Cover Up (20 page)

A screechy laugh from one of the neighborhood kids, loud enough to be heard through the closed window, startled him. Ivan’s door opened and closed, and Parker scrambled to stuff the money back in the box. He replaced everything in the closet. The money could sit there for a few days until he figured out what to do. Calling the police to tell them he’d found money in his closet didn’t sound exactly sane, but it might be his best course of action. In a few days. Once he’d had time to consider. Neil would accuse him of hiding his head in the sand, but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes pretending something wasn’t happening was the only way he could deal with it.

Taking a few deep breaths, he checked himself out in the mirror. Nope, he didn’t look like a guy who’d just had several thousand dollars in cash materialize in his closet.

I
VAN
was poking through the fridge when he got downstairs. Maybe Parker could help with dinner, assuming he hadn’t been completely blown off.

“Hey, Ivan, you’re home early.”

Ivan whirled, nearly whacking his head on the freezer door handle. “What, oh, hi, Parker. I didn’t hear you.”

Parker somehow managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. Way to state the obvious.

“How was work?” Probably he should just ask where Ivan had been, instead of giving him an easy out.

“Work? Oh, right, yes, work was fine. Busy.”

Busy. That’s why he was home before Parker. Uh-huh. And his obvious confusion over the question pained Parker. Did Ivan really think Parker completely incapable of recognizing a lie when he heard it? He didn’t want to ask this, but Ivan’s jumpiness made it necessary for his peace of mind.

“Um, can I ask you a question?”

The small movement Ivan gave might have been a shrug, Parker couldn’t quite tell, but the attitude of exaggerated boredom hurt.

“It’s… well… have you been in my room?” The second he blurted out the words, he wanted to grab them back. He sounded so accusatory, but he just had no explanation for the money and wanted to rule out Ivan.

No longer bored, Ivan straightened and glared. “That would be an invasion of your privacy. Besides, you made it quite clear I am not welcome in your room.”

Was this all because he slept in his own room last night? Why would Ivan care? Still, if explaining his condition would put things right with the tentative friendship, and—dare he hope—relationship they were developing, Parker would admit it and hope it didn’t put Ivan off.

“Look, about last night—”

Ivan waved a hand. “No. You don’t need to say anything. It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened, and it won’t happen again. We’re good.”

Parker blinked, but before he could shake off his shock, Ivan had grabbed an apple and disappeared upstairs like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels.

A mistake. He was always a fucking mistake. The best night of his life shouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t happen again. Parker hadn’t even had a chance to ask if Ivan would be auditing more classes. Clearly that had been a ploy to get him to let his guard down. The only comfort—and it was so petty he could hardly call it comfort—was that Parker had had two orgasms to Ivan’s one. Then again, maybe it was Parker’s lack of experience that had turned Ivan off. Bad lay was a label he didn’t much care for, especially with Ivan. At least Ivan had cut him off before he’d admitted to his sleep apnea, which would make his humiliation complete.

With shaking fingers, he drew out his cell phone and called Alicia.

“Um, hey, you interested in hanging out tonight?” The last thing Parker wanted was to spend the evening trying to avoid Ivan.

“Well, I was going to go to a movie with Chris and Thom. You’re welcome to join us.”

“Are you sure? What about Thom?” He didn’t want to hurt the guy, but he sure wasn’t going to leap into bed with him.

“He’ll be fine. He’s a nice guy, although he may try to get you to change your mind about Ivan.”

It wouldn’t work. It would take time to get over his silly infatuation with Ivan, and one night with a nice guy wasn’t going to cut it. But it would keep him from thinking about Ivan and his hurtful behavior. At least, Parker hoped it would.

“What time?”

“Want to meet at Lettie’s in an hour? We’re grabbing a bite first.”

“Sure.”

Parker disconnected the call and drummed his fingers against the counter. An hour. If he left now, he could hang out at the bookstore or a coffee shop or something until it was time to meet his friends. He had no interest in waiting around here. He briefly considered leaving Ivan a note, but clearly the man didn’t give a shit what Parker did, or when or who he did it with.

He tucked his phone back in his pocket, made sure he had his wallet, and left.

I
VAN
was a shit. He couldn’t handle this. He’d regretted his outburst within minutes of having it and had gone back downstairs to apologize, but Parker was nowhere to be found. He’d tried waiting up, even if it meant seeing Parker and Neil come home together, even if it meant watching them go into Parker’s room together. But his restless, nightmare-filled sleep had only left him more and more tired each day, and he fell asleep before Parker had gotten home. For a change, though, his dreams had been filled with a variety of erotic movies starring him and Parker.

He’d greeted the morning no more rested than usual, but instead of being drenched in a cold sweat, his pajamas had been sticky with cum. After cleaning up, he wandered downstairs with bleary, gritty eyes to discover Parker had already left. Or perhaps he’d never come home. And that thought had ached like a tooth with an abscess all day. He’d tried not to think about it but the ache didn’t go away.

Today had been hard enough without so many flavors of Parker-induced guilt coating him. He’d had to endure another damned SIU interview, had to lie his way through yet another useless therapy session, and then, on his circuitous route home, he’d been trapped on a bus when an accident snarled traffic. Finally, when he’d been about ready to punch the guy who kept bumping into him as the heat and body odor increased with every minute, Ivan pushed his way out of the bus. He hadn’t trusted his mood with commuters who couldn’t keep their fucking bags to themselves, so he’d walked again. The intermittent clouds gave a bit of break in the heat.

When he realized his feet had taken him to the university campus, and he was mentally following a map to get him to Parker’s Friday afternoon class, he growled and forced himself to walk past the stadium, then the Bata Shoe Museum, which his sisters loved, and went into the first pub he found.

The cool, dark interior soothed his jangled nerves, and a beer or two could only help. Once he was calm, once he’d given Parker enough time to get home, Ivan would follow and apologize. Parker had cheated, and Ivan could hardly blame him for not wanting to repeat the mistake. Being the other man was a position Ivan had never thought he’d ever fill, but when it came to Parker, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to say no if Parker crooked his finger.

P
ARKER
sat on the couch, arms crossed, on the fourth episode of a
Doctor Who
marathon. Normally, he could lose himself for hours in his favorite sci-fi shows, but instead, he kept obsessively checking the time. He’d been hoping to come home to… a home. Since Ivan had made him dinner the first time, coming home to Ivan had felt right. Having sex had changed everything, and he still wasn’t sure if the problem was him or if Ivan was nothing more than a closeted jerk. He’d stayed late after class, loitering in a coffee shop, hoping he’d find Ivan preparing dinner when he walked in the door, but the house had been empty. Completely empty. If they couldn’t get past this, how could they continue to live in the same place? Parker would be willing to pretend they’d never had sex if he could get his new friend back. He missed Ivan.

Paranoid, he’d even checked Ivan’s room when he got home, to make sure his stuff was still there. That he hadn’t moved out without a word. Logic told him that moving out would be an extreme reaction, but then, he’d never wanted someone to stay so much.

As the shadows lengthened and time marched on, Parker had to concede that Ivan might not be coming home. Hell, he might even have a date. Would Ivan date a guy, or was he truly in the closet far enough that he’d try to get involved with another woman? Parker wrapped his arms around his stomach and rocked to stave off the sudden stab of pain the thought caused.

He should have said yes to Thom. Thom had gotten him alone at the movie last night—which had actually felt alarmingly like a double date—and asked him out for tonight. Parker had actually had to use the phrase “it’s complicated” for the first time in his life. When had his sex life ever been complicated? Never. Even now, alone in this empty house, perhaps it wasn’t so complicated after all. Ivan wasn’t here. Ivan didn’t want him, not for anything other than getting his rocks off.

Thom had been very sweet about the rejection, and if only Alicia or Chris had pointed out Thom earlier, maybe he’d have been involved in a relationship. Maybe he wouldn’t have advertised for a roommate, and he’d never have met Ivan.

His heart twisted. Never knowing Ivan was… unthinkable. Somehow, his emotions had gotten over-involved with Ivan, and now he was facing his own rejection. Maybe he should reconsider. Call Thom and see if he was still available. With Thom, perhaps he could uncomplicate his sex life. Put Ivan back in roommate status where he belonged instead of considering him potential boyfriend material.

One day, he’d be able to picture living here with someone other than Ivan, even if he hadn’t quite been able to picture sleeping next to Ivan while wearing his wretched fighter pilot mask.

The front door opened with a bang, and Parker sprang to his feet, mood lightening in an instant.

“Ivan?”

“Oh, fuck, no.” Neil bustled into the kitchen, laden with grocery bags. “How could you possibly mistake me for that old fart?”

Parker ignored the clearly rhetorical question. “What are you doing here?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Nice to see you too.”

“What’s all this?” Parker stood back while Neil unloaded bag after bag of snacks, specialty beer, and top-shelf liquor.

“We’re having people over tonight. A party.”

Closing his eyes, Parker counted to ten. Then twenty. “A party? Why here?”

“I want to make a good impression. They’re possible investors in the business, and my place is too small.”

A real friend wouldn’t point out that Neil could afford a better apartment if he didn’t spend so much money on clothes, shoes, and weed, so he remained silent.

“I don’t want to have anyone over.”

“For God’s sake, Parker. You’re even more of a boring old fart than your roommate.”

Boring old fart? None of those words described Ivan. “That’s a little excessive.”

“Oh whatever, Parker. You’re going to dry up into one of those ‘get off my lawn’ geezers before you’re even twenty-five. You need to get laid, and I need investors. There are potentials for both coming in….” Neil twisted his wrist to check the time on yet another expensive toy. “Less than thirty minutes. So help me get this place ready, okay?”

Parker didn’t move. He’d never really said no to Neil before. Grateful to Neil for his friendship, Parker usually let Neil have his way. As much as he didn’t feel up to socializing, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to meet some of the guys Neil thought he might hit it off with. After all, he wasn’t doing so well in selecting his own sexual partners. And he really didn’t have anything else to do but sulk in front of the television. Which was all kinds of pathetic.

“Fine. Give me the chips.” He dumped them into bowls and took them out to the living room. Neil followed him with dishes of nuts.

“And turn off that geekazoid shit.” Neil didn’t wait for Parker to obey, but picked up the remote and changed it to one of the cable music stations. Not the same one Ivan liked, and Parker almost pinched himself for thinking about Ivan again. “Only fat fucks like that futuristic shit, and you can do better than that.”

Parker bit his lip against the reply he’d been tempted to make. Not that long ago, Parker had been one of the fat fucks Neil spoke of so contemptuously, but that had nothing to do with tastes in entertainment, no matter how Neil liked to generalize. Tonight he’d see who Neil invited for him, and tomorrow he could call Thom and set up a date.

O
NE
beer had given way to five. Or six? Maybe seven, along with a plate of nachos to soak up the alcohol. Ivan usually ate healthy low-fat food, but the greasy, cheese-covered chips had been perfect. Maybe it was his equivalent of drowning his sorrows with ice cream. By the time night fell, he’d watched an entire baseball game. Although he couldn’t remember the team or score if his life depended on it, the server knew his name, and he was pleasantly buzzed. Able to face Parker—and Neil, if he had to.

He walked back to Parker’s place, music from a nearby party hitting his ears. Seemed early for that kind of ruckus. His watch, though, said otherwise. Shit, it was almost eleven. Not too late for a party, but he’d definitely spent longer in that pub than he’d realized.

When he turned up the walkway, it took him a few moments to realize the party was coming from Parker’s house. What the hell? Didn’t the roommate at least deserve a warning? Or an invite? Surely that was the polite thing to do. A flash of white fabric in the narrow pathway between Parker’s house and the neighbor’s gave him a reprieve from entering.

With some remnants of stealth, he crept around the side of the house. The sight that greeted his eyes held him in place for a moment. Neil was on his knees in the dirt, sucking a dick which did not belong to Parker. Elation flooded him, that maybe Parker could be convinced to dump Neil, but quick on its heels was anger that Neil would cheat on Parker. Then confusion, because Parker had cheated too. God, he was so fucking confused, and the alcohol swimming in his brain wasn’t helping. Whipping out his phone, he snapped a picture. Just in case Parker needed proof, although just having the picture was pathetic and petty.