Damaged and the Knight (24 page)

Judd slammed the door then came around to the backseat. “I’ve never been so fucking hard so often. It’s unhealthy.”

“Shut up and make me come,” I said, wiggling my jeans and panties below my knees. “This is going to be awkward.”

Judd took my legs and tilted me sideways. After somehow managing to remove his cock from his tight jeans without injuring himself, he shoved himself inside me.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he moaned, moving slower now. “I love how wet I make you without even trying.”

“You’re so lazy,” I murmured, stroking my clit until I came and made noises inappropriate for car sex. “I wish I could kiss you. This isn’t a very romantic position.”

“I’m going to come hard in like five seconds. Shut up and I’ll kiss you afterwards.”

Laughing, I glanced at him. “Vaughn’s right. You’re a poet.”

“Don’t say another man’s name while I’m fucking you.”

Seeing the darkness in his eyes, I stopped laughing instantly. “Are you really mad?”

Judd stopped thrusting and caressed my cheek. “I’m in a fucked up mood. The way Vaughn acted around you pissed me off and I just need to make you mine.”

“I am yours.”

“I feel edgy. Let me finish and I’ll pull myself together.”

 Even nodding, my feelings were hurt suddenly. I said nothing though, unwilling to upset him. Yet, Judd didn’t continue. Instead, he pulled out of me and lifted me into a sitting position, so we could kiss softly. The kiss deepened, but it wasn’t rough or demanding.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not used to feeling possessive.”

“It’s okay,” I soothed, scooting back into a good position for our awkward car sex. “I would go wolverine on a girl who messed with my man.”

“Would you?” he asked with a sly grin. “I’d like to see that.”

“I’d probably get my ass kicked,” I moaned as he entered me again. “I fight like shit.”

“I’ll teach you, babe,” he whispered, thrusting deep and hard.

Watching him close his eyes and fill me up, I stroked myself again. This time when I came, I brought him with me.

“Feel better?” I asked as we wrestled back into our jeans.

“A little. I need several hours of that to really be myself again. Oh, and I’d prefer more room to play.”

“I’ll drive,” I said, climbing into the front seat. “I’ve got a lead foot, so it’ll take me two minutes to get us to your place.”

Judd didn’t try climbing into the front seat since he was too big to do it comfortably. I also would have burst into hysterics to see him try. Wanting me to focus and avoid crashing his SUV, he walked around, climbed into the passenger seat, and handed me the keys.

“Let’s break a few speed limits, babe.”

Ten minutes and zero speeding tickets later, we arrived at his place. Judd was teasing me about driving his Harley when we entered the condo and heard a woman call out his name.

Pausing in the front hallway, Judd leaned down and kissed me softly. He sucked on my lips, nipping at them as his gaze held mine. Those eyes hinted at fear then he shut it all away behind his walls. Taking my hand, he walked into the main room.

“Hey, Mom,” he said to a dark haired woman in the living room.

Judd’s mom wasn’t what I expected. For whatever reason, I imagined her as a sort of Flo character like from the
Alice
show my dad watched. A little rough around the edges with a ballsy small town vibe. Instead, Zaria was classy. Wearing black slacks and a dressy purple top, she looked ready for church. Her thick dark hair was brushed away from her well made up face as she smiled at her son. Then, her blue eyed gaze fell on me and the smile faltered a tiny bit.

I felt underdressed, plus my time with Judd in the SUV left my panties wet. In fact, the moment Zaria’s gaze focused on me, I felt certain I was smelling up the room. Even without her saying a word or showing any unhappiness, I felt judged unworthy.

“Mom, this is Tawny Smith. She’s Cooper Johansson’s future sister-in-law.”

Standing gracefully from the couch, Zaria shook my hand and said, “She’s young.”

Without thinking, I blurted out, “I’m twenty four. I waitress at Denny’s and he came in and we’re dating now.”

Judd frowned at me slightly then walked to the kitchen to get us drinks. “I wasn’t expecting you, Mom.”

“You’ve been so busy that I thought I would corner you into having lunch with me.”

“I just had lunch,” he said from the kitchen as Zaria and I eyed each other. “We could make plans for another time.”

“Holidays are here, Judd.”

“I know.”

“Where’s your tree?”

Walking into the living room, Judd handed me a soda. “What do I need a tree for? The only one who cares is Pearl and she’d just climb the damn thing.”

Zaria smiled softly. “Where do you live, Tawny?”

“Meadow Brook Apartments.”

The way Zaria nodded told me she knew the apartment building. “I hope I didn’t seem rude early. You look so young is all, but it’s none of my business who Judd spends time with. I’m sure if it were serious that he would have mentioned you.”

Judd frowned at his mother who didn’t notice because Pearl was rubbing white cat hair on Zaria’s pants.

“Judd and I are serious,” I said without thinking. “I love him and we’re not having a fling.”

When Zaria showed no reaction, I sensed her years with an abusive husband taught her how to hide her feelings. Judd though looked at me like I had ruined his day with those words.

“Excuse us,” Judd said, taking me by the arm and walking to his bedroom where he shut the door.

“I do love you,” I said, staring up at him defiantly, “and I’m not taking back the words.”

Judd moved quickly, cupping my face and kissing me hard. Realizing he wasn’t angry, I wrapped him in my arms and held on tightly, afraid to let go. A few times, Judd pulled his lips away then returned them to mine. Finally, he stepped out my embrace and sighed.

“I can’t say those words, Tawny.”

Nodding, I hugged myself and smiled. “It’s okay. I mean we just met and I’m still really fucked up and stuff.”

A frowning Judd pressed a finger to my lips. “Don’t.”

“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to love me. Farah does because she doesn’t know how not to.”

Judd exhaled hard and looked around. “Do you really think she’d stop if she could?”

Remembering how I betrayed her with Travis, I nodded. “I’ve been a shitty sister, but she’s good enough to love me anyway.”

As Judd stared at me, his walls wavered and I saw so much pain. “Damn, babe, how have you made it this long through life?”

Stepping back, I shrugged. “I just don’t want you to feel bad that you don’t feel like I do.”

Judd sighed. “You read people well, but you’re blind sometimes. I can’t say those words because when I say things like that out loud, I jinx myself.” Rubbing at the back of his neck, he sat on the bed and sighed again. “When I was a kid, I said our mom would never leave and she left a week later. I said that my brother had my back and days later he directed our dad’s rage at me. I say shit out loud and I jinx things. I’m not superstition about ninety nine percent of stuff, but I want to keep you in my life. Maybe I jinxed us already by saying you’re mine, but saying the words you said feels like I’m asking the damn universe to steal you away from me.”

“Steal me away how?” I asked, sitting next o him.

“You’re eighteen and you might think that means nothing, but I was eighteen once. I’m not eighteen now and I know the difference. I worry that even without jinxing us that we have an expiration date. I don’t see us together in five years when you’re stronger and healthier. I see you with someone else and that makes me so fucking crazy that I want to hit every man who gets near you now.”

Taking his hand, I pushed aside all those negative thoughts in my head. Judd needed reassurance, so he could depend on us.

“I never see you the way you see yourself,” I said softly. “You’re my hero. The man who keeps saving me. You make me feel beautiful, special, funny, smart, and most of all, safe. I know about your job and how it’s violent and you aren’t a cuddly guy. I know that, but I also know that with me, you have a soft way about yourself. You’re the light in the darkness for me, Judd. I see you and I feel like I can dig my way out of all the lies I tell myself.”

Judd studied me with his beautiful blue eyes. “You say those ugly things like you only remember the hateful shit people have told you. I wish you saw yourself the way I do. I wish you knew how beautiful and amazing you are. You’re brave too. I know you were scared in the bar with those bikers, plus today when Vaughn got riled up and I was being an asshole. Even afraid, you didn’t run. Babe, you have so much good in you and I think you’ll figure that out one day and dump my ass for someone who doesn’t have to learn to be with you. He’ll just know how to make you happy.”

I nearly laughed at the idea of any man making me feel as good as Judd, let alone better. “I don’t want that guy. When I rage at myself and think ugly lies that I replay over and over in my head, that guy wouldn’t respond like you do. He would back off or push too hard. You are my baby bear. You’re just right for me.”

Judd laughed, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. When he sighed, I saw something lighten in his mood.

“I’d say the words, if I could. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I don’t need the words. I see them in your eyes right now.”

Smiling, Judd watched me for a few minutes, just holding my hand. “I understand why you lied about your age, but my mom should know the truth. You’re right when you said this isn’t a fling, so she’s going to find out eventually. Might as well be today.”

“The reason you want me isn’t because I’m young.”

“I know. I want you despite your age.”

I studied his pouty face then shivered. “There is something incredibly sexy about you when you get all drama llama.” My free hand stroked his thigh. “I still feel you inside me from earlier.”

Scooting away from me, Judd grunted. “Fuck. I’m like a teenage boy with these constant boners.”

I glanced back at the bed we were sitting on. “I’m still so wet from earlier. We could be quick.”

“My mom is in the next room.”

“I’ll cover my mouth.”

Judd laughed deeply then shuddered. “Damn, woman, you make me crazy, but no.”

“Later then,” I whispered. “I’ll show you how my love brings out such qualities as endurance and creativity.”

Judd’s gaze locked on mine and it was blazing hot. For a second, I was sure we were fucking that very moment. I could already imagine him opening me up and making me come. Judd likely imagined it too because he stood up and stepped away.

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

Judd adjusted himself in his jeans. “Fucking Cooper with all his sweatpants shit. I thought he was such an idiot, but now I’m worried I might cause permanent damage to my cock having it so hard in these damn jeans.”

“A poet,” I said, batting my eyes at him as I walked towards the door. “Those jeans might not be comfy, but they sure caress your ass in the best way.”

Judd glared at me and adjusted himself again as I opened the door. We walked out to find Zaria on the balcony. She turned when the door opened and studied us.

“Is everything alright?”

Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, Judd nodded. “Tawny is right about us being serious. She’s not twenty four though. She’s eighteen and we met when she had some fuckers messing with her and Cooper sent me to fix the problem.”

Zaria showed no reaction. “Why would she lie about her age?” A few moments passed as Judd and his mother held each others’ gazes then she exhaled hard. “You told her?”

“Like I said, it’s not a fling.”

Finally, Zaria gave me a smile that was only partly forced. “I’m glad you’ve found someone special, Judd.”

With his expression relaxing and a hint of a smile on his face, Judd nodded. “Me too.”

Zaria pulled her son down for a kiss on the cheek then she smiled at me. “Well, I insist we have dinner soon, so I can get to know you.” Zaria gave me a tentative hug. Like me, I sensed she wasn’t great at physical contact. Still, she gave it a shot and I embraced her back. When she pulled away, Zaria smiled again. “No more lies. You are what my son wants and Judd’s been alone for too long.”

“I’m sorry I lied. I just didn’t want you judging him.”

Zaria gave me her first totally genuine smile. “You’re loyal and protective. Just what Judd needs,” she said then leaned closer. “He’s a sensitive soul, you know?”

Grinning, I winked at him. “Oh, I know.”

Judd just rolled his eyes, having spent half of the day teased about being an emotional girly man.

Zaria insisted we have dinner the next night and Judd insisted he would think about it. Ending the stalemate, I insisted we would join her. Mostly, I wanted her to be happy enough to leave, so I could get naked with Judd who again looked as if he needed looser jeans.

The minute the door closed behind Zaria, he locked it and glared at me. “I can’t even have a conversation with my mom without sporting a damn boner. Stop being so fucking hot.”

“Never!” I cried, running to the bedroom while yanking off my clothes.

Chapter Twenty Five

Dinner with Zaria went better than I could have dreamed. She talked about her life easily and never asked any awkward questions. We mostly talked about work and family. She told me a few cute stories about Judd who apparently was a sweet shy boy. I probably shouldn’t have giggled when I heard that, but his expression killed me. Embarrassed was a hilarious look on him.

The only awkwardness at all was when Zaria talked about her friends’ grandbabies. While she never said she wanted any herself, the implication was clear. With Judd’s brother Waylon in prison for the next few decades, her only chance at grandbabies would come from the son who claimed no interest in settling down. Now, he had a girlfriend and Mom was oh so subtly hinting.

Driving to Whiskey Kirk to meet up with Farah and Cooper, I glanced at Judd who wore a dressier shirt and crisp jeans. It was cute how he dressed up for dinner. Well, he was dressed up for him anyway.