Covet (21 page)

S
carlet met
Thisbe’s adoptive parents two weeks before going into labor. After talking to Dr. Sanders, she’d made some calls and a day later Paul and Melissa Holloway showed up at Vanessa’s apartment to meet their possible future baby mama.

Dr. Sanders had known Melissa since their days in boarding school and also knew they’d struggled with infertility for almost a decade. All they wanted in the world was to have a baby and adoption seemed like the best choice for them.

But it hadn’t been an easy road. That day on Vanessa’s couch, Melissa told Scarlet the stories. Three times they’d been so close to getting their baby and each time the birth mother had changed her mind. Their heart had been broken so many times the last couple of years, but they were determined to never give up on their dream.

“I probably shouldn’t be sharing all of this with you,” Melissa said, wiping the tears from her cheeks with a tissue. Her husband Paul wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head. Scarlet’s heart sank thinking about how many times Barrett had made that same move.

“I’m glad you are,” Scarlet said. “You’re obviously so committed to being parents. It’s actually inspiring.”

Melissa smiled, “I was always told you should only have kids if you can’t imagine
not
having them. And that’s always been me. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was a kid, mothering my Cabbage Patch dolls.”

All three of them chuckled politely at the thought of a little Melissa and her dolls. Scarlet had a good feeling about them, but she needed to be assured of more.

“I don’t want to be intrusive,” she said. “But I need to know Thisbe would be taken care of. Forever.”

“Of course,” Paul said, glancing at Melissa. “Thisbe?”

Scarlet smiled, “Sorry, I named her. You can, of course, name her anything you want. It’s just… naming her helped me. You know, to get through this.”

Melissa took Scarlet’s hand, “If you give us this gift, you can name her anything you want. I actually really like the name Thisbe. It reminds me of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

Scarlet couldn’t help but take it as a sign. She was desperate to cling to any hope she could.

“Yes, well,” Scarlet said. “That would be great. Though I understand if you change your mind. I wanted to make sure you were… financially stable as well.”

Melissa blushed and looked over at Paul, “We both come from money. I mean, we met in boarding school. We both went to Ivy League schools. We have trusts. Thisbe would never have to worry about anything. We’d give her the world.”

Scarlet nodded, “Sorry, I know that’s kind of a tacky question. I just wanted to be sure. If I am giving her up it’s only because I can’t give her what you can.”

Melissa smiled, “I would feel the same. I would feel exactly the same.”

* * *

S
carlet pushed
for over two hours. She was more exhausted than she’d ever been in her entire life, but at least she wasn’t alone. Paul and Melissa showed up by hour two and were both acting as her cheerleaders, helping her gather the strength she needed to finish the job.

But for as long as it took to get to that point, the end happened very fast. Suddenly when she pushed, the nurse’s eyes grew wide and Dr. Sanders was called in to deliver. Scarlet kept pushing, she pushed so hard she was sure she was going to have an aneurysm. And when she finally felt Thisbe being pulled from her body all she could think about was Barrett. His face, his smile, and his soul all flashed across her mind and as soon as she heard Thisbe’s first cries, Scarlet let out a wail. Not just because it was finally over, but because she’d never get to recapture this moment again with him. His daughter was finally in the world, but Barrett would never know it.

The pregnancy was finished, but the grief would never end.

* * *

S
carlet was
the first to hold her. Then Melissa, and then Paul for just a moment until the nurses took Thisbe away to have her newborn testing done. There was an awkward silence when Thisbe was gone. Scarlet didn’t know what to say and she already felt completely empty. There were no more kicks. No more movement. Scarlet was a deflated balloon. She wanted to be completely alone but didn’t know how to express that without coming off as rude.

“You’re probably very tired,” Melissa said. “We can leave you to rest. Paul wanted to grab lunch downstairs anyway.”

Scarlet looked at her, “Yes, if it’s okay. I might sleep a bit.”

Melissa took her hand, tears in her eyes, “I know this is hard, Scarlet. I can’t tell you how grateful we are. If there’s anything we can possibly do, just tell us.”

Scarlet tried to smile but it was impossible, “Thank you. Resting is enough for now.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, she wept.

* * *

T
hisbe was back an hour later
, all tiny and sleepy, her eyes closed as the nurse placed her swaddled body into Scarlet’s arms. Melissa and Paul hadn’t returned yet, and Scarlet was grateful. She knew their moments alone would be limited and she needed to tell her some things and soak this time in.

“Thisbe,” Scarlet whispered to her. “Hello, sweet angel. I’m your momma.”

Thisbe’s eyes fluttered open for a moment, a peaceful look on her face.

“You’re more beautiful than I ever imagined anything could be,” Scarlet laughed. “It makes my bones hurt, looking at you. How can I give you up, sweet girl? How will I do this?”

Tears fell down her face onto Thisbe’s pink swaddle. She lightly kissed the soft spot on top of her head, watching it rise up and down with each baby breath.

“I want you to know,” Scarlet said, a catch in her throat. “This will be the hardest thing I ever do. And I don’t want to do it. With every cell in my body, this pains me. I love you so much, Thisbe. I see you, and I know there’s something bigger than all of us. Because you’re the most heavenly thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. You’re all the best things in the world wrapped into one. And you need to know this- you are loved. Beyond measure, beyond time, beyond life itself. And you were created by the most intense and beautiful love I have ever known. There’s nothing in this world that can take that away from you because it is
you
, Thisbe. You are love come alive. You are the piece of my heart I thought was gone brought back to life. And even if I can’t be with your Daddy.” Scarlet was sobbing now. “Even if I can’t be with him, I can somehow make it through this because I know you exist. You’re the proof that life is beautiful and magical and priceless. You are the thing that we made that will never die. Because one day, sweet girl, you will find love too. And you will make your own babies and they will make their own and none of us ever go away. Not when we continue to love and be loved.” Scarlet rocked her sleeping cherub, quietly crying against her soft head.

“And never doubt it. Daddy would have loved you just as much. He would have given you the moon and more, Thisbe.” Thisbe’s eyes fluttered again and Scarlet smiled.

“As long as you know that,” Scarlet said. “You’ll never feel alone. You’ll never know the soul crushing heartbreak that I will know as soon as you leave my arms.”

* * *

M
elissa and Paul
had come back soon after that. They all slept in the room together. Scarlet didn’t completely blame them. They were probably scared to death that Scarlet was going to change her mind.

If only she had that choice.

The next day their lawyer came in, paperwork was signed, and Thisbe was adopted. Scarlet held her one last time before handing her over to a weeping Melissa.

“Scarlet, thank you,” Melissa said. “You will see her as much as you want to. I’ll send photos and you can visit. And when she’s older she’ll hear how much her mother loved her to give her up like this. I can never repay you for what you’ve done for us.”

Scarlet smiled. She had no tears left.

“Just take care of our girl,” she said. There was nothing left to say.

B
ack at the hotel
, Scarlet could barely look at Barrett. He’d meant what he said, she knew that. And it wasn’t that she blamed him for how he felt. It just made her feel sick to know that this was going to ruin yet another family’s life.

And she couldn’t help but blame herself for that.

“Scarlet,” he wrapped his arms around her as she sat on the plush king bed in their suite at The Hermitage. “What can I do? To fix this somehow so that you’re happy?”

Scarlet looked at his face, always so genuine. Her love for him was something timeless, as if she’d loved him for thousands of years and through hundreds of lifetimes. But she doubted it could have ever been this hard.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Make time move backwards? Make it so I never gave her up at all?”

He pulled her on top of him, kissing her neck, “I wish I could do all of that. Maybe one day I can buy us a time machine and make this all okay.”

“If anyone could, it would be Barrett Evers,” she said against his neck. “Now please. Take the pain away. Hold me and kiss me and do things to my body that no one else on earth is capable of. Let me forget about what’s happening for a while.”

* * *

T
hey had
dinner in their room that night, discussing how they thought the meeting in the morning would go with the Holloways.

“It’s going to be tense,” Scarlet predicted. “I just don’t want to confuse Thisbe. We need to be slow for her sake.”

“I agree,” Barrett said, swiping a piece of mozzarella from Scarlet’s Caprese salad. “So I guess I should wait on booking Disney for a day? I was thinking of renting out the whole park.”

Scarlet rolled her eyes, “Um, yeah. I would hold off on that for a couple of visits.”

He laughed, “I’m going to be insane. She’s going to be obnoxiously spoiled. But not just with stuff. I had all the stuff and I was still screwed. I am going to spoil her with attention. She’ll never go a day without seeing my face. I plan on being a fucking helicopter parent to the 100
^th
degree.”

Scarlet laughed, “I love you. She, however, will probably not love that, starting around the age of twelve. I’ll do my best to save her.”

Scarlet couldn’t help but be content talking about her future. She never thought she’d feel this way again. Five years ago she’d been so excited about life. And since then she’d been anything but. But now that she had Barrett back again and maybe soon to have Thisbe, in whatever capacity that would be, she couldn’t help but allow herself to be happy for once.

* * *

T
he next morning
they woke up early and picked at a light room service breakfast, nerves killing their appetite.

Scarlet tried her hair up, then down, unable to get it quite the way she wanted it. Barrett walked over to her. He had on a light blue collared shirt and jeans. She loved when he wasn’t so buttoned up. He kissed her and touched her face, setting her at ease.

“Scarlet, you’re beautiful. Staring at that mirror all day isn’t going to change that. Let’s go see Thisbe,” he said.

Scarlet nodded her head and they embraced. Barrett held her until her heart stopped pounding quite so hard against his chest.

The town car left downtown Nashville and headed through rolling green hills into the exclusive Belle Meade neighborhood, an area that impressed even the worldly Barrett Evers.

Scarlett chuckled to herself and Barrett gave her a quizzical look, “I was just thinking, maybe you could buy one of these plantations and I could live the life my name predestined me to live. Although I’m short a “t” to be Scarlett O’Hara. But then you’d have to be Rhett, and that’s your dad, and that’s where my daydream falls completely apart. But this wouldn’t be such a bad place to live, for a girl to grow up, I mean, right?” Scarlet pondered, hopefully.

Barrett pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. “I love you. Thank you for this. For Thisbe. For everything you’ve done.”

Realizing they were getting close, Scarlet pulled out her phone and dialed Melissa Holloway’s number, whispering to Barrett in the process. “Shit, I was supposed to call them when we were leaving to let them know we were on the way.”

“I can have the driver take us around the neighborhood for a few minutes if you think it would be the polite thing to do,” Barrett offered.

Scarlet shook her head and scanned her phone for Paul’s number. “It’s odd, Melissa didn’t answer. But I guess with a four year old running around it’s not always easy to get the phone.”

Barrett brushed stray hair out of Scarlet’s face as she waited for Paul to pick up. The town car’s driver interjected, “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience, this is the street, but there’s some sort of emergency ahead. I don’t think we can get through.”

Scarlet and Barrett diverted their attention from each other and the sprawling green lawns and elegant homes dotting the street and noticed the lights of police cars and pair of ambulances ahead, completely out of place in the stately neighborhood.

Barrett checked the GPS on his phone. “We’re nearly there, just get as close as…oh no. Scarlet, stay here.” Barrett’s voice had a quiver Scarlet wasn’t used to, and she watched as Barrett left the car and jogged towards police tape and a man she recognized as one of the lawyers they’d had lunch with the previous day. Scarlet started to get out, but Barrett turned and ordered her back inside. “Scarlet, stay in the car!”

Scarlet sat back down, panicked, and dialed Melissa’s number again.

Four rings later, Melissa’s cheery voice instructed her to leave a message.

Barrett staggered back towards the town car, collapsing in the grass. Scarlet leapt from her seat and fell into his arms, noticing that all color had drained from his face.

“They’re…Scarlet, I’m…Scarlet, they’re dead. They’re both gone. Melissa and Paul. They’re gone.”

Scarlet screamed, a sound of desperate confusion, and clawed at Barrett’s shoulders. Her attempts to form words failed.

“They had a housekeeper show up this morning and the door was open. She found them in the garage in their car. It was running. Garden hose up the tailpipe.”

“Thisbe! She can’t be…” Sobs choked Scarlet’s voice before she could complete her sentence.

“Thisbe is missing. She wasn’t in the car, she wasn’t in the house. She’s gone, Scarlet. I’m so sorry, oh my God I’m so sorry.”

Scarlet barely heard him over the sound of her own scream.