Cressida Cowell_How to Train Your Dragon_04 (12 page)

"Who is to say that your friend's life is worth more than a Dragon's?" said One Eye, who was taking up most of the deck.

"It's worth more to me," said Hiccup. "Because I didn't know the Doomfang personally."

The temperature was very pleasant, and for the first time in six months Hiccup found he was sweating in his furry overcoat. He took it off, and Toothless landed on his shoulder, and started trying to tuck his head under his wing.

"It's a bit late to go into Hibernation Sleep now, Toothless," said Hiccup, scratching the little dragon affectionately behind his horns. "It's just about to be spring again."

Toothless grunted grumpily.

Hiccup squinted up at the sun. Now that it was out, he could tell the time fairly accurately from the sun's position in the sky. They were at least two hours away from ten in the morning, he reckoned. Not that it mattered what time they got back
now,
of course.

Hiccup's heart was beating fast in anxiety and sadness, and he suddenly realized he could actually HEAR it beating.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock
went his heart.

How very peculiar,
thought Hiccup.

And then he remembered the funny round metal thing that Camicazi had found lying in the casket next 
to the potato. He reached into his breast pocket and drew it out.

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK went the metal thingamajig.

It was a beautifully made, strange little object, slightly smaller than the potato. The front was transparent and hard, like ice, and behind it were all these rune numbers set in different circles, and at least seven arrows, all different colors. When he stared at it for some time he realized that some of them were actually moving, very slowly, but all on their own.

He opened up the back to see if it was a tiny nanodragon making the ticking noise, and found inside nothing but lots of little delicate metal wheels that all seemed to be moving. Perhaps they too had been frozen by the ice, and now that it was warmer again, they had woken up ...

"WOW," breathed Camicazi, looking over his shoulder. "What is it, do you think?"

"I have no idea," said Hiccup, putting it back in his pocket, where the ticking would be muffled. He would think about it later. "It's some kind of Hysterical invention, I suppose. Those Hysterics are mad as mackerel, but they
are
good inventors."

Please, Thor, please,
thought Hiccup to himself,
please let it be all right somehow after all...

It began to rain, and the rain melted the blue snow, and it dripped like tears off the horns on Hiccup's helmet, down into blue puddles on the deck. The American arrow lay, half drowning, on the edge of one of these puddles, and Hiccup picked it up and put it carefully in his arrow case.

Within five minutes, all the snow had gone, and Camicazi, Hiccup, Toothless, and One Eye all looked as if they'd had some kind of weird accident with a lot of blue paint. Their hair, coats, helmets and horns all 
coated and streaked with the blue of the bluest of blue skies.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock
said the metal thingamajig in Hiccup's pocket.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock
went Hiccup's heart, hopeful in spite of itself.

Back on Hysteria, steaming through the pouring rain, you could see the bright flame of fire and a column of smoke coming from the Hysterical Great Hall.

Norbert's Papa was finally getting his proper Viking funeral.

18. FISHLEGS

Stoick was waiting for them, in pouring rain, on the Long Beach. Stoick was FURIOUS.

He had only just found out that Hiccup had
not
spent the night at Snotlout's house, and Snotiout had told him that he had seen Hiccup and Camicazi sneaking away in a sleigh from the Freya'sday Eve Celebrations, heading out onto the great sea of ice.

When Stoick demanded why Snotiout had not told him this earlier, Snotiout could not answer.

Snotiout could hardly give the
real reason,
which was that he had been rather hoping that Hiccup was doing something STUPID and DANGEROUS, and he didn't want Stoick rushing out to save him at the last minute.

But Stoick the Vast saw the
real reason
in Snotlout's eyes, and in the delighted way that Snotiout looked out at the melted ice in the Harbor. Snotiout was PLEASED that Hiccup could have drowned somewhere out there in that grey, grim sea.

For the first time, Stoick realized that Snotlout 
might not be the best choice of friend for his son Hiccup.

I am afraid that Stoick the Vast gave Snotlout an old-fashioned spanking.

This WAS the Dark Ages.

Stoick then ran to the Long Beach to see if he could see what was going on, and, to his MASSIVE relief, the first thing he clapped eyes on, picking through the icebergs out to sea, was the tattered, round shape of his son's funny little boat,
The Hopeful Puffin.

"WHAT IN THOR'S NAME DO YOU

THINK YOU HAVE BEEN DOING?" roared Stoick the Vast, storming up to them as the nose of
The Hopeful Puffin
landed on the sand. Hiccup, who appeared to have turned an extraordinary blue color, clambered out of the boat and looked his enraged father straight in the eyes.

"I have been to Hysteria, to try and bring back a Potato to save Fishlegs's life," said Hiccup.

Stoick exploded.

"I ABSOLUTELY FORBADE YOU TO DO ANY SUCH THING!" bellowed Stoick the Vast. "HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME, YOUR CHIEF, AND RISK YOUR LIVES LOOKING FOR A 
VEGETABLE THAT NEVER EXISTED, ON A WILD-GOOSE CHASE FOR NOTHING --"

Tears poured down Hiccup's face. "The potato DOES exist," he interrupted his father, "it DOES exist, because we stole it, and Norbert the Nutjob nearly chopped our heads off, but you are right, it WAS all for nothing, because the Doomfang ate it and now Fishlegs is going to DIE."

Stoick the Vast's anger could not last in the face of the utter hopeless misery in his son's eyes. His fury melted away, like the snow dissolving into rain all around them on the beach. He patted his son awkwardly on the shoulder.

"Now, now, son," he said uncertainly.
"Of course
Fisheggs isn't going to die ..."

Hiccup pushed his father out of the way and stumbled over the sand to Old Wrinkly's house, followed by Stoick the Vast, Camicazi, Toothless, and One Eye. He flung open the door without knocking.

Old Wrinkly was standing in the middle of the room, poking the fire with a metal stick.

For a moment, Hiccup couldn't see Fishlegs, and then he realized Fishlegs was on the bed. He was lying completely still, his glasses off, white as a corpse.

Hiccup's heart stopped.

And then to Hiccup's unspeakable relief, Fishlegs sat up and put his glasses on.

He was still alive, then.

Stoick the Vast, Camicazi, Toothless, and One Eye the Saber-Toothed Driver filed into the room after Hiccup.

"WELL?" roared Stoick the Vast. "IS FISHEGGS DYING, OR IS HE NOT?"

Old Wrinkly looked very embarrassed. He shifted guiltily from foot to foot. "Ah, yes, Stoick, I'm so glad you brought that up ... yes, the thing is, I'm not sure that Fishlegs is dying after all..."

"WHADDYAMEAN, NOT DYING?" yelled Stoick the Vast.

"I'm afraid my diagnosis wasn't completely correct." Old Wrinkly giggled nervously. "Soothsaying from the fire is very complicated.... I won't go into the details, but take it from me, it's
tricky ...
and, what with one thing or another, it turns out that Fishlegs didn't have Vorpentitis after all. It was just a bad cold that set off his Berserk tendencies. I nursed him back to health with lots of bed rest and lemon-in-honey."

Fishlegs stood up, slightly wobbily, and gave Stoick the Vast a big smile.

"I'm fine!"
said Fishlegs happily, throwing wide his arms.

Hiccup couldn't believe it.

It was going to be all right after all.

"HE'S ALIVE!" cried Hiccup joyously, over the moon at this uncomplicated happy ending, and he rushed over to hug his friend.

Toothless gave Fishlegs a lick on the ear, which was a big compliment from Toothless. One Eye drawled, "Well, well, that was all worth it, wasn't
it?"
and Camicazi did a couple of celebratory cartwheels.

But Stoick wasn't going to take this lying down.

"DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME,'' roared Stoick the Vast at Old Wrinkly, "THAT ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR LOUSY SOOTHSAYING MY SON HICCUP HAS GONE ALL THE WAY TO HYSTERIA AND NEARLY GOT HIS HEAD CHOPPED OFF BY NORBERT THE NUTJOB AND FACED THE DOOMFANG ALL FOR NOTHING?????"

"Well, not for
nothing,
Stoick," explained Old Wrinkly. "If you'll just listen a moment, I'll explain. Soothsaying is a very tricky business and when I looked in the fire --"

"Did
Fisheggs have Vorpentitis, or did he
not?"
interrupted Stoick.

"No, he didn't," admitted Old Wrinkly.

"THEN THE QUEST WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!" roared Stoick.

"Don't give Old Wrinkly a hard time, Father," said Hiccup. "Why waste time getting angry when all's well that ends well..."

Hiccup started to laugh, but something in the middle of the laugh went wrong when Hiccup's left arm suddenly went dead.

Hiccup looked down at his arm in surprise.

"I can't feel my arm," ' said Hiccup.

And then the other arm went dead.

Hiccup had been feeling rather hot all day, but he suddenly felt as if he were . burning alive. Sweat poured down his face, and great clouds of steam rose up off his shoulders and chest.

And Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third's entire body went rigid as a statue, his eyes staring and bloodshot, and he fell down lifeless on the very bed Fishlegs had been lying on just two minutes before.

19. THE FINAL CHAPTER

Sometimes it is not until the Final Chapter that you realize what a quest has REALLY been about all along.

Stoick's face turned from red anger to pure white terror.

"The Doomfang." whispered Stoick the Vast in agony, rushing to hold his stiff son in his arms. "By Woden and Freya and Hairy Knuckled Thor, he
did
get touched by the frozen flames of the Doomfang ... and all for a stupid useless quest for NOTHING ..."

Enormous, hairy Stoick the Vast burst into tears.

"Oh for Thor's sake, Stoick," cried Old Wrinkly, bossily pushing Stoick out of the way. "Will you just SHUT UP and listen to me? I'm really not
that
bad a soothsayer. This has nothing to do with the Doomfang." He took Hiccup's pulse, and looked under his eyelids, and tapped his chest, which had turned as wooden as a tree trunk.
"This
is VORPENTITIS."

Stoick reeled back. "And what does that mean?" he whispered through white lips.

"It means," said Old Wrinkly, "that one little weirdo looks very like another when you're soothsaying in a fire, and it was
HICCUP
who was bitten by the Vorpent, and not Fishlegs. So
HICCUP
has Vorpentitis. And that means that since it is now ..."

(At this point Old Wrinkly reached into Hiccup's breast pocket, hoping to draw out the potato, and in fact drew out the ticking metal thingamajig. He looked at the numbers on it and nodded his head.)

"... oooh
exactly
five to ten in the morning on Freya'sday Friday!" continued Old Wrinkly, laying the metal thingamajig carefully on the bed beside Hiccup, "your son, Hiccup, who has Vorpentitis, has five minutes to live."

Old Wrinkly chuckled. This didn't seem to be worrying him much.

"Which wouldn't give a great deal of time for us to find an antidote. But luckily," said Old Wrinkly, in the spirit of a conjuror,
"luckily,
on your son's so-called stupid useless quest for
NOTHING,
he has brought back the antidote with him
ALREADY.
Camicazi, where is the potato? It doesn't seem to be here in Hiccup's pocket.... Have
you
got it?"

Camicazi was as white as One Eye's back. She shook her head numbly. "No ... potato," she gasped.

Old Wrinkly's mouth fell open, appalled.

"NO POTATO?" shrieked Old Wrinkly. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
NO POTATO?
YOU MUST HAYE THE POTATO!!!"

Camicazi shook her head again. "No potato," she whispered.

"But I was so sure," whispered Old Wrinkly. "I was so
sure
you would bring back the potato.... This is the last time I believe a single word those beastly fires say.... They told me DEFINITELY that you "Oh, we
got
it all right," mumbled Camicazi miserably. "It was just that the Doomfang ATE it." "Oh, my goodness," gulped Old Wrinkly.

NO
potato.

Suddenly Old Wrinkly looked every second of his ninety-three years. His whole body crumpled up like an old brown leaf.

Little did Hiccup know, when he was crying on the boat for his friend Fishlegs, that he should have been crying for himself.

For it was indeed HICCUP who had been stung all those many months ago, escaping from the Fortress of Sinister. And it was Hiccup who was now moments away from the death he feared for his friend Fishlegs.

"WHAT CAN I DO?" roared Stoick the Vast. "There must be other cures? Other medicines?"

Old Wrinkly shook his head. "The potato is the only cure for Vorpentitis."

"I'LL BRING BACK THE POTATO!" cried Stoick the Vast, drawing his sword, a Man of Action to the last. "JUST TELL ME WHERE TO GO AND HOW LONG I'VE GOT!"

"Well," said Old Wrinkly sadly, "the nearest potato is now roughly three and a half thousand miles away on the distant shores of the country known as America to those who may believe in it. And you have ..." -- Old Wrinkly checked the clock sitting next to Hiccup's bed -- "... exactly THREE minutes to find it."

Even Stoick seemed to feel that perhaps this might be a problem.