CORAL (A Romance Trilogy, Book 1) (49 page)

“Yeah,” I take a deep breath.

“Good, now several things to go
through tonight. Firstly I’d like to know if you found any difference in
yourself this week. Do you think the Hypnotherapy has helped?”

I nod and smile. “How?” He asks
taking notes again.

“Well...when I got home I tried
on a skirt and I didn’t freak out!” I beam.

“Really, that interesting…So, no
palpitations, heavy breathing, hot or cold flushes?” I shake my head to each
question. “That’s wonderful,” George beams.

“There was one thing though, I
may not have got any of the emotions that go with it, but I got an image.” I
say darkly.

“Go on.” George urges.

“Him,” I whisper. George looks
confused - How is he not getting this? “The guy....you know, the first time I
was abused,
him
,” I say in a rush.

George takes more notes. “Has
that happened before?” he asks.

“No, I just used to get the
feeling before,” I say twiddling my fingers in my lap.

“This could be a long process
Coral, it’s not an overnight cure.”

“I know,” I answer. “George I’m
doing what you tell me to do, I’m really pleased so far and I’m really eager to
keep going.”

“Good.” George closes his pad and
crosses his legs. “Have you noticed anything else, any other subtle changes?” I
narrow my eyes at him.

“Why, what else did she do? I
thought we were just working on the dresses?” I say in a panic.

“We did, but having Hypnotherapy
can help in other areas too Coral, without it being a conscious effort.”

“Oh! Well...I’m less anxious I
guess, but I’m not sure if that’s Hypnotherapy or....” I break off I don’t
really want George to know how bad I’ve got it for Tristan. He’s all I can
think about.

“Or Tristan?” he smiles. I shake
my head and laugh. “It’s good to see you smiling Coral.” George says grinning
widely.

“It feels good.” I tell him then
frown.

“Let’s discuss.” He adds.

“Tristan’s...well wonderful. He’s
good for me, almost too perfect really. But I’ve felt really up and down since
he left. One minute I’m smiling because I’m happy, you know, he’s great, I’m in
love and the next minute…I just feel like it’s too heavy, too quick. He wants
so much, I know he wants me to move in with him, he wants marriage; and I know
he wants answers. He wants to know what happened to me and I don’t think I’m
ready for that, for any of it.” George nods as he makes more notes finally he
stops and looks up at me.

“Coral, love can feel very scary.
We govern more with our hearts than our minds, so when our head interjects, we
think of all the reasons why we shouldn’t, why we should hold back, or even end
the relationship. Is that what you want, to end it?”

I shake my head, then I shrug.

“Alright, well as for moving in
and marriage, from what you’ve told me Tristan is ready for that. But I know
you’re not, so as we discussed on Tuesday, take it at your own pace and tell
him how you feel. You’ve already revealed more to him than you have to any
other person. Have you actually told him that?” I think about it for a moment.

“No, I don’t think I have, it
just kind of came up in conversation,” I tell him.

“Well maybe a little nudge in
that direction,” George smiles. “Now, we spent all our session on Tuesday
talking about Tristan,” he says a little disapprovingly. “I’d like to go
through other aspects of your life tonight.”

I shrug nonchalantly.

“Work?”

“Fine.” I answer simply.

“Elaborate please Coral,” George
replies, his tone full of sarcasm.

I hide my smile. “There’s not
really much to say, I was working from home as you know. I went back in
Wednesday, everything was normal. Susannah’s coming next week to train me.”
Ugh!
Leggy Blonde – so not looking forward to that!

“So you’re no longer feeling
anxious about working with your new boss?”

“Tristan’s assured me no-one will
know about us. And as far as the office goes, he’s my boss and he’ll hardly be
there.” I answer my hands flying up.

“So you’ll be seeing less of
him?” George frowns.

“No what I mean is...Tristan has
said that he will work from home so...” I shake my head and laugh. “Sounds
silly doesn’t it,” I add feeling awkward.

“No it doesn’t, please continue.”
George is furiously making notes again.
I wish I could see what he writes
down.

“Tristan....well, when he lost
his folks he worked a lot from home, he said it sort of stuck and he realised
he wasn’t needed in the office as much as he thought he was. He has really
great people in place to do most of the work for him.”

“And you’re comfortable with
that?”

“Of course, I get to keep my job
and Tristan has said he will work more from his Brighton home, so I get to see
him weeknights too.”

“Good. Gladys and Debbie?”
Crap!

“What about them?” I snipe still
reeling from their dishonesty.

“Have you spoken to either of
them?”

“No, I plan to do it this
weekend.” I tell him sombrely.

“Still convinced they are holding
something back?”

“Yes.” I state firmly.

“Alright, tread carefully Coral.
You know how protective Gladys is about you. I’m sure that if she is holding
something back, it’s in your best interest.”

I raise my eyebrows at that. “Whose
side are you on?” I grumble.

“No one’s Coral. I really do hope
you’re wrong, and there is no big conspiracy.” George eyes me speculatively.

“Sorry George,” I sigh feeling
guilty.

“No need. Rob and Carlos?” he
adds. My eyes instantly fill with unshed tears –
God damn it!

“I hate that he won’t tell me
what’s going on and has gone off leaving me in the lurch,” I sniff, George
hands me the box of tissues.

“Thinking the worst again,”
George scolds.

“You would be too if you heard
him.” I tremble. “I’ve never heard him like that. He sounded as though…as
though he was in shock, like something really bad happened to him.”

“Let’s discuss.” I sigh heavily
and blow my nose. “Even if something terrible has happened, what difference do
you think you can make?” George asks.

“I don’t know,” I say feeling
angry at that question. “Rob’s my best friend. He’s helped me out and been
there for me when I’ve been sad, lonely or just a bit down, he’s always been
there,” I stare out the window. “I just want to know he’s ok, and if he’s not,
I want to be there for him. Is that such a crime?” I blurt.

“No, but getting yourself into a
frenzy about it is. Coral you have to start to learn to let go of control, you
want to know what’s going on so you feel you have some sort of control over the
situation because you hate feeling in the dark. But it is inevitable that
whatever it is, good or bad you have no control over it, the only thing you can
do is be there for Rob if it’s bad news. You can’t take it away from him, you
can’t make everyone around you happy and have them be in your life without any
problems, life is not like that.” I clench my hands into fists in exasperation.
I know George is right, but how the hell do I stop worrying about it?

“So you’re saying, just continue
with my life as if nothing’s going on, and not think about Rob at all, pretend
like I don’t give a fuck about him, or what he’s going through? No! I can't do
that!” I bellow shaking my head.

“No that’s not what I’m saying at
all.” George swaps his legs over. “Whatever he is going through right now
is....No, let me try it this way. Do you think worrying about whatever it is,
is going to make any difference to the outcome?”
Whoa hadn’t looked at it
like that!

“I...I guess not, no,” I answer
sheepishly.

“Good because it won’t. What I am
trying to suggest is to try and continue with your life as you normally would
and then deal with whatever it is when he comes back.”

“But if it’s bad, I’ll feel
guilty for having a good time while he’s been having a bad time.”

George shakes his head in
frustration. “Coral, don’t you understand? It is obviously something he wanted
to go through with Carlos, if there is anything. If he wanted to tell you he
would have, and I very much doubt he’s going to be angry with you for
continuing with your life whilst he’s been away, goodness me Coral!”

“Ok, ok I get it,” I scowl.

“Thank goodness,” George blurts
falling back into his chair as though he’s passed out. It’s a little over
exaggerated, but funny. “So,” he says lifting his head. “Have anything nice
planned for the weekend?” I squirm in my seat. “Out with it!” George says.

“I....well, it’s private,” I
whisper feeling embarrassed.

“Coral, how many times do I have
to tell you? You are in therapy, nothing is private!”

“Fine,” I hiss. “I’m going to
sleep with Tristan tonight.”
Holy hell, this is beyond uncomfortable
. I
look up at the ceiling so I don’t have to look at George.

“How are you feeling about having
sex again?”

“Fine,” I answer keeping my eyes
up.

“Coral!” I finally look at
George.

“What?” George cocks one eyebrow
up at me.

“You are not fine. So come on,”
he prompts.

I sigh inwardly. “I…I thought it
would...I thought I wouldn’t ever want to again, but Tristan’s...” I swallow
hard. “Tristan makes me feel safe. And it’s like you said, prolonging it can
sometimes make the action of doing it again even worse, it gets exasperated in
your mind. I’m in love with him George, so sex is just the next, most natural
step, right?”

“Yes it is. So why do you look so
worried?”

“Ok, ok, so I’m a little
apprehensive that I think I’ll be ok then I’ll freak out, then he’ll think I’m
crazy...” I drift off.

“I very much doubt that. And my
advice to you would be if you do
‘freak out’
to tell him the truth.” I
blow out my cheeks.

“That’s pretty heavy stuff to
tell someone you hardly know,” I say.

“Do you trust him?” I think about
that one and I think I do.

“Yes, I think so,” I whisper.

“Then tell him, he won’t go
anywhere.” I nod silently, I’m going for not freaking out. But if I do, I’ll
deal with it at the time.

“So that’s a wrap?” George asks.

“Yes.” I take my mobile out and
call a taxi. “Thanks for seeing me tonight. Can we keep the extra sessions
going?”

“Yes, of course.” We both stand.
I give George a big hug, he chuckles at me. “It’s good to see you so happy
Coral,” he says.

”Joyce said that too. Was I
walking around looking miserable all the time or something?”

“No, not really. You just didn’t
smile much, that’s all.”

“Oh! I see.” I walk with George
to the front door and pick up the bedding and my bags.

“Coral, let me help you,” he
says. I smile warmly at George and pass him the quilt and bedding.

“Thanks.” I see the taxi pull up
and beep his horn. We walk out into the warm summer evening. George pops my
items on the back seat and I place my overnight bag next to it.

“Thanks George, have a great
weekend,” I smile up at him.

“You too,” he smiles. I get into
the passenger seat and clip my seatbelt into place.

“Where to love?” The driver asks.

“The Cliff.” I answer.

“Very nice,” he muses. I wave
back at George as we pull out of his driveway.

When I checked out Google last night,
it said it would take three minutes to get to Tristan’s, I think more like
five, either way – it doesn’t leave me much thinking time. We head south down
Wilson Avenue, take a left onto Roedean Road, then a right onto Cliff Road and
an immediate left onto The Cliff.

“What number love?” The driver
asks.

“It doesn’t have one.” He
whistles at that answer and keeps driving. “See those wrought iron gates?” The
driver leans forward and gazes up at the big trees. “That’s the one,” I say, my
voice shaking slightly. He pulls up and I pay him, then I pull the bedding and
my bags out the car, then stand waiting for him to drive away.

When I know he can't see me
anymore, I bend down and lean my hands on my knees. My heart is racing, my
hands are shaking and I know it’s because I want to make it happen tonight, but
the closer it’s getting to the actual event, the more nervous and panicky I’m
getting –
Ok, deep breaths Coral!

I slowly breathe in and out,
trying to bring my heart rate down. I notice a couple strolling across the road,
they both turn and look at me; suddenly she stops and walks over to me. “Are
you ok?” The woman asks. I nod to her, trying to think of something to say. The
man calls her back over to him, she starts walking away and as she does she
keeps looking over her shoulder at me.
Come on Coral, get a grip!