Cover Up (28 page)

The watery reflection of Kurt materialized on the glass to his right.

“He’ll be okay, won’t he?” He couldn’t bear it if his actions put Parker into more danger than they’d already survived.

“Should be. No reason for Parker to be any more than a blip on Razhin’s radar.”

Kurt wouldn’t lie to him, and at the moment, he couldn’t trust his own reasoning.

“I was….” Ivan coughed uncomfortably. How did you admit to your friends you were losing your mind? “There was no conspiracy. No one was suspicious. No one was watching the house, were they?”

“No. They weren’t. Neil was trying to interest them, but he hadn’t gotten too far along with that plan.”

Parker took one furtive glance over his shoulder, up toward the building, before getting into the cab.

“I think you should have talked to him.” Kurt’s hand was warm on his shoulder.

“I couldn’t.” Ivan touched the cool glass with a finger.

“He might have been willing to wait.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m too fucked up, and even if he was willing to wait, we couldn’t have contact until the trial was over. I couldn’t ask him to wait years. Not for me. We only knew each other two weeks. He’ll survive.”

A gentle squeeze before Kurt’s hand withdrew. “But will you?”

God. Wasn’t that the question. Foolish to be in so deep so quick, but perhaps that was testament to how fucked up he’d become. He pressed his forehead to the cool glass as his eyes burned. He refused to blink until the cab disappeared from sight. The ache of missing Parker had already begun, but he might as well get used to it. He’d have to learn to live with the ache for the rest of his life.

“Where’s Nadar?” Answering Kurt’s rhetorical question would have been pointless.

“In his office.”

Ivan nodded. He’d had hours to consider his next course of action, and all it had taken was a few moments at his desk to complete it.

“Thanks.” He turned to Kurt and looked him straight in the eye. The thanks was for more than just answering his question. If it weren’t for Kurt’s help, he’d be under arrest right now, and definitely fired. This way he could leave on his own terms.

“Any time, Ivan.”

O
UTSIDE
Nadar’s office, Ivan halted and rapped on the door.

“Enter.” Nadar’s tone was brisk but not unfriendly, though the man had every right to be pissed at Ivan right now. Not only had his drama made Nadar come in on the weekend, but he’d had to get involved in a very unpleasant business.

Ivan hovered by the chair, but what he had to do wouldn’t take very long. No point in getting comfortable.

“Can you please direct this to the appropriate people?” Ivan placed an unsealed envelope on the desk.

Nadar frowned and pointed at the chair. “Sit.” He picked up the envelope and extracted the letter, frown deepening as he read.

Ivan preferred not to, but he owed Nadar for standing up for him and Parker. For the time being, Nadar was his superior officer. He sat.

“No,” Nadar said.

“What do you mean, no?” Of all the responses, he hadn’t expected that one.

“I mean, no.” Nadar slipped the envelope into a desk drawer. “You are not in any condition to make this kind of decision. You’ve been under tremendous strain, and you’ve not been able to get any benefits from the prescribed therapy because of the situation you were forced into. If you quit, the city will be poorer for it, and I want you to be able to assess all your options. Go to therapy. Take some time to rest, for real this time. Then we’ll see.”

Ivan shook his head. “You don’t understand. I was thinking about this before. Undercover wears on you, and I just can’t take it anymore. Besides, coming back to a new superior, after what transpired… it’s not going to be long before everyone realizes I’m to blame.”

Martelli had been a popular officer, despite his constant thoughts of how his actions would affect his chances for election.

“Not your fault. At all. But I understand your concerns. You, and your partner, if she wishes to transfer, will be welcome in my department. Homicide requires very little in the way of undercover work, and the change might do you good. One month. Let’s regroup in one month, and we’ll see where you are and if you still feel the same way.”

Was this a much needed reprieve or were they merely prolonging the agony? Still, it couldn’t hurt to follow Nadar’s directives. The mood swings, hair trigger temper, and nightmares needed to be addressed. He’d much rather have insurance with which to do so.

“One month.” That wasn’t too much to give Nadar, although he didn’t have much hope he’d change his mind.

I
VAN
lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t quite recall when he’d last showered, ate, or anything. Yesterday had been a blur of interrogation and pain. Yesterday he’d said good-bye to Parker, and already the days stretched out before him, eons of loneliness. The last time he’d showered was at Parker’s, a lifetime ago.

Every thought of Parker made his stomach roil with regret. Eating was completely out, and so far the only thing that helped was staring at the blank ceiling, pushing all other thoughts from his mind. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stay here forever. Sanchez was expecting him later this afternoon for an emergency session.

Twisting his head, he checked out his bedside clock, then sat up in bed. There was no good reason for all his muscles to ache like he was coming down with the flu. If he didn’t get up now, he wouldn’t have time to pick up his phone from Rick before his appointment, and it was unlikely he’d be interested in talking to anyone afterward.

If he’d still had a landline, he’d have called Rick and asked him to drop it by, but he really shouldn’t be without his phone.

After stretching his ancient, creaky muscles, Ivan pulled on some clothes and shuffled his way to the apartment’s parking structure.

“
I
VAN
, what are you doing here?” Rick’s light-blond hair was tousled, and he appeared to have pulled on a pair of jeans in haste.

“Sorry, is this a bad time?” Sure it was two on a Monday afternoon, but Rick’s work schedule was fluid, which had made it easy for Ivan to hook up with him more than once. On the job, Ivan’s hours were seriously fucked up.

“No, it’s fine. Come on in.” Rick ushered him in, a frown on his face.

“I just need my phone.” He wasn’t going to win any awards for small talk today.

“Sure thing, honey. You got a lot of calls, but other than that, nothing unusual. I don’t think. Should I still be on the lookout? What happened?”

Ivan followed him to the kitchen where Rick pulled his phone and charger off the counter.

“It’s a long story.” One he couldn’t bear to talk about yet. “Everything’s fine, now.”

“Fine?” Rick pulled Ivan’s phone back toward his body. “Honey, you do not look fine. Where’s that sweet thing you moved in with? Shouldn’t he be taking care of you?”

Ivan bit back a gasp. Thinking about Parker was like a toothache. Every time he touched it, the pain flared, sharp and hot, before it receded to a dull ache he couldn’t quite ignore.

Rick’s eyes filled with sympathy. The man tried not to care about people, but somehow, Ivan had slipped past his defenses. “Oh, big boy. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Where are you off to now?”

“Doctor’s appointment.”

One blond brow rose. “Okay, good. Because, honey, you look like boiled hell.”

Ivan let out a rusty chuckle. Most people might have thought Rick’s words harsh, but Ivan sensed the caring in the tone. Rick did his best to keep his interactions on a light note and made a special effort not to get romantically attached. Something about it scared the crap out of him. If Rick had ever gone through what Ivan was going through now, he didn’t blame him one bit for his reluctance.

“I’m okay.” Or he would be if he kept repeating the mantra.

“I’ll take your word for it. For now.” Rick sidled up next to him, seemingly unable to turn off the auto-flirt. “But let me know if I can cheer you up. Anytime, big boy, anytime.”

Ivan’s lips curled into what he hoped was a smile but likely didn’t make it past a grimace. “Thanks, Rick, but….”

The flirt fell away, and Rick hugged him. “You let me know. They say the best way to get over a guy is to get into another. Or something like that.”

Another rusty chuckle escaped, and Rick smiled. “I’ll let you get into me whenever.”

“Thanks, Rick.” Ivan tucked his phone and charger into his pockets.

Time to face the shrink. Sanchez wouldn’t accept his claims of “I’m fine” this time. Not after Nadar had given him the complete download. He almost asked Rick for a shot of tequila, but alcohol would only make his situation worse. With a sigh, he left. Under normal circumstances, he’d have accepted Rick’s offer in a minute, but that was before he’d met Parker.

If he couldn’t have Parker, his mind and libido had decided he couldn’t fuck anyone else to try and forget. The complete opposite of his reaction after Colin left, and it sucked bad.

P
ARKER
sat on the floor in the wreckage of his living room. Amazing how much could be destroyed in less than an hour. His lawyer and insurance agent had both assured him he was lucky. That it could have been worse. After all, they hadn’t burned the house down. Leo and his buddy could have vandalized the entire place, but instead they’d engaged in a thorough and destructive search for the money. Perhaps if they’d been left in his house any longer—and he’d be eternally grateful to Kurt that they weren’t—they might have moved on to destruction for its own sake. Structurally, the place was sound. Walls, doors, and windows were intact. However, they’d slashed every mattress, pillow, and cushion open. Broken most of his electronics. Emptied the contents of every drawer and cupboard onto the floor. Hadn’t affected his clothes much, but he didn’t have a single plate or glass left.

He’d given Neil a number of free passes over the years, but knowing Neil was responsible made it easy for Parker to harden his heart against his longtime friend. Neil may have been his friend at one point, but when the gambling debts put him afoul of the Russian mafia, he’d had no qualms about paying them off and starting a new venture at Parker’s expense. If only Neil had asked. Parker would have helped him, but it was obvious Neil had expected him to ultimately take the fall.

Neil’s debt had destroyed his credit rating, and Parker might still end up having to pay it back, although with Neil arrested, there was a good possibility he’d come through this financially unscathed. Eventually. Without Ivan to vouch for him, Parker could very well have ended up the scapegoat Neil had intended.

More alone than he’d ever been, he wanted to hate Ivan for all the hurt he’d caused, but next to Neil’s perfidy, he couldn’t. Ivan hadn’t done any of it maliciously, not like Neil. More than anything, Parker wanted Ivan back in his life, but Ivan didn’t want him. Their relationship—of sorts—was over. His lawyer had even applauded Ivan’s decision, which strangely made Parker soften toward Ivan and hate his lawyer, just a bit.

The doorbell rang, breaking up Parker’s depressing contemplation of his house. He hoisted himself to his feet. Probably the insurance adjuster.

Parker yanked at the unyielding door to reveal Alicia.

“Parker!” Alicia hugged him. “Missed you in class today. I have a favor to ask, so I thought I’d stop by, since you didn’t answer my text.”

Huh. He must have accidently turned his phone off. “Sorry. It’s been a crazy weekend.”

“Was it?” Alicia waggled her brows, and Parker snorted.

“Not like that.” Or at least not Saturday or Sunday. He stepped back and gestured for her to enter.

“Holy shitballs, Parker. What the fuck happened?”

“It’s a long story.” One he wasn’t ready to tell yet, although telling someone might make it a little more believable. Someday he’d tell her, but today the wound was too raw. He’d lost too much. “Basically, my house got broken into, and they trashed the place.”

“Oh no! Are you okay? Did they catch the guys?”

“I’m fine.” Mostly. “And yes, they caught the guys.”

Normally he’d offer her a seat, but there wasn’t anyplace to sit. Alicia stepped over the debris, assessing the damage.

“What was the favor?”

Alicia glanced up at him. “Oh, well, Chris and I decided to move in together, but my lease is up soon and his has a few more months. I was going to ask you if I could rent out your extra room until his lease was up. I can’t move into that tiny place with him and Thom—the bathroom itself might spawn a brand-new life form—but I’ll figure something else out.”

The world, which had seemed so very bleak a moment ago, became a little more friendly and warm.

“No, why? You can still move in. But instead of rent, can you help me get this place back in order?”

“Are you sure?” Alicia looked around as though she’d misplaced something. “Hey, where’s Ivan?”

His tiny smile fell away. “That’s part of the long story. Ivan moved out.”

Parker hiccupped. Tears had been fighting to break free for hours, but his last statement let them escape. Alicia let out a tiny sound of distress and pulled him into a hug.

“Please tell me Ivan didn’t do this.”

“No.” The word came out more watery than he would have liked, but he’d never been good at being an emotionless macho man.

“Oh, good.” Alicia sighed. “I liked him.”

“Me too. But we’re done.” Parker was still pissed. Ivan had gotten him to fall in love. He’d never realized it could happen so fast, but it had; then Ivan had disappeared from his life. In a way, he was almost thankful for the distraction of his home repairs. “Will you move in? Help me?”

“Of course I’ll help. Chris and Thom will help, too, I know it.”

Which meant he’d have to talk to Thom, let him know he wasn’t ready for any sort of dating or relationship. At least any friend of Chris’s wouldn’t be a dick about it, not like Neil’s friends.

Alicia kissed his temple and drew back, wiping tears from his face with her hands like his mom used to do. “Let’s get started now. What’s the most urgent?”