Crazy Bitch (Bitches and Queens) (16 page)

Hannah hadn’t taken the news
well. She had said that tonight was very important to her as well. Her precious
baby boy was about to get married, and she needed Willow there to support her.
Torn, Willow had done her best to balance herself between the two of them. It
would be tight, but she was sure,
if
everything stayed on schedule, she
should be able to get back to the city in time for Zachary’s first set. Of course,
that was all contingent on Hannah not having a major meltdown, which was
feeling more and more inevitable.

As soon as everyone was
settled, the minister, a middle-aged man named Mark Thompson, stepped to the
front of the church. He started by arranging the groomsmen, a various
collection Kate’s cousins as Sam lacked male friends and the few that he had he
wasn’t about to stand up with him, and then he directed Sam. “Now Sam, if you
want to walk to the back with your mother and we will begin by having you
escort her down the aisle.”

Kate was just about to
alleviate the awkward pause when Hannah groaned loudly, “Fuuuck!”

All eyes turned towards her, including
Sam’s, who was now glaring. He specifically remembered telling her she wasn’t
allowed to say
that
word inside the church building. Hannah ignored
everyone. Reaching for her clutch, she pulled out a large wad of hundred dollar
bills.

“I’ll do it,” she hissed as she
strolled flamboyantly towards the front, dropped the cash in a basket that
rested on top of the altar, and then twirled back around and made her way
towards him. “It’s fine,” she spat. “I put money in the swear basket.”

“It’s not a fucking…” Sam
stopped and growled at her. He reached for his wallet, pulled out a few
twenties, dropped them in the basket, and walked back where she was waiting
with a smirk. “…it’s not a swear basket. It is for contributions.”

“Fuck you, Sam,” Hannah
pronounced succinctly. “It is now.”

Once they were alone in the
back of the church, waiting for the music to start, Sam leaned over and
whispered, “Are you sure you are all right?”

Hannah narrowed her huge eyes
to lethal slits. “That’s the fourth time you have asked me that question. If
you ask me again, I swear I will take one of those hymnals and bash it over
your skull.”

“Fine,” Sam jeered.

 But it wasn’t fine. As soon as
the two of them arrived, he could tell all was not right in Lady Love Land. For
the last several weeks, he had tried to avoid Willow and visit Hannah when she
wasn’t around. It wasn’t easy as the two were practically joined at the hip.
From what he observed, the two of them had failed to find a happy medium.
Either they couldn’t keep their hands off each other,
disgusting,
or
they were fighting like cats and, well, cats.

Sam was just beginning to come
to terms that Hannah had needs. He was open-minded, especially with sexual
matters, and could probably watch any other person on the entire planet get off—
but
he had a very difficult time thinking of Hannah that way. Over the years, she
had had her various pets, but he had never been forced to see Hannah stick her
tongue halfway down their throats. It was so revolting—every time she kissed Willow,
he felt like he needed to hurl. In his opinion, it was past damn time for
Hannah to crack the whip and get Willow behaving like a proper pet, or more
preferably, get rid of the nasty ho.

Sam had already decided that
once he returned from his honeymoon, he and Hannah were going to sit down and
have a long talk. By then, Willow would have fulfilled the conditions of her
internship and, hopefully, Hannah would have come to her senses. If not, he was
fully prepared to tell her that if she had to have
needs,
then she
needed to find someone a little less skanktastic and a little less engaged to
someone else. Hannah needed to find someone normal to balance out her
craziness.

Speaking of which, he wouldn’t
have continued to ask if she was all right if the air surrounding her wasn’t
charged and heavy—a surefire sign that one of her fits was hovering on the
horizon. She had better damn well wait until she got home to lose her mind. He
had spent over six hours decorating this church with Kate and her family, and
he didn’t want to see it fall to shambles in a matter of minutes.

When the music started playing,
they started down the aisle but midway up, Sam came to a sudden halt. Reaching
once again for his wallet and pulling out another twenty-dollar bill, he spun
around and faced her. “Bitch, I know you didn’t just do that.”

“What?” Hannah asked with
exaggerated innocence.

“For starters, it is an aisle—not
a catwalk. Secondly, you know if I were in heels there would no way you would
out-strut me,” Sam spat angrily.

Further up the church, Kate
closed her eyes and began to rub her temple. She heard her father ask, “Why
would Sam be wearing heels?”

“He was speaking figuratively,”
Kate muttered. He had done so well all day long blending in with her family,
but as the dynamic duo continued their heated discussion about the proper way
to walk down the aisle, she could see their eyes seeing him in a different
light. “Sweet Jesus,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Katie dear, you shouldn’t take
the Lord’s name in vain, especially inside a church,” her mother, Jane, gently
chided.

“It wasn’t in vain,” Kate
grumbled.

Several minutes later, Sam and
Hannah did finally make it up the aisle, but Sam hadn’t raised her to his
level. He had sunk down to hers. Instead of resembling anything that might look
remotely normal, they looked like a pair of late-spring runway models. Kate
walked over to Sam. She reached for his hands and whispered so softly that only
he could hear. “If I come to that doorway tomorrow and find you with your
jacket hooked around your finger slung over her shoulder, I swear I will turn
around and walk the other way.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Sam
declared.

“Yes, Sam,” Kate stated, “it
was
.”

Kate had just started down the
aisle with her father when Sam, still waiting at the front of the church,
hunkered down on his knees. He suddenly stood after they had only taken a few
steps and called out, “Cut the music.”

“What?” Kate questioned baffled
and turned around towards the alcove where her cousin Billy was working in the
sound booth. “Don’t cut the music.”

“Babe, you were so close,” Sam
started to explain. “You’ve almost got it. I loved the confidence, but maybe on
this occasion we’re looking for something a little more demure. Remember, it’s
not a tittie parade. And Bob,” he said to her father, “a little less
just
rode in on a horse cowboy amble
. I don’t know, maybe something a little
more whimsical. Is whimsical the right word?” Sam questioned.

“Bittersweet,” Hannah offered, who
was once again sitting down beside Willow.

Sam snapped his fingers. “Excellent,
Hannah. That’s it, Bob. Something a little more bittersweet. After all, it is
your only daughter getting married.”

Kate and Bob returned to the
back of the church. They had only gotten a few steps further when Sam stood and
yelled out again, “Cut! Kate, the posture is fantastic, but the look is all
wrong. Why are you glaring at me? I’m doing this for us. Twenty years from now,
we don’t want to look back at these pictures and have you looking like some
horrible cow.”

“Has he lost his mind? What is
wrong with him?” Willow whispered to Hannah.

“Nothing is wrong,” Hannah
whispered back. “This is Sam around strangers.”

“You have to stop him.”

“No one can stop when he is
like this,” Hannah answered.

“You could,” Willow shot back.

“And ruin all the fun?” Hannah
questioned. “I think Kate’s entire family deserves to know exactly who she is
marrying.”

By the time they arrived at
Hannah’s house, Willow knew even driving at top speed, she would miss most of
the first set thanks to Sam. Privately, she thought he would be lucky if Kate
actually showed up at the church tomorrow. After tonight’s performance, Willow
knew she would be having second thoughts. Kate seemed like such a nice lady.
What on earth did she see in him?

“I’ll be here at eight o’clock
to pick you up,” Willow said as she put the car in park.

Normally, she wasn’t her
chauffeur, but Hannah had wanted the two of them to arrive together tonight and
tomorrow for the wedding. And because it was important to Hannah and because
she was quite possibly the most aggressive driver on the road, Willow had
offered to drive instead.

“I need you to come in for a
minute,” Hannah said.

“I’m running late,” Willow
denied.

“You’re already late and it
will only take a minute.”

“Hannah, I don’t think that is
a good idea.”

“What’s your fucking problem?
Don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not that,” Willow
growled. “Fine, but I can’t stay.”

As soon as Hannah closed the
front door, Willow asked, “What did you need?”

Hannah walked over slowly and
reached for Willow’s hands. “I need you to call Zach and tell him you can’t make
it tonight.”

“I can’t do that,” Willow
declared and tried to pull her hands free but Hannah held on firmly.

“I’m not handling this well,”
Hannah pleaded. “I thought I would be all right with Sam getting married, but I’m
not. I need you to stay with me because I’m always better when you’re around.”

“Hannah, no,” Willow said once again,
trying to tug her hands free. “You’ll be fine, and I’ll be back first thing in
the morning.”

“NO!” Hannah screeched madly.
She viciously tore the engagement ring off Willow’s finger, cutting her tender knuckle,
and tossed it across the room. “You don’t love him because you are in love with
me!”

“I’m bleeding,” Willow yelled
and finally stepped back.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,”
Hannah gushed and started to step forward but Willow stepped to the side.

“Don’t,” Willow warned. For a moment,
she considered looking for her ring but decided against it. “I’m leaving now.”

“No, don’t go,” Hannah cried, following
her to the door.

Willow opened the door and then
turned back around one last time. She touched Hannah’s face with her hand that
wasn’t bleeding. “Hannah, go take a bath and then go to bed. I’ll be back first
thing in the morning. We’ll talk then.”

The next day, Sam was alone in
one of the bible school classrooms with his phone to his ear. “Where the hell
are you?” he gritted through his teeth.

He had already tried to call
Hannah four times, but she hadn’t picked up. Now, ten minutes before he was to
get married, she was a no-show. Hannah had always run on her own time schedule,
but this was ridiculous. It was only the biggest day of his life. Sam had just
disconnected the call when his phone started ringing.
About fucking time,
he
grumbled under his breath. “Where the hell are you?” he questioned into the
line.

“Sam?”

“Willow?”

“Sam, oh my God, I don’t know
what to do!” Willow screamed hysterically. “Hannah has barricaded herself in
her room. I’ve tried all morning to get her to come out, but she won’t open the
door. And she just fired a gun in there. They’ve called the police.”

“What?” Sam screamed.

Willow repeated herself with
the same irrational urgency. Sam could barely comprehend what she was saying.
The only thing he knew for certain was that Hannah may or may not have just
killed herself.

“HAN-NAH!” Willow screamed as
she pounded against the door.

“I’ll be there in twenty
minutes,” Sam declared and hung up the phone.

Walking purposefully towards
the other classroom, where Kate was gathered with her bridesmaids and Jane, he
opened the door wide.

“Sam, what are you doing?” Kate
hissed.

Sam’s world came to screeching
halt. For a few seconds he forgot all about Hannah and everything else in the
world. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered reverently.

“Sam, what’s going on?” Kate
asked warily.

“I love you,” he answered.

“Sam?” Kate questioned.

“I have to leave,” he said and
then whispered into Kate’s ear. “Hannah may have just killed herself.”

“What?” Kate gasped.

Sam reached for her hand and
squeezed it tightly. “I love you. I really do.”

“Sam, no! Don’t do this! Don’t
you dare walk away from me again!”

“Kate, I’m sorry. I guess you can’t start without me. Just… I’ll
be back as soon as I can,” Sam whispered as he turned and walked away.

Kate’s heart sank to her
stomach. She couldn’t believe Sam had just walked away—again. After everything
they had gone through to get this moment, he had said he would be back as soon
as he could. Seriously? This wasn’t like standing her up on a freaking date. It
was their wedding for God sake.