Count This Cowboy In (27 page)

She cried harder at his words. 
"I'm so sorry, Trevor.  I'm just so used to looking out for myself and I always think there's nothing you can do, that I'll just have to find a way to come to grips with it."

"
The last time you didn't come to me I could have helped you, Sam."

"
I know. I remember now."

"
And I think you would have felt better this time, too, if you would have talked to me.  We might have talked through some of your uncertainties.  But we won't know if you never give me the chance to help."

Sam could
tell how hurt he was as she lay over his knee crying her eyes out.  Trevor let her cry for a bit, thinking that was probably about as effective as his paddle would be.  Finally, he said, "Okay, Sam, we're going to get this over with.  Since you figured it out on your own you only have five whacks coming, but I will warn you they're going to hurt."  She whimpered and swallowed hard, but didn't try and stop him.  He was glad because that meant she had resigned herself to this.  That was good.

He laid the paddle on her bottom and said,
"Okay, Sam, I only want to have to do this once, so before I do this I want you to tell me, This is what happens when I, and finish the sentence.  Hopefully if you say it yourself it will mean more."

She hesitated a moment until he asked,
"Sam, do I need to convince you that I'm serious?"

"
No," she quickly answered.  She took a deep breath and quietly said, "This is what happens when I don't show you that I trust you by giving you a chance to help me when I have a problem."

He started right in, giving her a smack in the middle of her bottom.  She jumped and gasped, crying a bit harder.  She settled back down quickly, though
and tensed, waiting for the next smack.  "Honey, it will hurt less if you don't clench.  I know it's hard to relax, but try."  When she didn't relax he said, "Trust me, Honey, it'll hurt less."  Those words meant a lot to her and she did relax.  He smiled.  Maybe the little minx really did trust him.  He gave her the next good smack and she jumped and instinctively clenched and once again whimpered.  It took her longer to settle back in, but she eventually did.

He hated seeing her struggle like that; he knew it hurt like the dickens.  His main objective in using the paddle was not only a lot of sting right now, but she would definitely be feeling this the next couple days, especially when she sat.  He decided those objectives could be reached no matter how quickly he did it, so when she was settled again he told her,
"Hang on to your pillow, Sweetie.  I'm going to do the last three quickly and we'll be done." 

Without giving her time to contemplate his words, he quickly gave her the last three firm swats, all on her sit spot.  He knew they would hurt more there
and he had already decided the last three were going there.  He delivered them mercifully quickly and dropped the paddle onto the floor so he could pick her up and hold her tight against his chest while she screamed into her pillow.

He held her tight while she screamed and then cried her heart out.  He waited until she had gotten a couple deep breaths before he tried saying anything to her.  He kept her tight against his chest so her bottom wasn
't making contact with anything and whispered into her ear, "It's all over, Sweetheart.  Lean against me and cry it out.  I've got you; I'll take care of you.  You're safe here."

She looked up at him and he could see the love in her eyes.  And to his delight, she did exactly what he said.  She leaned against him and relaxed, simply crying.  She let him hold her, she let him whisper sweet assurances in her ear
and she let those assurances calm her down.  In short, she let him take care of her.  She didn't worry about crying in front of him, which she hated to do.  She didn't worry about how much she hurt or if she'd be able to sit at all the next week.  She also didn't worry about her dad or her stepmother, or what was going to happen.  She temporarily gave it all to him and let him worry about it.  Right now all she did was cuddle up to him and let him take care of her.  And it felt good!

It felt so good to turn her problems over to him for awhile that as she calmed a bit and regained her breath she found herself relaxing like she hadn
't been able to all week.  He saw it and encouraged her.  "Baby, I know you've been so worked up you haven't been sleeping well.  While I hold you and keep you safe, you rest.  You need some sleep, Honey.  I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, you sleep, Honey.  Rest."

Two minutes later he watched her sleep
in his arms.  She looked so vulnerable, so lovely, so much like the woman he knew he wanted in his life forever.  He knew it was awfully early to be thinking that way.  They'd only met a couple months ago, but he knew how he felt.  He would keep those thoughts to himself for a while yet because he certainly didn't want to scare her off, or push her.  He could tell she had real feelings for him, but he wouldn't push those feelings.  He wanted them to develop on their own, as his love for her had.  But holding her in his arms, looking down at her, he knew what his heart wanted.

He lowered her down to his lap, still holding her against his chest to keep her bottom from coming into contact with anything.  He held her and watched while she slept peacefully.  She woke half an hour later, with him still looking down at her, smiling. 
"I've still got you, Sweetheart.  You can go back to sleep."

She yawned and said,
"I can't believe I fell asleep."

"
You need it, Honey.  You were exhausted.  If you close your eyes you'll probably go right back to sleep."

"
Probably, but I don't want to sleep right now."  She squirmed a bit and her bottom came in contact with his lap and she inhaled sharply.

He grinned as he asked,
"Are you sure you don't want to go back to sleep awhile longer?"

"
Maybe I should," she said as she leaned back into his chest.

He chuckled as his arms tightened around her, holding her against him and her sore bottom off his lap.

She settled in against him and said, "Maybe I should sleep more, but I don't want to.  I'd rather talk, if you're still willing to."

"
Honey, I'll always talk with you.  What do you want to talk about?"

"
My dad and my stepmother and why this whole thing is bothering me so much."

"
Okay.  Where do you want to start?"

"
Why does it bother me so much?  I've been all upset ever since you told me about it, but I can't even figure out why.  What is it that bothers me so much about it?"

"
Maybe because you want to love your dad again but you're afraid to."

"
What do you mean?"

"
Honey, to me it seems very obvious that he adored you.  And you loved him growing up.  Right up until you thought he betrayed you.  Then you hardened your heart and tried to forget all those good times and good feelings.  But you can't forget them, Honey.  They're your past.  They're an important part of your past.  And now if it turns out that your stepmother is to blame for this, your good memories and feelings for him should be restored."

"
Why did you say should be?"

"
Because they should be the good, strong memories you had all your life, up until he died.  But they won't be unless you let them take their rightful place again.  If you've hardened your heart against them and refuse to soften it again you'll never have those warm, soft, fuzzy feelings back.  And that would be a shame."

She thought about his words. 
"But why would I harden my heart?"

"
To avoid getting hurt again.  If you don't give him a chance you don't run the risk of being hurt."

He could tell she was thinking about his words.  She finally said,
"If that's true, though, what if I give him a chance and give him back that big place in my heart again and we can't prove anything?"

"
What proof do you need, Honey?"

"
Well, I mean ––"

She paused and looked at him with a helpless look.  He suggested,
"To me, the evidence we have right now proves it.  His long time friend and attorney said he came in to give her a little in his will, which would be only right if she was to be his wife, but he said you would always be the apple of his eye and the ranch was to go to you.  That's exactly what he'd told you.  Then we have the traces of drugs in his system when he died of a heart attack, which is often caused by the drugs found in his system and you and his doctor both said he never took medicine.  But the doctor confirmed she could have put the drugs in his food without him knowing it.  That's enough evidence to prove it to me.  The only other things I can think of that would possibly add anything would be if the young attorney that's been charged with taking a bribe were to admit she bribed him, or if she herself were to admit what happened.  I wouldn't count on either of those things happening because it would involve prison time if they admitted it."

Thinking again, she said,
"That's right, it would.  So they won't be admitting anything, will they?"

"
Probably not.  But the prosecutor feels like we do.  What further evidence do you need?"  He kissed her forehead and said, "Honey, I think you have the evidence that proves your father loved you with all his heart and meant for you to have the ranch.  Now you need to stop blaming him for something he didn't do and blame the true culprit."

She looked shocked as she asked,
"Is that really what I'm doing?"

"
I think so, Honey.  The only thing he did was allow himself to be drawn in by a manipulative woman who was professing to love him at a time when he was very vulnerable.  I'm sure if he had known she had ulterior motives he never would have given her the time of day.  But he was hurting at the time, much like you are right now.  Honey, you don't think straight when you're hurting.  He didn't and you aren't, either."

She looked at him with a faint glimmer of hope in her eyes. 
"Trevor, what you're saying makes sense to me, but I'm scared."

"
Don't be scared, Honey.  I'm here for you.  I'm going to take care of you and keep you safe; remember?"

She managed a small smile as she reached back and barely touched her bottom. 
"Oh, I remember quite well."

"
Then trust me now, Honey.  The evidence we have right now proves your dad loved you.  Go ahead and love him again.  Let him back into your heart."

She studied him several seconds before her arms reached up and wrapped around his neck. 
"I love you, Trevor and thank you for letting me love my dad again."  She was crying again, happy tears this time and once again, he held her while she cried. 

When she was able to talk she said,
"You know, when I was watching for that bear this afternoon, making sure it didn't show up again it reminded me of a time when Dad and I were out on our ranch fishing in a pond and a bear wandered over toward us."

"
What happened?"

"
Dad, who was like you and always looking around and watching everything, saw it when it first came out of the woods.  He picked up his gun and calmly told me to move slowly over toward the truck we'd taken.  He told me about the bear as we slowly moved away from it, but he kept one eye on it the whole time we were moving away.  When we got back to the truck and were inside, we watched the bear go over to where our fishing poles were still laying on the ground where we left them.  He followed them down to the pond and found the four fish we'd caught.  He ate them, looked around a bit more and wandered back into the woods."

"
It sounds like your dad was a smart man."

"
He was," she said with a big smile on her face. 

It was great seeing her smile as she talked about her dad.

Pretty soon she started telling him story after story of her and her dad.  He was happier than she could ever know, hearing her tell those stories.  He was also seeing another part of her past and everything he learned about her made him love her just a little more.

After about an hour of story telling she stopped mid sentence.  He looked down and asked,
"Sam, what's wrong?"

"
Nothing.  You just did it again."

"
I did what?"

"
You just helped me again when I didn't think there was anything you could do."

He smiled at her and asked,
"How many more times will it take where I have to spank you before you come to me with a problem and give me a chance to help?"

"
I sure hope I've learned now."

"
Me, too." 

Sam woke the next morning feeling refreshed for the first time in several days.  She rolled over onto her back, squealed and immediately rolled back to her stomach.  Now she remembered why she'd slept so well.  It sure wasn't because of the horrible spanking Trevor had given her yesterday, but because of the talk they had.  She lay there awhile thinking about him and how much he meant to her and then about her dad and how much he'd meant to her.  She sure wished her dad could have met Trevor.  She knew he would have liked him.