Dancing on the Wind (55 page)

Chiswick looked startled, then thoughtful. "If it was announced that Nunfield, Mace, and Harford died in a  carriage accident because of the icy weather, it would be  sad, but not scandalous." He glanced at his fellows. "Do you agree?"

There were murmurs of relief. Judging by the faces of the other Disciples, the night's events had persuaded this particular lot of rakes to stick to more conventional vices in the future.

"Speaking of carriages," Chiswick said, "mine has special wheels that make it travel well in ice and snow. If you like, you can borrow it for the ladies." He glanced at Kit and Kira. "I think they have endured quite enough for one night."

Lucien accepted the offer, and within a quarter of an hour they were on their way. Even when he helped Kit into the carriage, she would not meet his gaze. She couldn't have been more reserved if they had just been introduced.

Michael drove the carriage while Lucien and Jason rode behind with the extra horses. The sleet and freezing rain had stopped and the temperature had fallen, turning the world to a glittering fantasy land of ice.

Lucien welcomed the biting cold, for it matched the chill in his heart. He thought back to the night at Eton when he had decided to become Lucifer—cool, ironic, detached, as far above the pain of loss as the clouds sailing through the sky. It had worked then, and it would work now, for he had had so many years of practice.

After the pain was firmly locked away, he discovered a weary sense of peace. Though Kit had slipped away, taking his dreams with her, tonight he had found a measure of absolution for his failure to save his sister's life.

At first Kit and Kira did not speak, content merely to hold hands as the carriage rumbled through the icy ruts. Rather than try to find her lost clothing in the maze of tunnels, Kit wore her outrageous costume under a warm cloak that Chiswick had given her. His usual cynical detachment had vanished; she guessed that he was trying to make amends for his failure to recognize the full depravity of his fellow Hellions.

Ruthlessly she suppressed her memory of the moment when Lucien had hugged Kira and said that she was everything Kit had described. After all, she had expected something like that. If she allowed herself to feel the pain, she would disintegrate, and for that she would rather be alone. Now she would rejoice in her sister's survival. There would be time enough for anguish later.

The silence was broken when Kira said in a shaking voice, "I just killed a man. I keep seeing the blood, and ' his face…" ;

"Good riddance," Kit said tartly. "Quite apart from Mace's other sins, he was in the process of trying to knife Lucien. It's all very well to forgive one's enemies, but not until after they've been safely hung."

Her sister's faint smile faded quickly. "He never raped me, he never even kissed me. I suppose he was saving that for his grand finale. But being forced to play his loathsome games was almost as bad. I felt helpless, soiled."

"Yet you survived and kept your sanity as well," Kit said quietly. "Few women could have been as strong."

"I never could have done it without you. No matter how dreadful things were, I knew that on some level you were always with me. When it became unendurable, I drew on your strength. I also knew that if I could stay alive long enough, you would find me." Kira's clasp tightened. "And you did." "

"I had help." Kit glanced at her sister, seeing the familiar profile outlined against the window. Though in principle she didn't believe in revenge, in this case she applauded it. Surely Kira's act of vengeful justice had restored some of what Mace had taken away.

"And very impressive help it was," Kira said, sounding more like herself. "Tell me everything that happened."

For her twin Kit recounted everything, except for her relationship with Lucien. That was too painful to discuss.

Kira swore when she learned about Jason's imprisonment and escape, but didn't interrupt. At the end she jxclaimed, "My shy, straitlaced little sister played in
The Gypsy
Lass!"

"
And
cut my hair and got tattooed with that damned
butterfly so that no one would notice any difference," Kit said acerbically.

Kira chuckled. "How were your notices?"

"The critics said I was in good form." Kit shrugged. 'I merely pretended that I was you. The audience saw
what they expected of Cassie James."

"Maybe you should take my place permanently," Kira suggested. "I'm not going to continue acting, but it would
be a pity to retire Cassie right when fame is there for he plucking."

Startled, Kit said, "You're going to leave the stage?"

"I've had enough. Sometimes it was wonderful— here's nothing like knowing you
hold an audience in the palm of your hand. But the theater world is narrow and
self-absorbed and takes itself far too seriously. I was often impatient with it."

"You never hinted at that before."

Kira's fingers moved restlessly within her sister's. "I didn't want to admit that it was a mistake to become an
actress. And it wasn't a complete mistake—having done  I can now walk away with no regrets." A warmer
note entered her voice. "A good thing I've had enough, because continuing to act
wouldn't be fair to Jason. Theater people should marry only other theater people."

"So you are going to marry him?"

"There's nothing on earth I want more. After I met him, damn his stubborn American hide, no one else would do. I assume he feels the same, or he never would have come for me." An anxious note sounded in her voice. "You like him, don't you? It would be dreadful if you didn't."

"I like him very much. The two of you should suit wonderfully."

"He has the ability to be emotionally intimate. That's rare in a man. I think it was because his mother raised him—he takes women seriously." Kira chuckled. "He probably didn't mention it, but he's also done rather well with his shipping business. Can you believe it? A Travers male who knows how to make money instead of wasting it! Papa would have considered that heresy."

"Obviously, two generations in America have improved the stock," Kit agreed. "But why did you refuse him three years ago? He said that you didn't want to leave England, but surely, since you loved him so much…"

"I couldn't bear to be so far from you, of course." Kira's clasp tightened again. "It was bad enough being separated when we were both in England, but to have a whole ocean between us… As much as I loved Jason, I simply couldn't go with him."

Kit was so moved that at first she couldn't reply. "I would have felt that way," she said quietly, "but I didn't know you did." She hesitated, wondering if she should ask the question that had nagged at her since she met Jason.

Inevitably, Kira noticed. "What are you not saying?"

"Why didn't you tell him about me?" Kit asked, trying to repress the hurt. "He knew I existed, but not that we were twins, much less what that means. Were you ashamed of me?"

"Kit, no! How could you think such a thing?"

"Why else would you keep silent?"

After a long silence Kira said haltingly, "I hate having to admit this—it sounds so horribly petty. But… I was afraid he would prefer you to me."

Kit sat bolt upright. "Have you run mad? No man has ever preferred me to you!"

"It's not a joking matter," Kira snapped. "I hate your false modesty. It's bad enough that you can out-think and out-talk me—you don't have to out-humble me as well."

Kit gasped at the sheer unfairness of the remark. "If I'm humble, it's because I have plenty of reason to be," she said, her voice trembling as she thought of Lucien. "I've spent my whole life trailing around in your shadow. The quiet twin. The dull twin. The twin who isn't Kristine, who looks exactly the same except that for some reason she isn't as pretty. I haven't minded that, but you have no right to accuse me of hypocrisy!"

Kira bit her lip. "Oh, Kit, I'm so sorry. My nerves are a wreck, but I shouldn't take it out on you of all people."

They went into each other's arms again, tears very close to the surface. Kit thought of their childhood, when they would creep into the same bed and sleep together like kittens. Impossible to imagine her life without her twin.

Eventually Kit disengaged herself. "Have you ever noticed that when we've been apart, we always have some stupid little disagreement shortly after we're reunited?"

Kira settled back and took her sister's hand again. "You're right, it happens every time. Why do you think that's so?"

"Because we miss each other so much." After a peaceful silence, Kit added, "I still can't believe you thought I could ever be a rival for Jason. Firstly, I would never, ever do that to you, and secondly, that man adores the water you walk on."

"I knew you wouldn't deliberately try to win him away, but men are always so intrigued by you," Kira said ruefully. "I'm such a frivolous creature. You're wiser, stronger, and you have a quality of female mystery that drives men wild. I didn't really doubt either Jason or you—but because you're both so important to me, I couldn't help worrying a little."

"Are we talking about the same person?" Kit said incredulously. "Me as a mysterious enchanter of men? You're off your head, big sister! Back in Kendal, you were always the one who was surrounded three deep by admirers."

Kira shrugged. "They were boys, not men, and they found it easier to talk to a chatterbox like me. Oh, some of them fancied me, but half were hanging about as a way to get closer to you. Your intelligence intimidated them all fearfully, you know. I always knew you would come into your own when you were older and could meet men who were mature and confident."

"What about Philip Burke?" Kit asked, feeling a faint twinge even now. "I wanted desperately for him to notice me, but he didn't know that I was alive."

"Him? Oh, he was just one of
those
people, the sort that can't deal with identical twins," Kira said dismissively. "Since he needed something to do while visiting Kendal, he decided to dangle after me. So he did, which meant that you became invisible to him. I'm sorry that upset you, but honestly, he wasn't worth it.
Those
people never are."

"To think that I pined over him for one whole summer, yet missed something so obvious!" Kit sighed. "You overrate my intelligence."

"No, I don't." Kira sighed. "I'm not as strong as you, Kit. I knew that Jane was right when she insisted that we separate and learn to lead independent lives after Papa died. I tried my best, but I just couldn't manage as well as you. Professionally, you became an influential writer, read and respected by the most prominent men in the kingdom. Even more important, you were always so calm, so confident, so comfortable with yourself. Not at all like me."

"But you were a much greater success!" Kit retorted. "You made ten times the money I did. It was you who paid off most of Papa's debts, and you had so many friends and admirers."

Kira shrugged. "I did well enough as an actress, but as a person I was a fraud—incomplete. I desperately wanted to find someone who would love and take care of me. That was why it was so dreadful to fall in love . with an American. It was unthinkable to leave England, yet sending Jason away was almost as bad."