Damian (20 page)

When I heard her words and saw the look on her face, my heart sank. I knew she was serious. I knew that I may have lost her for good.

“Alex.” A sharp pain twisted inside my chest and I tried to steady my emotions as I desperately waded through my thoughts. “I really want to give this another try. What do you want from me? What can I do?”

She looked at me in disbelief. “If you don’t know the answer to that, then …”

“Alex, please. Please give me something.” There was a pleading tone in my voice that seemed so unnatural and out of character.

“Damian, I want someone who’s not scared to be in a relationship, who’s not afraid to express their emotions. If you want another chance with me, I want you to do something spontaneous, something silly to show me you care. A grand gesture, an expression of love, if you will.”

I looked at her, surprised by the directness of her request. “But you know that’s not me.”

“You asked me what I wanted. That’s what I want.”

“What if I give you a key to my apartment? That’s a gesture, right?”

She looked at him in disbelief. “You’re kidding right?”

“No. I wasn’t.” I looked at her uncertainly and then sighed. “Alex, I’m just not sure I have all that to give.”

“Then I don’t know what else to say.” She looked hurt and disappointed. “You know what I want now. Do with it what you want, but I need to get going.”

Before I could say another word, she closed her front door and left me staring at the door frame, lost for words.

As I walked slowly to my apartment, I knew that there was something different here, that my feelings for this girl was different, that there was something here that I actually wanted, that there was something here that I could actually lose—something I didn’t want to lose.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Alexis

A WEEK HAD PASSED SINCE DAMIAN had surprised me with a phone call and then stopped by my apartment. My heart had pounded violently against my chest when he had shown up. What I wanted more than anything was to fall into his protective arms and kiss him, to pretend like things were back to normal, that the past month had never happened. I’d desperately missed his kisses. I’d desperately missed his touch. I’d desperately missed him.

But the fresh wound that still resided in my heart reminded me that I couldn’t pretend that things hadn’t changed between us. I couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t betrayed my trust and destroyed my heart. I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. And I wasn’t sure he was a man that could ever change for someone else.

And yet, when I thought back to our blissful months together before he shattered my heart to pieces—the enduring memories of times gone by—I wanted to relive them again and again. I wanted to stop time and live in those memories forever, like in a never-ending loop of only happy moments.

But that would be too easy, and ever since I was thirteen, I’d learned it the hard way that life was never easy. So when Damian had came to my door, I knew I had to be strong. I needed to protect my heart against him. I needed to see that he had indeed changed. I couldn’t let him back into my wounded heart until he proved that to me. And until then, I was going to live my life without the promise of him in.

“Alexis?” came Grace’s voice from her potter’s wheel, breaking through my thoughts.

“Yes,” I cleared my throat and looked up at her. I realized that I’d been sitting at the instructor’s potter’s wheel and had been staring off into space while my eight students were busy with their individual projects.

“So I’ve made the opening on my bowl. What do I do next?” Grace eyed the clay that was spinning on her potter’s wheel.

“Be right there,” I replied.

After a minute, I walked over to Grace’s station and studied her piece. “Great job with the centering, Grace. You’re really getting the hang of it.”

“Thanks. It’d only taken me four classes to learn it,” she said sarcastically.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Centering is one of the hardest parts to master. You’re doing an amazing job. Now, let me walk you through the steps to opening up your clay to make your bowl. First, let’s get the wheel spinning at a moderate to fast speed.” I watched Grace’s clay and waited for the wheel to start.

But it didn’t move.

“Grace?” I looked over at her and noticed her gaze was not on the clay on the wheel, nor was it on me. Something toward the front of the room caught her gaze. Then I noticed several of my other students also staring at the same direction.

Before I could follow their gaze to see what had caught their attention, my heart stopped when I heard his voice. “Hi Alexis.” I’d recognize that rich, deep, inviting voice anywhere.

It was him. It was Damian. I looked toward the front of the room and saw him standing at the doorway of the pottery studio.

I wanted to laugh and cry when I saw him standing there.

I choose to laugh. There he was, shirtless with wet clay painted all over his chest. I couldn’t be sure, but the clay appeared to be in the shape of a heart.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw all eight of my students exchange glances at one another. Some snickered, some spoke in hush voices, and some gaped at Damian’s half-naked body.

He looked at me, and only me, and smiled. I saw the same warm, stunning blue eyes that I had missed for the last month, the same eyes that I had tried to forget, the same eyes that had haunted my dreams at night.

“You said you wanted something silly and spontaneous,” he finally said.

Before I could respond, he waved his arms around with exaggerated movements and began to sing “You Are My Sunshine” by Willie Nelson—off key.

I started giggling when it became clear that he didn’t know most of the lyrics and was making up the song as he went. What made me laugh even harder was how confident he belled out the song as he moved around the room with his arms swinging around him.

When he finally finished, he had moved right in front of me. “Is this the spontaneous expression of love that you had in mind?”

I couldn’t help but to laugh. “Not exactly,” I looked up at him and beamed. “This is better than what I had in mind.” I moved my hand across his chest. The clay was indeed in a shape of a heart.

He grabbed my hands and pressed it against his heart. “Alexis, I’m crazy about you. So crazy that I’m willing to look like a fool so that you’ll forgive me.”

With tears in my eyes, I pulled him down and his mouth enveloped mine. His tongue parted my lips and I eagerly took him in, hungry for the drug that I had been deprived of for so long.

Then I heard someone cough and my eyes blinked open when I remembered that we were not alone. When we pulled away from one another, the entire class began to clap and whistle. My face grew hot as I pulled Damian aside to the back room, away from the eyes and ears of the class.

When we were alone, I threw my arms around him and he held me tightly as I savored the feeling of being back in those strong protective arms again.

“I’ve missed you, Alex,” he whispered in my ear. He then pulled away and held my hands, his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’ve missed
this
.”

I beamed at him, so consumed with emotion that I was unable to speak.

“Alex, this isn’t easy for me, but there are a lot of things I want and need to tell you. But first, I am begging you to forgive me.” I could see the desperation in his pleading eyes and my heart melted for him. “I’ve never beg a girl before—for anything—but I’m doing it now. I’m begging you now to forgive me. I have no words to explain how I feel about you, because quite honestly, I didn’t know I could feel this way about someone before I met you. But I care about you.
So
much. From the very first moment we met, I felt like we instantly connected. From the very first date I took you on, I felt like I found someone special. When I’m with you, I laugh like crazy and I’m the happiest version of myself.”

He leaned down and tenderly kissed my lips.

“Alex, I’m really sorry for hurting you. It really ripped me apart when I saw you in pain, especially knowing that it was me that caused that pain. I was an idiot and I was scared. I was scared that you might actually be something real, something that could possibly hurt me …” his voice trailed off.

I squeezed his hands and buried my face into his hard, warm chest. “I could never intentionally hurt you, Damian.”

“I know. I know now that you’re not like my mother.” His voice was almost a whisper and I looked up at him, surprised by his words.

I moved my hand down his arm and my fingers traced the outlines of his labyrinth tattoo and I remembered what he had said about the reason he got it. “Can you tell me about what happened to you when you were 19?” I looked up at him and saw the anguish in his eyes. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready.” I brushed the back of my hand against his face and he grabbed my hand and kissed it tenderly.

“No, I want to tell you.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “In a way, I lost both of my parents when I was 19.”

“What do you mean, in a way?”

“When I was 19, I found out that my mother had cheated on my father with numerous men while they were married. When my father found out, he insisted on a DNA test for me, even when my mother assured both of us that I was his son.” Damian paused and I could tell that he was having a hard time retelling the story. “Well the DNA test came back, and it turned out that my mother lied to both of us.” He looked down toward his feet. “I was not his son,” he choked out as he shook his head. “My father was so enraged by my mother’s betrayal that he divorced her. He also disowned me because I was the product of my mother’s betrayal and he said he could never look at me and love me in the same he had before.” Damian’s voice was uneven as tears welled up in his eyes. “To this day, I don’t know who my real father is because my mother doesn’t remember who else she had slept with when I was conceived.”

I pulled him down toward me and hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Damian. No one should have to go through that.”

“I’m okay,” he whispered. “It was a dark time in my past that I don’t like to thinking about. But since all that happened, I haven’t talked to either of them. A part of me hates them. I hate that because of them, I’ve never wanted to be emotionally close to someone. And since I was 19, I’d never been interested in anything serious with a girl. But somehow, without warning, you somehow seeped through the walls I’d put up around me.”

I smiled up at him. “I’m pretty talented like that,” I teased.

“
Very
talented indeed.” He gently kissed my forehead. “You have no idea how special you are to me.”

“You’re right, I don’t know.” I gave him a frown. “Why don’t you enlighten me.”

He chuckled and I could see compassion and warmth in his eyes as he looked down at me. “Alexis, you are witty, full of life, and beyond beautiful. Through your eyes, you see a world in front of you that you want to explore and learn. I don’t know many girls that are like that. You’re different, refreshing, and
real
, and the more time I spend with you, the more I want you to be a part of my life. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anything as much as this.”

“Damian, I feel the same way. What I want more than anything else is for you to be a part of my life. Even from the first day we met, I knew you were a sweet guy underneath all the layers of cockiness.”

He laughed. “You know you love the cockiness.”

“Yes, I do. Very much so.” I looked up at him and pulled his face down to mine. Our lips met in a slow, passionate kiss that melted away all the sadness I felt in the past month. At that moment, I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Damian

WHEN I LEFT THE POTTERY STUDIO, I felt like I was on top of the world. Alexis had accepted my apology and we were now officially dating. She was my girlfriend! Me, Damian Castillo, had a
girlfriend
.

I quickly pulled out my phone and texted Emma. I knew she would be excited by the news:

Breaking News Alert: Damian Castillo officially has a girlfriend!

Emma immediately texted me back:

No freaking way! I’m so proud of you! I cannot wait to meet the girl who was able to tame you! I love her already! So happy for you!

As I walked back home, I thought about how amazing Alexis was. When she first met me, I thought I was this perfect man—God’s gift to women. But she knew then that it wasn’t true. She knew then that my arrogance and my cockiness were probably my worst qualities. And yet, she accepted all of that and still gave me the time of day.

She seemed to see through all of that bullshit and saw something in me that I didn’t even see myself: that I was a sweet guy.

***

By 2:25 a.m. that evening, I was closing down the bar. Alexis had invited me over for a late night and I had never been so excited to close down the bar before.

As I was placing the empty cash registers back into the machines, I heard the door to Damian’s open.

“Sorry, we’re closed,” I said without looking up.

“But I only need a Sex on the Beach,” came a familiar, sexy voice. A wide smile spread across my face and I didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

“For you, beautiful, anything.” I gave her a sinful smile as she leaned across the bar counter to kiss me. “I also have a special tonight, if you’d like to hear it.”

She eyed me suspiciously. “Okay, I’ll bite. What is it?”

“Sex on the Bar.” I winked at her suggestively as I spread my hands across the bar counter.

“Great minds think alike.” Then what happened next surprised me. Alexis opened her black trench coat and dropped it on the floor. The sight of her took my breath of away and my mouth gaped open as I stared at her.

“Fuck me,” I groaned slowly.

“That’s the point.” Her voice was as sweet as honey and she bit her lower lip as she moved her hands seductively down the side of her body, guiding my eyes to follow their movement.