Convince Me (Holton Series #1) (20 page)

She
made her way into the kitchen and started the coffee.  The room was almost
back to normal.  The cabinets and counter tops were now dry.  She had
taken down what was left of the curtains and had thrown them away along with
the burnt towel.  The only reminder now was the black streaks on the walls
from the smoke.

When
the coffee was ready, she poured herself a cup and sat at the table.  Her
mind replayed the previous evening's events over and over.  Her anger had
been directed at herself but she had been unable to keep from lashing out at the
others.  Steven had been right.  They were her friends.  They
had only wanted to help her and she had rejected them.  She owed them all
an apology and perhaps an explanation.

The
sound of someone knocking on the door pulled her from the chair.  Opening
the door, she was not at all surprised to see Steven standing on the
step.  She had known that last night's phone call would not satisfy
him.  He would want to talk.  Anna knew she owed him that much but
she had hoped to have a little more time.  She wasn't ready to analyze her
feelings.

Stepping
back she opened the door wider and he walked into the room.  He did not
say a word and Anna closed the door quickly.  He was dressed in a suit
with her favorite tie.  This one was blue with tiny faces all over it. 
The color was a very soft blue but the faces were comical and Anna always
enjoyed looking at it but it brought her no pleasure today.  As it was
Sunday, she assumed he was going to church.  She glanced at the clock and
noted he had only twenty minutes.

Steven
followed her glance and nodded once.  "I won't stay long.  There
is just something I have to say to you."

Anna
wasn't sure she liked the sound of that but she offered him a seat, which he
refused.  She walked farther into the room and waited.

"Anna,"
he began, "I love you and I want to marry you.  I have done
everything in my power to convince you that we belong together.  It is now
up to you."

The
words struck her heart.  She had dreamed about this moment.  As a
little girl, she had always hoped that a handsome man would one day sweep her
off of her feet.  Steven fit her image of a prince charming but now he had
finally given up.  She was suddenly more frightened than she had ever been
before.  Steven was putting the decision into her hands and she had to
decide what she wanted.

"I
can promise you that I will never hurt you but it will not do you any good
unless you learn to trust me."  Steven turned to walk to the
door.  "I can't make you believe in me.  You have to take that
step.  I can't stand anymore.  I won't try to see you again but try
to remember that I love you.  If you ever want that love and you learn to
believe in me, you know where to find me."

The
door closed quietly behind him.  The pain was so intense that it forced
Anna down onto the couch.  She wrapped her arms around her sides and began
rocking back and forth but there were no tears.  Then blissfully, a
numbness settled over her.  She was grateful that she couldn't feel
anything.  Her mind was blank and she sealed up her heart.

She
spent the rest of the day in a controlled frenzy.  She cleaned every inch
of her apartment, ironed all her clothes, and worked on some of her
accounts.  She did everything she could to keep her thoughts at bay. 
She wasn't ready to think about what Steven had said.  In her mind she had
known this day would come but it was harder to accept than she had thought it
would be.

The
following week was one of the longest in her life.  She was functioning on
one level while her heart and emotions were sealed up safely inside her but
every night she dreamed.  The nightmare was back.  It was the same
except this time her father had been replaced by Steven.  She would wake
drenched in sweat as she fought with the fear.

Julie
continued to join her for their morning coffee break as if nothing unusual had
happened and Rachel met her for lunch.  Anna was thankful for their
friendships and she was able to deliver her apology without any
awkwardness.  She explained as best she could without talking about her
father.  She still could not bring herself to confide in them even though
they had been victims of her anger. 

On
the surface everything was normal.  Her business was booming and she had
been asked to serve on the city council.  No one mentioned Steven and Anna
did not see or hear from him.  She was not really surprised.  He had
made his position very plain and now Anna knew that the next move had to be
hers.  She just didn’t think she could make it.

She
did run into Patricia Carson at the grocery store. It was a difficult meeting
for Anna but Patricia simply asked how she was and never once mentioned
Steven.  Unfortunately, the rest of the town was not so sensitive. 
Everywhere she went people questioned her about the fire and asked about
Steven.  Soon it was all over town that they were no longer dating. 

On
Friday, she was having lunch at Mabel's when the owner approached her. 
Mrs. Dorman had been out of town for several days and Anna had missed seeing
her.  She was a friendly person and always had a smile for everyone. 
As Anna was having an early lunch, the bakery was nearly deserted and Mrs.
Dorman joined her at her table.

"Anna,
dear, I just heard about the fire at your place.  I hope no one was
hurt?"

Try
as she might, Anna could not keep the resentment from her face.  The fire
had been the talk of the town and once again Anna had found herself in the
middle of all the gossip.  She had fought off all the questions and had so
far managed to keep her temper in check but it was getting harder day-by-day.

She
looked at Mrs. Dorman, ready to cut her short, when she suddenly noticed her
eyes.  Yes, there was curiosity there but there was also something
else.  Anna realized there was genuine concern.  Mrs. Dorman might
enjoy talking and she wanted to know everything that was going on but she also
cared.  For the first time, Anna began to understand what Steven had meant
about this town always being there to help.

No
longer worried about the gossip she gave Mrs. Dorman a bright smile. 
"No, no one was hurt.  Actually, the fire wasn't too bad until I
panicked."

"Well,
I'm sure I would have panicked too if I had opened my oven and found it on
fire."  She reached over and patted Anna's hand.  "I'm just
glad no one was hurt.  Enjoy your lunch."

Anna
watched her go with a smile.  It was a nice feeling knowing that someone
was concerned.  It helped soothe some of the hurt Anna was now
feeling.  The numbness was beginning to wear off and the pain was growing
stronger.

She
returned to work and finished the day.  Her work was the one thing that
had kept her from falling apart.  It was the middle of tax season and Anna
had very little time to miss Steven but miss Steven she did.  She longed
to see him but knew she couldn't approach him until she had made a decision
about her future.  It simply wasn't fair to him.  Unfortunately, she
wanted his advice.  She needed to discuss the love of her life with her
best friend but Steven was both.

It
was a long and lonely weekend.  There was no longer any indication of the
fire that had wreaked her life.  The apartment complex had replaced her
oven and repainted the walls so that the black streaks from the smoke no longer
showed.  Anna had purchased mini blinds for the window and had even
managed to hang them herself.  She had brought home a lot of her work but
even so she spent most of the weekend thinking about Steven.

Monday
morning brought an unexpected cold front and the temperature dropped
drastically.  Anna worked steadily through the morning and into the
afternoon when she was interrupted by a visit from Andrew.

Andrew
was still something of a mystery to Anna.  He was an articulate and
charming man but reserved.  He was conservative in his dress and in his
opinions.  Anna had heard that he was planning on a career in politics and
she thought he would make an excellent government leader for he was honest and
caring.  Yet, in spite of all this, Anna still felt as if she did not know
the man.

When
he walked in, Anna was surprised but pleased to see him.  She liked Andrew
and as she had not yet spoken to him since the fire she wanted to apologize for
her behavior.

He
didn't say a word but walked to the chair opposite her desk and sat down. 
His piercing green eyes studied her and Anna instantly knew this was no social
visit.

"What
the hell have you done to Steven?" he asked in a tightly controlled voice.

Immediately
she grew defensive.  "I haven't done anything to Steven."

"Oh
yes, you have."  Andrew laughed without humor.  "He is
miserable and I want to know what you intend to do about it."

Anna
stared at him in amazement.  Of all the people she knew she had never
expected Andrew to confront her.  He had never once asked her any type of
personal question.  He had always kept his distance respecting Anna's
privacy.  His success in the courtroom and public arena still amazed her.  The
private Andrew seemed so different but the public Andrew knew how to get the
job done.  Anna waited too long to answer for he grew impatient.

"Damn
it, Anna, don't you care for him at all?"

"Of
course, I care for him," Anna shrieked as she jumped from her chair. 
She could no longer remain calm.  Her emotions were running high and Anna
knew it would not take much to make her break down and cry.  She walked
quickly over to the huge window and looked out onto the street.  There was
silence in the room and Anna turned slowly back to Andrew.

"I
love him," she whispered out loud for the first time shocked that it was
Andrew she told but somehow it just seemed right.

Andrew's
shoulders relaxed and he took a deep breath.  "So why don't you tell
him that?"

"It's
not that simple, Andrew."

"Love
is never simple," he replied.  "If is was, it wouldn't be worth
as much."

Again,
Andrew had surprised her.  For the first time, she wondered what his wife
had been like.  There was a lingering sadness in his eyes that she knew
had not always been there.  Anna walked back across the room and leaned
against the desk.

"I'm
scared," she told him.

Andrew
rose from his chair and took her hand.  "We're all afraid of
something, Anna.  The trick is to not face the fear alone.  That is
when it is the hardest.  I have known Steven since we were ten years old
and I can tell you I have never seen him so unhappy.  If you love him,
then you can't leave him like that."

He
leaned forward and kissed her on the check.  "Think about it,
Anna.  You can stop his pain."

She
buried her face in her hands as Andrew walked to the door.  She did not
hear him leave.  "What have I done?" she asked herself out loud. 
The one man she had truly loved, she had hurt.  She could picture him in
her mind as she had last seen him.  Walking away from her had torn him
apart.  The misery had been there on his face.

"If
you ever want that love and you learn to believe in me, you know where to find
me."  Those had been his last words to her and they now echoed in her
mind.  Suddenly, Anna straightened and a smile crossed her face. 
Everything was now perfectly clear.  Steven had been right.  It was
up to her.  All she had to do was believe.

Could
it be that simple?  She thought about what her mother had always told
her.  Love is a gift you give to another person.  What they do with
it you have no control over.  Her mother had taught her to treat love as
something special and Anna was ashamed that she had treated Steven's love so
badly.  It was her turn to make amends.  As Steven had said, it was
now up to her.

Anna
rushed to the door and quickly locked up her office.  She had work to
do.  She had to find a way to convince Steven that she loved him.

#

The
new batteries for the remote control worked perfectly.  Steven flipped
through each and every channel on his television.  He would stop briefly
to watch a show but nothing held his attention for long.  He had the
latest best seller sitting on his coffee table but he didn't pick it up.  Two
weeks ago he couldn't wait to read it but now he was no longer
interested.  There was work sitting on his desk, several briefs that
needed polishing but Steven could not work up the energy.

The
Monday night ritual with his parents was off this week as Dan and Patricia had
gone to California to visit Victoria.  Steven was glad, as he knew he was
poor company.  Julie had invited him to have dinner with them but he had
refused.  She had enough to deal with putting up with him at work although
she had not yet said anything to him about his attitude.

She
and Andrew had been tiptoeing around the office.  He had snapped at them
so many times they were afraid to even speak to him.  His behavior was
inexcusable but his friends had understood.

He
was miserable and nothing could distract him.  He thought about Anna
constantly and even though he knew he had made the right decision he had to
force himself not to call her.  But he had to see her so he had started
going to the bank that was directly across from her office every day right
before lunch just to catch a glimpse of her leaving her office.