looking forward to tomorrow’s date with Adam?”

“Of course.”

Dave was surprised to catch her blush. “What?”

“He said formal. Do you think my peach dress would be okay?”

Dave might live with Sara, but he rarely was consulted on her clothes. His hand tightened on the steering wheel. He couldn’t decide if this was good or bad. If she was asking a guy’s advice, it meant she wanted to make an impression. “You look nice in it.” That was like saying the sun was bright.

Was Adam this serious too, or was it just Sara? He should have asked the guy his intentions before now. He liked Adam. The guy had some depth to him to go along with the fame. He wasn’t the type to take a relationship lightly. Dave tried to figure out the implications and simply couldn’t. This was Sara.

His sister grinned. “Should I gather from the silence you have something else to say?”

“I think I’ll keep it to myself, thank you.” Dave was grateful he had kept his mouth shut to date. The last thing he needed was Sara getting engaged. That would be a security nightmare to figure out. He didn’t mind the occasional date; they were good for her. Something serious…that could be an entirely different matter.

“Are you sure you won’t join us for dinner tomorrow? I mean as more than just security?”

She didn’t hide her amusement deep enough. He sent her a withering gaze that had her laughing. “You know what Adam would think about that, squirt.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I think I like having a social life. I’ll have to see if Adam wants to go out more often.”

“Just as long as you play by the rules. I don’t want you ducking security just for the fun of it.”

Her laughter smoothed out as she touched his arm. “I won’t, Dave. You have my word.”

He nodded, relieved to hear it. If his sister had to grow up and have a boyfriend, he didn’t want to have to spy on her constantly to make sure she hadn’t ducked away from security.

It was, however, time to seriously talk to Adam. Besides laying down the strict security ground rules, it was time Adam had security with him. The risk was simply too great. They had to take that basic precaution.

Dave sighed. He hated being the one to bear bad news. Adam wouldn’t agree to the suggestion easily. Dave would probably have to force the issue and lay down an ultimatum. Accept the security or don’t see Sara.

The dress still fit perfectly. Sara swirled in front of the mirror, enjoying the flair of the peach-colored silk. Adam had said formal, so she would give him formal. The neckline was a high choker collar of peach satin and white pearls. The sleeves were three-quarter length. She wore pearl earrings.

The dress had cost a minor fortune two years ago. It was her favorite outfit when she wanted to make a statement.

She wanted Adam to notice her tonight. She swirled around again. If she was lucky, he would.

She was looking forward to tonight out.

She had done her best with the makeup to remove the worst evidence of her bad nights. With Adam, she hoped to forget the past for a while.

She glanced at the clock. He would be here soon. He had promised her a private, quiet, elegant night out. She was going to hold him to it.

Humming softly, she went to finish curling her hair. She had not intended to wear her hair down, but when she went to get her pearl hair clasp, she hadn’t been able to locate it. Normally she kept it in her top left dresser drawer; it hadn’t been there.

She couldn’t afford to lose the clasp. It had deep sentimental value. Her mother had given it to her. Sara knew she had worn it when she had dinner with Ellen. She couldn’t remember having seen it since.

Dave had promised to help her look around when they got home. It was possible she had taken it off downstairs and never carried it back upstairs.