Damian (18 page)

You know it felt good in my hands, but it’ll feel amazing in my pussy. Call me 415-888-6914. XX - Courtney.

I remembered her now. The hot redhead who gave me a public handjob across the bar counter. Before I could think twice, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number written on the paper.

A girl picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Is this Courtney?”

“And who’s asking?” There was something seductive and inviting in her voice, like she received many calls from men.

“The same hot redhead that gave me that amazing handjob at Damian’s?” I asked huskily.

“Damian. Well, it took you long enough to call. And here I thought you forgot all about little ol’ me,” she pouted.

I ignored her need for reassurance and attention. “Wanna come over and fuck?”

I heard her suck in a deep breath. “I’m always down to fuck when you’re in the picture.”

“I live above the bar. Can you make it in thirty?”

“Baby, for you, I can make it in twenty,” she purred.

“Perfect. See you then.”

“I’m wet already. See you soon.”

Fifteen minutes later, my intercom buzzed.

Shit, she’s fast
.

“Yes?” I called into the intercom.

“This red pussy is wet and ready,” came a sultry voice.

“Get your ass up here then,” I said into the intercom and pressed the button to let her in.

When I opened the door, Courtney stood there with a short tight black dress on. My eyes shot to her breasts that were spilling out of her dress.

“Hey baby.” She bit her bottom lip as she flipped her hair to the side.

“Let’s fuck!” I ordered. I pulled her into my apartment.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about.” She removed her dress to show her naked body. She gave me a sinful smile. “I don’t like wearing any underwear or bra.”

“Easy access for me,” I groaned.

“Your turn,” she demanded as she pushed me up against the wall and starting unbuttoning my shirt. She pressed her lips urgently on mine. She hands quickly unzipped my jeans and pulled out my cock. “Well heeello big boy,” she purred as her eyes widened at the sight of my cock. “If it’s this size now, I can’t wait until it’s rock hard and inside me.”

I let out a groan as her hand moved rapidly along the length of me. But as she kissed me again, everything felt all wrong. As hard as I tried to block it, I was consumed by a nagging feeling that wouldn’t allow me to enjoy this moment.

You don’t have a girlfriend. You don’t have a girlfriend
, I kept repeating to myself.

I watched as Courtney started kissing me down my naked chest and abs.

What is wrong with me? I couldn’t I enjoyed this like I used to?
I looked down at Courtney, and in many ways, she was the female version of me: hot, cocky, and all about non-committal sex. Everything about her should have turned me on. Plus, from extensive research, redheads were wild in the bedroom.

So why does this feel so wrong?

One thought came clearly to my mind: Alexis.

No!
I protested inside. A girl like Courtney was who I should be fucking, not Alexis. She wasn’t right for me. She wanted something more than I could offer—than I wanted to offer. But even when I thought that, I knew that wasn’t the truth. I knew deep down that I’d never been so crazy about someone like Alexis before in my life.

I looked down at the redhead again. She had reached the jackpot. As I watched her lips wrap around my cock, I was riddled with unfamiliar feelings of guilt and self-hatred, and I knew this was not what I wanted. I knew I couldn’t go through it with. I knew this because all I could picture in my head was Alexis—and only Alexis—and her lips on my cock. Just as I was about to stop the redhead from deep-throating me, my front door opened, and my heart froze when I saw the last person I wanted to see at this moment.

Alexis
.

She just stared at me without saying a word. But it was undeniable from the crestfallen expression on her face that pain and sadness hung in the air between us. This caused an uncomfortable sharp sensation somewhere inside my chest to cut through my body like a cold steel blade.

All I wanted to do was to run to her and try to explain that I made a mistake, that I got weak and scared. But even at this moment, a familiar tiny voice in my head echoed,
You don’t have a girlfriend
.

And as if controlled by that voice and that mentality, I heard myself saying, “Hey baby, wanna join us?”

It was then that her silence broke and red rage swirled into eyes. “Join you?!”

“Damn,” I mumbled. I had a feeling she’d react that way.

“Fuck you, Damian!” She turned to leave, but then changed her mind and turned back to us. “No! Better yet, go fuck her! And then go and fuck yourself!” With that, she stormed out of my apartment. I felt my insides tighten as I watched her disappear out my door.

“Shit,” I exclaimed as I threw my clothes back on. I glanced at the redhead. “You should go.”

Then I raced after Alexis and found her going down the stairs to her apartment.

“Hey! Hold on, Alex.” I grabbed her arm to try to stop her.

She spun around and yanked her arm out of my grip. “Don’t you dare call me that! You don’t deserve to call me that!”

Shit, this is worse than I thought.

“Come on, baby. This isn’t fair.”

“Fair?! Fair?! What the fuck are you talking about? Fair for who?” She was fuming and I wasn’t sure how to respond. This was completely new territory for me.

So I decided to play the innocence card.

“Well I thought we’re having dinner tonight. How come you walked into my place at—” I looked at my watch, “—3 p.m.?”

“Are you serious?” she asked incredulously.

“Well you didn’t say you were coming back so soon.” I avoided her eyes. I knew I should probably shut up because I was making things worst, but somehow, I couldn’t. I felt a need to explain myself—to justify my actions to her, and to myself.

“I called you! I called the bar an hour ago and left a message with Beth that my class ended early!”

Shit, Beth! She did mention earlier that Alexis called.

“Sorry, I didn’t get the message.” I knew my apology was pathetic and possibly inappropriate.

“I figured from our conversation earlier, you’d want a quickie before dinner.” I saw the hurt in her eyes as she explained herself. “I guess that’s exactly what you wanted and you just couldn’t wait for me to get home, so you called someone else.” She was seething with anger as she spit out her words at me.

“Can we talk about it? I don’t know what I did wrong,” I lied.

“You’re kidding, right?! I just caught you red-handed with that girl, Damian!” She was fuming and I wasn’t sure how to alleviate the situation.

“You mean wet-handed?” I joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

She looked at me in disgust. “Who the fuck are you?” I heard the anger in her voice but I saw only sadness in her eyes.

This could not be happening
, I thought to myself.
You don’t have a girlfriend. You didn’t do anything wrong!
a voice inside me screamed defiantly.

“Hey, come on! I thought we had an understanding,” I needed to reason with her. “You know I’m not the commitment type. I made that clear to you from day one. I thought we were just hanging out,” I lied.

“What understanding? We’ve been sleeping together every day for the last two months, Damian! I’m pretty sure whatever understanding
you
had when we first met went out the door a long time ago!”

I knew that I couldn’t play this off anymore and pretend like it wasn’t a big deal. It was now clear that it was a big deal to Alexis, and if I wanted any chance of keeping her in my life, I needed to acknowledge that it was a big deal.

“Please, baby,” I begged. “I think I made a mistake. I don’t want you to be mad at me. “Please tell me what I can do to make things right.”

“It’s too late, Damian.” Her face twisted in anguish as she choked out the words. The pain on her face cut through my confidence that there was still a chance that I could still make things right again. At that moment, I knew I had lost her.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Alexis

I FOUND IT HARD TO BREATH as I ran out of his apartment. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.
Again
! I had caught Chris cheating on me earlier this year, and that moment was painful. But that betrayal did not prepare me for the heartbreaking agony I felt when I walked into Damian’s apartment today. When I saw him naked with the redhead, it felt like he had ripped out my heart and crushed it in front me. It felt like every happy moment in my life had been uprooted and destroyed by a category five hurricane.

“
I thought we were just hanging out.
” His gut-wrenching words echoed in my head, like endless cold dagger to my heart.

“It’s too late, Damian.” I could barely get out the words before I was accosted with a wrath of excruciating pain that crashed through me. I turned away from him and fought back the tears that were burning my eyes.

“Alexis, please. I can’t let you walk away from me right now. Please, can we go back inside my apartment and sit down and talk about it?”

I didn’t know how to respond.

“
Please
,” he pled. There was something in his voice that made me look up at him. I saw the conflict and pain in his eyes.

What is there to talk about?
I wanted to scream.

But I didn’t.

Instead, against all reason, I followed him back to his apartment.

When we walked through the door, I took a quick glance around his apartment. While the redhead was gone, I could still smell the faint floral scene of her perfume that lingered in the air. And each time I inhaled, the naked image of them I had just witnessed flashed before my eyes.

We sat down at the dining table, and for the first few minutes, we sat in silence. I watched him rubbed his temples, probably trying to figure out what to do or say.

“Why?” My whisper finally broke the silence.

My entire body felt numb as I sat there. The rational part of me—the smart part of me—was screaming inside and demanding I get up and run to the safety of my apartment. But despite my best efforts, I was rooted in place, waiting for Damian to say something that could possible make things right—waiting for a miracle to happen.

He didn’t say anything for several minutes, and a stiff, uncomfortable silence filled the air between us.

“Why did you cheat on me? This isn’t you, Damian.” My voice cracked as I fought back the tears that were threatening to come.

“What isn’t?” There was a pained look in his eyes, but he refused to look at me.

“You may think you are a perpetual man whore, but deep down, you’re a sweet guy. I saw the shock and guilt in your eyes when I walked in on you guys. So why did you do it?”

He sighed and finally met my gaze. “Alexis, I’ve warned you that I’m not a sweet guy. I told you that I won’t say any ‘I love yous.’ I’m just a guy you hang out with to have a fun night of no-strings-attached sex. I never intended for you think that we were in a relationship.”

His words stung like salt on my fresh wound, and I searched his face, trying to find the man that I had fallen for. He was no longer there. Instead, I saw a stone-cold handsome man with icy-blue eyes looking back at me.

“I should go then,” I murmured. I got up from the table.

He looked at me and I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t.

“You really hurt me today,” I whispered. “I thought that we had something special. I thought that you cared about me the way I care about you.”

“I’m sorry, Alexis,” he whispered. He looked away from me and in an even lower voice, he said, “The only real thing I can offer you is sex and friendship.”

When he walked me to the door, we stood on opposite sides of the door frame and looked at each other in silence. I saw the sorrow I felt reflected in his eyes. We both knew that there was nothing left to say between us. We wanted different things and it wasn’t meant to be.

“Goodbye,” I finally said and turned to go.

“Take care of yourself.” His words were almost inaudible.

I turned to walk back down the staircase to my apartment. A part of me wanted him to chase after me, to tell me that he wanted something more from us.

But he didn’t.

I had held in my tears in front of him because I refused to let him see me cry. But when I got inside the privacy of my apartment, I broke down, and hot tears streamed down my face.

Reality hit me. Today was not the day I had lost him. Today was the day I had discovered that I never truly had him to lose. I collapsed onto the floor. The splendid world that we had built together during the last two months—the world that swept me off my feet—came crashing down like a stack of playing cards. For the next hour, I sobbed for my lose as I felt every shard of the pieces of my broken heart cut inside me.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Damian

“
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
” I HAD
ended up saying. That was the last thing I had said to her. I had wanted to tell her so much more. I had wanted to go to her, hold her, and never let her go. Yet, something had stopped me. I had seen the pain and agony on her beautiful face. It had hit me at that moment what I had done that; I had been the cause of her unhappiness. So I hadn’t fought for her.

A month had passed since we last spoke and my chest tightened each time this last memory of her entered my thoughts. I looked back on that day and only saw regret—regret for getting close to her, regret for calling the redhead, regret for letting Alexis walk out of my life. Part of me wished that I had fought for her, but I was also glad that I hadn’t. I was never a good idea for her. She knew it, and I knew it. Letting her go was the best thing I could do for her.

***

I opened my eyes slowly as the morning light filtered through my lids. I moaned as I turned to my bedside table and saw my alarm clock. It was 9:27 a.m.