Craving Shannon (14 page)

“Why would you ask me that?” Chad answered, feeling his temper rise. His father was crossing a line, forcing him to potentially acknowledge things in a way he didn’t want to.

“Don’t try to deny it, Son. It’s really quite obvious.”

Chad swallowed hard. Was it? If it was, that would be a very bad thing. Who else could tell? Was it obvious to people at work? “Is it?” he asked with concern.

“Yes, it is,” Charles confirmed, “and not just to me, your mother sensed it also.”

“Shit,” Chad breathed, running his hand through his hair.

He looked over toward his mother who was obviously listening to the conversation. She walked across the room and stood next to him. “I don’t think you realize exactly what’s going on with this situation,” she said with concern written across her face.

“How so?” Chad questioned, horrified that his dirty little secret was so apparent that even his mother guessed it.

“Well, for a start, that girl is in love with you,” she explained.

“No she isn’t,” Chad contradicted.

“Charles, it may not be evident to you, but that’s because you’re too close to the situation,” she argued. “Trust me on this, Shannon is head-over-heels for you. You’re going to end up hurting her tremendously.”

“I…” he trailed off and stared into her eyes, seeing the conviction in her expression. He shook his head. “She knows my stance on the whole
‘romantic love’
thing. She knows it will never be reciprocated.”

“Does she?” Elizabeth asked. “She’s very young, Darling. Sometimes girls like her don’t hear what they
don’t
want to hear. It’s easy for someone of her tender age to confuse sex with love.”

Chad flinched. It was beyond embarrassing to be having this kind of conversation with his mother.

“What are your intentions with her?” his father asked with an appalled tone. “I’m mean, are you just going to use her until you’ve had enough?”

“I…I don’t really know what I’m doing,” he admitted. He felt guilt well up suddenly, despite the anger he felt at his father’s acquisition. What if it was true? What if Shannon really was in love? It was never his purpose to hurt the girl. Lord knows she’d been through so much. He wanted to help her initially, but that body—how could any man resist it?

He shook his head. They were wrong. They just had to be. It was just like his parents to make everything a huge issue.

“And what about Donna?” Charles queried.

“What about her?” Chad snapped. A rational part of his mind knew his anger was probably unjustified, but that didn’t change the fact that he was ready to get into a squabble with his father. He was so sick of having Donna shoved down his throat.

“Don’t you think she deserves better?” Charles asked.

“Not really,” Chad replied. He realized that he was being unreasonable. Of course Donna deserved better, but damn-it if he would admit that at the moment.

“She’s a nice girl,” Charles said defensively. “How can you say such a thing?”

“Nice girl? I beg to differ,” he responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Do you know what kind of a person she is, what she comes from?” He was resorting to hitting below the belt. He was using Donna’s upbringing to send a clear message to Charles, mocking him also.

“You may think you’re better than her, that you’re above her, but that’s a judgment you don’t have the right to make,” Charles responded. The way he raised his voice was enough to let Chad know he was taking the bait.

“No, you’re wrong. I know I’m better than her. I know I’d never let a shitty upbringing turn me into a poor excuse for a human.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” Elizabeth piped in, looking at Chad with disgust. “You were always such a nice person. Why are you being so horrible to that sweet girl?”

Elizabeth wasn’t alone. Even Chad was having a hard time believing what was coming out of his own mouth. It was almost like something had possessed him, was compelling him to spew vitriol at his parents when they didn’t deserve it. But screw them. He was a grown-ass man. He really didn’t need his parents probing into his personal relationships. “Because, Mother, I’m sick and tired of people rubbing her in my face.”

“So you’re just going to string her along, knowing all the while that you have someone else in your life?” Charles asked.

“First of all, I don’t really have someone else in my life, at least not in the way you’re implying,” Chad countered. “Second of all, I have every intention of ending things with her soon enough.”

All three stood around looking at one another for a long moment, the tension thick in the air.

And then, as fast as his temper tantrum came, it dissipated, leaving Chad feeling like the world’s biggest piece of shit.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I really don’t know what just got into me. I honestly didn’t mean any of that.”

“Was your upbringing so terrible,” Charles asked. “As far as I’m concern, we really did try to give you the best of everything.”

“I know,” Chad answered, wishing the ground would swallow him up. “It’s just, well, sometimes all the wealth was a little over the top.” He shrugged his shoulders, feeling like an ungrateful cad.

“The money afforded you a good life,” Charles said quietly.

“The best life,” Chad agreed. “But there were times when I wanted to do the things that normal kids did.” He bit his lip then smiled bitterly. “I remember how Alex and Derek were allowed to go to the public pool in the summer, to hang out with the other kids in town, and I never could.”

“We built you your own pool,” Charles reminded him.

“Yes, but that’s just it, I didn’t want my own pool. I wanted to be a normal kid.” He looked back and forth between both parents and knew how badly he’d hurt them with his words. “Look. I’m so, so sorry,” he admitted. “I’m behaving terribly. I love you both very much.”

“It’s okay,” both parents said in unison.

“No, it’s not,” Chad replied. “I’m being a jerk. Of course Donna deserves better, that’s why I’m going to break up with her when she gets back. And as far as Shannon is concerned, well, I’m just going to have to figure that one out.”

Both his parents hugged and kissed him, letting him off the hook much too easily. Parents were saints that way. And, to be fair, it probably wouldn’t be a normal Thanksgiving without drama. At least in that one way, Chad was just like every other
normal
family.

He excused himself, feeling exhausted and drained, and suddenly needing sleep. He walked up the stairs to his room, but decided to check on Shannon first. While she was his guest, she was his responsibility, so he felt it his duty to make sure she was comfortable.

He opened the door to the guest room and walked toward the bed. Noticing how still she was, he sat on the edge of the bed and flicked her hair gently over her shoulder so that he could look upon her pretty face, to confirm that she was sleeping soundly.

And then the most unexpected thing happened.

She sat up straight, pulled her arm back then whacked him right across the face!

Shannon felt a lot more comfortable around Chad’s family than she anticipated. She knew Chad loved his father, but he seemed to have a gripe with the man. She guessed that perhaps all males harbored a certain degree of unsolved daddy issues. As far as she was concerned, Charles was a lovely man. He was polite, witty and extremely charming. That came as a relief. She was expecting Charles to be a stuck-up, pompous ass, based on the impression Chad had given her. Of course, had he have been an ass, she would never have admitted it to Chad. She cared about him too much to be disrespectful to his family, but, as it turned out, it was a moot point.

Elizabeth was even lovelier. She was very attractive and very youthful looking for a woman in her sixties, maybe the money helped, or maybe she was just blessed with good genes. The best part was that they both seemed to like her also. She hoped that was the case. She hoped that they weren’t just good actors and in reality couldn’t stand her.

She climbed into bed feeling weary and slightly drunk. There was such a distinct difference between the wine she’d drank earlier than the house wine she normally drank at Mario’s. Maybe everything was just better with lots of money.

Chad really did live a charmed life, a life that Shannon could only dream of having. She knew though, that even if Chad was poor, even if he’d grown up in that dirty neighborhood in Florida, she would still feel the same about him. He was perfect in every way, and the money really didn’t define him. She would love him regardless of what he’d come from.

No. She wouldn’t go there. There was no point in harboring feelings like that. Deep down inside, she knew she could never really have him the way she wanted. She had to be satisfied with the time she had with him. It would be all she’d ever have.

Strangely content, she allowed herself to drift off, to let sleep take her.

Some lucid part of her mind knew the nightmare was coming. She felt her heart begin to race as fear gripped her. But then, she suddenly realized that this one had a different feel to it. Something was off.

She walked down a dark path surrounded by trees. It was eerily quiet. She hated the stillness, the nothingness.

She was looking for something. She needed to find…what was it? It was extremely important.

With a sense of urgency, she began to run. She needed to find…Chad! She had lost him and every fiber of her being knew that she had to find him, to get him back.

She ran quicker, but seemed to get nowhere. A heaviness weighed on her heart. She stumbled and tripped. The darkness was closing in on her, threatening to consume her, to choke the life out of her. She put her arms over her head. The darkness was taking her. She opened her mouth to scream for help, but no sound would come forth.

Just when she thought she was done for, when there was no hope at all, she forced her eyes to open.

She jolted upright and squinted, trying to adjust her vision to the dark room. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized she was safe inside the Clarkson’s guest room.

As far as nightmares went, that one wasn’t so bad. It beat the hell out of having to bear witness to her mother’s crushed and bloodied body.

She glanced over at the digital clock on the nightstand—Ugh, only nine thirty, she had barely slept. She climbed out of bed and threw her clothes back on, having decided to see if Chad was still awake.

She walked down the large staircase and followed the hushed voices toward the living room. Before she reached the entrance, she noted that the voices sounded tense. She slowed her pace, not wishing to walk in on an argument.

“
Don’t you think she deserves better
?” She heard Charles ask.

“
Not really.”
It was Chad that replied. Shannon wondered whom they were talking about.

“She’s a nice girl,”
Charles said defensively.
“How can you say such a thing?”

Shannon suddenly had a gut feeling that she was the main topic of conversation, the person they were arguing about, but why would Charles be defending her to Chad? What had he said about her to make his father so defensive? She felt a knot form in her stomach. Against her better judgment, she continued to eavesdrop on their quarrel.

“Nice girl? I beg to differ,”
Chad said in a voice thick with disgust.
“Do you know
what
kind of a person she is, what she comes from?”

Shannon felt the blood drain from her body. Shock flooded her. How could Chad say such a thing about her? She truly believed that he didn’t care about her crappy upbringing. This was almost too much to bear.

“You may think you’re better than her, that you’re above her, but that’s a judgment you don’t have the right to make,”
Charles responded in an irritated voice.

“
No, you’re wrong. I know I’m better than her. I know I’d never let a shitty upbringing turn me into a poor excuse for a human.”

Shannon covered her mouth with her right hand and placed her left against the wall for support, feeling as though she would faint. Her entire body began to tremble.

“
I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
It was Elizabeth’s turn to intervene.
“You were always such a nice person. Why are you being so horrible to that sweet girl?”

“Because, Mother, I’m sick and tired of people rubbing her in my face.”

“So you’re just going to string her along, knowing all the while that you have someone else in your life?”
Charles asked.

Shannon felt her heart rip in half. How could she have believed Chad actually cared about her?

“First of all, I don’t really have someone else in my life, at least not in the way you’re implying,”
Chad countered.
“Second of all, I have every intention of ending things with her soon enough.”

Shannon turned on her heels and ran back up the stairs. She burst through the door to her assigned room and flopped onto the bed, face first. She let the bitter tears flow freely, devastated by what she had just heard.

She pulled the comforter over her body and tried to gain at least an ounce of control. How could she have been so stupid? She had let that man do anything he wanted with her body, let him use her anyway he wished. She felt her skin crawl and wished she could rip it off. She felt violated to the core. No amount of showers in the world would ever make her feel clean again.

Only one thing hurt more than her self-loathing at that moment: the broken heart, the pain of realizing that she had allowed herself to fall in love with an utter asshole. She hated herself for being so easily duped into believing his fake kindness. It had all been an act, a farce just so he could treat her like his own personal sex toy. How could someone treat another human being that way? How could anyone fuck her constantly while being so assured of his superiority?

He made it clear that he didn’t believe in romantic love. She was well aware that she was wasting her time in that department, although it was never really a choice. If she could have turned off that feeling, she would have done it already. But she really believed he cared for her in some manner. It hurt so much to be so wrong.

She thought she heard someone walking in the hallway outside the room. When the doorknob turned, she knew instinctively that it was Chad. She felt bile creep up her throat and was astounded by his blatant audacity. What gave him the right to come to her room for a cheap
‘booty call’
?

Perhaps if she just lay still, he would think she was sleeping and leave her alone.

He sat down on the side of the bed. Shannon’s body stiffened. He leaned over and moved her hair over her shoulder, touching her neck gently in the process, the contact infuriating her. Without a second thought, she jolted upright and slapped his face as hard as she could.

He touched his cheek and looked at her with confusion and shock evident in his features.

“Get away from me,” she screeched through clenched teeth.

“Shannon, what the hell?” he barked.

“Just get the fuck away from me,” she bellowed. “I swear, if you touch me again, I’ll scratch your eyes out!”

“What did I do?” he asked in a stunned voice.

Tears were streaming down her face in torrents. She didn’t even try to wipe them away. “I’m not playing around,” she warned.

“I…what did I do, please tell me?” he begged. He made a move to put his hand on her shoulder but then pull it back when she recoiled from him.

With a blank look, Chad stared back at her as though he was trying to read her expression. He bit his lip and kept his eyes locked with hers, not flinching from her hateful glare. He held up his hands in front of him. “Okay, I’m going,” he said in a soft voice. “Just calm down, I won’t bother you again.”

He crossed the room and slammed the door behind him.

Shannon sagged back down and cried until she fell asleep.

⃰   ⃰   ⃰

“Did you sleep alright?” Elizabeth asked the following morning.

“Fine, thank you,” Shannon replied. There was no disguising the concern in Elizabeth’s voice. Having already seen her swollen eyes and blotchy face in the mirror, Shannon could only imagine what was going through Elizabeth’s mind.

“Are you sure?” Elizabeth pushed.

Shannon nodded. “I think I may be coming down with something though.” She hoped that silly excuse would be enough to satisfy Elizabeth.

Elizabeth squinted infinitesimally then smiled. “We’re having breakfast in the kitchen.”

“I’m not very hungry,” Shannon responded.

“Then you can have some yogurt or fruit salad,” Elizabeth suggested.

Shannon nodded, knowing that it would be futile to refuse. One way or another, Elizabeth was going to insist that she join the Clarkson’s for breakfast.

She entered the kitchen and noticed Chad by the coffee machine, filling a mug. Charles sat at the large, round table, glancing up and down at a newspaper while chatting with Rosa.

Chad looked over at her with a wary smile. She nodded once in acknowledgement but couldn’t muster the kindness to smile back.

“Coffee?” he asked.

She nodded. “Kay,” she replied curtly.

Knowing how she took her coffee, he didn’t need to ask. He poured the milk and sugar, walked across the room and handed her a mug. “Thanks,” she said without looking at him.

“You’re welcome,” he answered. He continued to look at her as though he was expecting her to say something. “You okay?” he asked finally.

She shrugged, nodded then shook her head.

“Maybe, yes, no?” he said with a hint of humor in his voice.

She looked at him finally, but only to shoot daggers at him with her eyes.

“Okay, then,” he murmured sardonically.

Shannon was so grateful to Charles and Elizabeth for their kindness that she didn’t want to cause an uncomfortable atmosphere during breakfast. She tried her best to converse as lively as possible and to be civil with their only son.

When she and Chad entered the secluded limo, however, she withdrew into her own little corner, her body language sending a clear message that any conversation was a no-go. She sat at the far end from him, pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She leaned her head against the side of the vehicle and feigned sleep, sensing that he probably wasn’t buying the act. It mattered little to her whether he believed she was sleeping or not. It wasn’t like her ignoring him would actually hurt his feelings. She was just a poor excuse for a human. That thought sent a piercing ache through her heart, but damn it if she’d ever cry in front of him again.

When they reached his apartment, she walked straight to the guest room and slammed the door. She climbed under the covers and stretched out, feeling strangely comforted to be alone.

Some hours later, sure that she had heard the front door close and assuming that meant that Chad had gone out, she ventured out of her room in search of food. She found sliced chicken in the refrigerator along with a loaf of bread. She made a sandwich and carried it into the living room. She sat on the couch and turned on the TV. The media was all abuzz about a nor’easter that was heading in their direction. The snow could start as soon as noon the following day and continue until Sunday night with an expected accumulation of up to two feet, enough to bring New York City to a grinding halt. In the midst of her misery, Shannon felt a flutter of excitement at the prospect. It had been years since she had seen a decent snowstorm.

She spent the next hour mindlessly flicking around the channels, only half watching bits and pieces of movies and TV shows. Finally, she found something that caught her attention:
Legally
Blonde
. She remembered watching it with her brother and mother when she was a little girl. She took a moment to swallow the bitterness that was threatening to consume her. She was really and truly alone in the world. Her one and only friend turned out to be a using, slime-ball liar who found her repulsive, yet didn’t mind using her to get off.