Craving Constellations (15 page)

“Damn, Brenna. You’re more beautiful than I remembered.” His voice was low, and he was staring right at my breasts.

I was totally embarrassed. Yes, he’d seen me naked before, but that was before I’d gained the massive stretch marks across my belly. I was hoping he’d be so mesmerized by my larger breasts that he wouldn’t even look farther south. My stomach used to be so smooth and toned. I’d had a belly button piercing that I proudly showed off whenever I could. Now, I could barely look at my own stomach, and there was no way in hell I’d willingly let anyone else catch a glimpse. My prayers that he would ignore everything but my boobs went unanswered. He let go of one of my wrists, and I stood there, frozen, as he reached up to trace the thickest scar on my belly.

“Is this from your belly ring?” he asked me, still running his finger up and down the scar.

It felt weird. The skin was so thin there that it was extra sensitive.

“Yeah,” I told him, my voice husky. “I took it out when I found out I was pregnant, but it didn’t heal right away. Then, it made that stretch mark a hundred times worse.”

He nodded his head and continued to stare at my stomach. When I was about to step away from him, he raised his other hand and used both to trace the silvery lines covering my torso. He was running his fingers over them, and it reminded me of the way a blind person read braille. His eyes were narrowed in concentration, resembling something close to awe. I finally managed a step away, but I paused when he looked up to catch my eye.

“I can’t believe you had my baby. She was all curled up in here, and I never saw it.” He shook his head. “This is all I’ll ever see, Brenna. This is all I get. Let me look.”

My breath caught in my throat as he spoke, and I took a small step back toward him after he explained what he was doing. He was mapping the changes like any other dad would. He didn’t get the chance to watch me grow, so now, he was following the scars like a map of what he’d missed.

I wished I could tell him all about it. I wished I could explain that I was overly large, that this many stretch marks weren’t normal, that I rarely got to sleep because there was always a baby awake in my belly, rolling around and kicking my ribs. I wished I could tell him how scared I was when I went into labor, how alone I felt, how much I missed him. But I didn’t say any of these things because if I would’ve, it could open up a discussion that I wasn’t ready for, and I didn’t think he was either.

Pounding on the door startled me back into the present, and I quickly grabbed a nightshirt and pulled it over my head. “Just a second, Trix! What do you need, baby?” I called through the door.

“I want Papa to tuck me in tonight! Okay?” she called back to me.

For a moment, I was in shock, but quickly afterward, I was jealous. She had never asked for anyone but me. I knew he was her dad, but I’d always done this on my own. She’d never asked for Tony to do anything with her. It had always been Trix and me against the world.

Before I could answer her, Dragon did it for me. “I’ll be right out, little warrior. Get in bed!” He slowly pushed himself to his feet. “Brenna, grab me a shirt outta my bag.” He nodded his head toward the end of the bed where I saw a black duffel bag.

“You could ask, you know?” I grumbled as I unzipped it and started pawing through his clothes.

“You want Trix to see me like this?” He gestured toward his chest.

“No, but—” I started to grumble again.

“Are you really trying to start a fight with me right now? I gotta tell you, I’m not in the mood.” He swayed a little on his feet.

I tossed a shirt at him that had snaps along the front. “Whatever. Just go tuck Trix in.”

I watched as he gingerly tried to slip the shirt up his arms, but it was a struggle because the muscles in his shoulders were so broad. I watched him for a second before I went over to help him pull it up. It was hard to watch him struggle at anything; he was usually so strong and self-assured. I couldn’t stand the thought of anything bringing him low. I started snapping the shirt from the bottom to the top, and when I glanced up at his face, he was grinning at me.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you? You were bitchin’ at me about fifteen seconds ago, and now, you’re dressing me like I’m Trix.” He shook his head. “So damn sweet, baby.”

My face was on fire. Fuck, this was embarrassing. I
was
just dressing him like a five-year-old, and I didn’t even realize it.

“Why don’t you get undressed and get into bed?” he whispered as he grabbed a hold of my head with both hands. “I’ll get Trix to bed and come back and trace all of those parts I haven’t seen in so long.” He kissed my lips softly and then finished talking against my mouth. “Remember how good it was, baby? How sensitive you are on your thighs? That sweet spot right under your ass cheeks? Fuck, I can’t wait to taste you.” He gave me one last kiss, his tongue rimming my lips, before he pulled open the door and went to Trix.

I stood there for a second, my body on fire and my thoughts scrambling, before I got it together. Twice in one night, he’d made me want to climb him like a tree. My panties were uncomfortably wet, and I wanted to change, but I couldn’t decide what to wear to bed. It would probably be a good idea to change into some flannel pajamas, considering the fact that the man was beaten to a pulp earlier, but it was just too damn hot in the house for anything more than what I was wearing.

He was out of his mind if he thought I was just going to strip down and do the dirty with him. Shit. My thoughts were all over the place tonight. I didn’t want to want him. I wasn’t even sure that Trix and I would be staying here for any length of time, and there were things that Dragon didn’t know, things I needed to tell him before we got into whatever this was any deeper.

I did want him though. My body ached for him. I wanted to lose myself in him and never worry about anything ever again. I was so tired of being the strong one; it would be nice to lean on someone else for a while. The problem with leaning on Dragon was that it could become a habit. I didn’t really know him anymore—if I ever really did in the first place. One night together did not make a relationship. I needed to figure out my head before I had sex with him.
Mind-blowing, orgasm-inducing, wet, sweaty sex…shit!
I didn’t think I was going to be able to resist him, and even though it was a very, very bad idea, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to.

I could hear Trix and Dragon talking, and I decided to be a little sneaky and eavesdrop on their conversation. I was curious what they had to talk about even though I probably shouldn’t have been. Trix could talk to a tree for hours and never run out of things to say. I crept out to the hallway and stood out of sight next to Trix’s doorway.

“Today, Auntie Vera came over and brought a bunch of Mama’s stuff. She said Mama’s ass was too big to fit into her jeans.”

“Don’t say ass, Trix. Your mama would flip if she heard you.”

“Okay, I won’t say ass. Did you know that we have flowers outside? They’re in the yard. I picked Mama some before our dance party.”

“That what you were doin’ tonight? Havin’ a dance party?”

“Yup. Me and Mama have dance parties
all
the time. Mama’s a good dancer.”

“I saw you singin’. You like that music?”

“YEAH! That’s The Lumineers. They have lots of good music. I like Michael Jackson, too, but Mama says he’s dead. He’s got good music for dancing though.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll have to check him out then.” I heard a smile in Dragon’s voice. “All right, little warrior, it’s time for you to go to sleep. You want Mama to come in and kiss you good night?”

“Yeah.” I heard Trix yawn. “Can you sing me a song first? Mama always sings me a song before I go to sleep.”

“I don’t know any kid songs—”

“That’s okay! You can sing anything. Mama sings all sorts of stuff.”

“You really want me to sing? Not a good singer, little warrior.”

Trix didn’t say anything, and I could imagine her snuggled up in bed, nodding her head. There were a few beats of silence before I heard Dragon start to sing. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide a giggle and listened closely to him. It took me a second to recognize what he was singing. His voice was rough, and I could tell he was a little embarrassed even though his only audience was a four-year-old. It crashed into me like a freight train, and I held my hands to my mouth for a completely different reason as the song choice sank in.

He continued onto the second verse, and I heard Trix whisper, “‘Walk the Line’…Johnny Cash. Good choice, Papa.”

In that moment, all of my fears and apprehension disappeared as my heart swelled with emotion. I knew what I needed to know. We were his. It was as terrifying and as simple as that.

I heard him coming toward the door, and I rushed to my room, trying to pretend I hadn’t just eavesdropped on his moment with Trix. I spun around when I heard him right behind me. His eyebrows were raised to his hairline, and he was smirking at me. He knew I’d listened.

“Trix wants her mama to come give her a kiss,” he told me, searching my eyes. “See, not takin’ your place, baby. I’m just new and exciting.”

“What are you talking about?” I shook my head like he was crazy and started walking toward the door nonchalantly.

Before I could pass him, he stepped into my space and leaned down close as his hand reached up to the side of my face. God, I loved when he did that.

“Baby, I saw your face earlier. Nobody’s takin’ your place. I don’t want that place. I want
my
place. With you and with her. Okay?”

I just nodded.

He spoke so softly, and his hand was so tender on my face that I was frozen. It was like he’d put me in a trance.

“Go put our girl to bed, yeah?” His eyes darkened, and a wicked smile formed on his lips. “I got plans for us tonight.”

His words jolted me out of the fog he’d put me in, and I snorted. “Chill out there, stud muffin. You’re not getting any. Did you forget you got the shit beat out of you today?”

“None of the boys hit me in the jewels, baby. I woulda killed ’em if they did. You’re so worried, you can do all the work,” he said with a grin.

“Keep dreaming. I’m going to kiss Trix.” I walked out the door and glanced back at him. “I’ll help you with your clothes when I get back.”

“Fuck yeah, you will,” he mumbled as he glanced down at the cell phone he’d pulled out of his pocket.

I found myself shaking my head at him for what seemed like the eighty-fifth time tonight. It was either that or laugh. I wasn’t sure how we had gotten to this point—this domestic bliss, putting the kids to bed, sleeping together point. I knew I should be fighting it. Things were moving too quickly. I was keeping secrets, and all of this was going to blow up in my face one way or another. But I just couldn’t stop myself from being glad that he was here. He made me feel safe and wanted. It was a heady feeling.

When Brenna went to kiss Trix good night, I popped a couple of pills Doc had sent home with me. I had forgotten that I even had them until Grease texted me to remind me that Doc said to take two. I had a pretty high tolerance for any drugs. I thought it was probably because I’d built it up over the years. Most shit I’d dealt with didn’t require anything but bourbon to soothe the aches though. Today was the exception.

If I were going to sleep, I would have just dealt with the pain. It felt a little like a badge of honor or some shit like that. It was nice to have this shit off my shoulders, like I could finally have Brenna because I’d paid my dues. The pain was temporary, but it meant that no one was going to be in my way with Brenna. She was mine. She’d been mine for five fuckin’ years, and now, if I wanted to be a douche, I could climb to the top of the clubhouse and shout it from the rooftop. Like I said, if I was going to sleep, I’d welcome the pain. But I wasn’t going to sleep. I was going to wait for Brenna to get her ass back in here, and then I was going to taste every inch that I’d missed for five years. For that, I needed some fuckin’ pain relief.

When she finally walked in, she seemed preoccupied. She was looking at the floor, and her eyebrows were practically meeting at the top of her nose. I sat there, watching her for a minute, and when she didn’t look up, I caught her attention.

“Trix asleep?”

I wasn’t starting shit if Trix was awake. I loved my baby girl, but she’d proven more than once that she had no sense of timing. She’d be knocking on the door right as things were getting good if she were still awake.