Cross My Heart (46 page)

“Am I supposed to be?”

“I’d
li
ke
you to be.” He shifts the truck
to park and we sit there, quiet. “What can I do to make it better?”
he finally asks.

I let out a tiny laugh. “There’s nothing you can do, believe me.”

“We just
hate seeing you like this. Mom. Phillip.
Sarah. It’s like you’re not you anymore.”

“I’m doing the best I can.”

“I know. And you’re putting on a pretty
great
show of pretending things
are okay
. But they’re
not
. We can see it.”

I swallow hard.

“
This . . .
guy
.
You still love him, don’t you.”

It’s not a question.
Tears sting my eyes. “I don’t
really
want to talk about it.”

“Jaden, he’s not—”

“Look,” I interrupt. “I know you’re trying to protect me, but you can be nice to the guys I’m interested in. And this isn’t just
about Parker. You hated Blake."

“
And
look how right I was
about
him
.
”
He
pauses,
sig
hing
.
“It’s
just
a big brother thing.”

“It’s annoying.
Who I like
is my decision. I mean, you can’t throw yourself in the way every time I
fall for someone
. I’ll
be in college soon,” I remind
him.

“I know.
I know,” he says
,
nodding
. “It’s just that . . .
you’re my
little
sister, Jaden. You’re important. And
there’s not a
guy out there who’s good enough for you.”

“That’s
for me to decide, Daniel. You
had your chance. You picked Sarah. Phillip has Becky. It’s
my
turn now.”

“I know,” he a
grees
, shutting off the engine
. “But Sarah and Becky are
so much better than either of us.”

“Then I deserve
the chance
to make someone better, too.”

He releases
an
other pent-up breath as I reach
for the door handle.
“Do you still love him?
”
he asks, watching me carefully.

I push on the door, climbing out
,
focuse
d
. “He’s
gone
.
You guys win.
W
hy does it
even
matter?”

*
  
*
  
*

“We’re back!”
Sarah, her sister,
Melissa
,
and I walk
through the front door
, lugging
David’s Bridal bags.
Ours are manageable
.
Sarah’s i
s
monstrous.

“Let me see!” my mom
says
, meeting us in the foyer. She set
s
Joshua down on the hardwood floor. He
rolls
onto his hands and knees and
crawls
to Sarah.

“Hey
,
little baby!” she says
,
pursing her lips to
a kissy face. She hangs
her dress on
top of
the
front living room
door, then unzips
the garment bag.

My mom ga
sps as Sarah lifts
the white satin. “Sarah
! This is beautiful!” she cries
, caressing
the tiny, pearl-like beads sewn
onto the bodice. They shimmer
in the
sun
light.

Behind us, Joshua has
pulled himself
to his feet
and i
s standing next to the couch, holding on with one hand.

“
Joshy
,” I say
.

Sarah turns
,
squatting
to the floor
,
level with
him. “Come on
,
baby,” she calls
, holding out her arms.
He let
s
go of the couch,
wobbles
for a moment
, hesitating before
steadying himself,
then, with confidence,
takes
a step toward
Sarah. “Come on,” she encourages
, the pitch of her
voice high and light
. He tenta
tively takes
another step, then
plops
to his rear,
diaper squishing against the floor. “You’re doing such a good job!”
Sarah says
, scooping him
in her arms and
blowing a raspberry against his chubby baby cheek
.

“What’s going on?” Daniel asks
, entering the
foyer
.

It only
takes a second for us
to react.

“No!” Melissa yells
.

Mom thro
w
s
h
erself in front of Sarah’s gown
. I lift
my garment bag, hiding it from view.

“What’s the problem?” he asks
.

“It’s Sarah’s dress. You aren’t s
upposed to see it,” Mom informs
him.

“Go
to the
den
,” Sarah commands
, pu
shing against his broad chest with her free
hand
.

Daniel rolls
his eyes. “P
lease. You don’t buy into all
that superstition
bullsh
—
”

“Don’t say
that word!” Mom and Sarah yell together. Sarah covers
one of Joshua’s ears
, turning him away
.

“Sorry,” Daniel says. He ta
k
es
a deep breath, then let
s
it out in one, massive huff. “I just don’t see what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is t
hat it’s a surprise,” Sarah says
. “So don’t even
think
about being sneaky and unzipping this bag.”

“In fact, you can keep it i
n our closet if you need to,”
Mom suggests
. “Daniel knows better than to snoop in there.”

Daniel leans
against the
stair rail, folding
his arms. “Relax. I’m not going to snoop anywhere. Anyway, Phillip is on his way home. He’s bringing Becky by . . . and I’m hungry.”

“You know how to m
ake a sandwich,” I remind
him,
wishing he’d disappear already—
arms
burning from the weight of my dress lifted above my head
,
shaking even
. Clearly, I need to work out more. I’m
nil in the upper arm strength
department
.

He narrows
his eyes. “Ha, ha. I’m just saying that while you guys are busy tying bows, some of us have real work to do and we need to be fed.”

Daniel i
s going to the new house to install li
ght fixtures. The rest of us have
wedding-related tasks to und
ertake. Earlier in the week
I
helped Sarah design the wedding program
on my computer. She
picked up
special paper from a craft store and promised to buy me a new ink cartridge if I use
d
my
laserjet
to print a hundred and fifty copies. Tonight, Mom
is going to
fold them. The rest of us a
re making favors: tying Hershey’s Kisses into hund
reds of little tulle circles.

“I hate not to cook
if Becky is coming by,” Mom begi
n
s
, “but if we’re going to
get everything done tonight, i
t’s
probably
better if we just order pizza. What do you guys think?”

“I’m fine with that,” he says
.

“It’s fine,” I agree
.

“Well, call your brother first and ask if he and Becky plan to eat. If they are, make sure pizza is okay. If it is, pull out the number for Guido’s and call in our order. They still
deliver, don’t they?” she asks
.

“Yes,” I reply
.

“Any
thing else?” Daniel teases
, heading
toward the kitchen.

“If there is we
’ll let you know,” Sarah calls
.

With Danie
l safely out of sight, we turn
back to Sarah’s dress.

“It’s gorgeous,” Mom says
. “I love it.”

“Me too.
I’m so excited,” Sarah confesses, smiling as she gazes
at it. “But it’s really not safe in here.”

Mom carefully tucks
the satin dress back into the garment bag. “I c
an put it in our room
.
”

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not. If it’s in yours Danie
l will be tempted to peek.” She
zips
the bag ju
st as the front door opens
.

“Thanks for answ
ering your phone!” Daniel yells
from the kitchen.

“We were coming
up the street,” Phillip replies as he and Becky enter
the foyer.

Bec
ky i
s a year older than me
,
a year younger than Phillip. We were never really in the same circles, but
coming from a small town, it’
s h
ard not to know everyone. She’
s on the quieter side, which i
s why it surprises me Phillip i
s e
ven interested in her. He tends
to gravitate to
b
usty blondes who giggle
a lot
. Becky’s hair i
s s
traight, mousy brown, and she’
s on the petite side. The first night we went to dinner with her, tho
ugh, I noticed something: she’
s a powerful little thing. First, in the parking lot, Phillip nearly tripped over himself to shut the truck door for her. He held doors
open
as she walked through, let her sit down first, let her order first, kept asking if she needed anything . . . it was almost chivalrous—something I never thought in a million years I would say about Phillip. He didn’t make one snarky comment the entire night—he didn’t pick on anyone or tell any off-color jokes. He didn’t belch, or release
other, more obtrusive noises
. (Honestly, though, how long i
s
that
going to last?)

The boy i
s completely
whupped
. 

“Hi Becky!” Sarah and
Mom and I call. She turns
toward the front room,
offering
a shy
wave—her cheeks turning
pink.

“Hi
.
”

“Becky,
do you like pizza?” Daniel asks
.

“Sure
.
”

“Great! I’m starving. What do we want?”

“J
ust order four larges,” Mom tells him
. “Get at least one pepperoni and one plain cheese. You guys can battle
over the other two.” She pulls
the garment bag off the door.

“
Is that your dress?” Becky asks
Sarah.

“It is, but we have to hide it because
Daniel is being nosy.” She moves
Joshua to her other hip.

“Come on,” Mom says
. “We’re taking it to my room. We’ll show you.
Jaden,
do you
mind
making
some tea?”