Courage in the Kiss (22 page)

By the time the taxi stopped outside the house, Hadley had lost track of her thoughts and the time. One question kept whirling around her head:

What would she tell Maxx?

He didn’t love her. He didn’t even want to date her, never mind marry her. And now, now they didn’t have any choice about what their future might be. She was pregnant and they’d forever be this baby’s mother and father. Even if they never saw each other again, there would always be that connection between them.

“Doll,” the taxi driver said from the front seat. “That’ll be seven forty,” he reminded her.

Since she didn’t know how long he’d been waiting to get paid, Hadley dug into her purse and handed over a ten pound note. “Keep the rest,” she told him, too frazzled to figure out what the change might be or if she was going to get stiffed. She’d rather just not deal with it right now.

She briefly caught a nod from the taxi driver, in thanks, as she stepped out and remembered to grab her bag and jacket.

Her mind was a mess, but she knew that there was one thing she desperately needed to do right away and that it would probably be the hardest thing she’d ever done.

Her legs wobbled as she walked into the house and straight into the study, where she knew Emerson was spending the afternoon. He’d told her, before she left for her appointment, that he had work to do, but it was better to interrupt him and say what needed said rather than wait until later.

Hadley was done waiting. She didn’t have time for waiting anymore.

She walked into the study and took a seat on the sofa by the window. “Emerson, I need you to put that down and come sit with me for a minute,” she explained, though he had his back to her.

“Just a moment, dear,” Emerson called back.

“No. I’m sorry, but it has to be now,” Hadley told him. She wasn’t going to let him avoid this or keep treating her like a second class citizen, just because he wasn’t getting his way with the adoption.

Emerson turned with a frown, but actually got up and made his way to the single armchair across the coffee table from her. He sat stiffly, his hands on the arms of the chair, and waited for her to speak.

But now that she was here, Hadley felt the tears burning the back of her eyes and couldn’t help but blurt out the truth. “I’m pregnant,” she said, struggling to hold her emotions at bay.

She wanted Maxx to be the first to know, but there was no chance of that. She had to get to him, to tell him in person, but she couldn’t manage it alone. This time, she’d have to take his advice and ask for help. He deserved to hear this news in person, from her. Before anyone else found out.

“What?!” Emerson shouted, then gasped and sank into his seat. He ran his hand over his mouth and stared at her in surprise, all of the anger and frustration gone. “But…how did this happen?” he stammered.

Hadley couldn’t help but laugh as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“I mean, I know how it happens, but…well, who’s the father?” he wondered softly, but his words only made her sad.

She hated that she’d kept this a secret for so long, but she knew he’d never understand. But this? This was so much worse than a fling. “Maxx,” she confessed, not at all surprised that he stared in shock.

“My Maxx?” he clarified, as though that was impossible. “But how…? I mean…but it can’t be…he…he doesn’t even like you!”

She looked away, unable to argue, but too afraid to confirm it.

Emerson sighed and leaned forward to touch his hand to hers. But when he found he couldn’t reach over the distance between the seats, he got up and sat beside her on the sofa. “I’m sorry, Hadley. I didn’t mean it how it sounded,” he apologised, patting her hand.

She couldn’t help but look back at him with a gentle smile. “It’s okay. You’re right. We’re not dating, and we’re nowhere close to getting married because he doesn’t love me,” she admitted, only to shake her head. She had to stop thinking that way. It wasn’t Maxx’s fault that he didn’t love her. “I love him, Emerson. It’s why I can’t let you adopt me, it’s why I let him kiss me, and it’s why...since the night of the party...we’ve been sleeping together,” she rambled, wiping away her tears before composing herself.

“I promise we were really careful,” she vowed quietly. “We knew that it wasn’t serious, or forever. We both went into it with our eyes open, but there were one or two times that we weren’t as careful as we should have been and I was stupid. I waited for my own doctor to prescribe the pill and never thought about the consequences,”

Hadley stopped talking when she noticed how uncomfortable Emerson looked, clearing his throat and tugging at his tie. For being retired, he couldn’t seem to get out of the habit of wearing his suit every day.

“Now that I’m pregnant, I need your help,” she confessed, getting to the point. “I want to tell him myself. He hasn’t used me or treated me unfairly. He cares about me, so I want to be the one to tell him, but I can’t afford the flight and I couldn’t bear to wait for the drive,” she hinted, not sure how to ask.

“Would you like me to fly you down to London?” Emerson offered, only for the words to spark more tears.

Silently, Hadley nodded her reply.

“Would you like me to go with you? Or, perhaps, Micah?” he suggested.

“No,” she answered, unable to bear the thought of telling Micah just yet. Not until she knew what Maxx thought. She had to face facts; he might not want to keep the baby, and then she’d be in a real mess. She was a family girl, and there was no way in hell she was having an abortion just to suit his business needs.

But the part of her that loved Maxx so unfailingly, no matter what he said or did, said that he wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t ask her to destroy her dreams.

For a long while, Emerson was silent. Then he nodded and patted her hand again. “Pack an overnight bag. Or a weekend bag, just to be sure. I’ll have the driver pick you up in half an hour and take you to the airport. I’ll call ahead and get you a private charter that can have you in London before tea time,” he offered with all the warmth and love that she remembered from her childhood.

This was the Emerson she’d always known, before the adoption issue got between them and turned him into a vindictive monster. She couldn’t have picked a better time for him to flip that switch back to normal again.

“Thank you.” Hadley grasped his hand and held on tight, overwhelmed by his kindness in this difficult moment.

“I need to ask one thing of you, Hadley, and I don’t want you to be angry with me,” he began, in all seriousness. “I’m asking for your sake. Are you sure that Maxx is the father?” he asked.

She nodded and tried to understand why he was asking. “Maxx is the only man I’ve ever...” she hinted, really hoping he wouldn’t make her finish that sentence.

“Ah.” Emerson nodded and stood up. “I rather wondered about you and Conway, for a while, when you were younger. And then, with Ronnie hanging around,” he explained, sidestepping a confession of his own.

Hadley smiled and accepted his concern. It made sense, since Maxx had thought the same thing. “Conway has always had his sights set on Abelie, since he met her after high school. We’ve never been anything but friends. And Ronnie is gay. And dating someone.”

“Very well,” he said, accepting that without argument. Either she’d shocked him, or he was trying really hard not to argue with a pregnant woman.

Emerson made his way toward the study door, then stopped and turned back. “Hadley, dear,” he spoke up. “I’m so very sorry for the things I’ve said in the past few weeks. I only said them out of love. I never wanted you to leave. I said them because I was scared of losing you,” he confessed, bringing tears to her eyes again. “But, now it all makes so much more sense than I ever realised. I should have known how you felt about Maxx. Thinking about it now, it was clear to see. But…I’m happy for you,” he smiled, giving them his blessing.

“You are?” Hadley smiled, feeling more at ease with his words.

“Yes. My dear, you and Maxx were meant to be together. I can see that just by the way you look at him,” he pointed out, making her blush with embarrassment. “I’m sure that he’ll feel the same for you, one day. And he’ll be proud to be the father of your child,” he promised.

Hadley rose from her seat and crossed to where he stood, staring at the carpet. “Thank you, Emerson,” she gushed, hugging him tight. “You have no idea how much it means to me, for you to understand.”

“Nonsense,” he huffed, using that stiff-upper-lip voice of his. “You’ve always been my little girl, and you always will be. Now, it will just be in a different capacity to what I’d imagined,” he admitted.

She hugged him tight, too overcome with emotion to speak.

The bump of the charter plane made Hadley uneasy. She grabbed the arms of her chair in a death grip and gazed out the window. Her knees tensed, clenching together, as she watched the familiar scenery of Edinburgh getting further and further away.

This was it. She was about to do the most terrifying thing in the world – tell Maxx the truth.

After everything they’d been through these last few weeks, after all the struggles, misunderstandings, and the explosion of all they felt for each other, here they were. At a crossroads that could lead to disaster, or the making of them.

She was so far beyond scared that Hadley wasn’t sure there was a word for it. This wasn’t how she’d wanted this to happen, or what she’d planned for her life. It wasn’t even remotely close to what Maxx wanted for his life.

As much as it broke her heart, Hadley knew she was temporary for Maxx. She’d never been meant as anything else, but now they didn’t have a choice.

This was going to happen, whether they liked it or not. And, God help them, it wasn’t going to be easy.

As she felt the butterflies in her stomach settling down, she let go of the arms and bit her fingernail. She’d never been this nervous in her life, but this had never happened to her before.

If Maxx didn’t take the news well, it would be the end of everything.

Maxx turned the page of his book, taking five minutes out of his afternoon to spend on himself. Hadley had recommended the book; a fantasy trilogy that she raved about, but he hadn’t had time to start them until now.

It was kind of adorable how she’d e-mailed them to him a few weeks ago, so that he could read them on his phone or his
Kindle
. So far, he’d managed to read a few chapters, by reading just a few paragraphs at a time. It wasn’t the best way to read a book, so while he had the afternoon off, until a dinner meeting in an hour, he was going to make the most of it.

Just as he started the second paragraph, there was a knock at the door.

“Typical,” he muttered to himself. He couldn’t get two minutes to himself, without someone ruining it.

Maxx added a bookmark to his
Kindle
and slipped off the bed to head for the door. When he opened it and found Hadley standing outside his room, tears streaming down her cheeks and a bag in hand, his brain stopped functioning.

“Hadley!” he gasped, instinctively reaching for her bag. She let go of it, so he threw it into the room. As soon as their hands were free, he pulled her into his arms and wondered what the hell was happening.

Had she left? She said she wouldn’t now that they were sleeping together, but maybe his dad had pushed her too far? At least if she’d run
to
him instead of
from
him, he could talk some sense into her.

“I’m so sorry, Maxx,” she apologised, as though she’d been waiting to say the words for hours. When she fell into his arms, burying her face in his neck, Maxx didn’t know what else to do but bring her inside and take care of her.

He stepped back into the room and closed the door, before slipping his right arm under her knees to lift her feet off the floor. Once he had hold of her, he carried her to the bed, where he managed to shuffle back against the headboard. He knew there was no point letting go, because she didn’t want that. He could tell from the death grip she had on his hair with one hand, and the other that wrapped around his shoulders.

“Baby, tell me what’s wrong,” he asked, holding her close and hoping that she wasn’t upset because of something he’d done. But when five minutes passed and all Hadley did was cry, he cupped the back of her head in one hand and kissed her forehead. “It’s alright…shh…” he soothed her. “Don’t cry,” he begged.

“Please don’t hate me,” she whispered, suddenly.

“Baby, I don’t hate you. Why would I?” he asked, not sure what had happened, but knowing that it probably had something to do with his father. “Did Dad do something? What makes you think I’d hate you?” he quizzed her, hoping for some answers that would make sense of how devastated she was.

Oh God! What if she’d folded under the pressure and agreed to the adoption?

“You just will...” she confessed, in a sniff. “You never wanted this. This isn’t what you signed up for,” she babbled to herself.

Maxx had no idea what to make of that, but guessed she was talking about their screwed up relationship. And he had nothing to say in protest; he was speechless and that was part of the problem. He couldn’t find the right words.

“So what are you sorry about?” he wondered, trying a new tactic to get her to talk about it. Again, she didn’t answer right away, so he touched her chin and gently tilted her head up until she met his gaze. “Baby, I can’t help you if I don’t understand what’s wrong,” he warned her.

Clearly, she wanted him with her; she wanted him to hold her and make it better. But he couldn’t do that without knowing what the problem was.

Finally, Hadley sniffed and wiped her cheeks, while moving away to sit next to him on her knees. She looked so distant all of a sudden; sitting prim and proper, as she folded her hands on her lap. She couldn’t look at him, but he heard her words all too clearly.

“I wanted to tell you myself,” she began, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I wanted you to be the first to know, but I had to see the doctor, and then I had to tell your dad so that he’d help me get here quickly,” she continued.

“Okay.” Maxx nodded his understanding of that part. He guessed that she’d lied about her doctor’s appointment and that something was wrong. Then she’d had the doctor break the news and had to tell his father what was wrong, though she wanted to speak to him first.

He understood that, so he cupped her chin and smiled. “Just tell me. I don’t care if I’m the first or fortieth person to know. Just tell me what’s wrong,” he asked, his heart stuttering in fear at the thought that there might actually be something wrong with her. Hadley had always been so healthy and perfect. It wasn’t fair that she was the one to get sick.

Hadley looked up and took a deep breath, before speaking the words that seemed to frighten her the most. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

Maxx blinked and watched another tear slip over her dark eyelashes, as he tried to make sense of those words. Two small words. That was all they were. But the impact of them was so heavy that he could barely comprehend it.

“You
do
hate me, don’t you?” she asked, suddenly.

“No!” The word burst out of him before he’d had time to think it through. And, shockingly enough, he meant it. “No, baby, I don’t hate you. We did this together. Both of us,” he reassured her.

His mind whirled with thoughts. His first thought was to blame himself for not being careful enough, for even making a move in the first place. But then he realised that this wasn’t something terrible. This was a baby. A human being that was half him and half Hadley.

This was life at its most wonderful.

“I’m so scared,” Hadley confessed as she slid closer and sat next to him. “I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I’m good enough, or…” she stammered, but she was so full of negativity that Maxx had only one reaction. He kissed her silent and waited for a response before backing away.

“You’re not alone, Hadley. You’ll never be in this alone,” he promised. He wasn’t going anywhere, and he never would. This was their baby and he would never forget that. “That’s all you need to know.”

Hadley nodded and sank sideways until she could lay her head against his shoulder.

Maxx lifted his arm and wrapped it around her, holding her close as he thought about what this all meant. It was so incomprehensible that they’d actually created a baby. They’d come together in a wave of heat and passion, to create something wonderful and unique.

He turned his head and kissed her temple, not sure what else to do. Hadley hadn’t said much, but she’d said just enough to let him know this wasn’t the development of their relationship that she’d been hoping for.

They weren’t dating, or in love, or even engaged. They weren’t even secretly in love with each other. They were sleeping together, in a non-serious fling, and forever had never been an option.

And it was so definitely the wrong time. With his dad retiring and having to take over the business, Maxx had no time for a baby. Hadley worked for his father and had no home or life of her own, so she absolutely had no time for baby. But they didn’t have a choice. The right time or not, this was happening.

He could understand why Hadley was upset. She’d dreamed of being with him her whole life, had been in love with him and imagined their future together.
This
had never been a part of that future. Having a baby with a guy who didn’t love her, would never have been a distant dream or even a nightmare for Hadley.

Now, it was their reality.

“Baby, we’re going to be okay. I promise you...” he vowed, until another thought popped into his head. He knew that it could be a disaster, but he couldn’t keep quiet when it was this important. “Had, what do you think about getting married?” he asked.

Hadley burst into tears and turned to hide her face in his arm.

Maxx kept quiet and held her close, fully aware that he’d caused this new outburst. This wasn’t how Hadley wanted to get married or have kids, but this was their life and they were going to have to deal with that.

Slowly, her brown hair bobbed in a silent nod. It was the answer he’d been hoping for and it gave them a step forward.

“Okay. Then why don’t you take a few minutes to clean up in the bathroom and I’ll cancel my appointments,” he suggested, trying to think of what was most important. And, right now, that was Hadley and the baby. They came before everything else and they always would, from this moment on. “Then, when you’re ready, we’ll head home. If we’re going to take care of you and this baby, the best place to do that is at home.”

Again, Hadley nodded but didn’t speak.

Maxx felt so guilty for putting her through this, but it was done now and he didn’t know how to apologise for not being good enough. He hadn’t given her what she needed, when she needed it, and now it was too late.

“I’m so sorry,” she said with a sniff.

“Stop apologising,” he protested. There was nothing to be sorry for, and this wasn’t anything that they should regret. “This is life, baby. This is
our
life. And, you know what? I don’t regret this. I don’t think you getting pregnant is a terrible thing or something that you should apologise for. We’re adults and we made a mistake by not being careful, sure. But we can do this. We can be amazing parents,” Maxx promised, talking her through the best parts of this unexpected news.

“But...do you even...want to be?” Hadley asked, sounding breathless through her tears.

Maxx didn’t need to think about that. Just as before, the answer came unbidden, as though by instinct. “Yes,” he answered honestly. “This baby is a gift, Had. You’re going to be an incredible mother, and I can’t wait to be a dad. I know this isn’t how you imagined it, but we’re here now and we don’t have a choice.” He brushed his fingers through her hair and lay his head against hers. “This is our baby and we’re going to give him a real family.”

“Or her,” she corrected him, gently.

He laughed and nodded. “Or her,” he agreed. He had no preference over whether they had a boy or a girl, because he knew that this kid was going to be special. It had to be, to come into the world in such a flurry of passion and affection. “I know you’re scared and, damn it, so am I. But if I can run an entire company and you can run an entire household, then we can bloody well raise a baby,” he teased.

Hadley laughed and raised her head to smile at him. “I was really scared that you’d hate me,” she confessed, tears drying on her cheeks.

Maxx brushed them away and silently adored the sparkle the tears had left in her big brown eyes. They were so expressive and beautiful. “I could never hate you. You’re my sunshine,” he reminded her, meaning every word. She brought excitement and happiness into his boring life, and now she’d given him this unbelievable gift.

“I love you,” Hadley whispered softly.

Unable to say the words back to her, he kissed her instead.